Honeysuckle Summer

by Sherryl Woods

  He looked undaunted by the accusation. In fact, he draped an arm over her shoulder and drew her back against his chest. “Hey, I can do sympathy. If you want to cry on my shoulder, be my guest. Just try not to get the uniform too damp. I have to go back to work eventually.”

  She chuckled despite herself. “I’d hate to send you out of here all soggy to sit in an air-conditioned cruiser. You’d probably wind up with pneumonia, and I’d have this whole boatload of guilt on top of everything else.”

  “Then let’s just sit here like this for a minute,” he suggested, his arm still resting lightly in place.

  For a moment Raylene let herself surrender to the comfort he was offering, but then his arm started to feel as if it was imprisoning her. Even though she knew rationally that all he was offering was comfort and that she could break free of his grasp whenever she wanted, she felt herself starting to hyperventilate.

  Carter heard her first gasp and released her at once, his expression filled with concern. “Are you okay?” he asked.

  The genuine worry in his eyes reassured her, but still she moved away until there was distance between them. She was shaking, but when he reached out to put his hand over hers, she jerked away.

  He regarded her with understandable confusion. “Raylene, what just happened here?” he asked quietly.

  Feeling like an idiot, she couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze. “I panicked,” she admitted.

  “Because I had my arm around you?” he asked, sounding bewildered. Then understanding apparently dawned. “Is this about your marriage? Did you have some kind of flashback to the abuse?”

  Tears welling up in her eyes, she nodded. She couldn’t tell, though, if the reaction was to the awful memories or because Carter had understood. She’d never envisioned anyone realizing how powerless she had felt, and he didn’t even know the whole story.

  “Maybe you should tell me about your marriage,” he coaxed gently.

  She automatically shook her head. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

  “I can understand not wanting to relive bad memories, but I need to know so I won’t inadvertently do something else to upset you.”

  She didn’t want to think about all that ugliness. She wanted it to stay in the past, but it obviously couldn’t be shut away like that. It was very much in this room right now. And Carter was right. If they were going to have any kind of chance, he needed to know about her past.

  When she didn’t answer, Carter took the initiative. “He hurt you, didn’t he?” he asked quietly, his voice tight with anger. “A lot.”

  She nodded.

  “How bad did it get?”

  “Really bad.”

  Carter looked as if he wanted to punch something, but he didn’t. Instead, his touch oh so gentle, he covered her hand with his. He just rested it on hers, offering comfort, but giving her the easy option of pulling away. “I’m sorry.”

  His calm voice and compassionate tone seemed to unleash a torrent of words. She described the fights that began for no reason, the arguments that quickly escalated to violence, the unpredictability of it all, and the way it had eventually cut her off from the rest of the world.

  “Most of the time I think I’ve put it behind me, but just now…” Her voice trailed off.

  “My arm around you reminded you of him pinning you down,” he guessed.

  “It just came over me out of the blue. I…I hadn’t felt like that since I moved in here. Suddenly all I could think about was how strong he’d been and how powerless it had made me feel,” she admitted. “I think that was worse than him hitting me, feeling as if there was nothing I could do to fight back.”

  “You know that I would never hurt you, right?”

  “In my head, I know that, or at least I want to believe it.”

  “But after what you’ve gone through, you can’t be sure you can trust me or any other man,” he concluded.

  She regarded him with a teary gaze. “You see what a mess I am? And your life is complicated enough. You should leave and never look back.”

  He smiled at that. “Too late,” he said.

  “It’s not,” she insisted. “You could walk away now and there’d be no harm, no foul. You could just chalk it up as one of those things. I wouldn’t blame you.”

  “That would suggest I’m a quitter,” he said. “I’m not. How about you?”

  “It would be easier if I were. It was easier when I thought things would never have to change.”

  “Life is all about change and moving forward.”

  “Even when it’s terrifying?”

  “I think maybe that’s when it’s most important of all,” he said. He stood up. “Look, I really hate to leave you like this, but I need to get back on duty. Will you be okay? Should I call Sarah or someone else?”

  “I’m fine. Go. Protect the world.”

  He started toward the door, then turned back. “I really wish I’d been there to protect you,” he said softly. And then he was gone.

  Raylene reached for a pillow and hugged it to her. Amazingly, just hearing those almost wistful, heartfelt words made her feel more cherished than she had been in years.

  Carter wanted to break things. Seeing the terror in Raylene’s eyes, the look of utter devastation on her face when she’d gone back in time for just one heartbeat into the dark world of her marriage, made him sick to his stomach.

  He’d dealt with his share of domestic violence cases in Columbia, even a couple right here in Serenity. He’d hauled men into jail, left women battered both physically and emotionally. While each case had mattered, none had cut him as deeply as imagining it happening to Raylene.

  The first chance he got that evening, he got on the computer at headquarters and pulled up the records. Typically there was only a handful of calls—and no arrests—before the one that had sent Paul Hammond to jail and Raylene into the hospital with a miscarriage. Right now the man was locked behind bars, which was a good thing, because Carter felt an overwhelming desire to teach him a few lessons about picking on someone weaker and more vulnerable.

  The bad news, though, was that the man’s sentence—way too short to begin with, in Carter’s opinion—was already running out. With time off for good behavior, he could be back on the streets in a matter of months, if not weeks. Carter wondered if Raylene knew that. He doubted it. It would be a while before the court would have to notify her of Paul’s impending release.

  When Carter went off duty, he drove over to the radio station where Travis was still on the air. The door was locked, so he tapped on the studio window to get his attention. Travis held up a finger to indicate he’d be there in a minute, then put on another song and came to open the door.

  “Is it okay that I’m here?” Carter asked.

  “Sure. I’ll set up a few commercial-free music packages and we can talk.” He studied Carter. “Something on your mind?”

  “I’ll get into it after you’ve taken care of business.”

  Travis nodded. When the song ended, he hit the button for the microphone and chatted intimately with his audience, no doubt making every woman out there head for bed thinking she was on his mind.

  When the next set of music was on, he turned back to Carter. “You want something to drink?” He gestured through a window in the studio to the antique red Coca-Cola cooler in the lobby. “That’s filled with soda. Sorry I don’t have anything stronger. You look as if you’ve had a tough day.”

  “I’ve had better,” Carter admitted, waving off the offer of a soda.

  “Then what’s up?”

  Carter filled him in on the incident at the house earlier and told him what he’d found in the police records. “I assume you know about her background.”

  Travis nodded. “Sarah filled me in.”

  “Does she know that sick SOB is getting out of jail in the not-too-distant future?”

  Travis sat up straighter, his jaw set angrily. “How soon?”

  “Hard to say. I’ll ch
eck that out in the morning, but I’d say by the end of summer at the latest.”

  “Damn!”

  “My sentiment exactly,” Carter said. “Do you think she knows?”

  Travis shook his head. “I know she doesn’t. Anytime he’s mentioned, which isn’t all that often, all she says is how thankful she is he’s locked up.”

  “We need to prepare her,” Carter said. “And we need to figure out how to protect her in case he comes out of prison with a chip on his shoulder.”

  Travis frowned. “You’re really worried about this, aren’t you? You don’t think he’ll have sense enough to stay the hell away? No man in his right mind would come out of jail and then do something likely to land him right back behind bars.”

  Carter lifted a brow. “He didn’t have sense enough not to beat her in the first place, did he? Men like that rarely learn their lesson behind bars. They just come out angrier than ever.”

  “Okay, what can I do?”

  “For now just alert Sarah to what’s going on. I’ll dig around, see what kind of timetable we’re looking at. Then we can decide how to break the news to Raylene. Sarah might have some ideas about that.”

  “What about protection? Do you have a plan for that?” Travis asked.

  “Leave that to me,” Carter said, his tone grim. Because if Paul Hammond wanted to get to Raylene, he’d have to go through Carter first.

  Raylene opened the door late one afternoon to find Carrie on her doorstep, her expression uncertain.

  “Is it okay that I’m here?”

  “Of course it is. Did you come by for a cooking lesson?”

  The teen shook her head. “I just wanted to visit, if it’s okay.”

  “Come on in the kitchen. I’ll get us something to drink. Would you like some cookies?”

  “Just some water,” Carrie said.

  “I thought all kids were starving by the time they got out of school,” Raylene said.

  Carrie shrugged. “Not me.”

  Raylene regarded her quizzically, not really clear why Carrie had dropped in. She had a feeling, though, that it would come out when the girl was ready to talk and not before.

  “It’s such a nice day, it would be great to sit outside and have our drinks, but you know I can’t do that, right?” she asked instead.

  Carrie nodded. “How long have you been this way?”

  “A couple of years now.”

  “And you can’t go out at all? What if you get sick and need to see a doctor?”

  “Thankfully I haven’t had to find out,” Raylene said. “And my psychologist comes here.” She studied the teen. “You knew I was seeing someone about the panic disorder, didn’t you?”

  “Carter told me.” She hesitated, then asked, “Is it hard? I mean, telling someone everything that’s going on in your head?”

  “Sometimes,” Raylene admitted. “But it’s the only way she can help me.”

  “I don’t know if I could do that,” Carrie said. “You know, just spill my guts to a stranger.”

  Raylene bit back a smile. “Actually a lot of people find it easier to talk to a complete stranger. They don’t judge you. Besides, Dr. McDaniels is trained to listen and to ask the right kinds of questions. Sometimes I find myself saying things before I even realize they were on my mind.”

  “I wish I had someone I could talk to like that,” Carrie said wistfully. “Carter tries, but he’s a guy.”

  “If something’s bothering you, you could talk to me,” Raylene suggested.

  For a split second Carrie looked hopeful, but then her face fell. “But you’d have to tell Carter.”

  “I would if it was something serious,” she conceded. “But I’d do my best to keep whatever you say strictly confidential.”

  “But a shrink, somebody I pay, they’d have to keep it to themselves, right?”

  “I’m not sure,” Raylene admitted. “Carter’s your guardian. In that case, even a psychologist might have to tell him if it was something he needed to know.” She reached across the table and covered Carrie’s tightly clenched fist. “What’s this about, sweetie? Whatever it is, don’t keep it bottled up inside. If you don’t want to tell me or Carter, then I can arrange for you to see Dr. McDaniels.”

  “But Carter would have to know that, too,” Carrie said, sounding defeated. Suddenly she started to cry. “Everything’s such a mess, and I don’t know how to fix it.”

  Raylene gathered the teen into her arms and held her. “Whatever’s going on, I know it must seem overwhelming, but there’s not a problem in the world that can’t be solved. You just have to ask for help. You know your brother would do anything he possibly can to make sure you’re happy.”

  “I know,” she said with a sniff. She took the tissue Raylene held out to her and wiped her nose. “But he’s trying so hard to take care of me and Mandy. He even gave up his job to move here because he thought it would be better for us to grow up in a small town.”

  She hesitated, then blurted, “But it’s not better, it’s worse. I’m miserable. My whole life is spinning out of control. I hate school. I miss my friends. I miss Mom and Dad. I miss going to the mall and hanging out.” She regarded Raylene with watery eyes. “And I sound like a selfish brat, when I know it’s not easy for Carter or Mandy, either.”

  “You’re not being selfish,” Raylene told her. “You’re just trying to adjust to something that would be very difficult for anyone. Losing a parent is never easy. I still haven’t entirely gotten over my dad’s death. I can’t begin to imagine what it would have been like to lose both parents at once, especially at your age.”

  “Still, I need to suck it up,” Carrie said. “I can’t dump all this on my brother when he’s doing the best he can.”

  “I think you’d be surprised by how much of this he’d understand,” Raylene told her. “He’s a pretty intuitive, compassionate man.”

  Carrie looked surprised by her assessment. “Carter? He’s usually clueless.”

  “Well, in my experience, he’s figured some things out without me having to say a word. I’m willing to bet he has some idea of how you’re feeling, too. Talk to him, Carrie. Give him a chance to help.”

  “Maybe,” Carrie said. She hesitated, then asked, “Do you have to tell him I barged in here today?”

  “Not if you don’t want me to,” Raylene said. “And you didn’t barge in. You have a standing invitation. I do think, though, that you ought to tell him yourself that you dropped by. Keeping secrets, even little ones like this, can create problems.”

  “I suppose,” Carrie said, her expression doubtful. Eventually, she nodded. “Okay, I’ll tell him I stopped by to visit, but that’s all.”

  “Good. That way I can send some lasagna home with you for dinner.”

  Carrie gave her a knowing look. “Are you trying to win my brother by cooking for him?”

  Raylene laughed. “No. I just love to cook, and I always make way too much. If you like the lasagna, let me know, and I’ll teach you how to make it yourself.”

  Carrie immediately shook her head. “It’s too fattening for me, but I know Mandy and Carter will love it. They eat like pigs.”

  It wasn’t the first time Raylene had gotten a nagging feeling that Carrie might have an eating disorder. At first she’d told herself that because of her experience years ago with Annie, she was overreacting, but now, especially in light of their earlier conversation about seeing a psychologist, she had to wonder. Maybe Carrie had even recognized herself that she had a problem that went beyond her dissatisfaction with her life in Serenity. The compassion Raylene had felt earlier was now tinged with a sense of urgency.

  “There’s nothing wrong with having a healthy appetite,” Raylene said casually, hoping to make her point without putting Carrie on the defensive. “Too many young women start obsessing about weight when they don’t need to.”

  “Yeah, Carter gets on my case about that,” Carrie admitted openly. “He just doesn’t know what it’s like for girl
s, though.”

  “But I have some idea,” Raylene told her. “So does my friend Annie.”

  “The one who’s married to the ballplayer, Ty Townsend?”

  Raylene nodded. “Did you know that she had a severe problem with anorexia when she was about your age?”

  Carrie looked skeptical. “Really?”

  “She did,” Raylene said, then added bluntly, “It almost killed her.”

  Carrie looked alarmed for just an instant, but then her expression closed down. “You’re just saying that to scare me.”

  “No,” Raylene said emphatically. “You can talk to her yourself. Her heart quit, and she ended up in the hospital. It was touch-and-go for a few days. I was there the night she collapsed. It was pretty awful.”

  Looking shaken, Carrie immediately stood up. “I have to go home,” she said.

  “Wait. Let me get that lasagna,” Raylene said, but Carrie had already gone.

  Obviously talking about Annie had upset her even more than the conversation about her dissatisfaction with her life. Raylene found the entire exchange upsetting. She didn’t want to be an alarmist, but Annie’s experience had proved that anorexia wasn’t something that could be ignored for long. She knew, though, that for Carter to believe her, she’d need more evidence, perhaps even a situation in which he could see Carrie’s behavior and judge it for himself.

  School would be out soon, and the Fourth of July holiday was just a few weeks away. Usually it was Ronnie and Dana Sue, along with Annie and Ty, who hosted a barbecue after the town’s annual parade. Since Raylene couldn’t go, maybe she’d explain the situation to Annie and they could move the barbecue here. If nothing else, it would throw Carrie and Annie together. If Carrie was in trouble, Annie would pick up on it right away.

  And then Annie and Raylene together would have to find a way to help Carter deal with the problem before it went spinning out of control and quite literally destroyed his sister’s life.

  9

  Carter’s day had gone from bad to worse. After a fairly routine morning, he’d started the afternoon dealing with a fatal crash on one of the rural roads outside of town. A teenager going too fast on his way home from school had missed a curve, hit a tree and died on the scene.