by Dayo Benson
I unscrewed the cap and downed half the bottle. “I hope you’re joking.”
“I’m not.”
“Girls,” Anita said, standing up from her seat behind a computer from which she was viewing the shoot. “We start again at 7 p.m. tonight. It shouldn’t take too long because the set is all ready. We’ll try to be done within two hours. And just to let you know, it’ll be all lingerie. We’ll do some group shots, and we’ll have two male models to help us out.”
Terry’s grin was ear to ear. “Male models? I can’t wait.”
She scooted off out of the hall with the other two models, and I looked after them in envy. They were going to eat, while I stood here, famished and only barely hydrated by half a bottle of water.
“Lexi, next,” Anita said, resuming her seat. “By the way, we’ll be dying your hair for the shoot tonight, so you’ll have to wait behind after this shoot is over.”
“Okay.” That was pretty exciting.
The makeup artist sidled over and brushed over my cheeks and forehead with her brush. She touched up my lipgloss, which was torture. It smelled so fruity and edible, and I was starving!
Look on the bright side, I thought as I took my place in front of the camera. The fact that I hadn’t eaten since touching down in New York meant I was at my skinniest, which had to be good.
“Relax, Lexi,” Rob said, looking at me over the camera.
“Sorry.” My set was dark, and a spot light shone over me. A nearby fan whizzed cold air all over me, and I shivered. I let the blower catch my hair, and Rob took a few shots.
He clicked away while I moved as best as I could even though I felt ridiculous. I’d never really had to act sexy before.
“How many changes does she have?” Rob asked eventually.
“Just two more sets,” the wardrobe girl said. She was holding my lingerie.
“Okay, shall we do a change now?”
Anita frowned. “Do you think we got a good shot?”
Rob nodded, looking into his camera. “The last one was okay.”
The wardrobe girl thrust my next change at me, and I scurried behind the screen. It was a black G-string and a very stringy bra. Whoever wore this kind of underwear obviously didn’t value support. Or maybe it was exclusively make out underwear.
I went back to the set, the hairdresser brushing my hair as I walked.
“Ready to go?” Rob asked.
I nodded, suddenly highly conscious that I was standing in front of a bunch of strangers, wearing a G-string. My mom was right. Walking down a runway in lingerie was different from standing there and posing in front of a camera.
I did my best to relax and started posing again. After a few clicks of the camera, Rob stopped.
The whole set was quiet. I could tell I wasn’t killing this shoot. The other girls had been hot, and I had come along and lowered the standard.
“Lexi, you look very sexy,” Rob said. “You really do look the part, so try to let that come across in your poses and in your facial expression.”
I nodded. I tried a few more poses. I noticed after a while that the camera wasn’t clicking. I stopped. “Are you ready?” I asked.
“Yes, but I’m not getting anything worth taking.”
I raked a hand through my hair. Okay, I couldn’t do this. Anita had been right. I didn’t really have the required experience. This was a level I’d never worked at before. I wanted to scream. Why couldn’t I do it?
“What do you want to do?” Rob asked Anita. Obviously, he’d lost patience with me.
“Can you give me a moment?” I asked.
No one said anything, so I walked off the set.
“Are you leaving?” Anita asked. Her tone was derogatory and amused.
“No, I just need the bathroom.” I went to the bathroom and locked myself into a stall, resting my head on the cold door. What was wrong with me? Why was I cracking? I had to keep it together.
I squeezed my eyes shut. Okay, I was hungry—starving even. Okay, I’d been on my feet for the last two hours. But, if I wanted to move this career forward, I had to be able to handle the pressure, whether it was physical, like the hunger, or psychological, like the fact that I was near-naked in a room full of strangers.
I exhaled slowly. Now was not the time for modesty. I had to nail this. I had to pose like it was Sports Illustrated. I’d always said that was pornography, not modeling, but that had to get out of my mind right now.
You can do this! I screamed at myself internally.
I went back to the hall. The look on Rob’s face was easy to read: get this loser out of here.
I smiled. I had to prove him wrong. “Sorry about that. Can we start?”
Rob took his position behind the camera. I posed as best as I could. Rob gave me no feedback, but I continued. I changed into my last set of lingerie: a yellow demi bra with matching French knickers. This was the last round, and then I’d be free to eat. The thought made me smile.
“Don’t smile,” Rob growled.
I decided to throw everything into this last go. I struck all the Victoria’s Secret-esque poses I could think of. Rob clicked away. “Give me some front shots now, they’ve all been profile,” he said, stooping over the camera.
I obliged.
“Fabulous,” he said eventually. He straightened up. “I think we’re done with you.”
“Okay, Karen,” Anita said to the other lingerie girl. “Let’s wrap this up with a bang.”
I went to change. I blinked back tears as I thrust a leg into my Diesel jeans. That was probably the worst shoot I’d ever done. The door opened, and Anita walked in.
“Anita, I’m sorry,” I said before she could tell me she’d been hugely disappointed. “I let the pressure get to me. And I’m usually okay with pressure. I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.” A few tears managed to escape the corners of my eyes, and I was mortified. I couldn’t believe I was crying in front of her.
“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
And send me home? “I’m fine.”
“I think we should let you go.”
I wiped my eyes. She was probably going to call my agency to negotiate a lower pay check. That was fine. I deserved to be paid nil.
“I must say, Lexi, that this is a huge disappointment. I was the one that chose you, so I personally feel let down. I was thinking you’d be the center piece for the shoot at seven, but I’m sure the other girls will do a good job of it.”
I groaned. I’d been chosen to be the centerpiece, and I’d totally blown it. “Please give me another chance.”
Anita’s eyes thinned. “Lexi, we need to be confident that our models can deliver. We don’t want to waste frames on pictures we may not be able to use.”
I zipped and buttoned my jeans. “I understand. So you don’t want me to come back tomorrow either?”
Anita shook her head. “We’ll make do with the other models.”
Where did I think I was? This wasn’t Top Model, where you could suck and still be retained because you cried and gave a good speech before the judges.
I left The Sherrington almost blind with tears. I’d never acted so unprofessionally. I couldn’t believe it. What had come over me? I walked down the street aimlessly and came by a Japanese takeout.
I’d almost forgotten I was hungry. I went in and ordered Teriyaki Chicken and noodles. I sat down at a table to eat while I thought of what to do next. I could go back to my hotel and look at my list of New York fashion houses and magazines and plan which ones to visit tomorrow since Roz Petroz no longer wanted me. Or I could welcome tomorrow as a day for sightseeing. Or I could go dye my hair blond and show up for the photoshoot at seven.
The thought was so absurd I almost laughed aloud. What would Anita do if I did that? She’d think I was crazy, but she might give me another chance. Was it worth the risk? I thought so. Was it worth the embarrassment if they still turned me away? Definitely. This was Roz Petroz. They were worth pretty much anything.
I needed a hair salon.
I finished my noodles and went back to the Sherrington. “Are there any good hair salons around here?” I asked the Asian girl at the reception.
“There’s a list in this brochure. Alternatively, we have a beauty spa on site here.”
“Thanks.” I didn’t want a hotel beauty spa. I leafed through the brochure. I rang a few of the salons listed, but none had any immediate appointments.
I decided to call Monica. Was she not in New York? Did she not have an obsession with her appearance? I was sure she could help me out here. Why had I not thought of her before?
I dialed her and waited for the phone to ring. I hoped she hadn’t changed her number. Please don’t be in college. Please be available, I prayed. “C’mon, pick up.” I muttered as the phone rang. It went to voicemail, and I hung up.
I may as well go back to my hotel and forget about Roz Petroz. It was over. Why couldn’t I get that?
My phone rang. “Monica?”
“Lexi, did you call me?” Monica sounded uncertain.
“Yes, I need a huge favor. I’m in New York, and I need to dye my hair blond, now—as in right now. Can you get me an appointment somewhere? Anywhere? Well not anywhere—somewhere good.”
“Hold up. Did you say you’re in New York?”
“Yes, but we can talk about that later. I need my hair dyed blond. Can you help me?”
“Sure, but I’m at college, and I just sneaked out of my class when I saw that you were calling me.”
“Monica, I am desperate. We can talk later, and I’ll explain everything. But, for now, please tell me where I can get my hair done. It has to be ready by six-thirty at the very latest.”
“Okay, I’ll call my beauty consultant. I still have my LA membership, and I know there’s a branch here. My consultant in LA was on call for me. She came any time I needed her because I’ve got Platinum membership, which I pay a stinking fortune for—”
“Monica, we’re going off topic. Call your consultant and ask them to meet me at the Sherrington hotel. They won’t know that I’m not you, will they?”
“No, but I’ll tell them in case. It’ll be expensive though.”
“I’ll pay. Will you call them now, and call me back to let me know?”
“Sure.”
She hung up, and I went back to the receptionist. “Can I book a room? I just need a very basic single. In fact, can I have the cheapest available room?”
She tapped away at her keyboard. “How long is it for?”
I wished I could book a room for just two hours. “One night.”
“How are you paying?”
I handed my card over. “How much is it?”
“One hundred and fifty dollars. You can pay now or on checkout.”
“I’ll pay now. Thanks.”
Monica rang me back as I was riding the elevator to my hotel room. “Hey.”
“The consultant is on her way, but I had to beg her because it was for a non-client. She’s charging three hundred dollars! Can you believe that?”
I groaned. “That’s heavy.”
“So you’re at the Sherrington?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, I need to get back to class, but I’ll call you later.”
“Okay. Thanks, Monica.”
***
My hair was not as blond as January. It was dirty blond, but it looked more natural. In fact, my hair had never felt so good. It felt like silk and looked like liquid gold. Needless to say, I was happy with the results, and I made my way down to the Phoenix suite at quarter to seven.
Turning up at the shoot like this could either be highly embarrassing or highly rewarding. But I had to remind myself that I was doing it for me, not for Roz Petroz. It was for my experience and my career. And even if Anita totally dissed me, it didn’t matter. I would write about it in my biography in years to come, after I’d made it as a supermodel. Other young aspiring models would draw courage from my experience.
I smiled at my pathetic train of thoughts. “Focus, Lexi,” I muttered as I approached the hall.
The other models were already there waiting. They looked up when I opened the door.
“Hey,” Terry said.
“Hey.”
“What’s your name?”
I grinned. She didn’t recognize me. “Is that how it is? Out of sight out of mind?”
“Lexi?”
“Yes?”
“Wow, your hair looks great. Karen told us you weren’t coming back.”
“Yeah, I had a really bad shoot. But I’ll see if Anita will give me another chance.”
Karen and Lizzie exchanged a look. “Your shoot was really bad,” Karen said snidely.
“I know.”
“They don’t want to waste their time on an amateur. I think you should just go.”
“Well, it’s a good thing I don’t care what you think.”
The door opened and Anita entered the hall. “Hi, girls. Glad to see you’re all on time—” she noticed me and looked slightly confused. “Lexi?”
“I, uh, would like another chance. I really want to do this shoot. And I’ve dyed my hair myself because I know that’s what you wanted.” Somehow, when I’d pre-played this scene in my mind earlier, I had been bolder and more heroic. Now that it was crunch time, I was practically shaking in my pumps.
Anita exhaled. “Lexi, we need competence.”
“I can do this. I won’t let you down this time.”
She shook her head. “Okay. But if you’re not with it from the beginning you’ll have to leave.”
“That’s fine.”
“Right. Over to hair and makeup, girls. See you back here in a few.”
I followed the other models to hair and makeup. Anita had let me stay! She wasn’t going to regret it.
The two male models were already in the suite having their makeup done. I thought Terry might salivate. Hadn’t she’d worked with male models before? They were always buff. Who cared?
I read my relaxation pocketbook as the makeup artist set to work. My mom had bought it for me when my dad died, and it had been helpful in relieving stress. It had breathing exercises and calming phrases that relaxed you if you meditated on them.
The stylists didn’t do much with my hair. Just straightened it some more. I changed into my first underwear set and floated back to the Phoenix hall. I was in the right zone now. I could do this shoot.
Rob said nothing when he saw me. I went over to Anita while Rob gave orders about lighting again. She was sitting at her computer monitor, studying something on the screen. “Anita, thanks. I appreciate this.”
She didn’t look up. “I hope I will appreciate it, too.”
We started the shoot. Terry and Sadie were on first. They had to pose together. I watched carefully and noted anything that Rob commended. I was not going to suck again.
I was with Karen and Lizzie. I thought I did a good job. I initiated a few of the poses, and the other girls fell in around me. Rob clicked away.
“Can we have the guys?” Anita asked. “I’d like some shots of the guys with Lexi.”
One of the stylists came and gave my hair a quick brushing while the guys came onto the set. I breathed in slowly and deeply, and then I let the air out like a yawn. I imagined all the ‘bad energy’ being released through that yawn. Rob gave me a funny look, but he didn’t comment.
Again, I did my best, posing with the male models. Then Anita asked Sadie to pose with them, and then Lizzie.
We were then taken out to the balcony and did the rest of the shoot there. After it, I was exhausted, mentally drained. I felt like I’d run a marathon.
“You did great,” Rob said as I put on my jacket and buttoned it up. I wasn’t going to bother changing back into my clothes. My jacket was long. “What happened this afternoon?”
“I was nervous and starving.”
“You can’t let that show.”
“I know. Are you our photographer tomorrow?” I was assuming
I was coming back tomorrow, although I hadn’t spoken to Anita yet.
“Yes.”
“Cool. See ya.” I went over to Anita. “Am I coming back tomorrow?”
She looked up from her screen. “Sure. We start at twelve.”
“Should I come here?”
“Yes.”
“Thanks.”
I was glad I had booked a room. It was expensive but convenient. I was too depleted to cab it across town back to the Holiday Inn. I didn’t remove my makeup before getting into bed. My mom would have a fit if she knew. I checked my cell phone before I fell asleep. My mom had called, so had Monica and Carl. I’d return calls in the morning. For now, my body needed one thing.
Chapter 43
Tuesday’s photoshoot was easier, maybe because I now knew what was expected of me. We finished at four, and I jumped into a taxi. On my way back to the Holiday Inn, I texted Monica and thanked her for the day before. I’d barely hit send before she called back.
“You’re welcome,” Monica chirped. She was still all energy and light. I missed that. “So are you still at the Sherrington?”
“No, I’m staying at The Holiday Inn.”
“Which one?”
“The one by JFK.”
“Okay, I’ll be over in about an hour. How long are you here?”
“I fly back on Thursday morning.”
“Wow, you’re really going places with this modeling. Remember me when you make it.”
I laughed. “Of course I will.” A girl who could get you a great hairdresser at the drop of a hat was definitely the kind of contact to keep.
I scrolled down my contact list when we hung up. I still had Jace’s number. I wondered how he was doing.
The fact that I could be living in New York right now and getting a lot more modeling work was exasperating. Why had no one told me about the darn exchange program. I would have so applied.
I was starving when I got to my hotel room, but I decided to wait for Monica so that we could go find something to eat together. Monica sent me a text when she arrived, and I went to meet her in the lobby.
“Lexi!” she squealed, grabbing me in a tight hug. “I have so missed you. You’re staying till Thursday, right? Well I hope you don’t mind. I’ve brought some clothes. I thought I’d stay with you.”
