The girls joined him, sitting at the stools by the counter, talking about their weeks. Madison and Lucy helped with the preparation, and Audrey kept track of the twins.
Deanna had never been a fan of the Sunday ritual. She didn’t like Colin cooking. He always made such a mess. The man used every pot and pan they owned. There were splatters and spills, dishes piled in the sink. But what she disliked most was the way the morning felt like all of them against her. Despite the fact that she was the mother and the one who cooked every other meal, she’d never felt comfortable in her own kitchen on Sunday morning.
Now she hovered, not sure whether to join them or not. She and Colin had been avoiding each other for the past two days. He’d slept on the couch, a fact that annoyed her. She’d so wanted to be the one to kick him out of their bedroom, but he hadn’t given her the chance. Now he was acting as if nothing else had changed.
She supposed for him it hadn’t. He’d delivered his ultimatum and then had walked away, abandoning her.
She rubbed her fingers together, aware of her dry skin, the cracked knuckles. She was washing her hands too much. Worse, it wasn’t helping. The familiar ritual provided no comfort at all.
Shame crawled over her. Shame for being weak, shame for not being in control of her family and her husband. If people knew, they would laugh at her. She wouldn’t belong anywhere.
That wasn’t going to happen, she told herself. She was strong and determined. She’d survived more difficult circumstances than this. Somehow she and Colin would come to terms. They always had in the past. He was in one of his moods. He would get over it. As for the girls, she was their mother and nothing would change that.
She raised her chin and started down the stairs. As she approached the kitchen, the voices got louder. There was a burst of laughter. Deanna faked a smile, then walked in through the wide doorway.
Colin stood at the stove. The twins and Audrey were at the counter. Lucy was pouring juice and Madison stood by her dad.
As one they all turned to look at her. The three younger girls’ happy faces took on an expression of guilt. Lucy looked as if she wanted to crawl into a cupboard while Madison glared at her. Colin was impossible to read.
Silence pushed out the laughter. Deanna glanced from one daughter to the other, not seeing any sign of welcome. Her fingers curled into her palms as she told herself to stand her ground. Colin turned his attention back to the stove and flipped several pancakes.
“These are almost done,” he said.
“I’ll get the syrup,” Madison told him.
Deanna stood in the doorway, invisible and unwanted, as memories of previous Sunday mornings crowded her vision. It was always like this, she thought, shocked by the realization. The silence when she walked into the room. The obvious signs that she should simply go away. That she didn’t belong.
Tears burned. She blinked them away, turned on her heel and walked out. In the hallway, she paused, not sure where she should go. Her chest tightened and she hurried up the stairs. Once in her bedroom, she carefully closed and locked the door, then retreated to the bathroom, where she turned on the hot water and reached for the soap.
* * *
Sunday afternoon Andi sat on her battered and slightly dangerous front porch. She was careful to avoid loose boards and splinters, but the day was too beautiful to stay inside. Plus, she’d run out of things to do in her tiny living space. She was unpacked, bat-free and waiting until she started work in the morning.
Boston rounded the corner of her house, saw her and waved. Andi waved back.
“How’s it going?” Boston asked, her hair flashing with purple highlights in the sun.
“Good.” Andi stood and walked down the stairs. “I’m settled. Construction starts tomorrow.”
Boston shook her head. “Enjoy this last day of normal, then. I know demolition is important, but it’s hard to watch.”
“Fortunately I’ll be gone most of the day. I’m working with Dr. Harrington temporarily. It gives me a chance to meet potential patients.”
“He won’t mind you poaching from his practice?”
Andi grinned. “Not at all. He’s told me he’s pleased to have a pediatrician in the area.” She glanced around and then lowered her voice. “I think he’s tired of dealing with the little kids and babies. They tend to have more emergencies. Ear infections, that sort of thing.”
Boston nodded, even as her gaze slid away. “Right.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Wade mentioned something about a bat. Is it gone?”
“It seems to be.” Andi studied her neighbor. She would swear something had just happened, but she had no idea what. Before she could figure out a way to ask, the front door of the house on the other side opened and an attractive blond woman stepped out onto her porch.
“Your other neighbor,” Boston murmured. “Deanna Phillips. She’s the one with five girls. I should probably introduce you.”
Andi was about to agree when Deanna raised her hand to her cheek and swiped her skin. They were too far away to see actual tears, but the movement was unmistakable.
“Another time might be better,” Andi said, turning away.
Boston nodded, her eyebrows drawing together. “Deanna’s always so together. I can’t imagine her crying. That would require a break in her perfect facade.” She grimaced. “Sorry. That came out bitchier than I meant it to.”
“No problem,” Andi said, realizing life on their little street might not be as calm and simple as she’d first imagined.
Chapter Five
MONDAY MORNING ANDI parked behind the low one-story building and got out of her car. Deep in her stomach, butterflies flew in formation. She knew that physiologically she could detail an explanation of synapses and adrenaline, along with other chemicals brought on by anticipation of a potentially uncomfortable event, but butterflies were a better visual.
She’d dressed carefully for her first day of work. A tailored blouse tucked into black trousers. Low-heeled, comfortable shoes. She’d pulled her long, curly hair back into a braid and added a light touch of mascara. She’d debated over lip gloss, but that had seemed too fancy for a workday, so she’d settled on a clear lip balm and had called herself presentable.
She collected her purse, medical bag and the white coat with “Dr. Andi” stenciled on the pocket. Some of her patients found the white coat intimidating, so she’d had a bright pink caterpillar embroidered on the pocket, as well. The combination of the nearly fluorescent color and purple high-heeled shoes on the bug had the desired effect. She went from scary to funny in a glance. A relaxed patient usually made for a better outcome, and Andi was all about helping her kids.
She walked around to the main entrance and went inside.
The waiting area had been done in a soft beige. There were plenty of sofas and chairs, lots of magazines and a view of the strip mall across the street. Typical medical office, she thought, crossing to the reception desk.
The woman sitting there was in her mid-fifties, with flame-red hair. She was tall, even sitting down, with flashy rings on several fingers and the longest lashes Andi had ever seen. She doubted they were any more natural than her hair color. But her smile was warm and Andi remembered her being friendly.
“Hi, Laura,” Andi said.
The other woman looked up and then jumped to her feet. “You’re here. We’re all so excited you’re starting today. You already have appointments, if you can believe it. When word got out a pediatrician was moving to the island, we started getting calls. Families are so excited.”
Laura motioned for her to come back. Andi walked through the door in the reception area and found herself in a long hallway.
The medical offices had once been a sprawling private residence. Bedrooms had been converted to examination rooms and offices.
“Every
one should be here already, so you can meet the staff. Dr. Harrington said he wanted to spend a few minutes with you before you get started.”
Dr. Harrington ran a family practice on the island. There was an urgent-care clinic open on weekends, but otherwise residents had to go to Dr. Harrington or visit the mainland to seek medical care. Given the demographics of the place—lots of families and within a couple of hours of Seattle—Andi had seen the need for a pediatrician. Now she was going to find out if she’d been right.
A pretty blonde with long, straight hair stepped out of one of the exam rooms. Andi recalled meeting her when she’d visited the island and had spoken with Dr. Harrington about working in the practice for a few months.
“Nina, right?”
The woman, in her early thirties and wearing light blue scrubs, smiled. “You remembered. Welcome, Dr. Gordon.”
“Andi, please.”
“Sure. Andi.”
Laura touched Nina’s arm. “We thought it would be easier for you to have one nurse assigned to you. Nina volunteered.”
“Ask me anything,” Nina told her. “I can tell you everything from where we keep the alcohol wipes to the best dry cleaner in town.”
“I’m going to need both,” Andi said.
Laura introduced her to the other nurses, then led her back to what would be her temporary office. It was a small windowless room with a desk and a computer.
“I know it’s not much,” Nina began.
“Not to worry,” Andi told her. “I won’t be here for very long. Anywhere to update my charts is fine.”
“And maybe a little internet shoe shopping while on break?”
Andi grinned. “Absolutely. So far I love everything about the island except the lack of retail.”
“If you want a magnet in the shape of a blackberry, I can get you a great deal.”
“Right now I don’t have a kitchen, so that will have to wait.”
“Just let me know when you’re ready.”
“I promise,” Andi told her.
She dropped her purse into the bottom drawer of the metal desk, then followed Nina across the hall to Dr. Harrington’s office.
The older man rose as she entered. “Thanks, Nina. Andi, so nice to see you again.”
“Nice to see you, Dr. Harrington.”
The gray-haired man shook her hand. “Ron, please.” He winked. “My father is Dr. Harrington.”
She took the seat on the visitor side of his desk while he settled back in his chair.
“My staff is getting you settled?” he asked.
“They are. I even have appointments.”
“You’ll be kept busy, that’s for sure. There’s enough work for all of us.”
“I appreciate you letting me work here through the summer.”
“I’m happy to have the help.” His blue eyes twinkled behind his glasses. “At least until my son joins me in September.” He leaned back in his chair and smiled. “My son, the doctor. That has a nice ring to it.”
“Yes, it does.”
“Did I mention Dylan graduated at the top of his class in medical school?”
Only about fifteen times, Andi thought as she smiled. “Did he? You must be so proud.”
“I am, as is his mother. He’s a smart boy. And a doctor.”
His pleasure in his son’s accomplishments was a good thing, Andi told herself. Some parents were thrilled when their children became doctors. For her, the path to being a pediatrician was slightly more treacherous. It wasn’t that her parents had a problem with the medical profession. They felt that her choice had been a waste of talent.
Why bother with “scraped knees and vaccinations,” as her mother had put it? Her mother, the cardiothoracic surgeon, felt Andi should have picked a more challenging specialty. Her father, the neurosurgeon, agreed. Andi’s brother was also a neurosurgeon and her sister was doing medical research that would probably cure cancer. Andi was considered a disappointment—a screwup, rather than the child who had lived up to her potential.
She shook off the voice of her mother and returned her attention to Ron, who explained how the practice worked.
“Nina will go over the schedule,” he was saying. “If you don’t mind, we’d like you to work a Saturday every three weeks. You’ll get a compensating day off.”
“That won’t be a problem,” she told him. “I know a lot of parents work, so getting to the doctor midweek can be difficult.”
“Good. Then Nina will show you where we keep everything.” He rose. “I thought you and I could go to lunch today. I can answer any questions you have.” He winked. “Show you pictures of my son’s graduation.”
“I’d like that.”
“Good.”
He shook her hand again. “We’re happy to have you, Andi.”
“I’m excited to be here.”
Nina was waiting in the hallway.
“All your appointments are routine,” Nina told her as they walked toward the rear of the building. “A physical for camp, a few vaccinations, a well-baby visit.”
“Sounds like my kind of day.”
Nina motioned for her to enter the door on the left. It was the break room, with several lockers, a table with six chairs around it. A window looked out onto the rear parking lot. But what had Andi feeling all warm and fuzzy inside was the bouquet of flowers next to a cake with the word Welcome spelled out in pink icing. All the nurses and staff were gathered around, waiting for her.
“Welcome to the island.”
“We should take you to lunch.”
The last statement came from Laura, the receptionist.
“I’d love that,” Andi said. “You don’t have to take me, but it would be fun to go as a group.”
The other women all looked at each other. Nina glanced at her. “Really? Because we weren’t sure. What with you being a doctor and all.”
“I still like lunch,” Andi said with a smile. “And company. I’d enjoy the chance to get to know all of you.”
“Then it’s a date,” Laura said firmly, reaching for a knife. “Tomorrow. I know Dr. H is taking you out today.” She cut the first piece of cake and slid it onto a plate. “God, I love it when my day starts with a really big sugar rush.”
By five minutes to nine, Andi had finished her slice of cake and a second cup of coffee. She was already on her way to a very nice caffeine-sugar buzz. Not exactly the breakfast she would recommend to her patients, but this was a special occasion.
Nina stuck her head in the office. “Carly and Gabby Williams are in exam room four. That’s the one you’ll mostly be using.”
Andi stood and smoothed the front of her white coat. “I’m ready,” she said, reaching for the chart.
Nina walked with her. “Gabby’s ten, in good health. She’s going to summer camp in a few weeks, and the camp requires a current physical.”
“Okay.” Andi stopped in front of the closed door and drew in a breath.
Nerves danced in formation while she told herself that she would be fine. Her patients were the best part of her day. She knocked once, then stepped into the examination room.
“Hi,” she said. “I’m Dr. Andi Gordon.” She smiled at the mother and daughter. “Nice to meet you both.”
“Carly Williams,” the mother said.
“I’m Gabby.”
They were both blondes, with dark blue eyes and similar shapes to their faces.
Andi turned to the girl. “I’m going to guess you’re the mom?”
Gabby grinned. “I know you don’t think that.”
“Don’t I?”
Gabby shook her head. “You can’t. You’re a doctor and doctors are really smart.”
“I’ve heard that, too.” Andi sat on the stool. “So, I
understand you’re going to camp.” She glanced at Carly. “This is about your daughter going, right? Not you.”
Carly laughed. “I would love to spend a month away from my life at camp. But I don’t think I fit the age requirement.”
Gabby giggled.
Andi leaned toward her. “So, tell me about this camp.”
“It’s gonna be great. It’s in the mountains and there’s horses, but the best part is I get to help write a real play and then we perform it and everything.”
“Wow. I want to go, too.”
“I’m very excited,” Gabby confessed.
“I’m getting that.” Andi pulled her stethoscope out of her pocket. “Do you ride horses?”
“I’m gonna learn.”
She started the exam, working slowly, making sure Gabby was still talking about camp rather than worrying about whether or not anything was going to hurt. When mother and daughter left the room, she made a few notes on the chart and then sighed. This was going to be a good day.
* * *
Monday night Deanna loaded the last two pictures onto the family’s Facebook page, then scanned her latest entry. It was an update on how the girls were doing in school. She was less concerned about spelling and grammar than tone. She didn’t want anyone reading the words to guess there was something wrong.
Keeping up the facade of “Gee, of course I’m fine. Why do you ask?” was exhausting. Or maybe it was the lack of sleep. She spent most nights lying awake in the large bed, wondering how everything had gotten so messed up and trying to figure out why she was the bad guy.
If she were like her mother, she would understand Madison’s resentment and Colin’s horrible accusations. But she wasn’t. Her house was clean, she prepared meals, gave them positive attention. No one found her drunk, unconscious in her own vomit. She’d never once raised a hand to her children, let alone beaten them. They didn’t flinch when she walked by.
But they didn’t adore her—not the way they adored their father. They didn’t run to her or light up when she walked into a room, and for the life of her, she couldn’t figure out why not.
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