She wiped her face with the back of her hand. “Nothing. It’s stupid.” She tossed the mangled weed on the ground and smiled despite her watery eyes.
“Are you upset with me?” he asked, his voice quiet. The last thing he wanted to do was cause her any distress. “I can go…”
She shook her head. “No.”
His throat constricted as he watched her blink back more tears. She seemed to struggle with what to say, so he stayed silent. He wanted to put his arm around her…to pull her close, but he refrained.
Finally, she spoke. “I just miss the way things used to be, you know? Everything changes.” She looked out at the river. “We’re not the same.”
He let her words sit in the air for a minute. He understood. It would never be like it used to be when they were kids. “I know.”
She wiped at her cheeks again. “It’s stupid. I know people grow up. We get our own lives. Grayson loves what he’s doing. And you…” Her sentence trailed off.
What did she mean, and him? What had he done? He waited for her to continue, but she didn’t. After a moment, he decided to ask. “And me?”
She smiled at him, although her eyes remained sad. “You’re fulfilling your dreams. And that’s how it should be.”
Blake didn’t understand. What did his job have to do with it? He touched her hand, tentatively, and when she didn’t pull away, he picked it up and laced his fingers through. “What do you mean?”
***
Sidney could have slapped herself. Why had she mentioned Blake? She should have said she missed Grayson and how that was why she was crying, end of story. But no. She’d had to stick her foot in her mouth.
Now what was she supposed to say, ‘You’re with Angie now, and I feel like my heart is being ripped apart’? That would go over well. She was supposed to be engaged to Ted.
And now with Blake holding her hand, her pulse was going crazy. Why did she have to let the tears fall? She should have sat there with him, watched the sun set, and ignored her broken heart.
She looked across the river. “I just miss the way things used to be.”
He nodded. “We were young and carefree.”
It was okay with her if he thought she was upset about the loss of her childhood. “Yes.”
He reached up and brushed a tear from her cheek. She leaned into his hand. She couldn’t help it. She closed her eyes and soaked in the amazing feel of his touch. His hands were a little rough. The hands of a man who worked hard. Who wasn’t afraid of getting in there and getting things done.
The feel of his lips on her forehead created an ache in her chest. She shouldn’t let him kiss her, yet she was powerless to stop him. It wasn’t a kiss of desire, anyway. It was a comforting gesture.
She pulled back and looked into his blue eyes, and it hit her. She loved him. She’d tried so hard to put up boundaries, to stay away from him…but it wasn’t working. She’d fallen in love with Blake. Or maybe she’d always been in love with him, and her heart was just remembering why. He was a good man. Kindhearted. But he wasn’t hers.
He never was.
The truth of it made her turn away, and she broke contact with him, folding her hands in her lap. “Why didn’t you ever say anything about you and Natalie?” Oh, no. Why had she said that?
“What?” He sounded surprised. “What do you mean, me and Natalie?”
She couldn’t back out now. Her mouth had started it, and now she had to finish it. “When we were kids.”
“There was no ‘me and Natalie’ when we were kids. I thought she was hot. That’s it.”
She shot him a glare. “Really? Sneaking away to kiss her behind the trees didn’t mean anything to you?”
His eyebrows shot up. “I kissed Natalie when I was in kindergarten. Grayson dared me. It was one peck, and Natalie started crying and ran inside. She was…like four years old.”
“Are you serious?” Sidney couldn’t believe it. “You mean…”
Blake laughed, and it echoed across the river. “You thought Natalie was talking about when we were teenagers? Unlikely. She ignored me until we were in college.”
Sidney tried to assimilate the information. Blake hadn’t been kissing Natalie all along.
Blake continued. “In fact, it wasn’t until recently that she started really flirting. I mean, you saw her. Sitting on my lap.” He rolled his eyes.
“Yes.” Sidney’s head spun. Natalie had been crawling all over him…and Blake hadn’t wanted her to?
“I think it’s good she’s gotten a job at the animal shelter.”
His words barely registered as Sidney tried to figure out what this new information meant. “I think so, too.”
“She seems happier.”
Blake had nailed it. Natalie was happy. Sidney hadn’t thought about it before. Natalie usually acted bold, but it always seemed superficial with her. Today, she was more genuine. Maybe because the two men at the table were both taken. “Huh. I think you’re right.”
A breeze picked up and Sidney rubbed her arms. With the sun down, it had gotten a little chilly. “We’d better head back.”
“Yes. They’ll wonder where we went.”
She rose from the log. “I told Grayson where I was going.”
“You did?” He stood and stepped over the makeshift seat, taking her hand and helping her over. She let go quickly, because his touch was making her crazy.
She snickered. “Yes. What did you do, just sneak off?”
He coughed into his fist. “Sort of.”
Man, he was handsome. She laughed and punched his arm. “You dweeb.”
She tried to keep the conversation light as they walked back. She’d had enough heart wrenching for the evening. And even though she kept her demeanor happy, she was trying not to dwell on the fact that Blake had more substance than she’d given him credit for.
But because she’d pushed him away, he was now dating Angie.
Chapter 18
Ted helped Sidney’s family pull the backyard chairs around the fire pit. The evening had been going well, as far as he could tell. Sidney and Blake had been gone a while, and Phyllis kept wringing her hands and looking at the trees. Natalie was inside the house, gathering up s’mores ingredients. Doug excused himself to use the restroom.
Phyllis turned to Ted. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into her. Sidney should be here, with you. How rude of her to leave you like this.”
He waved his hand. “It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not.” Her face was full of worry. “She’s being totally inappropriate.”
Guilt filled Ted. He didn’t want Phyllis to think her daughter was treating him poorly. But what could he do about it?
Grayson approached them. “What’s going on?”
Phyllis scoffed. “Sidney. She’s off with Blake again.” She motioned toward the trees.
Grayson rubbed his goatee. “What do you mean, again?”
“She’s always with Blake. Ever since he came back. It’s just not right when you’re engaged to another man.”
Grayson turned to Ted, a scrutinizing look on his face. “When did you two get engaged?”
When was it? Crud. He didn’t remember. “A few weeks ago.”
“And when’s the wedding?”
Ted stuck his hands in his pockets, glad he had an answer for this one. “We’re taking things slow.”
Grayson narrowed his eyes. “Uh, huh. And how did you meet?”
Ted tugged at his shirt collar. It suddenly was too tight. “Through my sister.”
“What, at a party?”
“No. Just…through my sister.” Oh, this was not going well.
Grayson crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re not really engaged, are you?”
What? Where had that come from? His forehead grew impossibly hot and he wiped at the sweat forming there. Phyllis glared at him.
“What do you mean, not engaged?” Phyllis said.
Grayson chuckled. “Oh my gosh, I
can’t believe it. She’s totally faking it.”
Ted panicked. What should he do? Confess, or deny it? He swallowed, trying to give himself time to think. “Um…”
Grayson put his arm around Ted’s shoulders. “What’s the deal? Why are you guys telling everyone you’re engaged?”
Phyllis looked like her head was going to explode. “What are you saying?”
Grayson turned to her. “Mom, it’s okay. Let Ted talk.”
Great. Now they were looking at him. “We…uh…” There was no more stalling. He had to say something. “She needed a fiancé to help her business.”
“How does that help?”
He tugged at his collar again. “I guess people didn’t believe she could match them…since she was single.”
Grayson nodded. “And why didn’t she just pick Blake?”
“I don’t know.” He really didn’t know the answer to that one. “She keeps saying there’s nothing between them.”
“She does?” Grayson put his hands behind his back, thinking. “Why would she say that? She’s been in love with him for years.”
Phyllis, who had looked like she was going to murder someone, suddenly cooled. “She’s in love with Blake?”
“Of course, Mom. Didn’t you notice?”
Phyllis’s cheeks reddened. “I noticed, but I thought she was engaged to Ted! I called Reverend Joseph over to the house!”
Grayson burst out laughing. “That’s great, Mom.”
The patio door opened, and Natalie emerged. Heat crept up Ted’s face. “Listen, you can’t say anything, okay?”
Phyllis smoothed out her dress. “Well, I certainly won’t.”
Grayson chuckled. “Oh, man,” he said under his breath.
Ted shot him a look, and Grayson raised his hands. “I promise.”
Natalie set the things she’d gathered down on the table. “What are you guys huddled together for?”
Grayson backed up, and Phyllis walked over to the table to fuss with how the chocolate was displayed. “No reason, dear.”
Natalie grabbed a roasting stick. “Then let’s roast some marshmallows.”
***
When Sidney got back to the yard, her family was sitting around the fire pit, talking. Natalie and Ted were in conversation, both holding marshmallows over the fire. A table occupying all the items needed for s’mores sat nearby. Grayson turned to Sidney. “Have a nice walk?”
He had a smirk on his face, and she didn’t quite know how to interpret it. “Yes.” Was he going to make another crack about the quicksand?
Grayson didn’t say anything else, just motioned to the two empty chairs and she and Blake sat down. “Want to roast a marshmallow?”
Sidney shrugged. “Sure.”
Grayson reached to the small table behind him and tossed her the bag, and then handed her a long stick. “You?” he asked Blake.
“Of course. What’s a backyard fire without s’mores?”
She snickered. “Just don’t burn your marshmallow.” She stuck one on her stick, and placed it above the fire.
Blake’s grin stretched across his face. “I don’t know what it is. I can’t ever just toast one. Mine always catch on fire.” He nudged her. “But yours turn out perfect.”
“It takes skill.” She gave him a smug smile.
He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right. Luck, maybe.”
“We’ll see who has the perfect marshmallow.”
Grayson snorted. “The perfect marshmallow? Not this again.”
“She’s right,” Blake said. “Sidney always makes the perfect marshmallow.”
“Here’s a trick.” Sidney raised his stick an inch. “Don’t put it so close to the fire.”
“But then it never cooks.”
“You’re too impatient. You have to wait for the good things in life.” Sidney shot him a cheesy grin.
“But some things are too hard to wait for.” Blake shot her back a look.
Grayson moaned and got up from his chair. “I…just can’t.” He walked into the house.
Sidney turned to Blake. “What was that about?”
He shrugged. “Beats me.”
Chapter 19
Sidney climbed into Ted’s car and Ted shut the door. After he slid into the driver’s seat, she said, “That went well, I think.”
Ted bit his lower lip and put his car into drive.
She didn’t need Spidey senses to see something was wrong. “Ted?”
He glanced at her as he drove. “I’m sorry.”
Her stomach churned and she began to sweat. “What are you sorry for? What happened?”
“It wasn’t exactly my fault. Grayson figured it out.”
Oh, no no no. This couldn’t be happening. “Grayson knows we’re not engaged?” She tried to keep her voice down from screeching level.
“And your mom. But that’s it.” He peered at her, cringing a little, like he was afraid she was going to clobber him.
“Oh, I am so dead.” She sank down in her seat. “Did she scream? She didn’t cuss, did she? Oh, if she did I’m sooo—”
“No. She took it rather well, actually.”
Wait…what? “My mother? She wasn’t upset?”
“She was, at first. But Grayson settled her down. I think they’re happy to know the truth.” He looked over at her, like he was hoping she wouldn’t yell at him.
Sidney took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. “Okay, then. This is manageable.” Her mind began working through what she needed to do. “I need to talk to them and get them to go along with it just for a little while…”
Ted slowed for a stop sign. “If your mother already knows, maybe it’s best to come clean. Just rip it off like a Band-Aid and tell everyone.”
Her breath caught. Then Blake would know she’d lied to him. “Oh, no. I couldn’t.”
“Why not? You weren’t expecting to carry on this lie forever, were you?”
“No…I thought…” What did she think? Maybe that was her trouble. She wasn’t thinking. She’d jumped into this lie to help her business, but it wasn’t about that anymore. If she were honest with herself, then she would have to admit it hadn’t been about that for a long time.
She was using the lie to keep Blake away. To shield her heart from falling again. But it hadn’t worked. And now she had to give up the lie.
She let out a breath. “I don’t know what I thought.”
Ted gave her a sympathetic look. “You have to tell him.”
She stared at Ted. “What are you talking about?”
“Blake. You have to tell him you love him.”
She gaped. “I…When did…How did you…”
“Come on, it’s obvious. You deny it, but your actions say otherwise.”
Great. If Ted could see it, that must mean everyone else could too. Now, instead of her own private humiliation, she would get to live out a very public one. She was in love with a guy who she set up with someone else through her own matchmaking service. She covered her face with her hands and moaned. “That figures.”
“It’s not so bad,” Ted said. “Your mother already knows, and she was the hard one, right? Now all you have to do is tell Blake.”
She nodded. “You’re right. Of course you are.” It was the logical thing to do. The right thing to do.
Then why did she feel a sudden panic clawing its way through her?
***
Sidney pulled her car up to Blake’s house and put it in park. She could do this. Right? She had to. Ted was right. Just rip off the Band-Aid.
The morning was cool and his lawn was still wet with dew. Was he up yet? She checked her watch. Nine o’clock. That wasn’t too early, was it? She stopped on the sidewalk, clutching her purse, unsure if she should continue to his house or come back later. Maybe after lunch would be better.
No. She needed to do this now. Gathering up her courage, she strode up his front walkway and onto the porch. She pressed the doorbell before she could talk herself out of it.
Blake came to the door in a T-shirt and a pair of worn jeans with splotches of paint on them. His eyebrows rose when he saw it was her. “Sidney?”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. You look like you’re in the middle of something.”
“I was, but it can wait.” He stepped to the side. “Do you want to come in?”
Say no. Say no. “Sure.” Gah. Why didn’t she listen to her inner voice? She walked into his living room and took a look around. “Kind of sparse in here, isn’t it?”
Blake chuckled. “I’m not all the way unpacked yet.”
“What?” She whacked him in the chest. “It’s been like a whole month since you moved in.”
“I know. I’m a slacker. Please, sit.” He motioned to the leather couch. Besides that, there was one end table and a lamp. A fireplace took up part of one wall, and a large screen TV hung above the mantle, but the rest of the room was bare.
She sat on the very edge of the couch, to maybe give herself a nice quick exit after she spilled her guts. Nerves shot through her and she swallowed.
Blake plopped down and stretched his arms over the back of the couch. He looked like he belonged there. “What can I do for you?”
Oh no. Now it was time for her to talk, and her mouth was too dry. Her insides quivered. She couldn’t do this. “Nothing…I just…wanted to talk.”
A curious look overtook his face. “Go for it.”
“Ted and I…” Her throat closed and she couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t make a sound. Okay, the Band-Aid didn’t want to come off. It was stuck to her skin. Pulling fast wasn’t working. He was sitting there staring at her, and she couldn’t tell him. The words wouldn’t come out. How was she supposed to tell him she lied about Ted, oh, and by the way, she’d fallen in love with him?
No. That wasn’t going to happen. And her lungs needed air. Now. “We broke up,” she said, forcing it out. She sucked in air, and tried not to pass out on his floor.
Blake’s eyes widened, and he leaned forward. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. We were having problems.” Guilt wormed its way through her at how easily the lie came off her lips. “I think it’s for the better.”
Blissfully Married (The Married Series Book 4) Page 12
