by Anne Holster
She smiled coolly, then turned her attention back to Tanner, completely dismissing me. “Well, have a nice workout.” Her eyes lingered on him just a bit too long.
Any bit of confidence I had gained completely drained out of me in that moment. Who was I kidding? What was he doing here with me when he could be with someone like her?
Well, there was nothing I could do now. I was here and without Beth to help me along, so I was just going to have to suck it up. I tried my best to put “Jen” out of my mind as we headed for the bikes.
It was more crowded than the last time we were there, but we managed to find two bikes next to each other. I hopped on and started full-on pedaling. Tanner seemed to sense my uneasiness and carried most of the conversation. For some reason he asked about my family, so I told him all about Jagger and Ryder and about the town I was from and what high school I went to. He seemed genuinely interested and before I knew it, thirty minutes had passed and we were done.
I reached for my towel, wiping the sweat from my face before getting off, and he did the same. We both stood there in an awkward silence.
“Well, this was great,” he finally said. “Maybe I’ll see you over the weekend.”
“Yeah, okay, I’ll see you,” I said as I headed back to the locker room, where I changed my sweaty t-shirt before heading to the weight room.
I was getting all my weights set up when I heard, “Grace, you’re still here?” I turned to see Tanner walking into the weight room, also wearing a clean t-shirt.
“Oh, yeah…I usually work out with the weights first, but since I was meeting you here I did it the other way around.”
“Oh, I didn’t know you used the weights,” he said.
“Well, Beth and I started back when school began, but before that I never worked out with weights.”
“Oh, so Beth showed you what to do…?”
Without thinking I replied, “No, Gary showed us.”
As soon as the words were out of my mouth I realized I probably should have kept that bit of information to myself because his expression turned dark and unreadable.
“Gary?” he said, pulling his eyebrows in.
“Yeah…when we signed up he was the one who showed us around.”
“Was it just that first time or do you guys still work out with him?”
I looked at him curiously. Why all the questions?
“He’s usually here when we work out, but we don’t actually work out with him. He just showed us what to do in the beginning. Why?”
“No reason,” was all he said. Then after a minute, he added, “Well, since we’re both here, why don’t you show me your routine, and maybe I can give you some pointers.”
“Sure,” I said as I grabbed a set of dumbbells. Tanner was very helpful, showing me how I could mix things up a bit to get better results. I tried to avoid staring at his perfectly executed repetitions. We were in the weight room for well over an hour before we finally finished and once again parted ways.
©
The next morning Beth and I were up bright and early for our day of shopping. When I came out of the shower I noticed two big bags on her bed. I peeked inside just as Beth went into the bathroom to brush her teeth. “Beth, what are you doing with all my hoodies?”
“Oh, I had a great idea” she called out, “I thought that since we were going to the consignment shops we might as well try to sell them.”
“Sell them? All of them?! That seems so…I don’t know…permanent,” I replied, but then I remembered the hoodie I’d hidden in the back of my closet.
“Permanent indeedy!” she chuckled.
“Fine, whatever, let’s just get going.”
After a short walk to the bus stop – hoodie bags in hand – and a five-minute wait for the bus, we were on our way. As we took our seats Beth casually mentioned that she was meeting up with Adam from the tailgate party later that evening.
“Beth,” I said, “it’s none of my business, but what about Thomas? I mean, you guys have been together for over two years and you’re meeting up with Adam tonight?”
She didn’t say anything for a minute. Finally she answered, “Grace, I’m not naïve. I’m here in Maryland, and he’s in North Carolina. I don’t know what he’s doing. I don’t ask him, and he doesn’t ask me, and that works for both of us. Besides, I don’t want to have any regrets later that I missed out.” Then she turned and quietly stared out the window.
“I’m sorry, Beth, I didn’t mean to pry. It’s none of my business.”
“Grace, we’re friends. I don’t mind you asking. Besides, Thomas is coming to visit in a couple of weeks. Maybe we could all do something together.”
“Sure, that sounds great,” I said, relieved that she wasn’t upset with me. We rode for a while in silence and then I said, “Oh, um, I had an idea I wanted to run by you. It might be a little premature, I’m not sure, but promise me you’ll give me your honest opinion.”
“I promise,” she said, smiling again. “Let’s hear it!”
“Okay, well, the other day Tanner mentioned that he was going to be in New York State over the Thanksgiving break, and I was thinking that maybe I could invite him to stop by my house, since it’s on his way… Do you think that’s crazy?”
“Hmm…” She thought for a minute. “No I don’t think it’s crazy, since he’s going to be in the area anyway, but maybe don’t ask him just yet. Wait a couple of weeks and see how things go. That will still give you plenty of time.”
I nodded, grateful for the advice. “Okay, maybe you’re right. I’ll wait a couple of weeks.”
After about thirty minutes we arrived in downtown Baltimore, and Beth took out the directions she’d printed to the various shops. The first shop we went to didn’t work out. It was mostly children’s clothes and some toys.
The second shop we visited, we hit pay dirt! They bought all of my hoodies and they had a ton of really cool clothes for us to rummage through. When we finished looking, we headed for the dressing rooms with armfuls of various apparel. There was one large room available so we both slipped in there. I was about to pull a cute sweater over my head when Beth stopped me and said, “Wait a minute. Turn around for a second.” I turned to face her, dressed only in my underwear and a cami.
“What?” I asked, suddenly uncomfortable with her staring at me. “Grace,” Beth said, “look in the mirror.” We both turned and faced the mirror. “Look at your arms . . . how defined they look . . . and your legs are so toned. Grace, you’ve got a great body. I think all those hours at the gym are definitely paying off.”
I stared at myself. I hadn’t noticed, but maybe she was right. Maybe I was looking more toned. “You think?”
“Definitely. Okay, let’s get moving.”
I smiled and pulled on the sweater, deciding I loved it. In fact, I loved nearly everything, and a half-hour later we left the store with several purchases. Even Beth, who was clearly a born shopper, acknowledged our windfall.
“I would say that this was definitely one of my more successful shopping trips,” she said holding up the three bags of clothes. Most of the things were mine, but she’d gotten a few things, too, including a pair of really cool tanned leather boots that I doubted she would ever wear.
As we stood in front of the store, debating which way to head next, I turned and looked back through the front window. Inside I saw the owner going through and separating all of the hoodies I had sold. Smiling, I clutched the two bags close to my chest and turned and walked away.
We decided to treat ourselves to lunch at an outdoor café – well, I use the term “café” rather loosely because what it was actually was a pizza place with a couple of tables outside - but that was beside the point. We ate and talked and laughed until it was time to catch the bus back to school. Unfortunately, we both fell asleep, missed our stop and had to walk a half-mile back
to the dorm, but even that didn’t spoil the fun.
As soon as we were back in our room I tried on all my new stuff again, then arranged everything neatly in the closet and in my drawers. There was so much more room in the closet without all the hoodies! I glanced at the floor of the closet and saw the lone hoodie I had secretly left behind. I reached down, grabbed it and tossed it further into the back corner so it was well out of sight. Satisfied, I closed the closet door and lay down on my bed.
Beth had plans with Adam tonight, so I was on my own. I hadn’t heard from Tanner, and going to one of the on-campus parties by myself was out of the question, so I decided to stay in and have a night to myself. By 9:00, after many changing of outfits, Beth was gone and I decided to call my mom. She was so glad to hear from me. I told her all about school and my classes and how much I loved it here. She told me all of the latest town gossip and how much Jagger and Ryder loved high school and of course how much everybody missed me.
“Thanksgiving isn’t that far off, Mom,” I said, “I’ll be home before you know it.” Then I noticed that my phone was almost dead so after promising to call again soon we said goodnight. Then I took a shower and climbed into bed to watch some television. I was out like a light in no time and never even heard Beth come in.
The next morning, after giving me all the juicy details about her night, she nonchalantly commented, “Oh, and you may be interested to know that I ran into Tanner last night…”
I immediately stopped what I was doing. “Tell me everything. What was he doing? Who was he with? Was he talking to any pretty girls? Oh my God, I sound like the crazy jealous not-girlfriend!”
“Hmmm…” Beth purred as she stretched out on her bed all cat-like, smiling as she stalled, enjoying keeping me in suspense. “I’m feeling a bit parched, perhaps you can get me some water before I fill you in.”
I hurriedly grabbed her a bottle of water and tossed it at her before saying, “Spill it, Beth, before the curiosity kills me!”
“Okay, okay, calm down,” she laughed. “Well, after I met up with Adam, we went to a party over on 6th Street. We were there for a while when I saw Tanner and one of his friends walk in. He didn’t see me at first, so I watched him for a while because I knew you’d have a million questions. He did talk to a couple of girls, but only briefly and when he noticed me, he came right over and asked if you were there. I said no, but I didn’t tell him where you were. Then he said he would text you and try to get you to come down, but you never answered his text.”
My phone! I’d powered it down after speaking with my mom but had forgotten to plug it in. I found it on the nightstand, plugged it into the charger and turned it on.
“Way to play hard-to-get,” Beth said, and attempted to high-five me, but my hand remained slack at my side.
“I hope he doesn’t think I was out with a guy or something,” I said.
“Better he thinks that than what you were really doing,” she laughed. Just then my phone chirped. It was the text from Tanner, followed by another from him later in the night.
“What do I do?” I asked.
“Oh, Grace, relax. Just text him back and tell him your phone was dead. It’s not the end of the world.” I texted him back, explaining about the situation with my phone, and waited. A little while later he replied: No problem. Do u want to hit the gym 2day?
My stomach fluttering, I typed a casual “sure”, and we made plans to meet up there later. Suddenly, I had an exciting afternoon ahead of me.
We had a great workout. He seemed extra attentive this time, always touching me when he showed me different ways to use the weights. When we parted ways, I returned home and found Beth still lounging around in her pajamas. I took a shower and changed.
I had wanted to discuss something with her, but I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. Finally she looked at me and said, “What? I know you want to say something, so just say it.”
“How do you know I have something I want to say?” I asked.
She rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on, the way you’re milling around and fussing with your stuff. Just tell me.”
“Okay, well, there is something I wanted to ask you-”
“I knew it,” she interrupted, “Go ahead.”
“Well, I’ve been going to the gym with Tanner, seeing him in class, around campus, at parties…but in all that time he’s never once tried to…you know, kiss me or anything.”
“Now wait a minute,” she said, “that’s not so. What about that time at the tailgate party. Didn’t you say he almost kissed you?”
“True, but almost doesn’t count,” I countered.
“Well, what do you think is holding him back?”
I hesitated a beat. “I don’t know…you don’t think that maybe he might be…you know…gay…do you?”
She looked at me bugged-eyed before she burst into hysterics. “You’ve got to be kidding me!” she said, “There is no way that guy is gay.”
“Well, wait a minute,” I said, “maybe he just hides it well. Maybe he’s using me as a cover. You know, so no one catches on.”
She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Well, it’s a stretch, but I guess anything’s possible.” Then she laughed again. “No way. There is no way Tanner is gay.”
“Okay, forget it, forget I said anything,” I said, embarrassed. I walked over to the window and pretended that I was looking at something outside.
“No, wait, Grace, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. That’s a legitimate question, but how about this – maybe he doesn’t want to scare you off by being too forward. Did you ever think of that? You do come across as rather…timid at times.”
I thought about what she said for a minute. “Maybe you’re right. Do you think I should be more forward?”
“No,” she said, “just be yourself. He’ll come around.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right; maybe he’s just old fashioned, and here I am criticizing him when he’s being the perfect gentleman,” I said, smiling to myself.
“Grace, let’s not get carried away,” she said. “See what happens over the next couple of weeks.”
“Okay,” I said. “That’s a good idea; I’ll wait and see what happens.”
The next few weeks went by in a blur, between all of the classes and homework and the gym and the parties and all of the other Tanner-related happenings. Before I knew it, there were only a couple more weeks before Thanksgiving break.
I told Beth that I was going to go for it and invite Tanner to stop by my house on his way to New York. I was really nervous, but she was all for it, saying it would be a step in the right direction. I didn’t know if I should just come right out and ask him, or if I should slowly lead up to it. I decided I would bring it up before class on Friday, thinking it was a neutral setting and he wouldn’t feel pressured.
When I got to the classroom on Friday he wasn’t there yet, so I had a few minutes to try to settle the butterflies swirling in my stomach. Finally he walked in with Scott, who hadn’t been to class for the last couple of weeks. They were whispering about something but stopped as they approached. Tanner took a seat behind me and Scott sat to the left of me.
“Hi, Grace,” Tanner said sweetly.
“Hi,” I said, turning around to face him. Here goes. “Oh, Tanner, I was wondering, I know you mentioned that you had a job lined up over the Thanksgiving break in New York and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to stop by my house on your way…you know, because I live like right in the area. No pressure; I mean, if you don’t have time it’s okay.”
Then I held my breath and waited for his reply.
“Oh, Grace, I would have loved to stop by, but I’m actually not driving, Scott is, and I’d hate to make him go out of his way when he’s doing me a favor.”
Disappointment was just setting in when suddenly Scott looked up from the magazine he was readin
g and said, “What, I heard my name?”
“Oh, nothing,” Tanner said. “I was just telling Grace that I would have loved to stop by her house on the way up to Suffern but I’m not driving so I’d have to take a rain check.”
“What?! Rain check?! Rain check, my ass! I don’t mind stopping by her house on the way.”
My disappointment quickly faded, replaced by excitement. “Just give the directions to Tanner,” Scott added, “and we’ll be there.”
“Really?” Tanner said, “Oh, that would be great. Thanks, Scott!”
“Anything for a friend, T,” he said, smiling, then turned back to his magazine.
“Okay…I guess it’s settled, then,” Tanner said, “We’ll stop by probably sometime Friday afternoon.”
“Okay, great; I’ll make sure I get you the directions,” I told him, then turned around so he couldn’t see the look of ecstasy on my face.
Chapter 10
Tanner
After class was over, the three of us left together. When we split up outside I waited until Grace had rounded the corner before turning on Scott. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“What?” he said with a ridiculous grin on his face. “I’m just helping out, you know, so you can see your girl.”
“Fuck you, Scott,” I said as I walked on ahead of him.
“Wait up,” he called, “What are you getting so mad about? It’ll be fun.”
“Fun. You think it’ll be fun. For who? Me? I don’t think so. I’ve put in an Oscar-worthy performance over the last few weeks. Do you know how exhausting it is to keep this up? I haven’t gotten laid in weeks for fear that somehow she’s going to find out, and it’s not even real! See, this is why I don’t date.”
“Hey,” he said, “you can always find someone else. There’s still time.”
“No,” I said, “there is not still time and besides, she’s perfect. My parents will love her, especially my mom. No way am I giving up now. You know, I was looking forward to getting out of town and not having to live this charade for a few days, and you go and fuck it up. And don’t think you’re just dropping me off there – you’re coming in with me.”
