by Viola Rivard
Taylor whispered, “Hello, handsome.”
The pup considered her for all of two seconds and then began to wail.
Sarah had warned her that he was a crier, but Taylor had never heard the likes of his particular brand of crying, which was really more of a plaintive screech. Strangely, Sarah seemed more startled than Taylor by it and began making urgent hand gestures.
“Breast, breast,” Sarah said, waving her hands at Taylor’s chest.
“Oh, right,” Taylor replied awkwardly.
Had it not been for the screaming, Taylor might have felt odd pulling her breast out for a baby that was not her own. The awful crying dispelled any modesty or reservations that Taylor may have had, and she was eager to do anything to silence the pup.
The first few minutes were frustrating. The pup had little experience with nursing and although he seemed able to smell the milk, he didn’t understand how to get it. Working as a team, Taylor and Sarah managed to hand express milk directly into his mouth. Gradually, they coaxed him onto the nipple, and Taylor continued expressing milk into his mouth until he got the gist of suckling with minimal assistance.
As soon as he’d begun suckling in earnest, Sarah burst into tears. Taylor hadn’t remembered Sarah being so emotional and assumed it must have been the strain of her premature menopause colliding with sleepless days caring for a newborn. She brought Sarah in for a loose hug, rubbing Sarah’s back with one hand and cradling the pup with the other.
“Please…” Sarah said between sniffles. “Come, sit down. I’m sorry, I should have had you get comfortable before I gave him to you. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“It’s fine,” Taylor said, allowing Sarah to lead her over to the furs.
Sarah propped several pillows against the wall and Taylor leaned back against them so that the pup rested on her chest. It wasn’t until she laid down that she realized how tired she was, and how much her back ached. She really wished she’d just had sex with Hale the day before and then stolen a few hours of sleep before having a shouting match with him.
“How’s his latch?” Sarah asked. She was back to wringing her hands.
“Seems okay,” Taylor said, mostly to set Sarah at ease. In truth, they’d have to work on it a bit, or else her nipples were going to be in a world of hurt. For now, she helped him along, occasionally running her thumb across her breast to coax milk into his mouth.
Taylor said, “Maybe I should unwrap him. It might help if he can squeeze me himself.”
“Oh, no. Don’t do that. It’s so cold in here.” Sarah quickly added, “He’s really taken to you already.”
Taylor gave her a wry grin. “I think it’s just the boobs.”
“But you’ll keep him, right? At least until he’s weaned?” There was a nervous urgency to her words.
“You mean him back to Halcyon?” Taylor asked. She supposed that was the only logical thing to do, but until then she hadn’t considered that she’d essentially be fostering the pup herself. “Well, I guess there isn’t any other option. You said no one else could take him, right?”
“Right,” Sarah said. “You’re the only one who’s responded. If you don’t take him, he’ll probably… He’ll…”
Taylor put a hand on Sarah’s shoulder. “Relax. It’s okay. I’m going to take him. How could I possibly say no? I was adopted. Well, sort of. The people who adopted me actually tried giving me back when I was a baby, on account of my catastrophic heart defect. I ended up going into foster care until my bio-mom eventually got her act together and came to find me.”
“I didn’t know that,” Sarah said. “How awful of that family, to abandon you just because of a defect.”
Taylor shrugged. “I can’t fault them. They didn’t sign up for a baby on the transplant list.”
“No,” Sarah said, her eyes taking on a fierce glow. “When they adopted you, they made a commitment to be your parents. They shouldn’t have been able to just skip town when things got tough. Well, good riddance. They didn’t deserve you.”
Taylor couldn’t help it. She started to laugh.
“I think you’ve been angrier at that family in the last thirty seconds than I have in my entire lifetime.”
Sarah deflated, giving Taylor a weak smile. “I’m sorry. It’s just that I’ve taken in so many pups over the years, and there’s no such thing as ideal. Every one of them comes with their own set of challenges. At first, some may seem bigger than others, or even impossible to overcome, but there’s no obstacle so big that it can’t be tempered with enough love.”
Taylor returned her smile, appreciating the sweet sentiment, but also sort of hoping that Sarah would leave and let her get some rest.
“I think I have it from here,” Taylor said. “Are there linens in case he needs to be changed?”
Sarah chewed her lip and had resumed wringing her hands.
“It’s really okay,” Taylor said. “If I need help, I’m sure I can find someone. You look more tired than I feel. Please, go get some rest.”
“He’s only got one arm,” Sarah blurted, the words flying from her mouth so quickly that Taylor barely made them out.
Taylor heard herself laugh. “What?”
There was not a hint of humor in Sarah’s expression. With deliberate slowness, she said, “The pup. The one you’re holding right now. He only has one arm.”
There was only one way the words could be taken, but Taylor still felt like she must not have understood correctly. She looked between Sarah’s anxious face and the tiny baby that was nursing on her breast. Her fingers went to the swaddling blanket. She unwrapped him, careful not to disturb his latch as she did so.
It was his right arm, or, where his right arm should have been. In its place was a small nub where his upper arm would have connected with his shoulder. The left arm appeared unaffected.
“Oh,” Taylor said, her hand flying to her mouth. “Oh, Sarah. What…”
Sarah took a seat beside the bed and let out a heavy sigh. “It’s called amelia. Sounds like a pretty name, doesn't it? Nothing happened to him, he was just born that way. Aside from being a bit malnourished, there’s nothing medically wrong with him. He’s just…a little different.”
Taylor continued to unwrap him, making sure that the rest of his limbs were there and then taking a moment to count his fingers and toes.
All present.
She pulled her shirt open farther, enough to tuck him into it, so that his skin rested against her own. The pup squirmed a little, but quickly adjusted, snuggling closer to her and using his little hand to clutch at Taylor’s breast.
“Is this why the mother gave him up?” Taylor asked.
“Goodness, no,” Sarah said. “At least, I don’t think so. His mother’s name is Carly. She didn’t know his father’s name. She met him at a bar on her twenty-second birthday.”
“A bar?”
“Don’t look so surprised. Not all shifters live in the mountains. A lot of them, the less wolfish ones, live in fringe towns. Anyway, Carly wasn’t even sure that the dad was a shifter, but she had her suspicions. Apparently, the sex was…unusual. I didn’t ask for details.
“I met her when she was already six months along. She knew about the arm, but still wanted to keep the baby. I was helping her to prepare, getting her connected with trustworthy women in her community and managing her expectations. She really wanted to keep him, Taylor, but look at him.”
Taylor’s brows furrowed. “He’s beautiful.”
“His hair is white, and his eyes would never pass for hazel. He looks like what he is, and because of that, he couldn’t possibly stay among humans. It takes more than a dedicated mother for a pup to grow up in a human town. He also needs to be able to blend in.”
Using her pinky, Taylor gently pried the pup off of her nipple. He started to cry again although it wasn’t nearly as earsplitting as before. He was quickly silenced as she placed him on her other breast. This time, he was able to find the nipple on his own, an
d she already felt his latch improving.
“Clover said that some women will come with their pups. That you can find them an alpha willing to take them in. Why didn’t she do that?”
“I don’t know, Taylor. This life, it’s not for everyone. And she was just a kid.”
“She was the same age as I was when I had the twins.”
Sarah smiled sadly. “Yes, but you weren’t a kid. Age can be a very fickle measurement.”
“I guess you’re right about that.” Taylor stroked the pup’s hair and ran her finger along the shell of his ear. “No one else will take him? Because of the arm?”
Sarah laughed. “Are you kidding me? I didn’t tell anyone about the arm. I wanted to at least get someone here to hold him before I dropped that bomb.”
“Thanks,” Taylor said flatly. “It’s strange that no one else came to see him. My pack mates would go nuts for a new pup. In fact, it’s all they ever talk about.”
“Halcyon has a lot of members and ample hunting grounds. Most packs, particularly in this region, are quite small, usually just a family unit. A lot of them can barely support their own pups, let along take on another. I can’t fault them.”
Taylor had never considered that her own experience as Alder and Hale’s mate had differed from that of the average mated pair. Though she had recognized the advantage of having two alphas, it hadn’t occurred to her that most packs weren’t a hundred members strong, or that other alphas might struggle to feed their packs.
They sat in quiet contemplation as the pup nursed. Her breasts had enough milk to accommodate a much larger pup, and he began to nod off long before he’d emptied her second breast. Taylor removed him from her nipple but left him to doze against her chest. She was no longer tired, at least not mentally. Her mind was abuzz and somehow already flooded with new-baby hormones.
“I get attached easily,” Taylor said, breaking the silence. “If I took him, even just for a few weeks, I might not be able to give him back.”
Sarah squeezed her arm. “I wouldn’t expect you to. I just want him to have a good home. With a large pack like yours, he could have the support he needs to live a full, happy life.”
“It’s not just my decision to make,” Taylor said. “And to be honest, Hale and I are having a bit of a fight right now. He might put up a stink about taking in a pup.”
“You let me deal with Hale. Believe it or not, I’m a pro.”
“Ugh. Please, teach me your ways,” Taylor said, rubbing her temple. “In all seriousness though, I’ll talk to Hale myself. I’ll let you know if I need someone to run defense.”
Sarah gave her a knowing look. “You got it.” She started to rise. “Well, if it’s all right with you, I’m going to take you up on your offer and go get some sleep. We can talk more about the logistics of all this later once I’m rested and not an emotional train wreck.”
“Of course. Oh, before you go, does he have a name?”
Sarah made a face. “Sort of. The kids have a lot of not-so-nice nicknames for him. You can ignore them. His mom wanted to name him after his grandfather. You really don’t have to keep the name, but if you want to, it’s Henry.”
CHAPTER 4
THEY LEFT the corpse at the midway point between Yewen’s territory and Cain’s. The plan had been to bring it back to the den, but it was just too damn heavy. The wolf had been dead long enough that his body was too stiff to be carried on Hale’s back, and he was too large for them to carry him more than a few miles in their human forms.
By the time they reached the den, Hale was paradoxically freezing and sweating. Cain took him straight to the washroom where one of the juveniles brought them lukewarm water to wash up with. He couldn’t smell death scent on either he or his brother, but Hale still took extra care to clean and accepted Cain’s offer of fresh clothing.
He was surprised to find that Cain’s clothes did not quite fit him. The pants came up past his ankles, and the shirt was so tight that he had to remove it, opting instead for a loose fur over his shoulders. Throughout the entire evening, he hadn’t noticed that he’d grown taller than his brother, that his shoulders were broader, and his muscles more pronounced. Cain had by no means gotten smaller in the intermittent years, but between his early twenties and now, Hale had continued to grow.
By the time they were leaving the washroom, he was already itching to find Taylor.
Literally.
Being away from her for too long made his skin crawl. There was a particular patch of skin on his left shoulder that he found himself compulsively scratching when he’d been away from her for more than a few hours. Once, he’d gone half a week without seeing her and had scratched the spot raw, in addition to being unable to eat. He wondered how Alder was faring, having not only Taylor, but also Shadow so far from him and their den.
‘If you’re done having my pups, then I’m done being your mate.’
Stupid. Why the fuck had he said that?
He hadn’t meant what he’d said to her. He had wanted badly to mean those words. He’d wished that the mating bond was just some fanciful partnership, and not the all-consuming instinct to have her and only her.
There were other wolves who took multiple mates. His father had been one such male. Hale had no idea how that worked. He could find other females objectively attractive, could even become aroused at the sight or touch of another female, but once he was hard, there was only one female he wanted to sink into, to take his release into.
Taylor. His mate.
She was his brother’s mate as well. Alder had been the first of them to find her and the first to claim her, but she still Hale’s mate. He had taken her first when the three of them had come together as mates. Taylor said that made no difference in the conception of their pups, but as far as Hale was concerned, he had been the one to sire them, and fuck Alder if he thought otherwise.
He was angry with her. Angry in a way that he did not understand. He wanted to break things. He wanted to break her. To make her cry. To make her feel as miserable as he felt. And at the same time, he wanted to hold her, soothe her, and somehow make her understand how confused and frustrated he was. Why couldn’t she just fucking understand that without them having to have some stupid fight?
Cain gave him a wide berth as they headed towards his room. Hale brooded the entire way, carefully planning the things he would ultimately be unable to articulate to his mate. He barely noticed when they arrived at the entrance to the room and had to stop short to avoid stomping in and waking Sarah. She was curled up on the bed, her youngest pup dozing beside her.
“She’s been up for two nights straight, caring for the new pup,” Cain whispered. “Taylor must be with him now. I can show you to the—”
“It’s fine, I can smell her. I’m going to go find Shadow first. He’ll be hungry.”
Cain hesitated, and then said, “How exactly does she feed him? He’s so large.”
“Have you seen her breasts?”
As soon as the words left his mouth, Hale was hit with a rash of possessiveness. It was crazy that he could be mostly okay with Alder fucking Taylor, but the thought of Cain looking at her breasts made him have to suppress a growl.
Cain must have seen this on his face. He gave Hale a mocking grin. “Go and tend to your family, little brother. I’ll find you in a few hours.”
Hale did just that.
He found Shadow in the main corridor, sleeping amongst a pile of pups. The fires had been put out as morning approached, and only a few candles lit the common area. In spite of this, he had no trouble finding his son. He crouched down and ruffled the pale fur atop his head. He ran the heel of his palm along the sides of Shadow’s face, reflexively marking him with his scent.
Now and again, when he touched his pups, he was momentarily overcome with a unique euphoria. It made him feel at once elated and energetic. It would pass in a flash, leaving behind a calmness. A sense that everything was as it should be.
When he felt the sensation
this time, his mind instantly rebelled against it. Fawn wasn’t here, and it had been too long since he’d marked Taylor with his scent. He could rectify at least one of those things.
“Wake up,” he said, giving his pup another nudge.
Shadow opened his eyes. He regarded his father with a lazy glance and then let his eyelids close.
“Your mother will be wanting to feed you,” Hale said.
Usually, the words were enough to rouse the pup from even the deepest slumber, but Shadow didn’t give him so much as a grunt of acknowledgment. Concerned, Hale ran his hand along the pup’s and found that his stomach was quite full. Upon leaning in to sniff him, he noted the smell of venison on the pup’s breath.
“All it took was seeing the older pups eating meat,” Holly said.
Hale had been aware of her sitting silently against the wall. He looked up to frown at her.
“He like it?” he asked skeptically.
She waved her hand in Shadow’s direction. “Look at him. He ate himself into a coma.”
“I’ll be damned,” he said, patting his son’s belly.
Holly said, “Leave him to rest. Go and patch things up with your human.”
Easier said than done.
“Come and get me if he needs anything. Don’t let him leave the den without me.”
Though he’d been confident that he could find Taylor by scent, it took him longer than anticipated. The Shaderunner den had moved since Hale had been a part of the pack, and he was unfamiliar with the branching corridors. Unlike the ones at Halcyon, which had been carved wider to accommodate his height, he had to duck to get through some tunnels. After getting lost for too damn long, he ended up finding her room way back near the beginning of the passageway, almost exactly where he’d started.
She was awake when he arrived. Before even entering the room, he knew she would be nursing. She was humming the same tune she’d always hummed to Fawn and Shadow when they nursed. It was a sweet, but melancholy tune that made his chest ache whenever he heard it.
