by Karen Aldous
‘This is a hammerhead, Mummy, and this one is a tiger shark – bish! They’re fighting.’ He looked up.
‘Oh, you don’t want them fighting.’
‘Here comes the bull shark and the white shark, bish, bish. They told them off, Mummy.’
‘Who has been teaching you all about sharks?’
‘Jack bought them for me in the red shop. He bought the blue shark and the nurse shark too. Look, Mummy,’ he said fishing more from the bottom of the bath. Lizzie had no idea which was which. Like his dinosaurs, she had to confess, Thierry knew them and pronounced them all far better than she could.
Cal came into the bedroom and gave Thierry a kiss just as he had finished putting his pyjamas on. Halfway through reading his Gruffalo book, Thierry’s eyes steadily drooped. Lizzie continued to the end and gave him one last kiss before closing his door.
Cal was pouring Prosecco into flutes as Lizzie lit candles on the freshly laid table. Suddenly the apartment door burst open. Jack and Marie-Claire rushed in.
Jack sprinted resolutely towards his room. ‘I’m just getting my phone. We’re going back to sit by the Palais des Festivals, try and get some shots. There are a lot of stars down there.’ Seconds later he rushed back searching his phone. ‘I also want to show Marie-Claire the images I got last year on my phone from the filming of Peter and John. They filmed it on Nantucket and quite a few of us from my school got involved and I got some shots of the stars.’
‘Sounds exciting. Phones are so handy when you get opportune moments like that,’ Lizzie said, taking a sip of her drink and watching Cal as he sat down at the table with an approving nod.
‘Yes,’ agreed Jack. ‘I’d got quite used not to having it but Mom finally gave it back to me when she came to stay at the beach house. Anyway, we’ll see you later.’
The door slammed as they ran out and Lizzie glared at Cal, gripping her chest as she tried to catch her breath. ‘Kelly stayed at the beach house?’
Eyes wide, he leaned his elbows onto the table, pinched his nose and swallowed. ‘Don’t even go there, Lizzie. One night. Harry, Bea, Kelly, they all stayed that night. In the other room. We’d all had a lot of stress. Me too, especially as Jack had disappeared a couple of days before. I suggested we have a relaxing day at the beach, and Kelly and I had a few glasses of wine so she couldn’t drive. It just made sense they stay.’
Lizzie’s chest lifted. ‘You never told me she stayed. Oh, but why would you if you’re up to something? Oh, God. Was it the only time? You shit. I knew she would claw herself into you somehow. Of course you wouldn’t tell me you slept with her. It was inevitable.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ Cal rose from his chair and marched behind her, blocking her as she turned. ‘Stop. You’re overreacting. Grossly overreacting. I don’t even like her.’
She pushed past him trembling, her throat constricting tighter by the second. ‘Cal, I’m such a fool.’ She tried to fight the tears. ‘Why? How could you when you tell me you love me? It stands to reason you still feel for one another. It would have been civil just to tell me you were still in love with her before you came back. In fact I don’t know why you came back.’
Cal, pulled her round and grabbed her hands. ‘Lizzie, will you listen?’
She whisked her hands away and trampled up and down the marble floor, still trying to fight away her pressing tears. ‘Oh, God. I should have been smarter. You two were once lovers and thrown together again, it was bound to happen. She didn’t like it because you had someone new. I wouldn’t be surprised if she designed the separation knowing you would be there. I suspect you felt sorry for her and needed to help her through her drama. Poor Kelly, all heartbroken because Reuben had left her. Did you pity her like she demanded? Did she need comfort in your arms?’
‘Lizzie,’ Cal said following her. ‘For God’s sake. Nothing, not even a hug or a kiss or any other comfort for that matter. I’ve told you. I don’t even like her. I kept her away from us all that time in fact. Will you listen, you’re acting like a child.’
She spun on her heel. ‘Oh, I’m a fucking child now am I? Hah! Cal, don’t even bother trying to convince me nothing happened. Just…just… Would you pack up and go? You can ring Jack and let him know you’re going but he is welcome to stay. You go though. No, on second thoughts, Jack should go. Thierry will be better coming to terms with the loss once rather than twice. God, Cal, I knew this would happen. The one thing. The one person…’ Her tears took control and she dashed for a chair, curling herself up and burrowing her head. How right she had been, and to think she had now subjected Thierry to all the hurt and pain she could so have avoided. She should have listened to her instincts. Nipped it in the bud and stayed single. Why, oh why?
Cal squatted on the sofa, his head in his hands. ‘Lizzie, this is crazy, in your head. It’s all in your head.’
‘Don’t spin it around to make me feel bad,’ she snarled, pacing across to the kitchen and collecting a handful of tissues. ‘She stayed at the beach house. This woman, your ex-girlfriend who had broken your heart, left her husband, sought your comfort, mothered you, and, probably while I wasn’t there as well, and then got her way, she slept with you. You couldn’t resist. I’m right aren’t I?’
He shook his head. ‘Not at all. There’s not one statement of fact in your argument. I’m done.’
‘There. You don’t even want to convince me. I knew it. Cal, I know I’m right. I put so much trust in you. You’d better go.’
‘You won’t let me convince you. You’re being completely irrational. Well, I’ve had a truckload to deal with too, and Lizzie, I can’t cope with you being a drama queen too. I really thought you were mature enough to deal with me helping Jack and being away. I can’t say anything to satisfy you. It’s best I go. Maybe you’ll calm down.’
Cal stood before her. She could see her own reflection in his steely eyes as they bored into her. ‘Seems you like drama queens doesn’t it?’ He stared at her, holding his hands on his hips. More than anything she wanted to hold him, she loved him, but the trust she had was shattered. Of course he was guilty and he was going to walk out of her life.
‘Seems I attract them. I’ll be out as soon as I’ve packed. I don’t need this.’ He scampered off to the bedroom. ‘Oh, and you’d better get me Jack’s stuff.’
Her lips quivered. He was going to go. She could no longer hold back further tears. Again, her throat tightened. Did he really think her a drama queen? The exact label she had tried to avoid for herself. Wasn’t it more self-preservation? But, then, did it matter if he’d wronged her? She grabbed another tissue and gathered herself before tiptoeing into the boys’ room. Thierry flinched momentarily but settled. She began collecting up anything belonging to Jack, stashing them into his large holdall. It felt so disrespectful, and sad. Thierry would be devastated when he discovered no Jack in the morning. That was not something she was proud of; hurting her son.
Wheeling the holdall out, she was back by the door before Cal. Perhaps he’d folded everything, she wondered guiltily, thinking about the clothes she’d just stuffed into Jack’s bag. She heard Cal zip up his bag from the bedroom and had to escape. She made a dash for the cloakroom, slamming the door behind her but it bounced as she unleashed the mass of tears she’d hoarded. With blurred vision she caught the door and pushed it again, thrusting her whole body at it whilst catching her head in her hands. Her legs buckled and she slid down the door sobbing, landing in a heap on the floor. Hearing him wheel the bags to the door and then his footsteps trailing away. Maybe he’d forgotten something, her head pounded.
‘Fuck you, bastard. I bet that wasn’t the only time,’ she moaned as she wept. How had she been so naïve? Such a bloody fool. She’d trusted him so easily. The sobs kept coming and she could barely breathe. Those weeks of pent-up grief she had spent, weeks of not saying anything. Oh, God, was this what hyperventilating was? Her chest ached trying to catch her breath. Bastard, bastard. Her heart screamed and hurt so much.
Her poor son. And, the anger, she was so mad at herself too for letting Kelly get to her. She should have finished it weeks ago whilst she still had her dignity and Kelly couldn’t humiliate her. Or Cal for that matter. She guessed it was Kelly instigating it. She pulled off a handful of toilet tissue and blew her nose. She could hear a banging outside the door.
‘I’ve grabbed what I can see. Anything of either Jack’s or mine, text me. I’ll collect it from Marie-Claire while you’re at work. I’m off.’
The apartment door shut with an echoing finality. She sniffed. ‘Have a great life with Kelly.’ No doubt she’ll be moving in. No wonder Jack felt he needed to get away from her. Free from her snare. Cal was a fool. She had messed up his life once, why would he allow her to do it again? Lizzie grabbed her skull, pulling her hair and dragging down her head. The crying wouldn’t stop. Where are all these tears coming from? My God, my heart is totally wrecked. I should’ve followed my instincts. She blew her nose again.
‘Thierry. I’d better check he hasn’t woken up. Shit,’ she said to herself as she opened the cloakroom door. Then she dashed back inside to the mirror and turned on the light above. She pulled off some more tissue and cleaned up the trail of make-up streaked around her eyes and down her face. ‘Oh, Jeez.’ She switched off the light and crept round to his bedroom. Gently turning the knob, she peeked in. Seeing him safely snuggled up, her heart immediately wrenched. She pushed the door further, tiptoeing in and sitting beside him, she began stroking his face. His eyes were firmly closed. Her fingers ran gently over the smooth flawless skin.
‘You and me, T. You’ll keep me sane,’ she whispered. ‘I should have known better. I’m so sorry.’ Containing tears for a few moments more, she then hurried out for fear of waking him. Fleeing back to her room, the anguish erupted again. She crashed on the bed wondering how this would all affect her son. Poor Thierry. He had become so attached to them both, Cal and Jack. She could never let herself get involved again. Never. Never. And, she shuddered again with self-pity, all her dreams; shattered in an instant! Trust evaporated as fast as acetone.
Chapter 28
Still in shock from Lizzie’s mammoth misjudgement, Cal hauled both his and Jack’s bags as fast as his muscles could manage. His first thought was to drive out to Domaine Margot, but it then occurred to him that the services may not even be switched on and he wasn’t going to begin messing about in the dark. His mind was now a complete fog and, he had to admit, Lizzie’s accusations had completely blown him away. How on earth had she created such a monster? She had completely lost the plot and he barely recognised her. Even throughout the crisis she went through with Anton and her mother, she hadn’t been this irrational.
He jostled along the street and saw the sign ‘Hotel’. This will do. Nothing grand, but just close enough so that Jack could find him. He entered the doors and waited at the desk until a young woman appeared. He asked for two rooms adjoining. As much as he owed Jack an explanation, he was too jarred to stay up talking. He needed to be alone. At least for tonight. He was sure Jack would be OK. He’d called him on his mobile and briefly explained. Jack sounded concerned and told him he would be along in about half an hour.
Cal opened Jack’s bags. Lizzie had just thrown everything in, damn her! He hurled the contents onto the bed and, one by one, folded each item to at least some acceptable standard and placed the toiletries in Jack’s toiletry bag. It then occurred to him, Jack may have another bag. He would need to check with him and collect it tomorrow. Right now, he needed rest. He slid the repacked bag to the floor and eased himself onto the bed before letting his head fall into the pillow. The room wasn’t exactly his idea of restful, rather tatty and tired, in fact, but it offered peace. Somewhere to think. The weeks of unrelenting stress had bruised him enough and he just needed some quiet to lick his wounds.
Still unable to digest Lizzie’s reaction, he rapidly reasoned he shouldn’t even try. He let his eyelids drop. Didn’t he have feelings too? Jack needed his attention, Kelly demanded, albeit failed, but the pressure got intense, exhausting at times, especially without her by his side, but Lizzie hadn’t grasped that. Where had he gone so wrong? He could even forgive her for not being there at those times when he’d felt so alone; isolated in each decision about Jack, the house, the vines. She had pressures too. He understood the salon demanded her time in the height of the season. Thierry needed his mother, and he was sympathetic, guilty even, at having to be apart from her for such a long time. But wasn’t it quite reasonable to expect some reciprocation, some support, rather than irrational false allegations? This relationship really wasn’t panning out as he’d hoped. He wasn’t here to take on everyone’s problems. Lizzie’s paranoia was totally unwarranted, manipulative even. All he needed was to feel he could have someone to rely on, a hearth to come home to, and, possibly, to warm himself on. And that was so far from reality. He rubbed his eyes and sat up, returning his feet to the stained carpet covering the floor. He would certainly miss Lizzie and Thierry but he’d had enough anxiety and heartache to deal with, he would explode if he had to contend with any more.
He’d just zipped up the bag when there was a knock at the door.
‘Dad,’ he heard Jack call.
He opened the door and Jack stepped in.
‘Dad, what’s this all about? We couldn’t believe it when you rang. Marie-Claire has gone home. What happened?’
Cal sat down on the chair next to the bed. ‘To be honest, I don’t know. Lizzie flipped. She seems to think your mom and I have been having an affair.’
‘An affair? Jesus, Dad, why does she think that?’
Cal couldn’t admit to Jack it sparked from his innocent comment. ‘Oh, we were just talking and she got the wrong idea. I don’t think I explained or communicated it very well. I don’t know. I think we’re both tired.’
Jack sat on the edge of the bed. ‘But she couldn’t be any further from the truth. I…I mean, you’ve hardly seen her.’
Cal looked at his son with a frown. ‘I know that, but I think she may have got herself wound up about it. That’s all I can think of. What else is there to think?’
‘Well, I can tell her you’ve…’
‘Jack. Please don’t get involved. I know you can tell her, but the last thing I’d want is for you to fall out with her and Thierry. Things may get said one of you will regret. Leave it to Lizzie and me to sort out. To be honest, as much as I love her,’ he said, shaking his head from side to side, ‘I just don’t have the energy at the moment. And, with her long days at the salon right now, neither does she.’
‘But she’s wrong, Dad. You don’t deserve this. You were looking out for me, that’s all. I don’t like to see you hurt.’
‘I know, son, but relationships work primarily on trust. Look, can we talk about this tomorrow? I’m really knackered. I hope you don’t mind me booking you a separate room. I’ll sort out the rest of your stuff tomorrow. I think I might have left your other bag there.’
‘Yes sure, Dad. Are you sure you’re OK?’
‘Yes. I just need to sleep.’
‘Dad.’ Jack threw his arms around Cal’s shoulders. ‘You’re the best dad in the world. I want you to know that. I love you, Dad. If there’s anything I can do, you let me know.’
Choked, Cal took his son’s hand. ‘Jack. I couldn’t ask any more. You are the best and I love you too. Just stay strong, son. I’ll be fine.’ He added a friendly slap on the top of Jack’s hand.
Jack looked down and leaned across for his bag.
‘Here’s the key. It’s just next door. Sorry it’s not the Grande, but I suspect the best hotels are all full.’
He said goodnight at the door and watched as Jack opened his door and waited for him to go in. Taking a small bottle from the mini-bar he poured the whisky into a tumbler and held it in his hand to warm. Pride still swelled in his heart as he lay on the bed. Jack had really matured.
As he sipped the semi-chilled liquor, the cutting reality of his action
hit him. Should he have been so hasty walking out? The only woman he had ever loved and he had just walked away. But she was convinced he’d done wrong and nothing he said was going to change that. What were the alternatives? Of course he did the right thing. Yes. He could still be there now arguing but would it have made any difference? They would have just thrown harmful words back and forth, sabotaging the relationship further. There was no point in arguing with someone in a totally irrational frame of mind. What she was saying was pure invention, and so totally out of character, he wasn’t in any frame of mind to deal with it. He was still trying to sort out one teenager, he didn’t need another. He finished his drink.
It was Jack knocking on his door at eight that woke him.
‘Sorry, Dad. I didn’t know what to do about breakfast,’ Jack said as Cal pulled back the door. ‘I didn’t know if the hotel…’
‘Yes. I did book it. Give me a minute, I’ll come with you.’
Cal slipped on his clothes. ‘I’ll come back and shower.’
The hotel appeared more dated and lacked light in the daylight but it was clean and the display of food certainly looked appetising.
As they ate, Jack asked the inevitable. ‘How are you feeling this morning?’
‘I don’t know,’ Cal answered truthfully. ‘My heart is in one place, my head in another. In all honesty, I don’t want to talk about it. Maybe if she calms down. I’m not mentally equipped right now, so it’s best I just stay out of her way. So, let’s change the subject.’
‘You will face her though, Dad. At least?’
Cal forced a smile, lowering his eyes. Touché, he thought. ‘Ouch!’ He half-nodded. ‘I need time. You get on as well with Thierry as I do, and Marie-Claire. I wouldn’t wish to compromise your friendships. You should continue to see them. Let Lizzie and I sort ourselves out.’
‘Yeah, they’re both awesome and so is Lizzie. I’m pretty sure she just needs some chill time.’
‘Wise words, master Jack. Anyway, will you help me at the house today?’
