Raylene suddenly wanted more. Maybe she wasn’t ready for an all-out affair, but just having him nearby wasn’t enough.
“How about you sit on the sofa with me?” she suggested, then added tentatively, “I think I’d like to fall asleep in your arms.” As an innocent teenager, she’d imagined the joy and intimacy of that, but her reality had been very different. Most nights she’d lain awake, terrified that Paul would wake and force himself on her. There was never any tenderness in their relationship, not even when they were making love.
Carter looked momentarily surprised by her suggestion, then grinned. “Works for me.”
“I’m not asking too much of you, am I?” she asked worriedly. “It’s not as if that’s going to lead to something more, not tonight anyway.”
“I’ll let you know if something’s too much,” he promised. “This seems like the perfect next step.”
He sat at the end of the sofa and Raylene rested her head on his shoulder. His arms came around her oh so carefully, surrounding her with his warmth. Something in his relaxed embrace reassured her that she could get free if she wanted to. After a few hesitant moments, she felt the last of the night’s tension flowing out of her.
When her eyes eventually drifted closed, for the first time ever she felt a hundred percent safe in a man’s arms.
Carter’s arms had fallen asleep and his legs were cramped, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. Holding Raylene meant too much to shatter the intimacy by trying to get more comfortable. His heart ached with the understanding of just how much faith she’d put in him by letting him be this close.
She stirred. Her eyes opened slightly, then blinked.
“Carter? You’re still here?” She sat up straight, looking suddenly disconcerted as she realized sun was streaming in the windows. “It’s morning. You were here all night?”
“I didn’t want to leave you alone. Besides, you seemed so comfortable, I didn’t want to risk waking you.”
“What about you? Did you sleep at all?”
“A little,” he said, but he didn’t meet her eyes.
“Meaning you closed your eyes for about five seconds,” she guessed. “You should go home and get some real sleep before you go back on duty.”
“To be honest, I never sleep all that well during the day. I’ll just drink plenty of coffee today. I’ll be fine.”
She stood up. “Let me put the coffee on and then take a quick shower. After that, I can fix you a decent breakfast.”
“I should go home and check on things.”
“Will the girls be up at this hour? It’s barely seven.”
“No,” he admitted. “They’re slugs once school is out. They won’t be up for hours.”
“Then please stay.”
It sounded so important to her—and he wanted so badly to grab every minute he could to be with her—he didn’t resist. “Okay, but let me get the coffee started while you get dressed.” He risked looking directly at her. “You are planning to get dressed, right?”
She smiled at the question. “You scared I’m going to come back in here wearing some kind of sexy negligee?”
“Actually, I’m already a little turned on just by you in that robe. I keep trying to imagine what’s under it.”
“I think maybe I’d better not answer that,” she said in a way that hinted she might be wearing very little. She tightened the belt self-consciously.
Just his luck, he thought. He’d been holding a half-dressed woman in his arms all night long and he hadn’t done a thing about it. Maybe he had some saintly attributes, after all.
“I don’t suppose you want some company in the shower?” he asked, a hopeful note in his voice.
She laughed. “Nice try, but we agreed to keep things casual and friendly.”
“There’s nothing friendlier than showering together,” he retorted.
“What am I going to do with you?” she murmured.
“Nothing, apparently,” he said with not entirely exaggerated dismay.
He watched her walk out of the room, hips swaying provocatively. He wondered if she was deliberately taunting him, but he doubted it. Because of her past, he thought she’d be very careful about risking him making a move for which she wasn’t entirely ready. He couldn’t help wondering, though, if he was crazy for thinking that she’d ever be ready for the kind of relationship he was wanting more and more every time he saw her.
With her cheeks still pink every time she thought about the heat in Carter’s eyes and the desire she’d heard in his voice, Raylene had to resist the urge to dress in the most sedate outfit in her closet. Not that she had all that many. Her preferences had always run to clothes that emphasized her curves without being slutty. Lately, though, she’d been living in the same old jeans—designer label though they were—and whatever blouse she grabbed out of her closet. Now that she was living on the modest income awarded to her by the court from Paul’s savings, she was embarrassed to think how casually she’d thrown away money on expensive clothes.
Today she took the time to find a pair of linen slacks and a pale pink sleeveless shell that had cost more than her current monthly income. She even added a touch of lipstick and fluffed her hair before going back downstairs to join Carter.
He studied her intently when she walked into the kitchen. “You look different.”
“Different how?”
“Lady of the manor?” he suggested, his expression quizzical. “Like someone in that fancy magazine, what’s it called, Town and Country.”
“Do you spend a lot of time looking at Town and Country?” she asked, amused.
“No, but my mother did. I think she secretly aspired to be one of those women who went to polo matches and lived on a country estate.”
“Mine certainly did,” Raylene admitted. “She wasn’t happy being in Serenity. I think she got all caught up in the romance when she met my dad. It helped that her parents hated him. She was obviously in her rebellious phase and nothing would do but marrying him. Then reality set in. It was kind of sad for both of them, I think. My dad was a great guy and smart enough to know he could never make her completely happy.”
“Is that how you wound up with a guy like Paul Hammond? You decided to go for someone the opposite of your dad, the kind of man your mom should have married?”
“I never thought of it that way, but you’re right. I met him at my debutante ball. My mother and her parents were very impressed with his family connections and the fact that he was going to be a doctor. It didn’t seem to bother them that he was older and that I was way too young to be making such a huge commitment. I was a little in awe of the life he could offer me.” She met Carter’s gaze. “Pretty shallow, huh?”
“I’d say pretty normal for a girl who was, what? Seventeen?”
“Sixteen, when we first met. We married as soon as I graduated from high school. I’d barely turned eighteen.”
“How long before the problems started?”
“If I’m being honest, they started before the wedding, but I was too naive to realize that the way he wanted to control me wasn’t about love. It was about power and jealousy. If he called and I wasn’t there, he flipped out. He’d accuse me of cheating on him. I actually thought it was amazing that he loved me that much.”
“And no one in your family spotted the warning signs?”
“He hid them around my family. He was always the perfect gentleman, totally solicitous with them. They thought he was wonderful. And I loved him so much, I didn’t want them to know about this dark side that popped up from time to time, so I never said a word against him. Later, when things were really bad, my mother refused to believe it.”
Carter shook his head. “So you had no one on your side?”
“I think maybe my father would have been, but I didn’t want to tell him. Maybe I just couldn’t bear the thought that he might side with my mother. I would have been so disillusioned if he had.” She shook her head at how mixed up everything had been bac
k then. “And then my dad died, and I was relieved that I’d never burdened him with my problems. He died thinking I was happily settled with someone who’d always take care of me.”
“What about Sarah or Annie?”
“I’d pretty much ended my friendship with them when I left for private school. In retrospect, I know I could have gone to them at any time. They certainly didn’t hesitate to help when I finally did turn to them, but for a long time I was too embarrassed to admit to anyone what a terrible mistake I’d made.”
“That’s pretty common,” Carter said. “Men who are abusive like to isolate their wives or girlfriends, make them think they’re the cause of all the problems.”
Raylene nodded. “Before I started seeing Dr. McDaniels, when I thought I could conquer all my problems on my own, I read a lot of books and a ton of articles online. I could see myself practically on every page. That was when I finally stopped feeling so alone and downright stupid.”
“I’m so sorry you went through all that,” Carter said. “You didn’t deserve it.”
“No, I didn’t,” Raylene agreed. “But for way too long I thought I did. I thought it was payback for being young and foolish and, let’s face it, a little greedy. I wanted what Paul could offer me—the big house, the fancy clothes, the expensive car. It’s taken a long time to adjust my thinking. Not only did I have to accept that no matter how selfish and immature I was, I didn’t deserve to be abused, but I had to grow up and realize that none of those material things matter.”
“Tough lessons,” he said.
“They were for me.” She met his gaze. “Carrie and Mandy are so lucky to have grown up with someone like you in their lives. They know how a decent man behaves. They won’t settle for less.”
Carter flushed at the compliment. “Don’t make me into any kind of hero, Raylene. I’ve made plenty of mistakes.”
“Not the kind that count,” she said with certainty. “Even if you weren’t wearing that uniform, I’d know you were one of the good guys. It’s in everything you do, in the way you care about them and about everyone else. I knew it that day you brought Tommy home. Even though I could feel your anger radiating at me for letting him slip away, what I saw was how much you cared about that little boy.”
He held her gaze. “We’ve come a long way since then,” he said quietly.
“I know, and I’m really glad about that,” she said. “I just wish I knew if we’ll ever be able to go any further.”
“We will,” Carter said firmly. “Count on it. I certainly intend to.”
Raylene wanted so badly to believe he was right, but about a million doubts crowded in, shouting so loudly she couldn’t ignore them. Maybe a few years ago, before Paul, she could have had more faith. As it was, though, she’d long since stopped believing in fairy tales and happily-ever-afters.
14
When Carter got home at nine o’clock, both of his sisters were sitting in the living room waiting for him. Their dour expressions reminded him of the way his parents had greeted him when he’d missed curfew.
“Where were you?” Carrie demanded. “You stayed out all night, and don’t even think about denying it with some phony story about going out for coffee or breakfast or something. You’re still in your uniform.”
“Yeah, what if we’d needed you?” Mandy said, though she didn’t look half as upset as Carrie did.
“You both know you can reach me at any time on my cell phone,” Carter responded. “Did something happen? You’re usually not up this early.”
“We were worried!” Carrie practically shouted, an hysterical note in her voice. “We even called the dispatcher this morning when we realized you’d never come home. Gayle said she had no idea where you were. Apparently you didn’t bother to clock out.”
He ignored the accusation about clocking out. He’d deal with that at the station.
“If you were looking for me, why didn’t you try my cell phone?” he asked reasonably. “Do either of you even remember that I called here just as I was going off duty? You told me everything was fine. I even told you I was going to stop by Raylene’s. You could have called there if you were worried.”
“And interrupt your big late-night date?” Carrie said sarcastically. “That wouldn’t be cool.”
“It wasn’t a date,” Carter said. “I was just checking on her.”
“All night?” Carrie retorted. “Yeah, right.”
He narrowed his gaze and studied his sisters. “What’s really going on here? You knew where I was. You knew how to reach me. Why the overreaction? Were you scared about being in the house alone? Usually you can’t wait for me to let you hang out here alone so you can order pizza and watch movies half the night, because I wouldn’t let you do that in Columbia.”
Carrie looked at him as if he were denser than dirt. “No, you idiot, we’re scared you’re going to pick her over us.” As soon as she’d blurted that out, she looked even more miserable, as if she hadn’t meant for him to know how scared they were that he might abandon them.
“You can’t be serious,” he said, even though it was obvious that she was. “Come on, Carrie. You know that’s never going to happen. You’re my sisters. We’re a team. What put such a crazy idea into your heads? I would never choose anyone over you.”
“You’ve never stayed out all night before,” Mandy whispered, looking shaken, though less so than her sister. “That must mean Raylene’s different, that she’s more important than us.”
“No one is more important than the two of you,” he said fiercely. “I thought you knew that. It’s just that Raylene is the first woman in a while who’s actually mattered. I have no idea where it’s going to go, but I want to find out. That does not mean, though, that I will ever choose her over you. That’s simply not how family works, not ours, anyway.”
“You chose her last night,” Carrie said stubbornly. “That’s got to mean there was sex involved.”
Once again, the direction of the conversation caught him off guard. “Excuse me? You do not get to ask me if I’m having sex.”
“You’ll ask us, I bet,” Carrie retorted. “Assuming you ever let us date.”
“You can absolutely count on me asking, because you’re not even sixteen,” he said. “I’m more than ten years older than you and I’m responsible for you. I get to make those kinds of decisions for myself. You don’t, not for a long, long time.”
“How long?” Mandy asked, her expression a mix of curiosity and impishness.
“Until you’re at least thirty,” he said, as he had many times before. He was dead serious, but he doubted he could pull it off. He’d be happy if he could at least get them through high school before they took such a huge step.
One at a time, he held their gazes, then said, “And if there comes a time when you’re considering having sex, you talk to me first. I get to meet the guy. You use protection.”
Carrie moaned. “We’ll be virgins forever if we have to drag every guy over here before we sleep with him.”
Now it was Carter’s turn to groan, though he tried not to do it aloud. “There won’t be that many guys. Period.” He noted that the girls were still in their pj’s. “Were you both down here all night waiting for me? Seriously?”
They avoided looking at each other for a full minute, then Mandy grinned. “No, but you should have seen the guilty expression on your face when you walked in and saw us here.”
“Then you weren’t really worried?”
“Yes, we were,” Carrie insisted. “But we didn’t actually lose sleep over it. We just freaked out when we came down here this morning and realized you’d never come home. We didn’t know what it meant. Then we got to talking about what would happen if you decided to marry Raylene, and she didn’t want us around.”
The workings of their minds were going to be the death of him. “You had to know better,” he said.
“Well, we thought she liked us, but you never know,” Carrie said. “Some women want a man all to th
emselves.” She met his gaze. “So, if sex wasn’t involved, why did you stay there all night?”
“It definitely wasn’t about sex,” he repeated firmly. “Raylene was having a tough time last night, and I sat with her until she fell asleep.”
Carrie, of course, looked immediately skeptical. “Which was when? Fifteen minutes before you got here?”
“No, not exactly.”
“So you did sleep with her,” she accused.
“None of your business,” he repeated. “The point is that I’m here now, and frankly I could use a shower and a nap.”
“What about breakfast?” Carrie asked. “It’s the most important meal of the day. Isn’t that what you’re always telling me?”
“Had it,” he said.
“Oh,” Mandy said, looking wistful.
“What?” he asked.
“I wanted to go to Wharton’s for pancakes. I figured if we piled on enough guilt, you’d take us.”
He turned to Carrie. “And you?”
“I wouldn’t mind a pancake,” she said.
He was so stunned by the admission, he immediately nodded, “Okay, then. Pancakes at Wharton’s. Be ready to go in fifteen minutes.” He turned to Carrie. “That reminds me. Grace says she has a job opening for the rest of the summer, if you’re interested.”
“Waiting on tables?” she asked, making a face. “I don’t know. It doesn’t sound like much fun.”
“It’s not supposed to be fun. It’s a job. It’s a busy place. I imagine the tips are decent, but it’s up to you. You might get to know some more people, too. And if you aren’t interested in that, Raylene brought up an alternative. I’ll let her tell you about that.”
“I’ll take whichever job she doesn’t want,” Mandy piped up.
Carrie frowned at her. “Stay out of it, squirt.” She turned back to Carter. “Do I have to decide today?”
“Of course not. Talk to Grace when we get there. She can tell you what the job entails. Then you can call Raylene or go over there. After that, make a decision.”
Honeysuckle Summer Page 18
