Vic’s first visit to church with Lynn made her realize that the help she needed was not professional. She then understood that she needed religious and spiritual healing instead. Vic is far from a Bible-toting Christian that speaks in tongues and throws blessed oil all over everybody she meets. She now simply realizes the power in prayer, acknowledges God by being heavily involved in the church, lives her life in accordance to His word to the best of her abilities, and now realizes where her help truly comes from.
I often go to church with Vic as I deal with Amiel’s absence and the struggle of deciding whether to tell him about his child. I still haven’t seen or heard from him since almost eight months ago when I told him to walk out of my life. The only communication between us since that day was when I found my car keys in the mailbox the morning after. When I told him to walk out of my life, I gave him back the keys since he purchased the car and was paying the note. Apparently, before deciding to walk, he thought that I was at least worth the car. Of course, I am now paying the note. Morally, I feel like he deserves to know about his child, but selfishly I choose not to tell him because I believe that he and Bridget, his wife, will only taint the experience of having my first-born child. Therefore, I opt not to deal with him and his wife, who he was so-called “separated from”, and pray that God will show me the right thing to do for me and mine.
My cell phone rang as Vic and I transferred items from the shopping bags into a big tote that I am going to take to the restaurant where my baby shower will be tomorrow afternoon. Luckily, I was wearing my Bluetooth, so I didn’t have to get up to answer.
“Hello?”
“Hey, girl. It’s me.”
“Hey, Lyric.”
“What you doin’?”
“Vic and I are going through some of the decorations for the baby shower.”
Since Vic and Lyric are still at odds, neither one of them responded to me mentioning the other. Vic simply continued organizing things and Lyric continued with the conversation.
I was very nervous and anxious to see how things were going to go down tomorrow since that will be the first time Lyric and Vic have seen one another since the day Lyric and I found out that Vic was in love with my ex-boyfriend nine years ago.
“I’m just calling to let you know that I haven’t forgotten my role. I will be there bright and early tomorrow to help you,” Lyric told me.
“Are you sure?”
I had to ask. Lately, if it wasn’t at work, I barely saw Lyric. We used to spend so much time shopping and clubbing together. Now her new “hobby” takes up so much of her time. A few months ago, she met this woman named Evette at a club she frequents. Evette then introduced her to her husband, Jelani. Then Evette and Jelani both introduced Lyric into their bed. Lyric has been dating this couple casually ever since.
Lyric seems to enjoy it and is careful to protect herself, so I don’t judge her; especially since, by default, I haven’t had sex in damn near a year.
I am so desperate for a sexual escapade that if Lyric was screwing a sheep, I would be jealous.
Vic and Desire were gone just a few hours later.As I lay in the middle of the floor, sinceit was the most comfortable place I could find, I could hear Nate entering the condo with his key.
Nate is the drug-dealing baller that would try to buy mypussy with a Gucci bag here, Louis Vuitton bag there, and shoes to match back in ’07.
Nate and I reconnected with each other about six months ago. He called to check on me since I was so MIA. He was all too pissed to learn that his probable millions couldn’t buy my sex, but a married man who refused to commit to me could and got me knocked up in the process. Since I was feeling so down about losing Amiel, I allowed Nate to start coming and sticking around. I needed the familiar company of a man.
Surprisingly, in the year and few months that Nate and I were estranged, Nate not only matured, but also got a lot richer. In the past two years, his dealings in the dope game have surpassed his wildest expectations.
When he was pursuing me, I never knew exactly how deep in the dope game he was, and I still don’t. I just know that every time I need something, he has it times ten. I purposely choose not to know too many details. The less I know, the better. All I know is that his life gets so hectic with the drug deals, women, dishonesty, and mistrust that he often uses my condo as a safe haven. Several months ago, he also decided to use it as a hiding place for his “merchandise”. I know I have no business allowing him to store bricks of cocaine and heroin in the floors of my utility closet, but I couldn’t refuse when he offered to pay my mortgage in exchange for the burden. Because of this “arrangement,” he is allowed to have keys to my condo so that he can get to his merch when necessary, even if I’m not home.
I don’t mind. Like I said, and little does he know, he keeps me company. For a chick that is knocked up by a married man who has no idea that she’s even pregnant, Nate is a Godsend with his- bill paying, food bringing, and sometimes laying up with me-self. Perhaps the fact that I’m pregnant has a lot to do with it, but Nate no longer tries to buy my sex. Now he acts like the big brother that I never had, but always wanted. We’ve grown to care for each other outside of the realm of sizing one another up as a potential piece. He simply takes care of me. In turn, I take care of him and help him keep his nose as clean as possible.
“What’s up, Blood?” I often call Nate by his street name just to make him laugh at my attempts to be hard, because he always says that I am toobougie to pull it off. I am what he calls “boughetto”.
He greeted me with a kiss on the cheek. “What’s up, Ma?”
Then I smelled Mexican food and got happy. “You brought me tacos?!”
“You shouldn’t even smile that hard over food, Fat Ass.” Then he handed me a bag of love in the form of soft shell, double-stuffed steak tacos from Los Gallos, my favorite authentic Mexican restaurant conveniently located two blocks away.
I didn’t even bother moving. I turned the floor into my table and dug in. “What are you doing here?”
“Picking something up.”
“Aaaaw! You stopped to get me food on the way. So sweet.”
“I got the baby something to eat. Not you, chump.”
Then I heard a horn blowing in the driveway. Immediately “Blood” came out. “That bitch,” he cursed.
“Which bitch is it this time?”
There is always one woman after another. Women love Blood’s dirty drawers. And why wouldn’t they? From how I understand it, he owns every bag of crack and heroin on the south and west side of the city. Blood has enough money to put every chick who acts right in a house and a brand new car- all to shut her up about the fact that she is definitely sharing him with the next woman. Blood has no problem splurging on the pussy. I mean real splurging, including shopping sprees, trips for a chick and her friends, and more shopping sprees.
Not to mention, Blood is so sexy. Normally the man with the money is fat and/or ugly with a small penis, but not Blood. I pride myself in dating attractive men with nice size dicks, and though I never slept with Blood, I made sure that he fit my requirements and then some. Besides having smooth vanilla skin, a perfectly lined fade, dark Latino features, and a 6’4” frame, he had the nerve to hit the gym about a year ago and gained roughly forty pounds. Now he is a Hershey white-chocolate bar with the perfect athletic build covered in tattoos of praying hands, dope boy slogans, and the names of family members and friends that have deceased over the years.
But like I said, this is all done to shut her up about having to share him with the next bitch.
And they all hate me. When he tells them that he is coming to his “spot”, they always expect for it to be some run down crack house and for me to look like a dope fiend. It’s so funny to see their jaws drop when they walk into my$250,000 condo and shit bricks when my pregnant ass waddles into the living room. They swear I’m the main bitch.
“Alicia,” he answered.
Alicia; the numero uno bitch tha
t gets on my nerves. Nate obviously likes her because she is one of few that know where the “spot” is, but considering their ten-year difference, Alicia won’t last in Blood’s life much longer.
Alicia is some twenty-two year old teenybopper that finally got her a taste of the good life via Blood three months ago and doesn’t know how to act. She stays on Blood’s heels. If they aren’t together, she is calling him every thirty minutes. She’s young and, therefore, doesn’t understand the power of a dollar yet, so a man footing her bills isn’t enough to shut her up.
VICTORIA
“Please come with me, Lynn.”
Lynn laughed as if my misery was so amusing to her.
I continued to beg through the phone. “Lynn, please? Don’t make me face this alone.”
“Take God with you,” she said as she snickered.
I groaned at her jokes as I lay on the couch and enjoyed DeSire finally being asleep. The terrible twos have turned into the terrible threes and are here with a fierce vengeance. I must have whooped her ten times today for throwing this, knocking that down, and suddenly having this attitude that wants to talk back in half-ass baby talk since she has yet to say full sentences correctly.
“What is the big deal? You haven’t seen her in umpteen years. What do you think she’s going to do? Beat you up?”
It’snot that I think Lyric will do anything to me when I see her tomorrow. I just want Lynn to come along so that I have a shoulder to lean on during this tense baby shower. Everyone, fromTricey’s family to her friends, will be looking at me and Lyric awaiting our fate; waiting to see if we will speak to one another and, if we do, whether we’ll be at each other’s throats.
I understand Lyric’s hate for me. I always have. I slept withTricey’s ex, fell in love with him, and had his baby. All during grammar and high school, Tricey, Lyric, and I were like the Three Musketeers. We were inseparable. We were like sisters, especially since Lyric and I don’t have any blood siblings. Taij and Tricey “went together” when we were about fourteen. She was so in love with him that she mistakenly got knocked up. Taij, out of fear, ran away to get away from the possibility of Tricey’s mother sending him to jail since he was almost eighteen at the time. Tricey’s mother eventually forced Tricey to get an abortion. Tricey never saw Taij again until many years later when he was my man.
I knew how wrong I was when I started dating Taij once I got in college. I professed my apologies to Tricey repeatedly and she, thankfully, forgave me. Lyric never did and, in result, we have never seen each other again.
Facing Lyric after all of these years will be something that I need support doing. Tricey will be busy enjoying her shower, Crystal, one of my other good friends, is out of town, and Sugar will most likely be late.
Lynn is my only option.
“Of course not,” I answered. “But it’s going to be weird and a lot of tension. I need someone to talk to, and Tricey will be too busy.”
“Where is Crystal?”
Lynn and Crystal are friends as well. Crystal and I met Lynn when Lynn started working at Kraton High as a counselor. I was so happy that they hired an additional counselor to support me. I needed someone to share the burden of hearing the student’s issues because it was becoming too much for me as I dealt with my own.
Because Lynn and I worked so close together, our friendship grew into a support system for one another. At the time, I was seeing a psychologist. Finally, I realized that I needed help; help with dealing with the burdens that I buried, one on top of the other, in the back of my mind. From those sessions, I learned how to deal with the depression and anxiety of my father’s abuse and losing Taij, but I still didn’t feel healed.
I expressed my feelings to Lynn and that’s when she invited me to her church; Saint Luke Church of God in Christ. I have had somewhat of a relationship with God all of my life. I have always prayed. My parents weren’t very religious, so I wasn’t raised in church, norwas I taught how to have faith in God. I just knew that He existed, and I sometimes prayed. I had no knowledge of the power of prayer, faith, and what having a relationship with God was truly about. Therefore, my prayers were faithless because I didn’t truly know Him.
When I started to attend church, my burdens began to lift left and right. Though I have yet to totally give my life to the Lord, I have began to live my life with knowledge of Him, His word, and His power, and therefore live my life differently.
“Crystal and Sean are on vacation, remember?”
“I guess I can come for moral support,” Lynn answered reluctantly. “You know I’m not in the mood to be in the presence of anyone’s excessive joy, but I guess, for you, I can bite the bullet.”
“You still in a bad mood?”
Lynn groaned as she answered, “I still have the same husband, don’t I?”
Lynn and Travis, her husband, have been suffering from some bad marital problemsfor the last few months. Really, it’s Lynn who has the problem. She suddenly feels as if she isn’t in love anymore and even says that she’s sexually unsatisfied. In my opinion, she married too young, so her inner teenager is lashing out.
Lynn and Travis got married when Lynn was nineteen and Travis was twenty-three. Both of their sets of parents were uber religious, so they instructed them to get married when Lynn got pregnant. Ten years and three more kids later, Lynn has grown tired of Travis, the kids, and playing the role of a married woman. Suddenly she wants to go out and meet new people. She even gives men second glances when usually her commitment to her husband wouldn’t allow her to look at them at all.
I truly believe that her frustration stems from wanting to leave her marriage, but being too scared of initiating a divorce; something she’s been taught all of her life is wrong in the eyes of God.
“Lynn, you shouldn’t be like that.”
“Well, I can’t help it,” she replied. “I’m sick of him. It’s the same ol’ same ol’ everyday. He is lame and boring. All he wants to do is come home from work, go to church, and sleep.”
“And?” I was waiting to hear something wrong.
“And there is no umph! No romance! No excitement! It’s so blah! We have sex like we’ve been doing it for ten years.”
“You have!”
“But it doesn’t have to feel like it! He’s so disinterested in trying new things. He’s scared of evolving with the rest of the world!” Lynn sighed as she continued. “I just need something different, some excitement. I’m so glad that the Lord saved me. If He hadn’t, I would be such a hoe!”
I fell out laughing because that rang so true in my heart. Memories of just a few months ago when I was hopping from one penis to the next raced through my mind. Though the sex was great then, I’ve never felt as fulfilled as I do right now. I finally filled that void in my life with what a big, good penis couldn’t; real and permanent pleasure and contentment.
“The Lord is my Shepherd and all. He knows what I want and er’ thang, so I wish He would put some oomph back in my saved bedroom!”
Travis is a deacon. Therefore, he’s way more involved in the church than Lynn is. However, both of them gave their lives to the Lord a long time ago, so all aspects of their life surround the church.
“Last night I wanted to have sex and he turned me down cold!”
“Why?”
“He tried to blame it on the kids still being awake, but I know it was because he just wasn’t interested.” Lynn sighed as she groaned heavily. “I just need a change! I need a break!”
“Take one.”
“How can I? That wouldn’t look right.”
“Bump what other people think! Do something before you end up hating him.”
“It may be too late for that.”
Lynn’s complaining continued for about an hour.
I was still listening to Lynn whine about her boring life when Taij rang the doorbell.
I wasn’t surprised about his visit. He often stops by on his way home from work to say hello to DeSire, to drop something off
for her, and so forth. Taij knows that I wouldn’t dare have another man in my home while DeSire is here, so he is never scared of stopping by unannounced.
Taij moved back to theMidwest from Atlanta in May of this year. He claimed that the move was solely motivated by his need to be in DeSire’s life fulltime. By then, I already had begun to pray about releasing the anger in me that still hated Taij for the way he ran a train over my heart, so I didn’t get upset when he started to spend seemingly as much time at my house as I did.
So far, I no longer hate him and can be unconditionally polite to him.
However, I am still working on forgiving and forgetting.
TWO
Sunday, July 12, 2009
LYRIC
“Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease come with me?”
Cory laughed at my pleading and whining as he sat across from me at the dining room table.
Cory is typically at my house on Sunday mornings. Our Saturday nights are usually hectic and regularly last until six in the morning, so he often crashes here until the weariness, alcohol, and sometimes ecstasy, in his case, wears off.
“Nope,” he answered as he vigorously shook his head.
“Why not?! I can’t believe you! You go everywhere else with me. How are you going to miss Tricey’s baby shower? You know she’s going to be mad at you if you don’t come.”
“So,” he said sarcastically.
“You’re just doing this because you know that I need you to come with me.”
“Exactly!”
“That’s so cruel!”
“Let me get this right,” he replied. “You and your little ‘2 Live Crew’ dismantled back in the heyday when you and Tricey found out that Vic was off at college getting it on with Tricey’s ex-boyfriend; actually, her ex baby’s daddy, but Tricey had to get rid of the baby because her mother didn’t want her Little Tinkle Bell becoming a Mama Tinkle Bell so early in the game.”
Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series) Page 21
