I went straight home with that sexy motherfucka; do not pass go- do not collect $200.
Since I rode with Tricey to the club, once the party was over, I hopped into Derrick’s Range Rover and text messaged Tricey, telling her that I would pick up my car in the morning. Of course, she started to flood my inbox with questions and comments about me going home with Derrick.
Then I got another phone call from Vince, so I turned my phone off completely.
During the ride to his house in Westmount, Derrick continued to insist that I shouldn’t be ashamed of my choice of narcotic. He told me that he knew many professionals, college students, and even athletes that “powdered their nose”. He ensured me that I wasn’t some sort of crackhead that was shooting up and that I had actually chosen a very bougie way of getting high.
I wanted to tell him that I had not chosen it. I wanted to tell him that, that day in my office, coke had in fact chosen me and I was so appreciative of the gesture.
Yet, in order to complete this fantasy, I kept my personal life to a minimum. I don’t even think that we formally introduced ourselves to one another before he parked in his driveway and we were walking up to his front door.
Upon entering the house, I immediately excused myself to the restroom. Since I knew that Derrick hadn’t brought me here to chitchat, I wanted to freshen up. I hadn’t come along to chat it up either. It was obvious that this was going to be the last time that I saw this dude. I mean, there isn’t much room for dating or a relationship when you meet a guy coming out of the bathroom on a coke high and you fuck him before you properly introduce yourself.
I just wanted to have some fun. I didn’t want to go back to my empty home and my empty bed feeling as exhilarated and free as I did. My mind was still on a twenty-four hour flight and it wasn’t ready to land.
I searched Derrick’s medicine cabinet for some mouth wash. I wanted to freshen my breath since I was sure it smelled of nothing but Don Julio and Rose’s Lime.
Luckily, his cabinet was full of toiletries, so I was able to quickly freshen up. Then I sat on the toilet in order to do a few lines. I was coming down from my high, and I refused to let this feeling leave me.
I wasn’t ready to feel normal. Not yet, anyway.
When I exited the bathroom, I was literally floating down the hall. Derrick was still in his living room sitting on the sofa. He had turned on the sixty inch flat screen that hung on the wall. However, it was muted so that the music could be heard that was softly flowing from the speakers. I appreciated his attempt to set the mood as I recognized Trey Songz’s voice.
Derrick had gotten rid of his shirt and was now in a wife beater. Now that his body was more exposed, I could see his chiseled chest, arms, and biceps. His shoulders seemed to be as big as my head.
Like I said before, coke gave me balls that I would never have if I were sober. So, as soon as I entered the living room and saw those arms, I sashayed over to him and straddled him.
His eyes lit up with excitement. Yet, he smiled in a cool manner as if it was nothing to have pussy on his lap at four in the morning.
“You didn’t tell Blood about the coke, did you?” As I awaited his answer, I examined his arms with my fingertips; appreciating his masculinity and strength. Derrick’s body was like a new toy that I wanted to take advantage of while the getting was good. In contrast with Vince, who was much wider, Derrick was a lean and cut up chocolate bar that I wanted to lick to my heart’s content.
“Why would I do that? That’s your business.”
“Good. That is just something that I prefer no one knows about.” As I spoke to him, I was making eye contact with his features; his lips, his hands, his cheekbones, and his dreads. Instead of paying attention to him and what he was saying, I was focused on his body and what I wanted to do to it.
”I told you in the car, a lot of people do it. You don’t have to feel ashamed. I won’t tell your secret though.”
What this dude was saying was literally going into one ear and coming out of the other. I could only hear his dick as I felt it growing against me as I sat on it.
I kissed him in order to introduce our sex. From then on, the rest of the night was a blur. I was in such ecstasy that I couldn’t even think straight. My body seemed to be so sensitive to every touch, every lick, and every stroke. My senses were magnified. I could literally smell his sex before he pulled it out. I held on to his arms as he hovered above me, and I was seemingly thirsty for his power.
I never had such amazing sex in my life. I seemed to be blinded by the ecstasy and the arousal deafened me.
I literally couldn’t believe how good it felt. He sailed through my insides and I allowed him to float through my water. I gave him all permissions to write his name on my pussy. We vulgarly fucked on the carpet in front of the couch and I was not ashamed. I encouraged him to take advantage of me. He pointed his dick at my face, held my face at mouth point, and I opened my mouth in sexy surrender.
He seemed to grovel at the way that I submissively gave myself to him. I fed off of our sexual chemistry and it blew my mind how strong it was.
However, I could not cum! I could not reach an orgasm for the life of me. We fucked until the sun came up, but it was never enough for me. He attempted to help me orgasm, but I had literally wore the man out. I laughed as he lay on the floor and I rode him. He seemed to be in anguish since he had cum twice already.
“I can’t cum,” I confessed with a shameful giggle.
With choppy breathing, he replied, “I see.”
“I feel it though,” I told him, continuing to ride him. “It’s right there.”
“You’re not going to cum, baby. It’s the drugs.”
“Is that what it is?!”
We both laughed half-heartedly. We were both tired, sweaty, and out of breath. I let the man off easy and gave up on my quest for an orgasm- rolling from on top of him and onto the floor.
As he helped me stand, he told me, “Yea, you’ll never cum when you’re high.”
That was so unfortunate because what I felt waiting to exit my body felt like the best orgasm that I would have ever experienced in my life. I lay on the couch as Derrick disappeared into the hallway. I lay there still out of breath and in disbelief of what I just felt.
It was magnificent and, unfortunately, I don’t think its gloriousness had anything to do with Derrick. Anybody could have been having sex with me- the damn Geico Cavemen could have been on top of me – and I would have still felt just as wonderful, engaged, and enticed.
Derrick re-entered the living room holding a bottle of water and a sandwich bag half filled with coke. It had to be at least four or five ounces in weight.
When he threw both of them at me, I looked at him curiously.
He simply said, “I don’t want you getting that shit off the street.”
I quickly told him, “I can’t afford this,” as he sat next to me.
I attempted to give it back to him and he pushed it back into my lap as if I were being silly. “I didn’t ask you for any money.” Then he quickly kissed me on the cheek. “You took good care of me, so I’m returning the favor.”
Ten
Sunday, May 15, 2011
VICTORIA
That Sunday, Lynn called me bright and early, insisting that I come to church.
Since Vince broke up with me, I hadn’t been back to church. Vince wasn’t keeping me from church. What kept me from facing God was the shame of relying on another power to heal me and actually enjoying it.
Vince continued to call me on Saturday and even Sunday morning. He even texted me asking me to call him as soon as possible, but I continued to ignored his attempts of communication.
He’d hurt me, but I was better, so I didn’t need him anymore.
As I ignored another one of his calls and listened to Lynn scold me, and as my Friday night and early Saturday morning happenings replayed in my mind, I decided to get my ass up and go to church.
I needed t
o be in the house of the Lord.
Once there, I sat close to Lynn, praying hard and talking intimately with God. At this point, He was the only person that knew all, every single solitary last one, of my secrets. I sat in church fully clothed, but I felt as shamed as a naked woman in front of a crowd of many; with all of my nasty and shameful flaws revealed. I knew that God knew what I was doing and I felt so humiliated.
I was even a bit upset at the church for not being able to heal me. I wondered if praying and prescription drugs couldn’t heal me, then what could, because coke couldn’t wind up being a long term vice.
The possibilities of that scared the shit out of me and lead me to pray even more and even harder.
I prayed that I would eventually naturally feel the same joy that coke made me feel artificially. I prayed so hard that I began to cry silently. I wanted it so bad that I could taste it.
Yet, as I sat in that church and knew better as I prayed for better, I could also taste the instant gratification that awaited me back home.
After church, as I stood outside chatting with Lynn and enjoying the heat as the sun easily shone through my t-shirt dress and hit my arms and legs, I got a call from Vince’s sister.
She and I only talked infrequently, when a family event was coming up or when she wanted to invite me to something, so I was very surprised to see that she was calling me and eagerly wanted to know what she wanted.
As I answered the phone, I realized that it could have been Vince calling me on her phone instead, thinking that I wouldn’t ignore her number as I had been ignoring his.
“Hello?”
“Vic…” When I heard the tears in Julie’s voice, my heart began to beat rapidly. I held on to Lynn’s arm and she looked alarmed at the discomfort and concern on my face. “Vic, Vince got in a car accident a few hours ago.”
I immediately asked, “Is he okay?!”
And with the utmost regret and sorrow, she told me, “He’s not doing good, Vic.”
“Wh… How…,” I continuously stuttered as I walked away. I was going to my car, but Lynn was right behind me. I could hear her telling her kids to wait in front of the church. “How bad was the accident?”
“Some stupid asshole ran a stop sign and hit him. His car flipped over like three times before hitting a pole. I don’t know what his exact condition is right now.” Julie’s tears became worse and worse as she spoke, making it very hard for me to make out what she was saying. “I just got to the hospital. We can’t see him yet. He’s still in surgery. We’re at Rush.”
“I’m on my way.”
No sooner than I hung up the phone, Lynn began interrogating me. “What happened?”
“Vince was in a car accident.” Lynn gasped and covered her mouth in shock as a lonely tear escaped from my eye. “Julie said he isn’t doing well.”
“Oh my God! Is he going to make it?!”
“Julie doesn’t know his exact condition. She hasn’t seen him yet. He’s in surgery.”
As I finally reached my car and popped the lock, Lynn asked if I wanted her to come with me, but I insisted that she stay with her children. Yet, she insisted that once she got her kids situated, if I was still at the hospital, she would join me there.
I felt nothing as I drove to the hospital- absolutely nothing. I don’t think I knew what to feel. I didn’t want to overly respond until I knew Vince’s exact condition. However, during the drive is when I relived our break up. I relived the heartbreak of him leaving me. I allowed myself to feel my love and need for him in my life, rather than avoiding it. During the drive to the hospital is when I finally allowed myself to miss him and yearn for him again.
TRICEY
I rolled my eyes in relief as I closed the door behind Blood.
“I am so glad that he is gone!” I was sure to keep my voice down in case Blood could still hear me as he left the building.
Lyric sat on the couch in jeans and a wife beater shaking her head in shame. Her ponytail swung back and forth as she did. “You’re a mess.”
“Whatever,” I grumbled. “Until you have to sleep with him, don’t judge me.”
“Is it that bad?!”
I plopped down next to Lyric and responded as if she should already know. “Hell yes!”
“Why? Is his dick little or something?”
“No, actually, it’s not. Honestly, it’s not him. It’s me. I know it’s me. I just don’t like him like that. I am not attracted to him or his sex. I love him, but I don’t like him.”
“Well, don’t leave him, because I like him. Stay with him for me! I have a ball hanging with him. That party was off the chain and I didn’t have to spend a penny, and neither did James, so Blood has our vote.”
I shook my head and sighed. I really wished that Blood had my vote too, but he didn’t. No matter how hard I tried to get into him emotionally, I couldn’t.
Of course because of the big party on Friday and his birthday being yesterday, Blood wanted to spend all day with me. Yesterday, we slept the majority of the day because of our hangovers from his birthday party. We would sleep for a few hours. Then, he would wake up and make love to me, fall back to sleep, wake back up, and make love to me again.
The entire time, I felt as if I was fucking my brother, if I had one. It was just wrong on so many levels.
Then we went to dinner. I made reservations at his favorite restaurant, Ruth’s Chris, which was way too expensive for my pockets, but since I hadn’t paid my own bills in so long, I was able to stack a few dollars and therefore had some extra money for dinner and his gift.
“What did you get him for his birthday?”
“This watch he’s been eyeing at Kay’s Jewelers.” As I spoke, my cell phone rang. It was Amiel calling for the third time that weekend. I hadn’t been able to speak to him because Blood was by my side day and night since his birthday celebrations began. I knew that he wanted to see Ariana, so I felt bad for ignoring him again, but I didn’t want to speak to him in front of Lyric.
“What’s wrong?” Lyric could clearly see the discomfort on my face as I sat my cell phone down after ignoring Amiel’s call.
With a sigh, I answered, “That was Amiel.”
Lyric seemed to look questionably at me as I sat on the couch in a daze. I didn’t know what to do when it came to Amiel; let him be a father or not, have a parental relationship with him or not. It was too much to deal with too suddenly, especially when Blood would kill me and Amiel if he knew that we were in contact with each other.
“When are you going to let him see Ariana again?”
“When I figure out how to tell Blood.”
“What’s the big deal? When you were pregnant, Blood thought that you were so wrong for keeping Amiel out of Ariana’s life. What’s with the change of heart?”
“He’s fucking me now,” I replied with a giggle. “I told you how he flipped out on me when I told him that I was just considering letting Amiel see Ariana. I can’t believe he thinks that I would still have feelings for Amiel after all of this time. He saw how Amiel hurt me, so how could he think that I would possibly want to relive that?”
As I was saying the words, I knew that I was full of shit. I knew exactly how Blood could think that I still had feelings for Amiel. Blood knew a woman’s emotions just as well as I did. He saw firsthand the emotions that I had for Amiel, so he probably saw right through the stubbornness of keeping Amiel out of Ariana’s life.
He knew damn well that it was my life that I wanted Amiel out of, because I was so hurt that he didn’t choose me.
“Maybe it’s not your feelings for Amiel that he is concerned about. Maybe its Amiel’s feelings for you that concern him.” I consented in silence as Lyric continued. “But feelings and who have them for who shouldn’t matter or exist. You have moved on. You got a man.” Then she smiled gleefully, but I did not meet her level of happiness.
Noticing my doubt, Lyric asked me, “Do you still have feelings for Amiel?”
I sighed and
answered, “No. I just wonder if I left him for the right reasons.”
“Of course you did.”
“I’m not so sure anymore, Lyric. I thought he didn’t love or want me, but apparently he did. Bridget seems to think that he left her for me. She said that after he saw me in Walgreens that day, something in him changed for the better. What do you think that means?”
“Does it matter? And most importantly, why do you care?”
I sighed and shook my head with frustration. Lyric was so busy appreciating the finer things that Blood blessed my life with that she didn’t realize that I was fucking miserable being with him. No, I didn’t want to be with Amiel, but I desperately wanted to be with someone who loved me and who I in turn loved with the same passion and urgency that I use to love Amiel with.
I couldn’t help that being back in contact with Amiel helped convince me that I certainly didn’t want to be with Blood. I was with him out of duty, not love. Amiel’s presence brought feelings to the surface that I have missed so much. I missed being attracted to my man. I missed yearning and anticipating my man.
When I grew to find certain things about Blood that I was attracted to, Amiel was exactly my type. I got wet when I saw Amiel walking aimlessly with no purpose, but having sex with Blood was as irritating as getting a tooth filled; it doesn’t hurt, but you just don’t feel like doing it!
As soon as Lyric left, I started to call Amiel.
I knew that not returning his calls was driving him crazy, and I didn’t want him to think that I was back on the same shit; keeping Ariana away from him.
However, just as I was dialing his number, Blood called and told me to get dressed. Devin wanted to take us to dinner for Blood’s birthday, and they were going to be there in ten minutes.
Therefore, that call to Amiel had to wait.
I thought Vic’s bandage dress was so cute Friday night at the party, so, inspired by her look, I through on a lime green LUXE bandage dress and matched it with winter white Christian Louboutin pumps.
Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series) Page 63
