by Dayo Benson
“Good!” Nia yelled when I got back. “Quick, get your next dress.”
Nia’s was a long show. She was showcasing every dimension of her work, and the show could have been a confusing jumble if not for all the careful planning and sequencing that had obviously gone into it.
She was a creative genius. I figured it wouldn’t be long before she started getting international acclaim for her work. She was definitely someone to impress.
***
I went bowling with Jen and a gang of girls on Saturday afternoon. Afterwards, we went to a burger place. They were staying out and going clubbing the rest of the evening. I went home because I didn’t feel like staying out. I was a lot more social than when I first got back to LA, but I still wasn’t up for clubbing in a big gang all the time. Every once in a while would suffice. Besides, Dan had told me he was staying home tonight.
When I got back to my room I found that I’d left my phone on my bed. Carl had called. He hadn’t left a message. He called again while I was changing out of my jeans. “Hi, Carl.”
“Wow, thanks for answering.” He sounded bitter. “What are you doing tonight?”
“I’m at home. I don’t really feel a hundred percent.” It was true. I was feeling reclusive, which happened mainly when I was thinking about my dad.
“I was going to ask if you want to come to the Rouge bar. A couple of my buddies and their girlfriends are going.”
“Sorry, Carl, I don’t feel up to it.”
“Right.”
There was a long pause.
“Lexi, is everything okay?” Carl asked finally.
“Sure.”
“Are we okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you have anything you want to tell me?”
“Like what?” I rubbed my temples. I was a swine. Carl didn’t deserve this.
“You’re acting really strange. Can we go somewhere and talk? Maybe tomorrow afternoon? I feel like we’re getting cold.”
“Okay.”
“What’s with all the one word answers?”
“Nothing. I don’t think we need to talk,” I mumbled.
“Well you’ve been ignoring my calls—”
“No, I’ve been missing your calls.”
“Okay, Lexi, if you don’t want to talk, that’s fine,” Carl sounded annoyed. “But don’t tell me that nothing is wrong. You barely talk to me, and you seem to be getting pretty friendly with that Dan.”
“There’s nothing going on with Dan.”
“Something is going on.”
“Carl, can you stop yelling?”
“I’m not yelling. Are you coming out tonight or not?”
“I’ve just said I’m not.”
“Okay, well, I’m not calling you anymore. When you decide you want to talk to me, you can call me.”
I frowned as I listened to the dialing tone. “No, he didn’t,” I muttered. How dare he hang up on me? But what was my problem anyway? Carl had every right to be angry.
I went to the kitchen. Dan wasn’t there. I considered knocking on his door, but I decided against it.
“Looking for me?”
I jumped and nearly fell over as I spun around. I slapped Dan’s shoulder. “Don’t creep up on me.”
“Aren’t you going out tonight?”
“No, I don’t feel too good.”
“What’s wrong with you?” Dan asked in amusement.
“Leave me alone,” I snapped. My pain was emotional not physical.
“Does your staying in have anything to do with me?”
“You flatter yourself, Dan.”
“Well, I’ll get started on the stir fry, and you can run to my room and get the movie I picked up from the video store. It’s on my table.”
I went to get the movie from Dan’s room and returned to the kitchen. I held it up. “You were going to stay home and watch this? Is there something you need to tell me? Guys never watch chick flicks unless they’re forced.”
Dan smiled his annoying knowing smile. “I had a feeling you might stay home tonight once I told you I was staying home, so I went to get you some entertainment.”
Was I that transparent? I was saved from having to reply by one of our roomies and his girlfriend who chose that moment to burst in. They stopped, surprised when they saw us.
“Are you guys not going out?” the guy asked.
Dan smiled. “Yes, we are.” He ushered me out of the room. “You guys have a nice night.” He shut the door, and I pulled away from him. “Why don’t we go out?”
It appealed, but I knew that if I let Dan take me out I would be looking over my shoulder all night paranoid that Carl would catch me. I shook my head. “Carl’s at the Rouge bar.”
“Okay, we’ll go downtown LA. Do you like Links?”
“Do you mean the men’s fragrance?”
“No,” Dan laughed. “I mean the Lounge.”
“Oh, I’ve never been.”
“I think you’ll like it. It’s R&B music.”
“Okay, let’s go there.”
“You go get dressed then. I’ll call a taxi.”
***
“So much for ‘I don’t feel good,” Dan mocked as he led me to a seat at the Links Lounge.
I smiled. “Okay, so maybe I feel better now.”
“What are you drinking?”
“I dunno.”
“You don’t do alcohol, do you?”
I shrugged. “Not really.”
“What if I get you a drink that you’ll love?”
“Just get me water.”
“No way, you’re not drinking water.”
“Okay, get me something that I won’t get drunk on. Something mixed with Coke.”
Dan went to get drinks, and I wished I had gone with him rather than sitting on my own like I’d been stood up or something. I forced my most hostile expression onto my face when a total stranger came and sat opposite me. “I’m with someone,” I said before he could say anything.
“Okay, sweet thing,” the stranger said, “but maybe I can give you my two-way.”
Two-way? What decade was he living in? “No thanks.”
“How about I give you my cell then?”
“No, thanks,” I repeated through gritted teeth.
“Well, how about you give me yours?”
Dan emerged from the crowd and patted the guy on the shoulder. “Thanks for keeping my seat warm buddy.”
The guy smirked. “No problem.” He slinked away.
I accepted the glass that Dan handed me. He sat next to me, extremely close on the tiny two-seater. “What’s this?”
“Rosé. All girls like it.”
His lips were just inches from mine. I blinked. “What are you drinking?”
“Beer.”
I made a face. “Beer tastes awful.”
“And so manly,” Dan added. He beat his chest. “Wouldn’t you be worried if I was drinking Rosé?”
I sipped my drink carefully, and then gave him a slow smile. “It’s not bad.” My glass was soon empty, and Dan went to get me a refill. I watched the dance floor. There were some girls out there that were moving their bodies like I couldn’t believe.
“Do you want to dance?” Dan asked after we finished our second drinks.
“I have two left feet.” There was no way I was dancing alongside those girls.
Dan reached for my hand to make me look at him. “Hey, you think you can look at me for a moment and maybe talk to me?”
I looked at Dan. He smiled, and I stared down into my empty glass. I didn’t want to ask myself why his smile was making my insides flip. I removed my hand from his loose grip.
“I feel like we could have something special if you would give me a chance,” Dan said softly.
I wasn’t sure about that. I wasn’t sure I could take that kind of chance.
“Break up with Carl.”
I wasn’t sure. With Carl, I kind of had the upper hand in the relationship. If I started dating Dan, h
e would have the upper hand. I knew that if I let myself fall for him, he would have total control, and I didn’t want to be vulnerable to anyone. Dan wouldn’t mean to hurt me, but he would hurt me all the same. It was inevitable. He was too much like Jace.
“Lexi?”
“What?”
“Don’t panic, but I see Carl.”
My heart skipped a beat. “You better not be joking, because it’s not funny.”
“I’m not joking. He just walked in.”
“Let’s get out of here.”
Dan looked down. “I think he’s just seen me.”
Carl was supposed to be at the Rouge bar. He hadn’t told me he was bar hopping!
“He’s coming over,” Dan said, his lips barely moving. “If he tries to make a scene like at the student union, I swear I’ll take him.”
I wondered what to do. What excuse did I have to justify my being here with Dan? I decided not to make any excuses. I’d just tell the truth about what had happened and act like it was no big deal. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at Carl and feigned surprise. “Oh, hi, Carl.”
To my surprise, Carl sat in the seat opposite us. “What are you doing here?” He looked at Dan. “With him?”
“Oh. Well, I wasn’t feeling well earlier, and Dan happened to be home. One of our roomies had his girlfriend over, so we couldn’t stay or we’d be in their way. And I was starting to feel a bit better by then anyway, so we came out.” I played with my hair. It was lame even to my own ears.
Carl looked at me, not believing a word I was saying. He shook his head and stood up. “It’s over.”
“Carl, sit down.” He obeyed. He looked at me expectantly, his eyes angry and betrayed. “Carl, I’m sorry—”
“Tell me what I should do, Lexi,” Carl yelled. Luckily, the bar was noisy, so he didn’t attract much attention.
“Carl, please calm down.”
“He can’t calm down. He’s drunk,” Dan said with a snigger. He got up and walked away toward the bar.
“You need to make a choice, Lexi,” Carl said angrily.
I wished I had stayed home tonight. I placed my glass on the table. I couldn’t meet Carl’s direct gaze.
“So, are we over or not, Lexi?”
I didn’t know.
“I want an answer.” Carl’s eyes hardened. “Now.”
“We can talk about this later, Carl. I swear, me and Dan are just friends.”
“Lexi, you’re not answering my question. You need to make a choice now. Are we together, or are we over?”
I stood up, my eyes filling up. “We’re over.”
“Well, why couldn’t you just tell me that? Why do I have to catch you out with someone else and find out that way?” Carl’s expression was still hard. He got up and walked away. He joined his friends at their table. I sat down again and wondered where Dan was. I needed to go home. I watched as Carl and some of his single buddies sent a bottle of Champagne to a group of girls at another table. The girls went to talk to them. One of them sat on Carl’s knee. I looked away.
By the time Dan returned, I was fuming. Carl was just flirting away, like he hadn’t a care in the world for the fact that I was watching. “Where’ve you been?”
“The line was long,” Dan said, handing me a fresh drink. “What happened?”
“We broke up.”
“That’s good. Now we can be together.”
“Excuse me.” I got up and went to the bathroom. There was a girl in there being sick. I entered a stall and locked the door. I tore a piece of toilet roll and dabbed my eyes. Why was I upset? I needed to make up my mind. Did I want Carl, or did I want Dan? Maybe it was the alcohol that was making me emotional.
Dan was out in the corridor waiting for me when I came out of the bathroom. He held out his arms, and I went to him. “Are you okay?”
I didn’t answer.
“I’m so sorry, Lexi. This is all my fault.”
“It’s not.”
Dan pushed my hair back from my face. “I didn’t know that breaking up with him would upset you. You’ve never seemed to really like him.” Dan’s eyes turned mischievous. “I thought you wanted to be with me.”
“Dan,” I groaned.
“Well, I need to know, Lexi. Have I been reading you all wrong?”
He hadn’t. I liked him. Carl and I were over now, so I didn’t have to hide how I felt. Whether or not dating Dan would be a huge mistake, only time could tell. When I didn’t answer, Dan kissed me. I knew that I should pull away, but I kissed him back. I was a free woman, so I could do what I wanted.
It was Dan that broke the kiss. He smiled down at me triumphantly.
I glared at him. “What was that about? What are you doing?”
“I wasn’t the only one doing something.”
“Dan!” I pushed him away and swore.
“Listen, Lexi, you have to stop pushing me and punching me all the time. If I did it to you, it’d be called physical abuse. Anyway, you liked that, so stop pretending like you didn’t.”
“I’m going home,” I said wearily. The Rosé was taking its toll.
We had to walk back through the bar to get out. I tried not to look at Carl, but I couldn’t help it. He was talking to a girl, and he looked up briefly as I walked past with Dan.
“Don’t worry about it,” Dan said steering me toward the exit. He pulled me into his arms as we waited for a taxi.
A few minutes later Carl came out of the club with his new female friend. Dan held me firmly to his side and planted a kiss on my forehead.
I fell into bed when I got back to my room. My break up with Carl was all my fault. I’d ignored him until he was sick of being in limbo, and now he was probably in the arms of someone who would appreciate him.
Chapter 47
Whenever I saw Carl on campus, he was with a girl. He didn’t look the slightest bit upset about our break up. He seemed to have moved on pretty fast. I felt rubbish. Carl was a great guy, and I’d ruined everything!
I was still playing things cool with Dan, but I was beginning to wonder why. He seemed genuine when he said he wanted to be with me, and even if he ended up hurting me, I would get over it. Just like I’d gotten over Jace.
I handed in my first batch of assignments in early November. College was starting to be hard work. The honeymoon period was over, and the professors were cracking the whip. I was quite proud of my work, though. Emily and I had worked together in the library. We were good study partners.
I handed in the books I had borrowed from the library, and then I headed for one of the campus convenience stores to buy a cup of noodles, as I had no food left. I missed my mom, but I knew she was never really available except for weekends. Even then, she liked to visit my grandmother. I didn’t seem to be of any kind of priority to her.
I ran into Dan at the store. “Cheer up, Lexi,” he said when he saw me. “It ain’t that bad.”
What did he know? I felt homesick. Maybe I’d move off campus and live at home. I could drive to college whenever I had a class. I knew plenty students who did that. I’d speak to my mom about it when I got home for Christmas in three weeks.
The next morning Dan came to check on me. “What are you doing today?”
“Dunno.”
“We’ve all ordered breakfast from the Brekky Bar. Care to join us?”
“Not really.”
“You have issues.”
“You can bring me my share, and I’ll have it in here.”
Dan walked out. He didn’t shut the door properly, but I couldn’t be bothered getting up to slam it.
Emily called to see if I wanted to go to the library. I couldn’t believe the girl was still on about work after all the swotting we’d done over the last few weeks to get our assignments in. “I’d love to, but I’m going home today to see my mom.” I was lying, but I so didn’t feel guilty. The library would only push me deeper into my mire of despair.
Dan burst into my room without knocking. I glare
d at him. “Do you think you could have knocked? I could have been indecent.”
“That’s the whole point of not knocking. Want to come for a drive?”
“To where?”
“Nowhere in particular. I just thought you’d appreciate the distraction.”
“Don’t you have anything else to do?”
“I have plenty to do, but I feel like hanging with you.”
“Okay.”
***
“I’m thinking of moving out after Christmas,” Dan said as he drove.
I was taken aback. “Why?”
“I’ve bought a house.”
“Cool.” The dorm was going to be a lonely place without Dan. “Can I come with you?”
Dan glanced at me. “I don’t for one second think you really mean that, but I wouldn’t say no.”
I looked out of his car window. I was moving back home. Living on campus wasn’t really cutting it for me. I needed my own space again, my own den and kitchen, my own food. “So, when did you decide this? Couldn’t you have given me more notice rather than just springing it on me a few weeks before Christmas?”
“I had no reason to think you’d care.”
Yeah. I sounded like his girlfriend. I wasn’t, so I had better zip it. I wasn’t happy though. He was the only ray of sunshine in the barren wasteland that our apartment block was.
“Where are we going?” I asked Dan. “You’re not really just driving, are you?”
“I thought I’d show you my house.”
Dan’s house was in Malibu. I didn’t stare because I’d anticipated that it was going to be amazing.
“Why did you ever live on campus?” I asked as we walked up the walkway to the house. “Were you just trying to see how normal people who don’t have your riches live?”
“I wanted to meet people,” Dan said, ignoring the dig. “I wouldn’t have met you if I hadn’t lived on campus.”
“Yeah, and my life would be much simpler,” I mumbled.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.”
“Well, I heard. How would it be simpler?”
“Me and Carl might still be together.”
“Can you stop blaming me? It takes two.” Dan unlocked the door and flicked a light switch.
