He dressed very down; likely for a Sunday morning. He merely wore jeans, a white tee, and gym shoes.
As we got the basic information from one another-age, location, where we grew up, and what schools we went to here in the city- his jewelry caught my attention. On his wrist was a two-tone diamond bar link bracelet. He also wore what looked to be two-carat diamond studs in each ear. These were two simple pieces of jewelry that said he was more than a simple man that happened to be in Dominick’s.
In the little time that we spoke, he seemed very down to earth. He had a sense of humor, which I appreciated, making me laugh several times unexpectedly.
The fact that he had no wife that I was attracted to or didn’t make any immediate attempts to get me into bed with, made him a breath of fresh air and great potential.
“Well, it was nice to meet you, Lyric. I’ll be giving you a call soon,” he told me.
He reached out to hug me before walking away. Surprisingly, it wasn’t an embrace that invaded my space. It was a simple and easygoing hug that let me know that he truly thought that it was great to meet me and appreciated the opportunity to get further acquainted.
Later, while sipping various top shelf drinks and downing double cheeseburgers, hot wings, and cheese sticks at Bocce’s, a bar and grill in Matteson, Illinois, I got a phone call from Evette.
Cory cackled as I contemplated answering her call. “Ooooo, as the world turns, chil’! As the motha-fuckin’ world turns!”
I was tipsy by now, so I was not in the right state of mind to play off anything. I just ignored the call and laughed along with Cory.
“Girl, you are caught up in a world of bullshit. You bet’ not eva do that shit again.”
“I won’t,” I swore. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“You were just missing your beau.”
Before I could agree with Cory, my cell phone was ringing again, and, again, it was Evette.
Cory cursed, “Shit! Answer the damn phone or turn the ringer off!”
Regretfully, I answered. “Hey, honey!”
Evette didn’t greet me with the same happiness or return the enthusiasm. There was silence and low sniffles as I strained to hear her over the jukebox that Cory filled with dollars to play his favorite Beyonce, Keri Hilson, and Janet Jacksonsongs.
“Evette? Honey, are you okay?”
“No,” she cried. “I need to talk. Are you busy?”
“Cory and I are having drinks. What’s wrong?”
Knowing that she was interrupting my good time with her tears must have irritated her even more, because her sobs intensified. “Jelani left me.”
My eyes bucked and I grabbed Cory’s hand in response to the news. “What do you mean Jelani left you?”
Cory dramatically fell out of his chair and on to the floor. It took everything in me not to laugh at his antics.
“Jelani packed his things and left me this morning. He says he has feelings for someone else.”
At hearing this, I wanted to pass the hell out. I looked wearily at Cory as he finally got off the floor.
Evette continued to sob. “I don’t know what to do! Why would he do this to me?”
I couldn’t find the words to say. I wanted to cry my damn self.
“I’m sorry,” Evette apologized, noticing my silence. “I know you’re out trying to have a good time. I am so sorry for calling you with my drama. I just needed to talk to someone.”
“No, I understand. I’ll check on you later, okay?”
As Evette and I said our goodbyes, I suddenly wasn’t hungry anymore. I couldn’t understand Jelani’s sudden feelings for me, and, whether they were genuine or not, I needed to let him know that there was absolutely nothing between us. He needed to know that it was his best bet to stay in his marriage if he’d left it for me.
I rapidly fired off a text message to Jelani:
Evette called and told me that you left her. This is getting out of hand and so are you. There is nothing between us. I am sorry if you feel differently, but I don’t. Please don’t attempt to contact me again.
At two o’clock in the morning, I was startled out of my sleep by thuds and crashes at my bedroom window.
I lay in my bed in confusion and fear. Then the window opened, but luckily, the security bars only allowed it to open about two inches.
I heard my name being yelled from the outside. “Lyric! Lyric!”
When I recognized Jelani’s voice, my feelings went from fear to pure irritation.
I began shouting as I jumped out of bed. “What the fuck are you doin’ at my gawd damn window?!”
“I need to talk to you!” As Jelani continued to beg, I could only sigh and shake my head. “Will you please open the door? Please?”
I could not believe it. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone and desperately wanted out.
As I threw on a pair of pants and t-shirt, I could hear Jelani’s footsteps through the sticks and bushes leaving the side of my building.
I cursed as I exited my room. “I can’t believe this shit!”
My apartment was very dark, so between not being able to see and still being a bit delirious from some of my body and mind remaining asleep, I tripped a few times and ran into this and that as I fumbled towards the front door.
I buzzed Jelani in, opened the door, walked back into my bedroom, turned on the light, sat on my bed, and waited for Jelani as I got my head together.
I could hear him entering the apartment and then closing the door behind himself. I readied myself to stand strong and be stern with my argument. I wasn’t sure whether Jelani wasn’t wrapped too tight or was just a man truly in love. Either way, I wanted him to leave me the hell alone.
When he appeared in the doorway of my bedroom, it was pathetic and obvious that he was sincerely happy to see me.
He immediately asked, “Why have you been ignoring me?”
“Because I’m waiting for you to act like you have some gawd damn sense!”
He seemed crushed. Jelani sat beside me and took my hand into his.
I snatched my hand away in amazement. “Jelani! You have to stop acting like this! You and I are not we. We will never be together.”
“Why not?”
I was confused; confused because he actually asked me that with sincerity, as if it was actually an option.
“I left Evette,” he told me. “I love you. Didn’t you enjoy us?”
“It was two weeks!”
“It’s been months.”
“That was different! I wasn’t just sleeping with you. I wasn’t your woman.”
Technically speaking, I have been his woman. I have been dating both he and Evette. In my mind, I was sleeping with Jelani only as a perk for being involved with Evette. Truth be told, however, when we partied, went to movies, and had dinner, Jelani was often there and he treated me no different than he treated Evette, and vice versa, because I was dating them.
“Jelani, I’m sorry if it may have come off like I was involved with you in any way more than sex, but that is not the case.”
“So these past two weeks alone with me meant nothing to you?”
“I’m sorry, but no, it didn’t.”
He laughed as if he didn’t believe a word I was saying. “Don’t be morally correct now because I’m married. You didn’t give a fuck for the past two weeks.”
“Sleeping together was a mistake that we should not have made.”
“But you’re attracted to me.”
“Yes, I am. Point?”
“And I have feelings for you. You are for me. We’ve had so much fun these past few weeks. How could you deny that? If you’re attracted to someone, what’s wrong with being with them?”
“Because you’re married!”
“I left her,” he affirmed as if it were a minor concern.
“And I don’t like you like that.”
His amused smile caught me off guard. I wondered why he had such a pleasant disposition in such a fucked up si
tuation. I stood up and walked towards my dresser. There was nothing that I needed in that direction. I just needed to pace.
I turned around to find that Jelani was right behind me. He reached for my face with both hands and kissed my lips. When I turned my face to avoid him, he opted to kiss my cheek and neck. I reached between his legs and felt for his erection. He was rock hard, so I began to slowly stroke it until I heard pleasure come out of his mouth in discreet moans.
Then I began to purr softly. “You feel that?”
He immediately answered, “Hell yea.”
“Well, that’s all I feel for you.”
He stepped back and looked at me, questioning my audacity to be so directly hurtful.
There was no doubt that Jelani and I had a connection. We had instant and intense chemistry that allowed us to immensely enjoy each other’s company. It was a connection so instinctive that one would swear there was a deep love between us.
Despite this, I am not ready for what he wants. I know this because the thought of even giving him what he wants makes me nauseous. To experience love with anyone besides my ex-fiancé nauseates me.
Evette was cool to hang with and date, but we have shared no blood, sweat, or tears. The only thing keeping me from taking her husband is my fear of karma and the hurt that I still feel after losing Bradley.
“Look, Jelani,” I told him. “I’m going to step out and when I come back, I want you to be gone.”
I couldn’t even look him in his face before I left the bedroom. I merely walked out and found my way into the kitchen.
Disappointment in myself kept me from being able to continue that conversation. Just last year I was happy and ready to share my life with the perfect man. I threw that away because of my effortless talent to disconnect myself emotionally from sex.
It’s time that I understand that everyone has not been raped, so, therefore, everyone does not have the same ability to emotionally disconnect from sexual encounters as I do. I need to realize that it is a possibility that when people have sex with me, there is a chance that they are doing so because they actually have feelings for me.
Fifteen
Monday, August 3, 2009
LYRIC
After about ten minutes of doing nothing in the kitchen, I heard Jelani leave out of the front door. I was all too relieved that this was over and hoped that he had enough of overreacting to our “relationship”.
As usual, I turned my “five more minutes” of sleep into twenty and woke up late for work the next morning. I hurriedly got ready; showering quickly, putting on a little make-up, and brushing my hair up into a cute bun. Once I was finished, I rushed into the closet.
That is when the overwhelming smell of bleach hit my nose. I immediately looked to the floor to see if I kicked over a bottle of bleach. There on the floor was my normal bottle of bleach, regularly kept next to the washing powder, indeed knocked over with the contents emptied out.
I covered my nose with a towel to block the strong fumes as they were starting to make my eyes water. Then I quickly reached further into the closet to grab a dress to throw on.
Horror and rage consumed me as I noticed bleached spots ruining my clothes as they hung from the rails. Every pair of pants, every shirt, every coat, every jacket, and every suit was destroyed by bleach. It was as if the bleach had been flung around the closet effortlessly.
My thoughts immediately regressed back to last night when I walked out of my room to give Jelani opportunity to leave.
“Son of a bitch!”
I ran out of the closet towards my cell phone to see if he called or text messaged me during the night. He hadn’t, so I quickly got dressed. Luckily, I recently picked up a few items from the cleaners and had yet to hang them up, so I had something clean and suitable to wear for the day.
“I can’t believe this shit!”
I repeated that phrase over and over again as I got dressed and even as I drove to work. Jelani’s audacity was overwhelming to me. I couldn’t understand why he was suddenly so crazy about all of this. I debated back and forth about calling him during my ride to work. Part of me wanted to tear him a new one; the other part of me just wanted to let him and this madness go completely, consider this a good reason to go shopping, and call it a loss.
However, as I parked my car in my normal spot and hopped out, Jelani gave me a reason to tear him a new one. I noticed him walking towards me as I was locking my doors.
“What the fuck are you doing here?!” This was just way too much for me, especially on a Monday morning. “Are you crazy?!”
That was a given. This motherfucker was obviously completely oblivious and freakin’ loony tunes. See, this is why you gotta watch who you’re laying up with.
“I just want to talk to you,” he begged.
“Talk to me?! Talk to me?! Motherfucka, write me a check! Ain’t no talkin’! You gon’ ruin my clothes?! Women do shit like that! Who taught you that?! Evette?!”
“I’m sorry.”
“No! You are weird;that’s what you are! And I want you to leave me alone.”
As I walked away, I could hear him following closely behind me. As his footsteps got closer and closer, I looked around quickly to see if I saw anyone; a cop, pedestrian, or any damn body. However, it was still early, seven in the morning, so there was no one.
As soon as I felt Jelani grab my arm, I lost it. I didn’t know whether he was just simply trying to get my attention or do more damage, but I wasn’t about to find out.
I swung my arms, purse, and keys. I made contact with his face a few times, but I was aiming for any and everything. “Leave me alone!”
The look in Jelani’s eyes actually made me feel bad for a minute. It seemed he could not believe that I could be so hostile and cruel to him.
Then I remembered the smell of bleach and lost all sympathy. “Just leave me alone! What’s so hard about that?”
“I have feelings for you, Lyric. I left my wife.”
“You left your wife because you wanted to! That didn’t have anything to do with me. And if that’s what you’re thinking, fix it now. I never told you that I wanted to be in a relationship with you.”
“But you fucked me like you wanted to.”
This was all too much like déjà-vu. His words sounded like Veronica’s just last year. I could not imagine me being so inconsiderate for these past few weeks that I didn’t realize his feelings for me.
“Don’t throw that shit in my face,” I said, defending myself anyway. “You enjoyed it just as much as I did! I never told you that I wanted to be with you. I never told you that I loved you. I never told you much of anything outside of fucking you. So to live this fantasy of me being with you is nonsense! And until you write me a check for the clothes you ruined, you don’t have shit else to say to me.”
Before I could think clearly, I was walking briskly back to my car. Out of my peripheral, I could still see Jelani standing there aimlessly, not knowing what to do or say. It was as if he was wondering whether he should follow me or not.
I didn’t know where I was going, but I just knew that I had to get the hell out of there.
I ended up calling off work for the day. My need for a drink superseded my obligations at my nine to five. So, I text messaged both Cory and Tricey to see what they were doing. Cory works odd days at the MAC counter in Nordstrom. He also hustles as a make-up artist for hire, so I am usually able to catch him at home.
When Tricey text messaged that she was finally back at home, I told her that I was headed her way with breakfast. I also told Cory to meet me at Tricey’s place. Then, I stopped at the liquor store. Mimosas were a good way to get away with drinking so early in the morning.
I informed both Cory and Tricey that this was a Code Ten - Man Down situation, so Cory was in Tricey’s driveway by the time I got there. Tricey was on the couch sipping on green tea and watching Oprah when we got in.
“So what the hell is the T?”
Tricey agreed wit
h Cory as she took the Burger King bag from me. “Right. What is going on? And did you make sure to get me a double crossian'wich?”
I laughed. “Yes, I remembered.”
Cory asked again impatiently, “So what happened?”
“Jelani is what happened! So last night, well this morning, at like two o’clock, I hear some noise at my bedroom window.”
Both Tricey and Cory’s eyes bucked and rolled as they began to eat their breakfast. As I began to pour a very strong Mimosa, I told them the entire story about Jelani begging at my window, me letting him in, me finally showing him what I think of him, walking out to allow him to leave with some sort of dignity, and then me waking up to my clothes suddenly looking like tie-dye.
Cory dramatically fell back into the couch and screamed when I mentioned the bleach encountering my clothes. “Biiiiiiiiiiiiitch, no he DIDN’T! Please tell me he DID NOT!”
I assured Cory that Jelani had indeed ruined ninety percent of my wardrobe. Tricey sat in amazement at Cory’s feet on the floor as she demolished her double crossian’wich and large order of hash browns.
I continued to tell them how Jelani continued to show his ass once I got to work.
“See? That’s that voodoo pussy I be talkin’ about,” Tricey said. “You can’t just be whippin’ it on any and everybody and expecting them not to lose their minds when you try to walk away from them. You have to ration out the good coochie.”
I laughed as I disagreed. “It is not like that.”
“Yes, it is! You have the fool following you, showing up at your workplace, and whatnot! What are you going to do if he actually gets in a window one of these nights? You are going to wake up and he is going to be standing over you with his dick out!”
Cory and Tricey fell out in hysterics.
I started pouting. “That is not funny. I am getting a gun.”
“Yea right,” Tricey argued.
Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series) Page 34
