Blake followed her. “It was.”
He looked serious, and her heart pounded. Could he really be spending time with her because he wanted something more? The implications swirled in her head as her hands shook. Maybe he told her about Angie because he hoped to start up a relationship with her. She squirted a little soap on the popcorn bowl and grabbed a washcloth, deep in thought.
Blake hooked his thumbs in his jeans. “So, I wanted to apologize again for lying. I honestly didn’t mean to.”
She shrugged her shoulders, unsure of where he was going with it. She rinsed the bowl and grabbed a dishtowel.
“Has that kind of thing ever happened to you before?”
She froze. “What?”
“You know.” He avoided eye contact. “Maybe you didn’t mean to lie about something, but it happened and you didn’t know how to come clean.”
Grayson. He’d told Blake about her fake engagement. Anger and embarrassment coursed through her. How could he have done that? She dried the bowl then set it down on the counter. “Nope.” She challenged him with a stare.
He blew out a breath and raised his hands. “All right. I tried everything. I give up.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “What are you talking about?”
“I know you weren’t really engaged to Ted.”
“I can’t believe Grayson told you!” She tossed the dishtowel on the sink and huffed out of the room.
“Grayson didn’t say anything.”
Blake’s voice was right behind her and she turned to face him. “Then who?”
He balked, and took a step back. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is, I’ve known for weeks, and I’ve given you every opportunity to tell me. I thought if we spent more time together, you’d feel more comfortable talking to me. So, I took you to the lake. I came over. We talked. I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone else.” His voice rose. “But no matter what I do, you lie to me.” His eyes shot accusing daggers at her.
Her mouth dropped open. He’d known this whole time? That’s why he’d been coming around? And that’s why he told her about Angie? It wasn’t because he had feelings for her?
Humiliation filled her and her neck burned. Once again, Blake was making her feel like nothing. Less than nothing. He’d made her open up her heart to him, and all he wanted was to see if he could make her crack.
She clenched her hands into fists. “Get out.”
He folded his arms. “Right. You’re mad at me. Because you lied.”
“Get. Out.” She pointed to the door, too livid to do anything else.
“Fine. I’ll go. I just want to know one thing.” He paused. “Why?”
Because I didn’t want to fall back in love with you. The words echoed in her head. Her heart thumped loudly in her ears. Too late. She took a step away from him. “I want you to leave. Now.”
His shoulders fell and he walked to the door. He opened it but didn’t leave. He turned to her. “Listen, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“Stop.” Sidney was in no mood to talk about it anymore. All she wanted to do was crawl into bed and forget about the last few weeks of her life. Her stomach burned with acid, and she couldn’t breathe. She closed her eyes, hiding the moisture that was building up, threatening to make the situation even more humiliating. “Just leave. And don’t come back.”
The door shut and she opened her eyes.
Blake was gone.
***
Blake slid behind the wheel of his truck and stared at Sidney’s apartment door. Why had he confronted her with the truth? Of all the stupid things he could have done, that was the worst. He had spent the week wondering why she’d broken off her pretend engagement. In all honesty, he was hoping it was because she wanted to make herself available to him.
But that obviously wasn’t the reason. She was continuing to distance herself from him, even after he’d gotten her to let down her guard tonight. His bright idea of telling her the truth about Angie in the hopes that it would give her a way to come clean about Ted hadn’t worked at all. She would have held onto that lie forever.
His only choice, he’d thought, was to tell her he knew. Big mistake. Now she was not only holding him at arm’s length, she was tossing him out the door. He hit his steering wheel with the palm of his hand. She might never speak to him again. And for what? Because he couldn’t let her lie go? Stupid.
Was it his pride that wouldn’t let it go, or something else? Why was he so hung up on her? And then it hit him.
He was in love with Sidney.
He loved the way she laughed, and the way he felt when she was around. She completed him. And he wanted her to come clean about Ted because that would mean she trusted him fully.
He needed that trust after his last failed relationship. But for some reason, she didn’t want to give it to him. She pushed him away. And instead of waiting for her trust, he had forced the issue. Now she hated him.
He started his truck and drove out of her parking lot, his stomach in knots. He might have just blown his chance at any kind of relationship with Sidney.
***
Sidney spent the rest of the weekend trying to forget about the whole Blake fiasco. Her heart couldn’t take any more Blake, so she deleted his profile out of her computer. She threw out the Monopoly game he’d left at her apartment and deleted him from her phone.
The official Blake purge was underway. She threw away the materials she’d gotten from her skydiving instruction class. She even tossed the calendar where she’d written the event in red. If she could bleach her brain to forget the last few weeks, she’d do it in a heartbeat.
Then, after taking the trash out to the dumpster, she sat in her living room and stared at the wall. An image of Blake’s face popped into her head, unwanted. He had the bluest eyes. His smile could melt her heart in seconds.
She loved him, and he would never see her as worthy of his affections.
A tear escaped, and she quickly brushed it off her cheek. No. She did not want to waste her time crying over Blake. She needed to cut him from her life and move on.
Chapter 23
Sidney glanced at the clock. Almost five. Ten more minutes and she’d be able to close up shop and go home to the frozen dinner awaiting her. She sighed. It had been a month since she’d last seen Blake. A month of dead silence. He hadn’t texted, called, or come over. That was what she wanted, though, right?
It was what she had thought she wanted. She’d thought that if she didn’t see him, didn’t speak to him, the painful hole in her chest would close up and she’d be able to move on. Instead, the hole seemed to grow, and nothing she did filled it.
She opened up her social media accounts and posted something about being glad it was almost the weekend. Thursday wasn’t as good as Friday, but at least it was coming. Her phone pinged and she checked the message.
Phyllis: Did you hear? Blake’s mother passed away this morning.
Sidney’s breath caught, and her hands began to shake. He hadn’t called her. She shook her head. Of course he hadn’t. She’d told him not to contact her. And now she felt awful.
Sidney: Oh, no! How?
Phyllis: Brain aneurism. She went suddenly.
Blake.
He must be in so much pain. She grabbed her purse and headed out, locking her door and jumping in her car. Before she had time to think about it, she pulled up in front of his house. His truck sat in the driveway.
She ran up the walkway and rang his doorbell. When he answered the door, his hair disheveled and red rims under his eyes, she felt even worse. “Blake.” She didn’t wait for him to say anything. She rushed to him and enveloped him in her arms.
He held her in a crushing hug. A choking sob escaped him, and she clung to him even tighter. “I’m so sorry,” she said, a tear escaping down her cheek.
After a moment, he pulled back, his emotions in check. He motioned for her to come inside, and she entered his living room. She didn’t know what to say, so she
waited for him to speak.
“Do you want anything to drink?” he asked, his voice raspy.
She shook her head no.
He motioned to the couch. “Would you like to sit?”
She sat on his couch and folded her legs under her. She felt so bad about the way she’d treated him the last time they’d spoken, and yet, she had no idea what to say to make it right.
He sat next to her. “Thank you for coming. Means a lot to me.”
“Are you okay?”
He nodded. “I just…it came as a shock.”
“I know.” She placed her hand on his, and then immediately regretted it as the tingles started up her arm. She resisted the urge to pull away. She was there to comfort him.
He took her hand in his and gently squeezed, which sent her heart into overdrive. “She lived her life to the fullest. I can be happy about that.”
“And she was glad you were close, I’m sure.”
“Yes.” A sad smile appeared on his face. “I should have moved back sooner. I could have done my residency here.”
“Don’t do that. You couldn’t have known.”
He rubbed his forehead and sighed. “You’re right.” He stood, letting go of her hand. “Can we go for a walk? I need to get out of here.”
“Sure.”
They started down the sidewalk in the quiet residential neighborhood. Sidney wasn’t sure what to say, but she knew Blake needed her there, so she walked alongside him in silence.
“You know, every year she would ask me what I wanted for my birthday dinner. It was always the same, macaroni and cheese. She hated macaroni and cheese, but she made it, every year.”
“She was a good mother.”
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “She was sick a lot when I was young, but she always made me my birthday dinner.”
Sidney patted him on the shoulder.
“I remember one Christmas I had my heart set on getting a Nintendo 64. I was twelve. Stores for miles were sold out. I heard on the news that stores were taking orders, but they weren’t going to be filled for months. I was heartbroken.”
A light breeze blew the scent of a lilac bush over the air. She turned to him. “What happened?”
He chuckled. “Somehow, my mother pulled it off. It was there under the tree on Christmas morning. I was so excited, I screamed loud enough they probably heard me in Japan.”
She laughed. “What did she do, mug someone?”
“I have no idea. She would never tell me.” He grew serious. “She loved Christmas. It was her favorite time of year.”
As they walked, the sun dipped lower in the sky. Long shadows stretched across the sidewalk. Blake told her stories about his mother, and she listened. She knew he needed to talk.
They walked until it got dark. When they got back to Blake’s house, Sidney was famished. “How about I make us something to eat?”
Blake sat down on the couch. “Thank you. I haven’t eaten all day.”
She rummaged through the cupboards and managed to throw together a dinner with salad, some pasta, and some grilled chicken. She went into the living room to tell Blake the dinner was ready, and found him asleep.
Her heart went out to him. He had been exhausted. She covered his plate and put it in the fridge, then found a blanket in the closet. She tucked it around him, then ate her dinner alone. When she was done, she rinsed her plate and quietly left his house.
She didn’t see Blake again until the funeral. He sat in the front row of the chapel beside his aunt and uncle, and their children. Sidney slipped into a seat several rows back. The music filled the chapel and Sidney tried to hold it together. It was tearing her apart not being able to hold Blake’s hand and comfort him.
After the service, she slipped out the back door and crossed the parking lot. She didn’t want to stay for the luncheon. As she climbed into her car, she saw Blake step out and stop by the door. He stood and watched her pull out of the parking lot.
Chapter 24
Sidney tied her running shoes. It had been three weeks since the funeral, and she hadn’t heard from Blake. She figured she wouldn’t. It didn’t lessen the pain any, though.
She strapped her phone to her arm and started her playlist, but instead of her favorite pop song, Stairway to Heaven started playing. Heaviness settled in her chest. Instead of changing it, she let the classic rock song play as she jogged down her street.
She’d heard the song before, but she now listened to it with a new purpose. She wanted to understand the song. Wanted to pull the music into herself, and thus pull a little bit of Blake in as well. The melody was a bit haunting, but it went well with the lyrics, which spoke to her about the focus on material things in this life. She thought about Blake’s ex-wife, and wondered if the song ever made him sad.
And then the song changed, grew more up-tempo, and she realized she was enjoying it. She listened to it three times before she let the playlist go on to the next classic rock song. Hotel California. She let the rest of the music play as she ran.
Listening to Blake’s music made her feel closer to him, even though it magnified the pain. She no longer cared about that. It was obvious she wouldn’t outlive the hollow feeling inside her.
She got back to her apartment and stepped into the shower, playing the rest of Blake’s playlist on her Bluetooth speaker. She longed for the time she’d spent with him. The times they would talk, or just goof around. The way he smiled, and the way he always knew what to say to make things better. She missed him.
The shampoo lathered in her hair as she listened to Don’t Stop Believin’ and wondered what Blake was doing today. Maybe she couldn’t have him the way she wanted to, but avoiding him was ripping her apart.
She turned off the water. What would he do if she showed up at his house, like he used to at hers? Would he hang out with her? Seemed to her that he was okay being friends. Maybe just being friends was better than this pain of not being around him anymore. The realization of this rocked her, and she decided to drive over to Blake’s house after she got dressed. She grabbed her Scrabble game on the way out the door.
Blake pulled the door open and his eyebrows rose when he saw her. “Hi.”
She ignored the ‘what are you doing here’ look on his face. “I came for a rematch,” she said, throwing his own words back at him and holding up the board game.
His lips twitched, but he didn’t smile. “I’d love to, but I’m kind of in the middle of something.”
She tried not to let her disappointment show. “What are you doing?”
“Packing.”
Her heart pounded in her chest. “Going on a trip?”
“No, I uh…” He rubbed his forehead. “I’m moving.”
Time slowed. Her throat constricted and she couldn’t speak. Blake was leaving. Again. “Where?” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
“To Minnesota. I got a job offer…and well, with Mom gone, I just felt like it was time to move on.”
Because there’s nothing left for you here. She swallowed. “I see.”
He stepped back. “Do you want to come in for a minute? I have some Coke in the fridge. That’s about all I have.”
Too stunned to think clearly, she nodded and stepped inside. The moment he shut the door, she wondered what she was doing there. He clearly didn’t think of her as anything important in his life. And just to prove it, he was leaving. For good this time.
She didn’t know what to say or do. She simply followed him into the kitchen and side stepped the boxes as he grabbed a can of Coke. He held it out to her. “Sorry, I packed the glasses already.”
“When are you leaving?” she blurted out.
“In the morning.”
She opened the can and took a sip. Being used to drinking diet, she didn’t expect the drink to be so sugary. She set the can down on the counter. “Do you need any help?” Gah, why ask him that? She should leave. Now. Because any second now the tears would come and she didn’t want
Blake to be standing right there when they started to fall.
He seemed surprised she offered, but he smiled. “Sure.” He led her to his bedroom closet, where he was packing the last of his clothes. A few boxes lay scattered around on the floor.
She noticed an open box full of papers near the wall. She didn’t mean to snoop, but she couldn’t help seeing what lay on top. She reached in and pulled out an old school photo of hers. She’d written on the back, ‘To Blake. Love, Sidney.’
“Oh, this is nice. Me, at that awkward stage.” She mimicked the awful cringe of a smile of hers at the age of thirteen.
He reached out and snatched the photo from her, smiling. “I like that picture.”
“What else do you have in here, anyway?” she asked, crouching and peeking in the box.
“Just personal stuff.” He laughed and tried to close the flaps.
Even more curious now that he was trying to hide it, she grabbed the box away from him. “Let’s see,” she said, looking inside. “What is this?” She pulled out an old school paper.
He reached for it, but she pulled it away. She read in childhood handwriting, “When I grow up, I’m going to invent a machine that will make ice cream sandwiches. It will make so many I will give them to all the kids so no one will be sad.”
She giggled. “Aw, that’s cute.”
He blushed and took the paper from her.
She looked in the box again. “You saved all your old school stuff?” She grinned up at him. “Are you a closet pack rat?”
“It’s just one box.”
She reached in and pulled out another photo of her. This time it was her senior picture. She stared at it. Blake had been away at college. She hadn’t given him her senior photo. This had been taken during the time when he wasn’t talking to her. “Where did you get this?” Her voice was so low, it almost came out as a whisper.
He shrugged. “I think Grayson sent it to me.” He took the box from her and stuck his hand out for the photo.
She handed it to him, silent.
He slipped the photo into the box and folded the flaps. “If you want to finish taking the clothes from the hangers, you can fold them and put them in that garment box.” He pointed.
Blissfully Married (The Married Series Book 4) Page 15
