by M. J. Fields
I turn away and start washing the dishes again.
“You’re good. I’m good,” he states, and I look back at him. “Dangerous game we were playing, Ava. Can’t do it anymore.”
I look away and start scrubbing the same pan I have been since he stepped up to the sink.
“I do appreciate you not saying anything to my family or yours about what I said.”
“I wouldn’t want to hurt them.”
“I know that.”
I look up at him again. “I don’t want to hurt you, either.”
“Know that, too.”
“Luke,” I sigh. “You need to tell me what you want.”
“I want to go back to that night in the pool and take it all away.”
His words sting, and I am sure he sees that.
“I was good to you then. We were”—he pauses—“buddies. I overstepped. If I could take it all back, I would.”
“But—”
“No buts, Ava. If I could go back, I swear I would never—”
“You ready?” Logan asks as he barrels down the stairs.
“Yep,” Luke says, looking at me.
“Where are you two off to?” I look between them.
“Double date.” Logan grins. “Two chicks at the gym.”
I look away and nod. “Have fun.”
Luke takes his time putting on his boots while Logan saunters out the door.
“If I could take it back, I would.”
“But you can’t,” I say.
“No, I can’t any more than you can take away last night.”
“You did that!” I seethe. “You—”
“Shh.” He scowls. “Christ, Ava.”
He shakes his head as he stands up and walks toward the door.
“Luke,” I call out to him, and he looks back.
“No more,” he reiterates.
I feel my lip quiver as I nod.
“Good girl.” He turns and walks away.
NINE
* * *
When you find real love after you’ve been living in a tornado it’s the best feeling in the world.
— S. Armstrong
When they pull out of the driveway, I sink down on the kitchen floor, holding the pan I made sausage gravy in while staring at the balloons floating around the kitchen.
No second chances.
Easier said than done.
Luke spoke to me more today than he has in years.
Luke wishes he could take it all back, make it go away.
I can’t help thinking that, if I hadn’t been such an idiot, he would have been in my bed last night. More importantly, he wouldn’t look so torn about us.
Us? God, what is wrong with me? I ask as a smiling sun floats toward me.
I reach for my phone when I get a message alert.
Harper: Piper would love for you to come play.
At this moment, I know that is the distraction I need.
Me: Be there in an hour.
I arrive at Harper and Maddox’s home just before noon and am greeted with a great big smile and the warmest hug from Piper. Immediately, I feel better.
“Your hugs could save the world.”
She takes my face in her chubby little hands and says, “Are you sad?”
I shake my head, and she nods.
“Wanna play?”
“I would love to.”
We spend the day in the family room, watching The Nutcracker and singing and dancing. She is wearing her pink tutu, and I am wearing her white one, which looks absolutely ridiculous. It almost covers my ass.
Dad and Tessa walk in an hour into our playtime, and Dad laughs as we both leap and twirl and fall. Gracefully, of course.
Lunch is almost ready when Dad pops in and holds out the crown I used to wear.
“You’re missing a piece to your costume, Ava.”
“This is not a costume, Daddy. We are singing, dancing princesses, right, Piper?”
She is looking at the crown on my head like it is the most amazing thing she has seen.
“Would you like to wear it?” I ask, taking it off.
She smiles. “It’s yours.”
“You know,” I tell her, walking over to my bag and pulling out a pair of sunglasses, “I used to wear this crown every day. It didn’t matter if people thought it was ridiculous; I refused to take it off.”
“Except for bath time.”
I look up to see Logan in the doorway.
“Yes, except for bath time.” I laugh. “But I grew up and went to school and then college, and then I got a job. I can’t wear it anymore, because”—I pause, trying to choose my words carefully since every girl deserves to believe in fairytales and happy ever afters—“it got a bit too small for my big head.”
“You got that right.” Logan laughs.
I toss him a glare then look back at Piper. “So now, I think, if it fits you, you should wear it every time you need to feel sparkly.”
“Do you think it will fit me?”
“There’s only one way to find out.” I place it on top of her platinum blonde curls.
Dad gasps, and I do the same.
Her blue eyes widen. “Does it fit?”
“Oh, Piper, it fits beautifully. In fact, I think it was made for you.”
“But it was yours,” she says as she turns and looks in the mirror.
“But I grew up, and it hasn’t fit on any other little girl’s head as perfectly as it does yours. So it’s now yours. It chose you.”
“What will you wear?” she asks me.
I put on my sunglasses and push them up on my head. “Sunglasses are the new crown.”
She laughs. “Not the same.”
“Maybe not, but I will tell you a secret.” I curl my finger toward myself, gesturing for her to come closer. She leans in, and I whisper in her ear, “You can never steal a girl’s inner sparkle no matter how old she is.”
“So you don’t need a crown ’cause you’re older now?”
“Exactly. And when you get to be my age, you won’t, either.”
“Can I have your sunglasses when I get older and the crown doesn’t fit my big head?”
I laugh and nod. “Of course you can.”
She throws her arms around me and whispers in my ear, “Thank you, fairy god-Ava.”
Her words seem to make me a bit emotional. “You’re very welcome. Thank you.”
“I didn’t give you a crown.”
“No, Piper, but you gave my crown a chance to shine again.”
She smiles as if she gets it. She gets that it’s time for me to move on from my naive and childlike ways. Let’s hope I can not only talk the talk, but walk the walk.
I stand up. “I’ll be back in just a minute.”
I walk through the kitchen and see Luke standing at the sink next to Harper as I make my way to the bathroom. A tinge of jealousy hits me, but I have no right. He doesn’t love me, and we are done. No do overs, I remind myself.
I look in the mirror and realize I look like hell. I need sleep, like a week’s worth of it. I love home, but right now, I would give anything to be back in the city where the idea of home makes me miss it, because this trip, home’s reality isn’t all it used to be.
When I walk out, Piper is twirling in a circle, and I watch Luke watch her. He is smiling at her, and I automatically wonder if he is thinking of when we were younger.
He looks up and nods at me then nods at her. Then Luke Lane smiles at me, and his smile breaks my heart. His smile tells me all I really need to know.
Once upon a time, Luke Lane loved a little, stubborn, delusional girl, and that little girl was me. My fairytale happy ever after always included my black-haired, blue-eyed knight in shining armor, and that knight was Luke Lane. Then I grew up and convinced myself that it wasn’t a fairytale after all. It was fate.
I twisted fate to make her story come to life, but fate fought back this week, and now I am looking at a man I still love, but who doesn’t feel the sam
e. And now I have to walk away. Not just for me, but for him. And not for the version of him who broke my heart, but for the version who was truly a knight in shining armor to a little girl so many fairytales ago.
I turn to walk toward the door, needing another minute to myself. A moment in the cold December air to frost over the emotions that keep flooding me.
When I look up, I see T, who immediately looks away.
“Hi,” I say nervously in response to the coldness that seems to be coming from him.
“Hello,” he says without looking at me.
“Okay, then.” I walk past him.
I can’t get out the door fast enough. When it shuts behind me and then opens when I have taken the three steps it takes to get off of the back porch, I look back to see T walking toward me.
“Okay, then, what?”
I shrug and smile and then frown and curse, “Damn it.” I turn back away and start walking.
“Then my assumption is right?” he yells at me.
I wipe away the tears and keep walking.
When I feel a tug on my elbow, I look back into his angry eyes that soften in reaction to what I guess is the way I look. He shakes his head.
“Don’t be mad at me,” comes out in a beseeched sound.
“Angry, no. Upset, most definitely.”
I shake my head. “What did I do?”
“Ava, I sent you—”
I cover my mouth when the realization hits that I never sent a thank you. “I loved it.”
He rolls his eyes and turns his head. “It was childish. I should have—”
“No”—I reach up and grab the sides of his face—“it wasn’t. It was perfect. It was so perfect.”
“What is the status of your relationship with Luke Lane?”
I shake my head. I won’t lie, but I won’t give him what he is asking for.
“Ava …” he says in a soft tenor.
“I don’t have a relationship with … him.”
“When did it end?”
“There never was a—”
He turns away.
“Wait!”
He looks back.
“We grew up together,” I say slowly.
He nods then turns and walks away again.
“T!”
He holds up his hand and shakes his head as he walks back into the house.
I squat down, fist my hair, and scream inside. I can’t seem to catch a damn break. Can’t he just let it be?
When I look up, Liam is walking down the driveway, so I stand up quickly and turn my back to him as I pull by sweatshirt up and wipe my eyes dry.
He walks up and holds his hand out. “Let’s walk.”
“You alone?”
“Yep. You wanna talk?”
I shake my head, and he gives me a half-smile, squeezes my hand, and we walk in silence until we get to the pond and the bench that overlooks it.
He uses his gloves to wipe off the bench. “Sit?”
I do, and he sits next to me.
Liam is and always has been calm. The older he gets, the calmer he seems. Right now, I need to borrow it.
He looks over as I look at him and takes in a deep breath. “Luke Lane’s home.”
“So I’ve heard,” I say.
He chuckles silently and throws his arm around the back of the bench. He uses his hand to pull my head against his shoulder.
“Better?”
“Yeah,” I say.
“What’s the deal with T?”
I look up at him. “What?”
Again, he smirks and chuckles. Then he leans back and puts my head on his chest.
I close my eyes and wait and wait and wait for Liam’s calm to overtake me.
When I feel almost human again, I look up at him. “Love you.”
“You, too.” He kisses my head. “Now, let’s go not face whatever it is we’re not facing.”
“Do we have to?”
He stands up and holds out his hand just like Logan does. “Yeah, we do.”
We hold hands as we walk toward the house exactly like we used to.
Liam was the smart, preppy kind of hot nerd in school. I made him cool, and he made me behave. He is my male Harper.
“Tell me about Martha.”
“You mean Marta.” He smirks.
“Yes.” I smirk back. “Marta.”
“We have a lot in common: likes, dislikes, goals, desire to travel—”
I can’t help giggling.
“What?”
“Does she make you crazy?” I ask.
“I avoid crazy, Ava.”
“Does she get you all worked up?”
“Ava …” he warns.
“Are you happy?” I ask, conceding to Liam’s profound dislike for talking about sex.
“I am. Are you?”
I smile. “Aren’t I always?”
“I hope so,” he says sincerely.
When we walk in, T scowls at me, and my dad notices immediately. His jaw sets, and he shakes his head.
Tessa nudges him with her elbow and pats the spot next to her at the huge table.
After lunch, Piper is heading to take a nap.
“I want Ava.”
“Ava is going to stay down here, sweet girl,” Maddox says, kissing the side of her head.
“But I want her. She’s tired.”
I lean over toward Harper. “I really wouldn’t mind.”
Harper smiles. “She and Maddox are fine.”
“No, Mommy, I’m not fine,” Piper says, and the whole room gasps. “Ava is not fine. We need a nap.”
It doesn’t take me but a second to stand. I’m in a room filled with three men I have slept with, and it’s fucking exhausting.
“I would have to say I agree that Ava needs a nap if you don’t mind, Maddox.”
He looks at Piper. “You have something to say to your mommy?”
“Sorry.” She looks down sadly.
“Do you have something to ask Ava?” he asks her.
“Wanna take a nap with me?”
“I’d love to.”
***
I wake to Piper whimpering and thrashing, and I don’t know what to do, so I hold her.
“Shhh, it’s okay.”
“Ava?” she says with her eyes still closed.
“Yes, it’s okay,” I tell her as she shakes in my arms.
“You’ll be okay,” she whispers. “It’s okay.”
I look up when both Maddox and Harper walk in the room.
Maddox slides in next to her on the other side of the bed. “Come here, Piper.”
She sighs and rolls into his arms while I slide out of bed and look at Harper who looks concerned.
“She okay?” I mouth.
She nods once, and then I follow her out into the hallway.
“She’s been having dreams. Night terrors is what the doctor says they are. Perfectly normal.”
“That’s perfectly normal?” I gasp.
She shakes her head and shrugs. “It’s terrifying.”
“How did you hear her? Was she loud? Did I sleep through that?”
She slightly smiles. “Maddox has a monitor on his hip at all times. He heard her.” I follow her into hers and Maddox’s room, and she flops on the bed. “It’s exhausting.”
I flop down next to her. “I’m exhausted, and I didn’t even know about it.”
“The holidays,” she says.
I take her hand and squeeze it. Her father was killed at this time of year while saving her life. I know how hard it is for her. “I’m sorry.”
“I know,” she whispers.
“Everything all right?” Maddox asks quietly as he walks into the room.
“Everything’s great,” Harper says, taking his hand, and he pulls her up.
I raise mine, and he looks at me, shaking his head. He reaches out and pulls me up, too.
“Thank you, Maddox Hines.”
“You’re welcome, Ava.”
He and Harper then wal
k hand in hand out the door.
Once downstairs, we walk into the living room where Liam is watching Dad look at T. T is looking at Luke, and Luke isn’t looking at a damn thing.
Liam then looks at me, and both of us laugh.
All eyes turn to me then Liam.
“Come here, Ava, and have a seat,” he says to me.
“Will your girlfriend be here soon?” T asks, and Liam looks at him then me then back at him.
“Not tonight. She’s with her family,” Liam says kindly.
“Are you in love with her?” T asks before taking a drink.
I want to crawl under a rock. The couch may work.
“We’ve been dating for four months,” Liam answers in the same even tone.
Luke chuckles, and T looks at him crossly.
“And you?”
“I’m in love with my country,” Luke says in a far too smug way.
“Interesting,” T says back just as smugly. Then he looks back at Liam, “And how long have you been in love with—”
“T,” Maddox says, and T looks at him. “I could use some help in the kitchen.”
T stares at him, and Maddox stares back at T.
“Now please.”
TEN
* * *
Love Isn’t always lightning bolts and butterflies, sometimes it’s gentle rain and the smell of fresh air.
— A. Parke
“Well, Ava, what do you think now?” Dad asks when the door slams.
I look at him, and he cocks his head in an I-told-you-so style. Then I look at Tessa, who looks down and whispers something.
Luke stands up and walks to the kitchen, and Liam looks over at me and whispers, “You gonna do something about that?”
“About what?”
The door slams again. “That,” he says.
“Do you think—”
He nods.
“You go.”
He looks at me and shakes his head.
“Yes.”
“You owe me.” He stands up and walks out the door.
“See, Ava, he’s trouble. Even the boys know that,” Dad states.
I look at Tessa, whose eyes are closed tightly. God, what must she think of me?
I stand up. “I have to pee.”
I stand at the kitchen window, watching as Liam and Maddox stand in front of Luke and T who both have their fists balled. I am embarrassed and angry that my heartbreak and indiscretions are on display.
