Her favorite was a three-story chalet with the master bedroom on the third floor. Not only was there a fireplace, but there was a double shower and a tub big enough for two. Colin’s only comment had been “Think the girls are old enough to go skiing without us?”
Just thinking about spending long snowy nights in that bedroom with her husband was enough to make her quiver.
“Mom?”
Deanna turned and saw Madison standing in the doorway to the bedroom.
“What’s up?” she asked.
“Could I talk to you for a second?”
“Sure.”
Deanna pushed the clothes aside and sat on the bed, then patted the space next to her. She expected her preteen to roll her eyes and remain standing, but Madison actually took a seat and angled toward her.
Deanna looked at her daughter’s face, at the melding of her features and Colin’s. The big blue eyes, the radiant skin.
“You’re so beautiful,” she said, then smiled. “Sorry. I don’t think that’s what you came to talk about.”
Madison shook her head, bit her lower lip, then started to cry. Deanna tried to figure out what she’d done wrong. She couldn’t think of anything, so she waited a couple of seconds. When Madison continued to cry, she finally leaned in and lightly hugged her.
“What’s wrong, honey?” she asked. “Are you not feeling well?”
Madison cried harder. Deanna pulled her close and simply held on. She was both uncomfortable and hopeful. If her daughter was reaching out to her, she didn’t want to screw up. Indecision and confusion made her uncertain. The tingling in her hands nearly drove her to the sink. Because the combination of soap and water would make her feel so much better.
It never goes away, she thought. Her therapist had been telling her that for several weeks now. The urge, the need. It was more easily managed these days. It could be argued with, but it never disappeared.
Deanna reminded herself to breathe. She started counting in an effort to distract the crazy but before she got to ten, Madison straightened.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” her daughter whispered. “About how things have been.”
“Me, too. I know I’ve been difficult to live with. All those rules.” She took her daughter’s hands in hers and squeezed her fingers. “Plus, I know you were scared that your dad and I were going to split up.”
Madison’s eyes filled with tears as she nodded. “I hated not knowing.”
“It’s a bad place to be.” She searched for the right words and wished she were better at this. “I love you, and your dad loves you. No matter what happens, that will never change. We’re both committed to our marriage and this family. We’re working hard. I want things to be different for all of us. I know you’re angry. I hope you’re going to try to let that go, at least a little.”
“I’m not angry all the time,” Madison said. “And sometimes I don’t want to be.”
“Sometimes you’re scared, and being mad at me is easier than admitting that.”
“Yeah.” Madison wiped her cheeks and gave a shaky smile. “You’re different lately.”
“I’m trying to ease up on some of the rules.” She leaned in and kissed the top of Madison’s head. “Your dad is going to make the announcement when he comes home tomorrow, but you’ll probably feel better if you know sooner rather than later. He’s changing jobs. He’s going to manage the sales force rather than be the head sales guy.”
Madison’s eyes lit up. “Daddy won’t be traveling?”
“Not much at all. But please don’t tell the other girls. He wants to surprise them.”
“I won’t say anything.” She sniffed. “Is that why you’re taking the bookkeeping job?”
“Uh-huh. I want to help bring in more money. We still have five girls to put through college.”
Madison smiled. “Lucy has a good shot at a scholarship.”
“I think so, too.”
Her oldest pulled her hands free and shifted on the bed. “Mom, I have to tell you something.” She glanced down, then back at Deanna. “I got my period a few weeks ago.”
Deanna braced herself for the jab and managed to get through it without flinching. “Are you okay?”
Madison nodded. “I was scared, so I talked to Andi. I saw her in her office. She told me what to expect and went with me to the drugstore to buy supplies.” She swallowed. “She wanted me to tell you and I didn’t want to.”
The twelve-year-old covered her face with her hands and started to cry again. “I’m sorry, Mommy. I’m sorry.”
Deanna pulled her close and held on. “I know, baby girl. We were having a rough time. I’m so sorry about that. But you know what? You did the right thing. You talked to a responsible adult. You didn’t go on the internet or let your friends tell you what to do. You got help in a very mature way, and I think that’s pretty terrific.”
Madison dropped her hands to her lap. Her face was flushed and her eyes were red. “You’re not mad?”
“No. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you through that.” She was devastated to have lost a precious moment with her daughter, but understood how much of that was her own fault.
“I had a difficult relationship with my mother,” she said quietly. “She drank a lot and she hit me.”
Madison stared at her. “Grandma abused you?”
Abuse. There it was, in a single word. “She did. One day she broke my arm and the police took me away. I came to live here, with my aunt and uncle. They said I could stay if I was a good girl. If I did what they said and didn’t make trouble. I was so scared of going back that I decided to be perfect. If I was perfect, nothing could ever go wrong.”
“No one can be perfect,” Madison told her.
“I know, but I tried. Eventually being perfect became the most important thing in my life. I didn’t care how things were, I cared about how they looked. I’m still figuring it all out, but that’s why I sometimes get weird about things being done in a certain way.”
“You’re not so bad,” Madison said.
Deanna smiled. “I want to learn to let go. I’m trying and sometimes it’s really, really hard. So please be patient with me.”
Madison flung herself at her. “I love you, Mommy.”
“I love you.”
“I want to tell you next time I get my period.”
“That would be great.”
She continued to hang on. “Will you teach me to cook something, please?”
Deanna squeezed a little tighter. “Anything you want.”
Madison drew back and smiled. “Meat loaf. It’s Dad’s favorite.”
“That’s a good idea. Want to come to the store with me to get the ingredients so we can make it for him tomorrow?”
“Uh-huh.” Madison bounced to her feet. “You know, Mom, Lucy’s ready to start babysitting the twins. She’s pretty responsible.”
Deanna held in a protest. Lucy was only ten. But then, Madison was only twelve. Trust, she thought. Making a family work was about love and trust and knowing where to draw the lines.
“Thank you for sharing that,” she said. “I appreciate your input. Let’s go ask her if she’s comfortable being in charge while we run to the grocery store.”
They walked down the hall together. Madison reached for her hand and squeezed. Deanna felt a similar tightness close around her heart. Things weren’t perfect and she and her daughter would have their share of fights, but they had found their way back to each oth
er.
* * *
Andi sat on the front steps of her house. She had a meeting with her contractor to go over everything that had been done to date. She was going to sign off on the main floor work, then discuss the plans for the attic level. None of which was a big deal, only her appointment was with Wade, not Zeke.
She hadn’t seen Wade in several weeks. If he came to the job site, he was careful to do it when she was at work. Although she didn’t have any proof, she would swear there were times she knew he’d been in her house. It was as if the energy changed or something.
Now she watched as his truck pulled up and he climbed out. She’d been half expecting him to bring Carrie as a buffer, but he was alone. Tall and handsome. Muscled. A god in bed. He was also kind and loyal, a great father. He made her laugh. But he didn’t trust her and she knew in her gut that was a deal breaker.
She waited until he reached the bottom of the stairs to stand. His gaze met hers.
“Hello, Andi.”
“Wade.”
He looked good. Her girl parts whispered that maybe just one more for the road would be nice. She did her best to ignore the suggestion.
“Ready to sign off on the work?” he asked, holding up a clipboard.
She nodded. She had a check in her jeans back pocket.
They walked into the waiting area for her medical practice. Wade started talking about what they’d done, bringing the electrical up to code and how great the insulation was. They confirmed that the switches worked, the floor was level and the windows were the ones she’d paid for. Twenty minutes later, they were still in the waiting room. At this rate, they were going to be here a week. She should have thought to provide snacks.
“You’re not listening,” he said.
“We both know you do good work. I live next door to your brother. If there’s a problem, I’ll go over and complain.” She pulled the check out of her pocket and handed it to him. “This is the final payment for the office space and the next payment for the upstairs remodeling.”
He took the paper and met her gaze. “Trying to get rid of me?”
She stared into his dark eyes and knew this was one of those moments she would remember for the rest of her life. A crossroads, so to speak. Where a decision made or not made would affect so very much.
“Matt came to see me the other day.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Ex-fiancé Matt?”
“That’s the one. He swears he realizes he made a mistake and is getting a divorce. He wants us to get back together.”
A muscle twitched in Wade’s jaw. “What did you say?”
“I told him that wasn’t going to happen. I’d already wasted too much on him. I live here now. I’m making a home and I don’t want to leave. More important, I don’t love him. I’m starting to wonder if I ever did.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “I like what I do. I want to be a part of this community. I want to help kids.”
She squared her shoulders. “I’m smart, funny, caring and successful. We have a sexual chemistry that is illegal in several states, and you know what? You’re beyond stupid if you let me walk out of your life. I’m not like my mother. I don’t want you to be different. I want you exactly as you are.” She paused. “Well, I want you to be less of an idiot about us, but that’s it.”
She’d never said anything like this before to anyone. Matt had always taken their relationship to the next level, which was probably a large part of the problem.
Wade put his clipboard on the reception counter. “You know I have a kid.”
Not sure where he was going with that, she nodded. “I’ve met Carrie, yes.”
“You’re going to want more.”
Andi’s mouth fell open. He was going way beyond where she’d stopped. She’d been talking about them dating, and he was... Well, she had no idea where he’d landed.
“One,” she admitted, her voice small. “Maybe two.”
“You’re a doctor.”
That pissed her off. She dropped her arms to her sides and stomped her foot. “I am and you know what? I’m not going to apologize for it. I studied a lot and worked my butt off and yes, I’m a doctor. So what? Tell me what my being a doctor has to do with anything.”
He grinned. “You rile up easy, don’t you?” He took a step toward her. “I’ve missed you, Andi. You’re right. You are funny and sexy and all those other things, and I would be an idiot to let you get away.”
He cupped her jaw. “But I’ll admit I’m terrified that you’re going to suck me in, get me to fall in love with you, then run off with some stockbroker.”
“Why would I run off with a stockbroker?”
“Hell if I know and that’s not the point.”
“Then what is the point?”
He lowered his head and kissed her.
Her eyes closed as she leaned into him. His kiss lingered and her girl parts sent up a cheer.
When he straightened, she had a little trouble catching her breath.
“I can’t say I’m fond of your mother,” he told her.
“Me, either.”
“When we tell her this is serious, I’m going to sit her down and explain how things are.”
Serious? Things were serious? “I can’t wait to hear what you have to say to her.”
His dark gaze met hers. “When I’m in, I’m all in, Andi. Are you ready for that?”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled up at him. “I’m all in, too, Wade.”
He gave her his best slow, sexy smile. “That’s what I like to hear. Now, what do you say we find out if this waiting room sofa is as comfy as it looks?”
She started to laugh. “I thought you’d never ask.”
* * *
Boston hummed as she cooked bacon in the pan. It was early, barely after six, and she hadn’t slept at all the previous night, but she was filled with energy and a sense of purpose. She pulled eggs out of the refrigerator, then paused to jot down a few notes. Three of her designers had been begging her to take jobs. She’d reviewed the materials they’d sent and now found herself overflowing with ideas.
She managed to whip the eggs and add them to the pan before having to stop to write down a few more ideas. Zeke walked into the kitchen in time to rescue the rapidly browning eggs.
“Morning,” he said as he pushed the pan off the heat, then crossed to her.
“Morning.”
They stared at each other.
They’d made love last night. Their old bed had creaked happily in the familiar rhythm of their joining. After, she’d burst into tears again and Zeke had held her. He slipped his hands under her robe and cupped her breasts. She leaned into his touch. At the same time she pressed her palm against his groin. He was hard and thick and pulsed against her.
She laughed. “Your eggs are getting cold.”
He kissed her, then released her. “My eggs? Aren’t you having any?”
“I’ll have one but no bacon. I’m going on a diet.”
“Why?”
The genuine confusion in his voice made her want to give him the world. “Zeke, I gained thirty pounds while I was pregnant and I haven’t taken off an ounce.”
“You look great.”
“I need to get into shape. Start exercising. Andi takes a Pilates class she likes. I could try that. And walking. I want to eat better.” She smiled at him. “I want to be around a long time with you. And I want you to be healthy, too.
”
Zeke looked her in the eye. “I think I know where you’re going with this.”
“I’ve always loved you, Zeke. If we’re going to move forward from here, I need you to stop drinking.”
Zeke took her hand. “I already have, which you’re going to have to see to believe. That’s okay. We can do this. We can do anything, as long as we’re together.”
Boston held on to the hope in his words nearly as tightly as she held on to the strong hands of her husband.
* * *
Down the street, Deanna strolled out to get the paper. She saw Wade’s truck was still parked in front of Andi’s house and smiled. That explained the frantic phone call the previous evening with Wade asking if Carrie could spend the night. She saw that Zeke’s truck was parked in front of his house, as well. The old neighborhood had been hopping last night.
She walked into the kitchen, where Colin sat at the breakfast bar. He smiled at her over his mug of coffee. “I have something for you.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Already?”
He chuckled. “That, too. But I meant this.” He handed her a brochure for a hotel in Seattle, right on the sound and close to Pike Place Market. “Compliments of my boss. Two nights in their best suite.” He leaned toward her and lowered his voice. “You’ll be able to make as much noise as you want.”
She blushed. “It’s not my fault the sex is so good.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“Good, because that’s how I meant it.” She picked up the brochure. “This will be wonderful. I’ll ask Andi and Boston to take the girls. I’m sure they’ll agree.” She glanced at the clock on the wall. “Speaking of our children, I’d better get them up.”
She started toward the door. Colin grabbed her and pulled her against him.
“Deanna?”
“Yes?” She gazed into his dark blue eyes.
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