“We came out for a conversation. We had one. Cut the drama.” Amusement lightened Malakai’s tone. “Is this a good time to tell you I love you?”
“I fucking hate you.” Brave slammed his hand into the center of Malakai’s chest. “You think you can do shit like that to me? Don’t you know—”
Spitting out a laugh, Malakai caught the punch he threw mid-swing. “Know who you are? What you can do to me? ‘You’re hot all scary. Tell me what you’re gonna do. I’m already hard.’”
His own words being thrown back at him twisted the knife of rejection even deeper. He should have been ready for this. Malakai had his own set of rules. Brave had broken them, and the man made him pay.
“You made your point.” Brave turned away from Malakai, his already battered heart feeling like it had been dragged down a road covered in glass. “Everyone should be heading back. If not, I’m taking a cab.”
He made it to the end of the alley before Malakai’s soft words followed him, tearing apart his assumptions. Leaving him even more lost.
“I do love you, Brave.” Malakai was close. Almost close enough to reach back and touch. But he didn’t. “But I don’t trust you.”
“Good. You shouldn’t.”
“Just so we’re clear.” Malakai moved slowly past him, not looking back. “I haven’t given up on you. You’re always talking about games. Let me know when you hit reset on this one.”
Chapter Seventeen
That hadn’t gone as planned. Malakai stared out the window as Skull drove him, Brave, and Tate back to the bus. Tate had woken long enough to be guided to the van, then passed back out. Skull was humming along to some depressing old country music.
And Brave? Brave was sitting in the seat behind him. Likely contemplating his very painful death.
The idea had been to get Brave alone. Lay his feelings out like the cards of a gambler chasing the river. After calling all in. With his heart.
Instead of waiting for Brave to raise the bet, call, or fold, Malakai had set the table on fire and suggested Russian roulette. Pulled the trigger and called neither of them dying a win.
In other words, a clusterfuck.
Still a few bullets left. Wanna try again?
He wondered if Brave would be less pissed if he knew he wasn’t the only one sporting the blue balls of agony. Probably not. Thing was, the man deserved at least half the blame.
Why did he have to bring up his damn game?
Malakai knew this shit was real. He saw it in Brave’s eyes. Felt it in his kiss. Their hatred had been overpowered by the bond they’d ignored since the band’s inception. If they’d stayed friends, they’d have more now. But they hadn’t. They’d smothered their feelings, trying to kill them.
Instead, those feelings had broken free, ready to do some damage.
As soon as they pulled up beside the bus, Brave got out. Malakai expected him to head inside and be a dick to everyone before crashing for the night. Instead, he went to the other side of the van, opening the door and speaking softly to Tate.
Frowning, Malakai got out, blinking as he watched Brave pick Tate up like the kid weighed nothing. He carried Tate to the bus, struggling to open the door while not jostling the drummer too much.
Skull ran over and opened the door for him.
Once they were all out of sight, Malakai started for the bus. Then groaned and headed around it, sitting on the bumper with his hands in his pockets. He stared into the dark woods, thick enough to block the light from the highway beyond. The stillness centered him. Made sorting through his muddled thoughts simpler.
He’d asked Brave to reset, but that wasn’t what he wanted. He needed them to keep moving forward, instead of slipping back to status quo every time things got scary.
He’d accused Brave of being afraid. And he was.
But he wasn’t the only one.
Footsteps came toward him and he lifted his head, hoping to see Brave, but not expecting to.
Brave gave him a tight smile and came over to sit on the bumper beside him. He settled there, looking more relaxed in a white band hoodie and a pair of black jogging pants. Rubbing his thighs, he let out a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry.”
Malakai knew he was hearing things. “You’re sorry?”
“Yeah… I was being an asshole. Again.” Brave brought a hand up to massage the back of his neck, which still had black smeared on it. “Honestly, this whole behaving myself thing is driving me fucking crazy. I wanted to stop. Seemed safest with you.”
Shit. I’m the fucking asshole. Malakai groaned and tugged Brave’s hand away from his neck. He curved his hand over the same spot Brave had been rubbing, digging his fingers into the tense muscles.
With a pleasure filled moan, Brave leaned forward and continued talking. “I fully expect to die alone. Like Valor.”
Going still, Malakai stared at him. “That’s not happening. I ain’t going anywhere.”
“You say that, but I know you, Malakai. You’ve been looking out for Tate for years. Made him family. Alder too. And Connor…” Brave shook his head and laughed. “We’ve got a nice little collection of damaged fuckers who need you. Need someone willing to stand up for them when no one else will. Shiori…” His throat worked as he swallowed hard. “She’d be better off with someone like you. You’d be cool waiting as long as it took.”
And he had to bring her up. Malakai massaged Brave’s neck, snorting under his breath. “I probably would. But I’m stuck in the friend zone.”
The muscles under his hand tightened. Brave gave him a hard look. “You want more?”
“Doesn’t matter what I want. Neither of us can give her what she needs, so it’s a nonissue. Don’t make it one.” Malakai slid his hand under Brave’s hoodie to work on the corded muscles of his traps. “This is about me and you. Where do you stand?”
“I want you.” Brave took a deep breath. “But, yeah. There’s more. It would be cool…” He gestured from himself, to Malakai, then back. “This.”
Cool. What was Malakai supposed to do with ‘cool’? “So…friends?”
“I don’t fuck my friends.”
Malakai arched a brow.
“All right, sometimes I do.” Brave tipped his head back. “What do you want me to say? You wanna go on a fucking date? I ain’t getting you flowers.”
“Just for that, I’m getting you two dozen, you ornery bastard.” Malakai chuckled as Brave’s cheek went red. “If it helps, I don’t ‘date’.”
“Neither do I.” Brave frowned. “We didn’t go through all this stress to be friends-with-benefits, did we?”
The question eased some of the worry twisting Malakai’s guts. It didn’t sound like an arrangement Brave wanted. But they were both too old to start calling each other ‘boyfriend’. And partners sounded like a business thing.
“From what I overheard, you’re fond of ‘mine’.” Malakai grinned as Brave reddened even more. “I’m good calling you mine.”
“I’m good with that too.” Brave went still, then made a face. “Makes for a weird introduction, though. ‘This guy is mine.’”
“Gets straight to the point.”
Brave inclined his head. “True. But Alder calls Jesse his boyfriend.”
“Alder’s a kid.”
“He’s two years younger than you.” Brave smirked, eyes drifting shut as Malakai dug his fingers deeper into the muscle of his shoulder. “And Jesse is older than I am.”
Strangely enough, Brave pushing for some kind of definition to their relationship made him happy. Happy enough to go with whatever worked.
He shifted his hand to Brave’s other shoulder. “So you want to make this all official?”
“Will that help with earning your trust?” Brave reached up and wrapped his hand around Malakai’s wrist. “Fucking hit me when you said that. Next time, use your fists.”
Eyeing the fresh wound on Brave’s cheek, Malakai shook his head. “No can do. But you’re getting there, Draven. I’m starting to trus
t you. Coming out here to talk? Made a huge difference.”
Brave nodded, releasing Malakai’s wrist. “I can’t promise I won’t fuck up again.”
“I can handle you.” Malakai listened, taking in the quiet of the night. And considering how he could make up for what happened earlier. He brought his hand back to Brave’s neck, this time slipping his fingers up into his hair. “Everyone gone to bed?”
“Pretty much. Alder, Jesse, and Danica are in the back lounge. I should have gotten a bed put in back there. It’s not fair they have to sleep apart.” Brave’s jaw hardened. “She’s leaving and it’s going to wreck my brother.”
No matter what Brave thought of himself, he’d become a good man. Malakai gave the man’s hair a little tug. “He’ll have Jesse. And you.”
Releasing a rough sound of need, Brave yanked Malakai off the bumper while slamming their lips together. Malakai brought his free hand up to tangle both in Brave’s hair. He set his legs on either side of Brave’s thigh, hissing as his erection pressed into the hard muscle.
Brave hooked his fingers to the bottom of Malakai’s black hoodie, lifting it with the T-shirt underneath, breaking their kiss just long enough to pull both off. He tossed them aside and ran his hands down Malakai’s chest with a low hum of appreciation.
“I used to hate when you took your shirt off. Fuck, man, these muscles.” Brave curved his hands around Malakai’s waist, brushing his thumbs over his abs. “I’ve never seen you work out.”
“Connor has a travel punching bag. Solid frame. I use it every morning before you’re even out of bed.” Malakai closed his eyes as Brave lowered his lips to his chest. “I should have ditched my shirt more often. We would have gotten along better.”
Chuckling, Brave licked up to his nipple, already hard with arousal. “Coming from the guy who wanted more than sex.”
“More than. I still want it.” Malakai tipped his head back as Brave tugged the nipple between his teeth, sending a shock of pleasure shooting down to his balls. “If you’re gonna try edgeplay, warn me. What I did to you was cold.”
“Don’t know what edgeplay is.” Brave shifted his attention to his other nipple. His hand moved down to rub Malakai through his jeans. “And it wasn’t cold. Was hot.”
“Mmm.” Malakai tugged Brave’s hair, bringing his head up so he could whisper in his ear. “You still want me to fuck you? Here’s good.”
Brave went still. “I don’t bottom.”
“You were with Jesse.” Malakai shook his head. “He doesn’t bottom. His first time was after some fucker slipped something in his drink.”
Brave’s lips parted. “Jesse was raped?”
“This is me trusting you. Don’t fucking repeat that. I don’t think he remembers telling me.” Malakai’s brow furrowed as Brave went white. “Jesus, Brave… What did you do to him?”
“Shit I can’t make up for, but I’ll try.” Brave slammed his head back against the back of the bus. “Damn it, what’s wrong with me? He was…he told me he didn’t—”
“Hey.” Malakai shoved his anger aside and braced his hands against Brave’s shoulders. “He’s good now. Your brother and Danica have him. And I’ve got you.” Malakai inhaled roughly. “Why don’t you? It’s more than a preference.”
Brave lowered his head, his shortened hair falling over his face. “Valor caught me once. With the drummer.” He rubbed his hands on his thighs. “He let us finish, then made it clear what he thought of me being ‘gay’ and ‘some guys bitch’.”
“What do you mean, made it clear?” Brave never talked about Valor voluntarily. Any mention of his dead older brother got him lashing out. Kept him in a vicious mood for days.
“He beat the fuck out of me. While the band watched. Told us all if he ever walked in on ‘that shit’ again, he’d buy a gun and write our names on every bullet.” Brave’s shoulders lifted and he laughed. “Cole got there in time to…calm him down. Valor was high as a kite. Didn’t remember fuck all the next day. Asked me if I got run over by a truck.”
“He do that a lot?” Malakai knew Brave loathed his brother. Or he did now. But he’d thought the animosity came from Valor almost getting every member of LOST killed searching for him when he’d disappeared into the woods one night, strung out on LSD. Valor had been the only fatality, but not the only victim.
Brave had been young when he’d joined Valor’s band. Vulnerable to a man who should have looked out for him. Sounded like Valor was his father’s son. Only worse.
“When I was stupid enough to get in his face?” Brave shrugged. “He’d put me in my place.” He brought his hand to his throat. “I learned to keep my mouth shut.”
“There’s more.”
“There isn’t. Brothers fight.” Brave’s tone turned cold. “Way to kill the mood.”
Before Brave could rise, Malakai secured Brave’s shoulders against the bus, all his weight on his hands. They would finish this conversation. “Don’t fucking do that. I can’t read your damn mind. I figured you were versatile because what I know about Jesse. If you’re not, that’s fine.”
“Is it?” Brave bit out the words like a challenge. “You’d let me fuck you?”
Maybe Brave was right. He’d killed the mood.
His dick hadn’t gotten the message, but he’d had his own bad experiences. Letting Brave fuck him while he was pissed off?
Fuck no.
“I’ve had two men fuck me. They were a lot like you.” Malakai gritted his teeth. “So no.”
“What do you mean, ‘like me’?”
“Angry and lashing out. First guy when I was sixteen. He was twenty years older than me. Fucked me raw in a bathroom stall.” Malakai’s lips twisted as he remembered that painful experience. “I was lucky. Guy at my school came in right after he left. Told me I should get checked because the man fucked a lot of students.”
“Students?”
“Yeah. He didn’t rape me, so don’t make it a thing. He was nice until that day. Sucked dick like I was paying him. I passed gym even though I skipped all his classes.” His high school diploma had been worth not ratting the sick fuck out at the time. He’d learned later that the teacher messed with the younger students too. He ended up in prison when a thirteen-year-old went to the cops.
Brave took a deep breath. “Sixteen.”
“Yeah. But the band has us do blood tests. You know I’m clean.”
“This isn’t about you being ‘clean’. Even if you…if you got something from him I’d still love you.” Brave wrapped his arms around Malakai, holding him close. “We’ve all got our damage.”
“I don’t.” Malakai tried to pull away, but Brave tightened his grip. “Let go.”
Hands falling to his sides, Brave leaned back, watching him as he straightened and paced away. Sure, he could see how some might see his teacher fucking him as a problem. And maybe it was. Since then, Malakai didn’t get close to anyone. He wouldn’t claim to be better than Brave in how he treated the people he fucked.
Making sure they knew they were being used didn’t absolve the fact that he was using them. That he barely said a word to them before he sent them away. Sometimes with a roadie if they made things weird.
“You know, I’m practically a virgin.” Brave rested his hand lightly on the bumper by his hips. “Never thought about that before.”
Malakai choked out a laugh. “Dude, in no way, shape or form are you a virgin.”
“Isn’t there a seven-year rule?”
“Maybe? If you’re becoming a nun?” Malakai was fucking tired. And for some reason, he couldn’t stop laughing at Brave’s claim. “What are you getting at?”
Brave looked him dead in the eye and the laughter died in his throat. “I want another first. And go ahead and laugh. It’s lame. But…he’s not here. He can’t ruin this.”
If Valor wasn’t dead, Malakai would hunt him down. With all the damage Brave had done, it was easy to cast him as the villain. But Malakai saw the young man he’d been. His older br
other holding his life, his future in his hands.
And he’d tried to crush it all.
Between Brave’s parents, and Valor…no wonder he was so fucked up.
Brave was trying to change. To do better. He’d asked Malakai to be part of his new beginning. And unlike others in Brave’s life he should’ve been able to count on, Malakai wouldn’t disappoint him.
Eyeing the woods spread out behind the bus, and glancing at the dark parking lot, Malakai tried to think like the sleazy photographers who’d foam at the mouth for a chance to catch them in the act. But even with night vision cameras, the trees were too thick for a clear shot. No one could see them without being spotted themselves.
This was as much privacy as they were going to get for a while. He returned to Brave, latching onto his wrists, pinning them over his head against the bus with one hand. Framing Brave’s jaw with the other, he kissed him, long and hard, delving deep into his mouth with his tongue, letting his body offer reassurance words couldn’t.
Pressed against Brave, Malakai was so damn hot he could manage a snow storm butt naked. But when he lowered his hand, bringing it up under Brave’s hoodie to touch his bare skin, his flesh was cool.
“You’re fucking freezing.” Malakai moved between Brave’s thighs, speaking between hungry kisses. “We should go to a motel or something.”
“We’re leaving too early.” Brave’s hips moved restlessly, lifting to grind against Malakai. “I’m fine. You’ll fucking kill me if you stop again.”
“I won’t.” Malakai groaned as he reached between them to stroke Brave’s dick through the smooth material of his jogging pants. “I’m trying to make this good for you, but fucking you behind the bus, in the cold, ain’t the best idea.”
Brave shuddered, thrusting up into Malakai’s loose grip. “Sounds perfect to me. Do you have…” His steady motions faltered. “Damn, this is weird. Usually, I’m the one pulling out condoms and lube. I don’t have my wallet.”
“I’ve got mine.” Malakai pulled it from the back pocket of his jeans, slapping it onto the bumper beside Brave when the other man brought his lips to his throat and sucked hard. “You’re gonna have to stop that if you want me to find anything.”
Diminished (Winter's Wrath Book 2) Page 19
