LYRIC
For the fifth time this evening, I was ignoring Veronica’s phone call. I can’t count how many times she’s called me over the weekend. I don’t even know if she knows why I am ignoring her. I don’t know if her new “beau” let her in on the fact that he has been bragging about their rendezvous to Bradley. Nevertheless, I just have nothing to say to her. I can’t find the words to express how deeply disappointed I am.
I may be full of shit for this, but I had a certain vision of Veronica in my heart and mind. She was flawless, perfect, and could do no wrong. Because of the unconditional friend and lover that she was to me, I was sure to be the same to her, which is why when I felt my attraction to Bradley turning into more than meaningless sex, I was sure that she was well aware. She had full knowledge of the situation and chose to stay. I had no knowledge of Rick. She lied, deceived, and put our friendship in the gutter.
Had Veronica told me that she was interested in someone, I would have gladly agreed to her new love interest. I have always wanted nothing but happiness for her. But Rick is not a new love interest. She merely used him as a tool to hurt me.
“Baby, you okay?”
I’d been sitting at the kitchen table drowning my irritations in a glass of Moet while Bradley’s steak was in its last few minutes of cooking in the stove.
“I’m fine.”
“You sure?”
“I’m positive. Why do you ask?”
As Bradley sat beside me, he ran his fingers through my hair. “Because that’s your third of glass of Moet.”
“I’m thirsty,” I said with a small chuckle.
“Are you getting nervous?”
“About what?”
“The wedding.”
The uncertainty in his expression brought back the guilt of how I’ve been so deceitful to him. It further let me know that Veronica had no right to feel betrayed. If I had betrayed anyone with my actions, it was this adorable man sitting next to me.
“Of course not, sweetie,” I answered while kissing his cheek.
“You’ve been so frustrated the past couple of days. Did I do something?”
Instantly, I stood to sit on his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on to him tightly. While I rubbed his head, he held me around my waist. His mass made me feel so petite.
“I’m just a little stressed about the wedding arrangements,” I lied. “Between work and the wedding, I am kinda drained. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?”
“For making you feel uneasy.”
Right then I wanted to tell him everything; about me and Veronica’s relationship, how he is all I’ve ever wanted, and how marrying such a catering and responsible man is all I’ve ever dreamed of.
But I knew better, so I simply kissed his weariness away.
EIGHT
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
LYRIC
I couldn’t sleep last night. All of my transgressions were playing over and over again in my head. All I could do was look at Bradley, admire him for the man he is, and shame myself for the woman that I’ve been to him.
As I dressed for work, I felt so heavy. Every time Bradley called me “baby” or “sweetie”, and even when he told me that he loved me as I left for work, my burdens became heavier. I needed to fix what I’d done the best way that I knew how. So instead of heading for work, I called in late and headed for Veronica’s place.
As I pulled onto Veronica’s block, I saw that there were two vehicles in her driveway. As I got closer, I recognized her Sebring and Rick’s Yukon. Instantly, my despair and weariness turned into pisstivity.
“This bitch is really fucking him,” I said to myself as I pulled into the driveway.
I hopped out of my car, and, as I walked passed their cars, I didn’t know whether I wanted to slash her tires or clear out the windows. It was eight in the morning, so obviously he spent the night. How desperate and mean is she to continue to fuck my fiancé’s friend? Had she only fucked him once to get to me, I would have still dismissed her but understood. But continuing to fuck him as if we’re all going to hang out and double date is a oh hell no.
I wanted to use the key that she gave me, because her waking up with his dick in her hand and me in her face would be the perfect end to this road. Yet, for the sake of Rick then telling my fiancé that I have keys to my “friend’s” apartment, I rung the bell instead.
Soon I heard shuffling behind the door. I knew that Veronica was on the other side of the door shitting in her boy shorts. I was all too pleased to catch her in this position.
Within a few minutes, Veronica opened the door and appeared frazzled. Her hair was all over her head and she simply wore a boy-beater and a pair of jeans. Beyond appearing like she either just woke up or just finished having sex, I could see a small smirk on her face as well.
I just stood there smiling at her pleasingly. “This makes it so much easier to do this.”
“I’ve been calling you for days. Why haven’t you answered my calls?”
I gave her an answer by dramatically pointing at Rick’s truck.
“That’s nothing.” The way she shrugged so nonchalantly pissed me off further. “We hung out too late, so he was too tired to drive home.”
It seemed as if there was some form of satisfaction in her expression, which brought this into perspective for me. She wanted me to catch her. She wanted me to see this so that I can hurt because she’s hurting. I already figured as much, but I hoped that wasn’t the case. I kinda hoped that she had madly fallen in love and was simply seeking happiness.
“Bitch, you think you got one up on me now? You think I give a fuck? The only thing you’ve proven is how I definitely need to leave your ass alone.”
“Oh really?” Veronica leaned in the doorway with her arms folded across her chest like she just won a fight.
“Hell yes, really. You think I want someone around me who could pull some shit like this? Not only is this nasty, but it’s pathetic and I don’t like pathetic bitches on my team.”
“Excuse me?” That’s when her arrogance faded away. “You have the audacity to judge me when you’ve been having your cake and eating it too,” she declared.
“This shit is different. You knew what you were getting into. You had a choice. Every move I made, I told you before I made it. When I met Bradley, I told you. When I fell in love, I told you. When I decided to marry him, I told you. It is not my fault that you thought this shit was a game and slept until you woke up and now I’m damn near at the altar and your feelings are hurt. Our situation was fucked up, yes, but deceitful to nobody but Bradley. For you to feel so hurt that you would fuck his friend just to hurt me was stupid, because guess what? ... I’m still on my way to that altar, and even faster now because my load is lighter now that I got your ass off my back.”
“I just wanted you to feel how I feel.”
“Well, you should have thought out this ‘brilliant’ plan a lot better because I don’t feel hurt. I feel relieved that you ended this for me. I feel disappointed because after this, I don’t even want to be your friend anymore.”
Her eyes bucked as she stated, “That’s bullshit, Lyric!”
“How so? Do you not realize that you fucked my fiancé’s friend? That shit is trashy.”
“But he means nothing to me.”
“Oh, he means something to you. He better mean something for you to have lost so much for him.”
When I saw the tears forming in her eyes, I merely walked away. I knew she wouldn’t follow me without any shoes on, so my escape was feasible. I just couldn’t stand to see her cry when just a few moments ago she was all too happy at the assumption that she hurt a good friend.
VICTORIA
Thankfully I got off work early since it’s the day before Thanksgiving.
Of course, I wouldn’t be able to get away that easily. As I made it to my car, popped the lock, and was about to make my swift getaway, I heard a familiar voice behind me.
I turned to see Delilah with a huge grin on her face. We hugged as she gave me a mischievous grin.
“Same to you,” I told her. “And what is that smile about?”
“I saw you and Coach Vince in the hallway.”
I thought back quickly. I saw Vince a few times today. We had lunch together and bumped into one another a time or two in the halls. We were always careful not to show public displays of affection in front of the students, but in our offices or our cars, we hold nothing back.
I asked Delilah nonchalantly, “And?”
I couldn’t imagine what she’d seen and my aging mind wouldn’t allow me to quickly remember what Vince and I could have accidentally done out in the open, though I was sure it was nothing more than a hug or a peck. Either way, I like my job and want to keep it, so I gots to be more careful.
“You all were giving each other the eye.”
I hid a sigh of relief. “The eye?”
“Yes, the eye. Stop playing, Ms. Brown. He was blushing and smiling. You looked like you wanted to take his clothes off.”
“Watch your mouth.”
“Ms. Brown, I am almost eighteen. I know what grown folks do.”
“Well, Coach Vince and I aren’t doing what you think we’re doing.”
She smiled. “But y’all want to.”
“Bye, Delilah.” I opened the car door and waved with a smile as I climbed in.
“He’s cute! You need to jump on that,” she told me through the closed window.
“Go home, chil’! It’s freezing out here!”
Delilah merely laughed as I started my car and drove away. As I waved goodbye and watched her in my rear view mirror, I wished so much for a girl who had so much drive and potential.
Two hours later, Taij was at my house to pick up DeSire. He looked good as usual, but his visit was much different today. Usually he comes in, we talk about when he’ll be bringing her back, and then he leaves. Today he was lingering; playing with her in her room, wanting to change her clothes, etc., etc.
Taij and I haven’t talked in depth that much since our break up. I was so overwhelmed over the events surrounding the break up that I was solely focused on transitioning from a family to a single-parent. Needless to say, he and I didn’t talk much about why he did what he did, nor was reconciling ever in my interest. I simply cursed his existence, locked him out of our home, and only associated with him on a “need to” basis.
“Does she need anything?”
Taij was standing in the middle of the floor holding DeSire as I sat in the rocking chair nearest the window. As he’s been lingering aimlessly, I’ve just sat here looking out of the window and wondering to myself what the fuck he is up to.
“No,” I simply answered.
I heard him sigh as if he was frustrated, and that’s when I finally made eye contact with him. He gave me such a sympathetic stare that it made me nauseous. When I look at him, I still see the motherfucker that broke my heart. I still remember the day that I took a piss and it burned. I still remember finding out that he was fucking the same chick that clubbed with me on a regular basis. Therefore, his sympathy is phony as hell.
I spit, “What the fuck are you up to?”
“I’m just trying to have a conversation with you.”
“For what? You came to pick up your daughter. You have her. Now leave.”
He looked as if I insulted his manhood. “Why does our relationship have to be like this, Vic?”
“I am not screaming at you, and you can come get your daughter any time you please. That, in comparison to the stunts you’ve pulled, is a damn good relationship to have with me considering that, in my heart, I don’t want to have shit with you.”
“Regardless of how you feel about me, we have to communicate because of DeSire.”
“We communicate.”
“Well, I want you to talk to me and not at me.”
“And I wanted you to love me and not give me a fucking STD.”
Then he had the audacity to smack his lips and roll his eyes as if I were annoying him.
“I hate you,” I said as I stood to my feet. “If you died today, I wouldn’t bat an eye or miss a beat. You wanna know why I ain’t got shit to say to you? Because you ruined my life, that’s why! You knew I had no family, and you chose to create one with me just to fuck it up with a hot dick. I ain’t got time to communicate with you because I left your ass for a reason, and I’m too busy out here finding out why.”
Taij’s expression gave me so much shame, but I didn’t care. What I said was the truth, more truth than our relationship ever consisted of, so if he couldn’t take it, he knew where the door was.
He soon found the door. There were no more words between us after that. He simply gathered DeSire’s things, slipped on her snow suit, and exited without even making eye contact with me.
No sooner than Taij left, I changed and headed out in search of a drink. Crystal called while I was in the car trying to figure out where to go. Fortunately for me, she sounded as weary as I did, so she said she’d meet me at Eve’s for a couple of drinks.
The argument with Taij and the holiday season had my mind filled with heartbreaking memories. Thoughts of my mother flooded my brain. It seems as if the older I get, the harder it is for me to remember her.
When Taij and I started dating, I was in a lot of pain. Though I had friends who loved me dearly, those biologically attached to me were dead and/or gone. I could only see my mother in my dreams. I didn’t even want to dream about her because, even in my dreams, I didn’t want to tell her about the way my father beat me, belittled me, played with my body, and attempted to have sex with me. I didn’t want to tell her about the attempted suicide or how insecure I felt that the only man in my life was a no good father who could see me on the street and then turn his cheek, as if he wasn’t just using me to get off when I lived with him.
Taij was a savior to me. He replaced so much that my life was missing. He came into my life knowing my story and decided to be the father-figure that I needed, the family that I was missing, and the love that I yearned for. That’s why the choice between picking him over my friendships back home was such an easy decision. Tricey and Lyric couldn’t be my family; so I immaturely thought back then. Knowing my story, Taij still played with my heart like it was worthless. I don’t understand how he could know how fragile I was and then turn around and give me another blow to my heart.
I know that I’ve never attempted to heal from that blow. I never dealt with the loss or the emotions that came with that heartbreak. Instead, I cried a river and built a bridge of emotionless sex over it.
As I turned to go south on Stony Island, my cell phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Hey, baby.”
It was Vince, and just hearing his voice irritated me. It reminded me of the way Taij also wanted to be my everything at one point, just as Vince is presenting himself to now.
But I managed to redirect my anger with a simple, “Hey.”
“You’re out and about?”
“Yes, sir.”
“DeSire’s gone with her dad?”
“Yep.”
“You okay?”
“I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
“You just sound a bit bothered.”
“Just tired.”
“Where are you on your way to?”
“To Erotic Poetry with Crystal.”
Vince laughed, saying, “Sean let her outside tonight?”
“I guess she’s saying fuck him tonight. She’s probably still angry about him stepping out on her.”
“What happened with that?”
“She didn’t tell me and I didn’t ask. Obviously she stayed with him just like I thought she would. I am sure I will hear about it after the third or fourth drink, though.”
Then Vince sighed slightly and said, “I miss you, babe.”
“I just saw you at school today,” I replied, sl
ightly laughing.
“No. I missyou. We haven’t hung out in a couple days. We’ve just seen one another in passing. You wanna come over when you’re done hanging with Crystal?”
My eyes instantly rolled into the back of my head. Vince is a wonderful man, but my current state of mind and heart is not allowing me to feel the full affect of all that is him. Part of me wants to fall in love with him and the other part of me, that Taij just re-lit, wants to run the hell away from his ass.
“Sure, babe.”
But I be damned if I allow Taij’s affect on me to prevent me from get fucked, especially since he didn’t allow my affect on him to do the same.
Since my coochie had a date with Vince’s later on this evening, I wanted to make this drink session short and quick. Crystal was already at the bar when I got to Eve’s. She already had two Long Island Iced Teas prior to my arrival, so I knew that she was in one of her “fuck Sean” moods. Unfortunately for her, I was eager to get to Vince, so I was not in the mood to listen to her bitch for the next three or four hours about the same shit she’s been bitching about since I’ve known her.
“What are you having today, Vic? Double shot of Patron on ice?”
That was Bianca, the bartender. Suddenly I realized how much of a bar hop I must have become since she now knows my name and favorite drink.
Besides her being damn near drunk already, Crystal’s cleavage was spilling out onto the floor, and I could have actually made a fingerprint on her cheek since she was wearing so much make-up. She looked nice, but it was odd for Crystal. I don’t think she’s put this much effort into her appearance since the day she married Sean.
Even though I could see in her face that she was beyond irritated, Crystal mad small talk as I sat down. “So what’s been up with you and Vince? Y'all still goin’ strong?”
“I wouldn’t say ‘going strong’. We’re moving slow and steady though,” I assured her with a smile.
“Are you still refusing to settle down?”
I nodded my head confidently as I thanked Bianca for my drink and handed her my credit card so that she could start running a tab.
Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series) Page 11
