“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Then why not ask her?”
“I don’t make the rules,” she said defensively.
“There are rules?”
“You know what I mean. It was started by Maddie, Dana Sue and Helen, then they included Jeanette because she works with them at the spa. They asked Annie because she was Dana Sue’s daughter and Maddie’s daughter-in-law. She brought me and Sarah along. It’s not some big, formal organization, for pity’s sake. It’s just a bunch of friends who get together to talk about their lives.”
“Seems to me Rory Sue could use some friends like that.”
Raylene frowned at his persistence. “You’re awfully protective of her all of a sudden. Has this thing between you gotten serious?”
“No. I just feel bad because she’s living back here now and she’s lonely.”
Raylene studied him intently. “Do you think that’s the only reason she’s latched onto you, because she’s lonely?”
He shrugged. “Could be.” He was pretty sure he wasn’t the kind of man Rory Sue was used to dating.
When he met Raylene’s gaze, she was staring at him incredulously. “Do you not have any idea what a catch you are, Walter? You’re handsome. You’re turning into a great dad.” She gave him a pointed look. “That’s still a work in progress, of course.”
“Of course,” he said wryly, amused by her determination to remind him that he had a long way to go before he’d qualify for father of the year in her book.
She merely frowned at him. “Please tell me that you don’t believe you were a better catch when you stood to inherit your family’s cotton mill.”
“Let’s face it,” he said. “Selling ads for a radio station in Serenity is never going to be financially rewarding.”
“There are more important things,” she said at once. “You know that, Walter. You stayed here because of your kids, so I know your values aren’t entirely screwed up. Did Rory Sue say something to make you question your decision to stay in Serenity?”
“No, but she’s grown up with a pretty big sense of entitlement. Money matters to her.”
“Then she can earn her own,” Raylene retorted. “And if she’s that shallow, you don’t want her anyway. Cut her loose.”
Walter smiled at her indignation. “Slow down. I’m just thinking out loud here, trying to anticipate some of the pitfalls in this relationship.”
“So there is a relationship?” she said triumphantly.
“There’s…something,” he said eventually. “I don’t know that I have a name for it.”
“Well, figure it out before it goes too far and you wind up getting hurt.”
“You don’t think I’ll be the one hurting her?”
“Honestly, no. Rory Sue’s a lot like her mother. She’s a barracuda when it comes to men. Despite all the many reasons I had to hate you when you were married to Sarah, at heart you’re a decent guy. I’ve come to appreciate your better qualities. It might be a stretch to expect Rory Sue to see them.”
“Need I remind you that you’re the one who put this whole thing into motion?”
“I expected you to have a fling, not to get all tied up in knots over her. I’m afraid I misjudged your fling capacity.”
Walter chuckled. “Yeah, I have a feeling I missed the boat on that, too.”
Raylene’s gaze narrowed. “Please tell me you’re not in love with her.”
“I slept with her once. Even I know that’s not love.”
“Then what is it?”
“When I come up with a definition, I’ll let you know. In the meantime, as a favor to me, try to reach out to her. Maybe invite her over for this shindig on the Fourth. That’s not just for Sweet Magnolias, is it?”
“No. I can do that, if you’re sure you want me to.”
“Why wouldn’t I want you to? It was my idea.”
“Have you considered how much fun it will be to have me and Sarah putting the relationship under a microscope?”
“I’ll just consider it penance for all the mistakes I’ve ever made, especially since I know you’ll both keep your opinions to yourselves.”
“In what universe?” Raylene retorted.
Walter sighed. “I can always hope.”
And if it gave Rory Sue the opportunity to find a few friends she could count on, any grief he had to put up with would be worth it. Maybe, though, what he was really doing was putting her to the test. If Rory Sue’s life was both busy and fulfilling, would she still have any room in it for him?
Just asking himself a question like that came as a shock to Walter. After all the hits he’d taken about destroying Sarah’s self-confidence, it was startling to realize the impact the divorce had apparently had on his.
10
With the Fourth of July picnic rapidly approaching, Raylene decided it was time to really push herself to take bigger strides to overcome her panic over leaving the house. She’d been strong enough to survive her marriage—surely she could stay outside longer than a couple of minutes without falling apart!
What if, she asked herself, she’d been cutting the excursions so short because she was afraid of humiliating herself in front of someone? Even though the psychologist and Sarah were definitely on her side and understood her problem, that didn’t mean she wanted to be embarrassed by coming unglued.
When she really thought about her slow progress, she decided that going toward the street was probably a bad idea, as well. Out there lay too much uncertainty. Anyone could happen by.
Maybe she ought to be trying to get to the more secluded patio. For a brief time she’d felt safe out there. Maybe that goal would be easier to conquer, and she’d be able to surprise everyone by joining them out there on the Fourth.
She sighed. So many maybes and uncertainties. The only way she’d ever know for sure would be to try.
She waited until an afternoon when she was alone. Sarah was still at work, and Laurie had taken the kids to the park. Walter had come for lunch and gone. No one else was expected.
For fifteen minutes—she watched each minute tick by on the clock over the stove—she sat at the kitchen table and did all the relaxation exercises Dr. McDaniels had taught her.
When she felt calm and in control, she went to the door and opened it, then put her hand on the screen door and drew in a deep breath. She thought about how much she wanted to keep a close eye on Carrie at the party, something she wouldn’t be able to do if she was stuck inside the house. That goal got her to take her first step outside.
“I can do this,” she murmured to herself as she took a few more steps. “It’s perfectly safe out here. I only have to stay for two minutes, if that’s all I can do. I don’t have to stay if it doesn’t feel right.”
She walked to the edge of the garden, then paused and glanced around. There wasn’t a soul in sight. The sun was bright, the sky clear. It couldn’t have been a more perfect day to venture outside. The brightly colored flowers in her garden—the flowers she’d never touched—were beckoning. She bent down and pulled a couple of stray weeds, feeling a sense of accomplishment even over mastering such a small task.
Glancing at her watch, she realized she’d only been outside for a minute, maybe two. So far, though, so good. Maybe she could sit for a minute and enjoy the breeze and fresh air.
Heart pounding, she crossed to the patio itself. As she neared one of the comfortably cushioned chairs, she broke into a cold sweat. In an instant, she was hyperventilating so badly, she thought she might pass out, but she managed to get a death grip on the back of a chair and steadied herself. She closed her eyes and tried to breathe evenly, consciously trying to calm her nerves.
And then she heard a sound, no more than the rustle of leaves in a breeze, she thought, but it was enough to terrify her. Panic, never far away, crawled up the back of her throat. She stood where she was, frozen in place, tears streaming down her face. The kitchen—her safe haven—seemed a thousand miles away. No matter how hard she
tried, she couldn’t seem to take the first step to get there.
She glanced over at that wonderful garden that Carter had created for her, tried to take comfort in the colorful flowers, but she couldn’t seem to focus. She was shaking too badly, her eyesight blurred by tears.
Then she heard him, Carter calling her name. She tried to answer and couldn’t. He came around the side of the house and took in the situation with a glance.
“Well, look at you,” he said lightly, moving slowly toward her as if fearing he’d startle her. He approached her as carefully as someone trying to gentle a spooked horse. “Did you decide to take a walk on your own?”
Unable to speak, she merely nodded.
“Ready to go back inside?”
She nodded even more vehemently.
“Take my hand then,” he said gently. “We’ll go in together, unless you’d rather I just sit out here with you.”
She shook her head, glancing desperately toward the house.
“Okay, then,” he said quietly, still holding out his hand. “We’ll go inside.”
It took what seemed like an eternity for her to release her grip on the chair and take his hand. The warmth of his skin did what nothing else had. It reassured her. She clung to him. His hand became her lifeline.
“It’s only a few steps,” he told her. “We can count them as we go. One.”
She stepped forward haltingly, slowed by an inability—or unwillingness—to open her eyes for more than a second at a time, as if that would shut out the fear.
“That’s good,” he said soothingly. “Now another. Two.”
It was five endless steps in all, but she did it by concentrating on the sound of his voice and his commands and not thinking at all about the terrible panic that had her in its grip.
Once inside, she collapsed into a chair, sobs racking her body. “I thought I could do it. I thought it would be okay,” she whispered in a choked voice, unable to look at him. She’d never felt more humiliated.
He brought her a tall glass of iced sweet tea, then sat across from her. “Stop beating yourself up. You tried. That’s what counts. And tomorrow will be better.”
She shook her head. “I don’t believe that. It’s always going to be like this.” She lifted her gaze to his. “You can’t imagine what it’s like.”
“No, I can’t,” he agreed. “But the fact that you tried, that’s what counts. It tells me how brave you are, how badly you want to conquer this disorder or phobia or whatever it is.”
“Brave?” she scoffed, an almost hysterical note in her voice. “I took a few steps into my own backyard, no more than I’d been taking every day for a couple of weeks now with Dr. McDaniels and Sarah. Today, though, I fell completely apart. If you hadn’t come along, there’s no telling how long I might have stayed there, completely frozen. I thought my heart was going to pound right out of my chest. I couldn’t breathe.”
He ignored her interpretation and spun his own. “But you did this all on your own,” he reminded her. “I think it was amazing.”
“Then you have very low standards.”
He smiled at that. “And you’re way too hard on yourself. So, why today? And why without Dr. McDaniels?”
She explained her earlier thoughts. “I got to thinking that maybe the reason I was making such slow progress was that I was afraid of being humiliated in front of someone, that maybe I’d do better on my own. And the Fourth of July picnic is coming up, and I wanted so badly to be out here with everyone else. It just seemed like the right time to push myself.” She didn’t mention her concerns about Carrie, her need to be available to her in a way she couldn’t be if she remained housebound. She gave him a bleak look. “Maybe there is no right time.”
He studied her for a minute, then asked, “Are you pushing yourself so hard all of a sudden because of me? I know that probably sounds egotistical, but I don’t want to be the one putting added pressure on you.”
Once again, he’d surprised her with his perceptiveness. “In a way,” she admitted. “Sooner or later, you’re going to get bored to tears by me never being able to go anywhere. You’ll lose interest, and who could blame you?”
“I don’t see myself losing interest anytime soon,” he told her. “I keep coming back, don’t I?”
“So far,” she conceded. It suddenly dawned on her that his arrival today, which had been timely under the circumstances, was unexpected. “Is there some reason you dropped by in the middle of your shift? You’re not upset because Carrie and Mandy dropped in here the other day, are you? Because I’d told them to come by anytime.”
He shook his head. “No, I appreciate the fact that you’re willing to spend time with them. They need a woman they can talk to, Carrie especially. As you know, she’s having a tough time, and it’s worse now that school is out. She doesn’t seem to have made any friends at all, so she’s hanging around the house, bored to tears.”
Raylene regarded him with surprise. “She told you how she’s been feeling?”
He nodded. “She admitted that she’s miserable. I should have seen it myself. I’m taking them to Columbia this weekend. I hope that will help, but we can’t run over there every time she starts feeling homesick.”
“Who says?” Raylene countered. “If going back helps, you need to do it as often as you can. Columbia’s not that far.”
“The problem is that it’s usually worse for her afterward,” he said. “She’s happy for a couple of days talking about who she saw and everything we did, but then she crashes right back down again. Even though she tries to hide it most of the time, I can see how angry she is about being here. This is the first time, though, that she’s opened up to me. I have a feeling I have you to thank for that.”
“I didn’t do anything other than encourage her to tell you what was on her mind.”
“I appreciate that. She needs to know we’re in this together, that we’re all making adjustments.”
Raylene hesitated, then once again asked, “If you aren’t here now because of Carrie or Mandy, what did bring you by?”
Her question, though an obvious one, seemed to unnerve him. He waved it off.
“This isn’t the best time to get into it. It can wait.”
“Tell me,” she insisted.
He continued to hesitate.
“Carter, you’re making me nervous. Is there a problem?” A thought suddenly struck her. “Did you come by to tell me it’s best if we don’t go on seeing each other?”
“Absolutely not,” he said with such heartfelt emotion she couldn’t possibly doubt him. “I’ve already told you that I’m drawn to you, that I want to be with you.”
Since him dumping her before they’d really had half a chance to get to know each other was just about the worst thing she could think of, anything else was bound to pale by comparison. “What then?” she pressed.
“It’s about your ex-husband.”
She regarded him blankly. “Paul? What about him?”
“There’s something you need to know.”
At his dire tone, a sense of dread settled in her stomach. “What?”
“He’s due to get out of prison sometime in August. I thought you should be prepared.”
Raylene’s world, which had barely steadied itself on its axis after her unfortunate excursion outside, began spinning again. “No,” she whispered. “That can’t be.”
“I’m afraid it’s true. I checked it out myself after you told me about him. I wanted to see if you were likely to be in danger anytime soon.”
She started to tremble and couldn’t seem to stop. “No,” she whispered again. “No, no, no.”
Carter moved to her side, then paused. “Is it okay?” he asked tentatively.
Raylene nodded, and he pulled her into his arms. She tried to relax, to let herself feel the comfort and reassurance he was offering, but the fear was more powerful. She couldn’t stop shaking.
“It’s going to be okay,” Carter promised. “He won’t get ne
ar you, not if I have to convince the sheriff to put twenty-four-hour security around this house.”
“No,” she said fiercely, pulling away. “I can’t rely on other people. This isn’t your problem. And the sheriff doesn’t have that kind of manpower.” She groaned as another thought struck her. “I can’t put Sarah and the kids in danger. I’ll need to move out.”
“Raylene, don’t get ahead of yourself.”
“But you said he’s getting out in August. I have to make plans. I have to handle Paul on my own, and I need to be able to protect myself.”
Carter regarded her with dismay. “What are you suggesting?”
Her mind made up, she looked at him with a steady gaze. “I want you to teach me how to use a gun.”
“Absolutely not,” Carter said at once, his expression grim.
“Carter, I have to do this my way.”
He raked his hand through his hair. “Come on, Raylene. Have you ever even fired a gun before?”
“No, but that’s why you’ll teach me.”
“How?” he asked reasonably. “It’s not as if I can take you to the gun range.”
Raylene faltered at that. “I have to learn,” she insisted. “It’s the only thing that makes sense.”
“Do you honestly think you could shoot a man?” he asked.
She thought of the way Paul had mistreated her, the night that he’d in essence killed their baby. “Any man?” she said softly. “No.” Then she met his gaze evenly. “But I could shoot Paul Hammond,” she said with conviction.
Despite her fierce certainty, Carter shook his head. “You might be able to pull the trigger,” he told her. “But you’d never be able to live with the consequences. I know you, sweetheart. Even after everything that man did to you, it would destroy you to take his life. That kind of violence or revenge just isn’t in you.”
“What about justice?” she asked, her voice pleading. “That’s what it would be, you know. My life is the way it is because of him. Maybe if he was gone once and for all, I’d finally be able to live in peace. The court system obviously didn’t care about that when they gave him such a light sentence.”
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