by Julia James
‘For how long?’
‘For ever.’
He gave a grunt of cynicism. ‘You’ve been watching too many romantic movies. It doesn’t work in the real world. Besides, you want different things out of life. You want kids and I don’t.’
‘But why not?’ she asked, trying to ignore the tight clench of despair gripping her stomach. ‘From what I’ve seen so far Daniel is a son to be proud of. He speaks so highly of you. He called you his best friend. How could you not want to experience that again, perhaps with a daughter or another son?’
‘Because I’ve seen what it can do to a kid when parents separate or divorce,’ he said bitterly. ‘For years I’ve lain awake at night worrying if I did the right thing by Daniel. I don’t want to have that on my conscience ever again.’
Hayley felt his pain like an electric current in the air.
She had judged him so wrongly, accusing him of not caring about his son when the truth was he cared too much to damage Daniel’s life as he had been damaged by his parents’ bitter divorce. No wonder he had resisted marrying Miriam, especially at such a young age, in spite of the pressure put on him to do so. She was well aware of the statistics as he would have been too; teenage marriages rarely lasted the distance and the children of such early unions were nearly always the casualties.
‘But you did do the right thing by Daniel,’ she said softly. ‘I didn’t realise it before, but you’ve been there for him all this time.’
‘But not in the way he needs,’ he said as he poured himself another drink, wincing slightly as the alcohol stung the cut on his lip. ‘I haven’t been able to protect him.’
Hayley came over and took the glass out of his hand, her fingers curling around his as she looked into his dark, shadowed gaze. ‘What do you mean?’ she asked.
His eyes began to flash with hatred. ‘His stepfather is an absolute bastard to him.’
Hayley felt her stomach clench in anguish. ‘You mean he’s …’ she stumbled over the word ‘… violent towards him?’
He gave her a grim look. ‘I’m probably going to have to ward off an assault charge after this evening, but it will be worth it.’
‘You got into a fight with Miriam’s husband?’
‘I didn’t throw the first punch, but I sure as hell wanted to,’ he ground out.
‘Is that what the phone call at the restaurant was about?’ she asked.
‘Miriam rang me to tell me Daniel had run away,’ he said through clenched teeth. ‘She’s been covering up for that violent bastard. She was too frightened to say anything in case he took it out on Daniel.’
Hayley stared at him in shock. ‘Why didn’t you tell me this before?’
‘I told you it’s none of your business. It’s my mess—I have to deal with it.’
‘You can’t keep shutting people out of your life, Jasper. How long has this been going on between Daniel and his stepfather?’
‘I didn’t know anything about it until recently,’ he said. ‘Daniel too was trying to keep it quiet. I guess he felt he should be able to handle it on his own.’
‘He’s just a kid,’ she said, frowning. ‘He shouldn’t have to cope with that sort of stuff. No one should.’
‘He only told me because of the threats Martin made.’
‘Threats?’ Her eyes widened. ‘What sort of threats?’
Jasper gave himself a mental kick. He had come way too close to letting the truth out, which reminded him all over again of how dangerous it was to let Hayley slip under his radar the way she had. He hadn’t intended things to go this far but somehow she had wormed her way into his emotional no-go area. It was going to take a massive effort on his part to get her out but he was determined to do it.
‘Bribes over money, that sort of thing,’ he said, which was as close to the truth as he could comfortably get.
‘I’m sorry for misjudging you, Jasper,’ she said. ‘I’ve spent most of my adult life criticising you, so I don’t blame you for not trusting me now, but I do love you. I even wonder if Gerald suspected what my feelings were the last time I visited him. Looking back now I seem to remember he wasn’t all that impressed when I announced my engagement to Myles. I put it down to the fact that he was feeling so poorly, but now I can’t help feeling he didn’t approve and set to work to make it difficult for me to go ahead with the marriage, rewriting the will at the last minute. I think he wanted me to marry you. He wanted me to teach you how to love and trust again.’
Jasper put his hands on her shoulders, but instead of pushing her away as he’d intended, he brought her into his chest, burying his face in the fragrant cloud of her hair. ‘I wish I could give you what you need, Hayley,’ he said. ‘But I can’t risk ruining any more lives.’
She pulled back so she could look at him. ‘Do you feel anything for me?’ she asked, her blue-green eyes bright with moisture. ‘Anything at all?’
He felt something rough and hard lodge in his throat and swallowed against it. ‘I feel a lot of things, baby girl,’ he said, blocking the pathway of one crystal tear with the pad of his thumb as it rolled down her cheek.
‘Are you going to tell me what they are?’
He looked down into her beautiful face and wondered if he should tell her the truth about Miriam Moorebank. It might help her to understand his motivations, but then he reasoned it wouldn’t really change anything in the long run. The fewer people who knew the truth, the better, especially at this delicate stage; Daniel had enough to deal with without any last minute complications.
He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the middle of her forehead. ‘You deserve better than this, sweetheart. You really do.’
‘But I only want you,’ she insisted. ‘I don’t care for how long, just let me love you. Please?’
He sighed as she pressed herself into him, her softer contours against his harder ones making his blood instantly quicken. God, how he wanted her! Was this hot rush of desire never going to go away? He had thought it would have run its course by now, but instead each time he drove himself inside her he felt another tight little gear shift in his chest.
‘Please, Jasper,’ she whispered as she brought her mouth to his, the gentle stroke of her tongue salving his swollen lip in an achingly intimate gesture that made speech difficult and thought impossible.
He swept her up into his arms and carried her to his bedroom, kicking the door shut with his foot before laying her on the bed. He looked at her with desire burning in his eyes as he tore the clothes off his body, his heart rate going through the roof when he watched her begin to remove her own clothes. She did it with teasing slowness, each movement of her hands making him nearly explode with fierce, out-of-control longing. She cupped her naked breasts and sent him a come-and-get-me look that made his scalp lift in anticipation.
There was no time for preliminaries, he was inside her and thrusting hard and urgently, her slippery warmth gripping him tightly, her gasping cries and panting breaths making him swell with male pride that he could bring her to such a point so quickly. She convulsed around him, her hips undulating under the rocking pressure of his, her mouth opening on a high cry of pleasure that he blocked with the flat of his palm in case Daniel could hear them.
‘Shh, sweetheart,’ he said. ‘You’ll wake up the neigh-bourhood, not to mention Daniel down the hall.’
‘I can’t help it,’ Hayley panted as she came back down to earth with a series of tiny shudders that reverberated through her body. ‘You make me feel so … so out of control.’
‘You and me too, baby,’ he said and a deep low groan burst from his throat as the waves of ecstasy washed over him.
‘I love you,’ she whispered as she stroked her fingers over his back. ‘I love you.’
He didn’t answer but she comforted herself as she listened to him drift off to sleep a few minutes later that he still had her in his arms, her head pressed to his chest over the steady beating of his heart.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
HAYLEY
WAS BOTH relieved and disappointed when she came downstairs the next morning to find Jasper had already left for work, the brief note he’d left informing her he’d taken Daniel to school on the way. She had been sick three times and her stomach was still revolting at the thought of food. She couldn’t imagine how she would have explained it if either of them had seen or heard her stumbling about the bathroom as she showered and dressed for work.
Lucy winced when she saw Hayley’s pale face as she came into the salon. ‘Was it positive?’
Hayley nodded, doing her best not to cry.
‘I don’t know what to say,’ Lucy said. ‘I can’t help feeling Jasper’s going to let you down. His track record with pregnant girlfriends isn’t great.’
‘I’m his w-wife.’ Hayley sniffed. ‘Not his girlfriend.’
‘I know, but for how long?’
‘Not long enough.’
‘He’s a user, Hayley,’ she said. ‘You’ll be better off without him.’
‘He’s not a user. He’s a wonderful person. You don’t know him as I do.’
‘Yeah, well, try telling that to Mrs Beckforth,’ Lucy said. ‘She’s booked in to see you at ten.’
Hayley felt her stomach tilt. ‘Oh …’
‘I was prepared to give Jasper a chance, but after what she told me when she phoned a few minutes ago I’ve decided he’s up to no good,’ Lucy said. ‘God, Hayley, surely you can see it? He married you to get his hands on even more money, but he won’t give a cent to the mother of his child for his upkeep. You’re going to end up the same, or you will if you ever decide to tell him about your pregnancy.’
Hayley bit her lip. She wasn’t sure she should reveal the content of her conversation with Jasper, even to her best friend.
‘You’re a fool, Hayley,’ Lucy carried on. ‘When he’s finished with you he’ll treat you the same way he’s treated Miriam.’
‘There are always two sides to these sorts of stories,’ Hayley put in.
Lucy rolled her eyes. ‘God, he really did a good job on you, didn’t he? That lethal Caulfield charm has just claimed yet another victim.’
‘You’re wrong about him, Lucy,’ she said. ‘I just know you are.’
‘That remains to be seen,’ Lucy said.
The salon door chimed as someone entered and Hayley let out a sigh of relief as Lucy stepped from behind the counter to greet her first client of the day.
At ten a.m. on the dot the door chimed again and June Beckforth came into the salon, but instead of her usual slightly cloying smile she was snarling.
‘Hello, Mrs Beckforth,’ Hayley greeted her politely.
June’s cold grey eyes insolently raked Hayley from head to foot. ‘So you’re his bit of fluff now, are you?’ she asked with a curl of her thin lips. ‘I thought you would have had more sense considering what I’ve told you about him.’
‘I am Jasper’s wife, if that’s what you mean,’ she said calmly, trying not to be intimidated by the venomous glare she was receiving.
June gave a laugh that sounded like water going down a partially blocked drain. ‘You think you’re so smart having married him, don’t you? But it won’t last, you know. I know all about Gerald’s will. It was because of my son Martin that he changed it.’
Hayley frowned in confusion. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Martin told the old man the truth about Jasper. The dirty little secret Jasper would give anything to keep quiet.’
Hayley waited for her to continue, her heart beginning to thud behind the wall of her chest. What dirty little secret? What on earth did she mean?
‘Jasper doesn’t want Martin to tell the truth,’ June continued. ‘It would destroy too many lives, he said. But do you think we care about that now? He’s been paying both of us to keep quiet, but I’m not going to keep quiet any more and neither is my son.’
‘Paying you?’ Hayley blinked at her in confusion. ‘But I thought you said the last time I saw you that Jasper wouldn’t provide for his son—for as long as I can remember you’ve always berated him for abandoning Miriam and Daniel financially.’
The older woman’s expression looked triumphant. ‘He hasn’t told you, has he?’ she asked.
‘T-told me what?’ Hayley’s voice sounded whisper-thin. ‘What hasn’t he told me?’
‘The dirty little secret he wants kept safe at all costs,’ June said. ‘Jasper isn’t Daniel’s father.’
Hayley’s mouth dropped open, her heart feeling as if it had hit the floor and bounced right up again to lodge in the wrong position in her chest. She couldn’t breathe properly; the air felt thick, like wet cotton wool as she tried to drag it into her lungs.
‘So Jasper has always known he wasn’t Daniel’s father?’ she asked when she could finally get her voice to work.
‘Yes.’
‘But I don’t understand. Why didn’t Miriam say so right from the start?’
‘Because she had someone she wanted to protect—they both did. When Martin married her he found out the truth. He wouldn’t have said anything except he’s angry at what Jasper accused him of. And I support him one hundred per cent. No one’s going to call my Martin a wife basher and get away with it.’
Hayley felt disgusted by the woman’s attitude. How could she and her appalling excuse for a son have used Jasper in such a despicable way?
And yet Jasper had stood by the little boy caught in the middle.
Hayley took a steadying breath. ‘So you and Martin are blackmailing Jasper.’
‘You don’t know that husband of yours very well if you think he can be blackmailed,’ Miriam said. ‘He drip-feeds us from time to time, but he’s become a little cagey of late. He’s made up some lies about Martin roughing up Daniel, but that boy needs a firm hand. The harder, the better, I say.’
Hayley felt like being sick. ‘You condone such violence?’
June lifted one shoulder dismissively. ‘He’s a surly brat. He needs pulling into line occasionally. Martin has tried his best to get through to him but he won’t budge. I told Miriam she should have had an abortion in the first place, then none of this would have happened, but apparently someone talked her out of it all those years ago.’
Hayley felt her belly clench painfully and her hand instinctively went down to press against it protectively. ‘Do you know who it was?’ she asked.
‘Jasper, of course.’
Hayley felt such shame and regret flood her being she was barely able to stand up. For most of her young adult life she had judged Jasper so harshly, so unfairly, and yet he had been the one person to show some measure of integrity in a mess that had had no easy answer. He had thought about the child, the tiny, defenceless child caught up in it all, and had acted in Daniel’s defence. Jasper had sacrificed his own reputation, his future and even his father’s respect to give a small child a father to call his own.
‘Who is Daniel’s real father?’ she asked.
‘That’s another thing I’m surprised you haven’t guessed,’ June said.
‘But you’re not going to tell me, are you?’ Hayley said.
‘I’m keeping that information up my sleeve as a bargaining tool.’
‘I won’t be blackmailed by you.’
June laughed her gurgling-drain laugh again. ‘You’re turning into a clone of that husband of yours,’ she said. ‘You’re a fool, Hayley. He’s using you just like he’s used everybody else in his life. He wants Crickglades, not you.’
‘I know that.’
June’s eyebrows lifted. ‘So you know he’s going to divorce you as soon as he can?’
‘I went into this marriage with my eyes wide open.’
‘You love him, don’t you?’
Hayley didn’t bother confirming or denying it.
‘I always knew there was something going on between you,’ June said. ‘Every time we talked about him I sensed it.’
‘I love him,’ Hayley said. ‘He’s a wonderful man who has been maligned for most of his life. I’m going
to do my best to make it up to him.’
‘He’s going to break your heart,’ June said. ‘He’s a player, not a stayer.’
‘I’m prepared to risk it.’
‘You’ve got your head in the clouds,’ June said. ‘Men like Jasper don’t change.’
‘I don’t want him to change,’ Hayley said. ‘I love him just the way he is.’
June gave her a scathing look. ‘He’s not going to stand by you. He’s always operated by his own code.’
‘At least he has a moral code,’ she said. ‘How can you live with yourself? What sort of mother are you to encourage your son to exploit innocent people in such a way?’
‘Martin’s a good son,’ she said. ‘I warned him about marrying a single mother but he went ahead with it. He’s tried to be a father to Daniel even though that kid resists all of his attempts to discipline him as any real father should.’
‘What about Daniel?’ Hayley asked. ‘Does he know who his real father is?’
‘No, and he’s not going to like it when he finds out either,’ June said.
Hayley felt ill with the thought of who it might be. What if Daniel’s father was some sort of horrible person, a criminal of some sort—a murderer or rapist? Hadn’t she felt the same horrible dread for most of her life? How would the poor boy cope with the stigma of knowing his veins carried criminal blood? No wonder Jasper had seemed so tense and on edge just lately. June had hinted the revelation would be a bombshell, but just how big a bombshell was anybody’s guess.
‘I’m going to have to ask you to leave,’ Hayley said as the salon door opened.
June’s face curled up in another sneer as she leaned closer so the client who had just come in wouldn’t hear. ‘Just remember what I said. And tell that husband of yours he’s got a week before we go to the press and sell our story.’
Hayley gripped the edge of the counter so tightly she felt as if her fingers were going to break. She fought against the rising tide of nausea and took a couple of shallow breaths to steady herself.
Lucy came out just as June was leaving and, giving Hayley a quick concerned glance, suggested she go and sit out the back for a while.
