She seemed unconcerned that he was upset. With a shrug of her shoulders, she told him, “Yes, I will not deny it. You have a child to raise, and every child deserves a mother.” She held out her hand to examine one of the diamond rings on her fingers. “And I would not have enlisted the help of the local riff-raff to help with the baby. Really, Nicholas! The vicar’s daughter?”
“For your information, Christina Wakelin helped me at a time when no one else would, and I would not have her spoken of in such uncomplimentary terms!” he said as he stood and glared down at his aunt.
“You seem to be quite fond of this woman, Nicholas, and though she has come to your aid, it is simply not done!” his aunt snapped back, she too rising from her seat.
“She is none of your business,” he stated slowly through gritted teeth.
“No, but you are, and I will see that you are taken care of.”
“I am thirty years old, Aunt, and long past needing your care!”
She gasped. “You impertinent boy! I will have—”
“Excuse me, my lord,” Pierce spoke from the doorway, interrupting the tense exchange.
“Yes, what is it, Pierce?”
“Miss Wakelin has asked to see you in the garden. It concerns the young master.”
Without a glance at his aunt, Nicholas sprinted toward the door, ignoring her as she called out his name.
He was out of breath from running by the time he reached the garden. When he saw Christina and Ty, it took him a few seconds to realize they both seemed fine. They were sitting alone in the center of the garden on a blanket, the baby in Christina’s arms.
“What is wrong?” he asked.
Christina turned her radiant smile to him. “There is nothing wrong. Ty has just done something remarkable, and I thought you’d like to see it.” She lay the baby face down on the blanket. “Now watch this!”
He watched as the wiggly little creature waved his arms and legs about, then braced his arms on either side of him and sat upright.
Christina began to clap and coo all sorts of praise to Ty, who responded by plopping back down on the blanket. She patted his back. “See!” she exclaimed to Nicholas. “Isn’t that amazing?”
The only thing Nicholas found amazing was how the sunlight shone on her lovely face. But, of course, he had the sense not to say that.
She, however, was expecting some sort of reaction, so he did the best he could. “Umm, yes, quite amazing,” he said.
Christina was not so easily fooled. “You weren’t even paying attention,” she countered with a frown.
“Of course I was.”
Taking the baby in her arms, she patted the space beside them. “Have a seat. Ty, I’m sure, would love to visit with you this morning.”
Did she also want to spend time with him, or was it only one-sided? Was he the only one who felt this warmth and kinship between them? Nicholas wasted no time in doing as she asked, and when she placed Ty in his arms, he realized holding the baby was becoming more comfortable.
“You are getting quite good at that, my lord!” Christina said.
Nicholas smiled proudly as he cradled the baby close and kissed him on the forehead. “Yes, I am!” he admitted immodestly, making her laugh.
For a few moments they sat together talking about the baby in contented companionship. This is what it must feel like to have a family, Nicholas thought. A sense of completeness, of warmth and love, enveloped them like a cocoon.
And he did love her. With every fiber of his being, he wanted this woman to be his wife and to live with him forever.
But he could not. So much stood between them. Yet, if only he knew that she loved him in return, none of the obstacles would stop him from making her his own.
“Are you enjoying your visit with Lady Stanhope?” Christina asked, breaking through his heavy thoughts.
“Unfortunately, the word enjoy is usually absent when dealing with Aunt Willie. She is determined to insert herself into my life and wreak havoc on it.”
“Perhaps if you spoke to her and made her understand. . .”
“I’ve talked until I am weary of it, and yet it will not stop her. My aunt has already invited half the ton to Kenswick Hall beginning tomorrow afternoon,” he confessed.
Her eyes filled with compassion. “Oh, Nicholas! Does she not know all you’ve been through in the last few months?”
Nicholas gazed at her with wonderment. This beautiful woman actually cared about his welfare. Wasn’t that a beginning to love?
He prayed it was so.
“My aunt knows some of it, at least what gossip has come her way, but she believes this is the best solution for my situation.” He took a fortifying breath and gave her a searching look. “She is trying to make a good match for me. These families she has invited all have daughters. She intends that I choose one to marry.”
Nicholas saw surprise and dismay fill Christina’s eyes. It was a reaction that gave him hope. “Oh,” she murmured. She tried to smile at him.
She failed wonderfully.
“Of course, I have no intention of going along with her plan,” he said carefully, gauging her reaction.
Her eyes widened. “You don’t?”
He shook his head slowly, never taking his gaze off her. “No.”
He wished he could read her thoughts, but her expression became shuttered as she looked away. “But I thought you had changed your mind about living a life of solitude.”
“Oh, I have. I do not know what I must have been thinking to believe I would be happy without a wife and family.” He took a chance and reached out to lift her chin so that she was staring back at him. “And my change of heart is all because of you.”
“I hope I have been of some help. But above all I wanted you to realize God still loves you and never gave up on you.”
Nicholas smiled as his thumb caressed her jawline. “How could I not know God loves me, Christina? After all, He sent me you, didn’t He?”
She visibly swallowed as she looked at him with hope and wariness all at once. Did he dare hope that she understood he had strong feelings for her?
For a moment, her eyes grew luminous with emotion, but then she pulled away from his touch and started fiddling with the baby’s toys scattered on the blanket. “I was just doing what I felt God was asking me to do,” she said, her eyes refusing to look at him.
“Christina!” he whispered roughly, stopping one of her hands by covering it with his own. “What I’m trying to tell you is that I—”
“Whatever are you doing there on that filthy ground—and holding the baby no less?” Aunt Wilhelmina’s voice boomed as she marched over to where they sat. “And where is the nanny? Shouldn’t she be looking after the child?”
Nicholas quickly let go of Christina’s hand when his aunt appeared, but he knew she had witnessed it. Her eyes were narrowed with suspicion, her nostrils flared with indignation.
“Aunt Willie, will you please give us a moment? There are some things I need to discuss with Christina,” Nicholas tried to explain.
“I most certainly will not!” She looked scathingly at Christina. “Young lady, have you no manners or decency? Where is your chaperone? Why have you been left with my grandnephew when you are not trained?”
“My chaperone got a splinter in her hand, and Mrs. Sanborne took her to her room to extract it,” Christina said evenly. “I have looked after not only this child, but also many children before. I can assure you I am well capable of dealing with a baby.”
He admired the calm way Christina spoke but knew his aunt was going to ruin everything.
“Aunt Wilhelmina, please give me a moment. I shall meet with you directly,” he stated again.
“There is no time,” she snapped. “Our first guests, the Birkenstocks, have arrived earlier than expected. They are awaiting you in the drawing room.”
Nicholas closed his eyes a moment to get hold of his flaring temper. “I cannot believe you are interfering in my life this way!”
he said, his voice gritty with aggravation.
“Believe it and accept it.” She took a deep breath, causing the sapphires at her throat to glimmer in the sunlight. “Now do come along. Let’s hope you have not wrinkled your clothes too badly by frolicking on the ground like a petty commoner.”
Beside him, Nicholas saw Christina stiffen at her cruel words. She reached over and took the baby from his arms, her eyes downcast and her expression stony. “I’ll take the baby to Mrs. Sanborne,” she murmured.
“No!” he bellowed, startling both women and making the baby cry. Turning to his aunt, he lowered his tone. “Tell the Birkenstocks I will see them in a moment, Aunt. There will be no discussions on this point!”
Wisely, his aunt relented, albeit with disdain. She spun about and marched away from them, her displeasure sounding in every step she took.
“I think it best I go in,” Christina said.
Nicholas put his hand on her shoulder. “Christina, I apologize for my aunt’s behavior. Her opinions are not my own.” When he saw that she was not going to flee, he let go of her shoulder. “Now, there is something I would like to ask you before I go in.”
“What is it?”
“Well,” he hesitated, “I don’t quite know how to say this. . . .”
“You don’t need me to come here anymore,” she surmised wrongly. “It’s all right, really. I—”
“Christina!” he interrupted. “Of course I don’t want you to stop coming to Kenswick. In fact, your presence here means a great deal to me, and that’s what I need to talk to you about.”
She looked at him a little warily. “I don’t understand.”
“Christina. . .I need to know just. . .how you. . .” He stumbled. Then, taking a deep breath, he blurted out what he needed to say. “I need to know what your feelings are toward me.”
She could do nothing for a moment but gape at him. As his words finally sank in, she seemed embarrassed, her face turning a deep shade of pink.
Yanking a hand through his hair, he apologized. “Forgive my impertinence, Christina. I should not have presumed that you would feel free to discuss so intimate a subject with me.”
“Oh, no! Please don’t apologize, Nicholas. I’m just taken aback that you would want to know about my feelings. I haven’t been so obvious with my feelings, have I? Have I embarrassed you, as Helen has done with the duke? I was not aware I wore my emotions so—”
“Then you do!” he exclaimed, grinning broadly. “You do have feelings for me.”
She looked down at Ty. “You must know I do.”
He threw back his head and laughed. “That’s marvelous!” he cried as he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, surprising them both with his impulsiveness.
“Nicholas!” she gasped, but still wearing a hesitant smile.
“I need to see to my guests, but may we talk again tomorrow?”
She nodded, looking a little dazed.
He threw her another happy grin. “Tomorrow. Here in the garden.”
With that, he got up and walked back into the house.
And the moment he closed the door, he realized he hadn’t told her about his own feelings.
But no matter, he thought. He would see her tomorrow, and then everything in his life would be just the way he wanted it.
Fourteen
“He asked you what?” Helen blurted out and quickly put a hand over her mouth when Christina hushed her for speaking too loudly.
Conflicting emotions had swirled in Christina’s heart all night, allowing her only a few moments of sleep. Over and over she had gone through the conversation she and Nicholas shared. Over and over she tried to find a reasonable explanation for his asking her to reveal such personal feelings.
The only conclusion she could reach was he too had strong feelings for her.
Oh, if only he had voiced them!
So, unable to think objectively, she thought it wise to get Helen’s opinion.
“He said he needed to know what my feelings were for him,” she repeated, chewing her lip as she waited for Helen’s reply.
“And you told him you cared very much for him,” Helen surmised correctly.
“How did you know?”
Helen smiled. While it was true she wasn’t good at dealing with her own love life, she was incredibly perceptive where others were concerned. “You are my oldest and dearest friend, Christina. How could I not see the love you have for him shining in your eyes when you thought no one was looking?”
Christina sighed, feeling tired and confused. “I tried so to fight my caring for him, Helen, truly I did. But the more he came out of his depressed state and opened up to us as a friend, the more I realized I was falling in love with him. But does his asking me about my feelings mean he has feelings for me too?”
Helen reached out and grasped her friend’s hand. “Of course it does. I have believed for some time the earl cared for you. I am sure it is the reason why he has changed his mind about shutting himself off from the world.”
Hope sprang up in her chest at hearing Helen’s words, but something else worried her. “But my goal was to allow God to change him.”
Helen gave Christina an exasperated look. “Have you not heard your father say over and over, God uses us to help Him do His work on earth? You were willing to face his bad manners and ill humor just because you believed God wanted you to help him. And you have, Christina! God has used you to help him!”
Christina smiled tentatively. “I suppose you’re right. He has come to church and promises to attend every Sunday.”
“Well, there you are!”
They were silent for a moment as they sat in the small garden of Christina’s home. She allowed herself to begin to hope there might be a future for them. Perhaps what she thought was impossible might be possible after all.
With that in mind, Christina decided to go with Helen to Kenswick Hall and see how Mrs. Sanborne was coping with the new visitors at the estate.
They found her in the nursery folding Ty’s diapers, but the nanny was not in her usual chipper mood. In fact, she was very upset.
“I’m awfully glad you ladies have come. Awfully, awfully glad,” she told them, tears swimming in her downcast eyes.
“Whatever is the matter, Mrs. Sanborne?” Christina asked. “Has something happened?”
The older woman shook her head. “I’m awfully afraid that I shall be dismissed,” she told them, her voice wobbly with worry. “I’m in an awfully dreadful state over this. You see, I overheard Lady Stanhope say that she wanted to bring someone she already knew into the home to be Ty’s nanny, that she was awfully displeased with my work so far.”
Christina patted her back. “But that is only her opinion, Mrs. Sanborne. It is not how Lord Thornton feels! He is awfully. . .I mean he is very pleased with how you have taken care of Ty. Never would he fire you!”
“The woman is a busybody!” Helen cried.
Christina, no matter how much she agreed, did not want to speak unkindly about someone behind their back. “Helen, I’m sure this can all be worked out. I will go and speak to Nicholas about it. I’m sure all will be well.”
Mrs. Sanborne gave her an encouraged smile. “Oh, thank you, Dear. What would I do without you?”
“You would do fine, I’m sure.” She dismissed her praise with a wave of her hand. “I’ll be back directly.”
Christina made her way to the stairs and down to the main hall of the house. She had not seen any of Nicholas’s guests since she and Helen had entered, as they always did, through the servants’ entrance.
She heard them, however, as she stepped off the bottom step. Their laughter drifted to her from the sitting room to her left. She paused, unsure if she should interrupt or not. But then she thought of Nicholas and knew he would not mind if she went in to talk to him.
The door was already slightly ajar, so she pushed it enough so that she could slip inside.
For a moment, no one noticed her, so Christina had a c
hance to study the room. Nicholas caught her attention right away, sitting on the settee with a beautiful young woman with dark hair so artfully arranged it must have taken her maid hours to accomplish it. Her exquisite dress was stunning as well, the deep blue silk complimenting the creamy paleness of her skin.
Her first thought was that they looked so perfect sitting together. Nicholas grinned at something she was saying. Just the kind of woman an earl should marry—poised, self-assured, and a member of the ton.
She silently chastised herself for thinking so negatively and looked around to the others in the room.
Not surprisingly, Lady Stanhope was smiling charmingly at the distinguished couple sitting directly in front of her. Wealth and prestige emanated from the couple, so different were they from the simple ladies and gentlemen from Malbury.
And so different from Christina.
“Christina!” Nicholas called. She turned to see him stand and smile her way.
Relieved he was glad to see her, she stepped farther into the room, pretending not to see the familiar frown appearing on Lady Stanhope’s face. “I’m sorry if I’ve intruded,” she began hesitantly.
Perhaps, she thought, I should not have been so bold!
“Nonsense!” Nicholas assured her. “Please let me introduce you to my guests. May I introduce Lord and Lady Delacourt? And this is their daughter, Lady Serena Delacourt.” He then motioned toward Christina. “My lord and ladies, this is my neighbor and good friend, Miss Christina Wakelin.”
Christina curtsied, smiling a greeting at the three of them. They barely nodded in return, eyeing her with a great deal of curious speculation.
Especially the younger Lady Delacourt.
Thanks to her father, Christina grew up confident in the person that she was. God was no respecter of persons, he’d often quoted. He loved everybody the same, no matter their class or how much money they had.
But now she did not feel so confident. She felt way out of her element, and all she wanted to do was run from Kenswick Hall and surround herself with people she knew and loved.
She was about to do just that when Nicholas asked, “You are here to remind me of my daily meeting, are you not?”
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