by Eden O'Neill
He crossed his legs at the knee, mighty hands resting on his boot. “I used to wish for a long time she would.” He shook his head. “Wished it with all I had.”
His voice rough on the end, something pulsed inside of me, my heart.
He wet his lips. “I barely even remember who she used to be now. Grandfather had her moved here, keeps her comfortable for me.” He shrugged. “He obviously only does it for me.”
“What’s the alternative?”
“Stopping all this.” He raised his hand to the machines. “Taking her off life support. If she hasn’t come out of it by now…”
He said the words so final, so unfeeling. It was like he’d played this conversation so many times already in his head, merely vocalizing it now.
Maybe he had.
“Sometimes, I wonder if it’d be easier,” he said, glancing away from her and up at me. “If anything for her. It’s like she’s just here in limbo, no way forward or back.”
But at least this gave him hope, at least a little bit? Right? I leaned forward. “I don’t know if it’s that simple.”
His eyes cut to me, cold again. “Because you know so much more about this stuff than me?”
No, but I was trying to sympathize, empathize with him? He acted so harsh and jagged sometimes, like a piece of broken glass who’s sole purpose was to cut and stab. That was how he’d been treating me, throwing his weight around and watching the world crumble around. It was obviously how he dealt with certain things in his life.
I guessed it was all just really sad.
I had nothing for him now and wished our argument and current situation hadn’t made him feel the need to bring me here, to prove a point to me, which was obviously the intent. He did know something about these things, hell maybe even about many of the topics I went over in class about the brain and its relation to mental handicaps. He obviously was a frequent flier around these parts, heard all kinds of stories from doctors and even from the patients themselves by being behind these walls for so many years. This was a nursing home and there were a lot of patients here who needed care, not just in the physical sense.
Knight’s hand left his mom again, his Adam’s apple working in his throat. “Anyway, it is what is,” he said, getting up. He frowned. “And as you could probably see when we came in, there’s plenty of people you can talk to about this stuff. Doctors and nurses? They’re usually pretty cool about that.”
Hence proving my point about what he knew about this stuff. He’d obviously been coming here a lot too, talked to many doctors and nurses. A tap at the door, and the woman at front desk came inside the room, her smile wide. “Knight? Some of the other patients and nurses want to say hi. You know, since you haven’t been here for a while?”
That saddened me as he looked at her, his nod firm. He started to follow, but shot a glance back at me.
“I’ll be fine,” I said, getting out some of my school things. “I’ll probably do what you said. Get up and find some of those doctors to talk to.”
His eyebrows narrowed. “Keep your phone close. I don’t want to have to look for you when I’m done.”
I told him I would before he left, and though I meant to get up and walk the ward, I couldn’t help staring at his mom for a little while. The whole situation was just so sad and I couldn’t even imagine.
Her machines hummed around me, and getting up, I did start to leave before noticing one of her charts tucked in a pocket beside the bed. None of that definitely was any of my business, but I did pull it out, take a glance. Her name was Evangeline.
I smiled at that, pulling it out more. They had her diagnosis and a list of all the stuff the her doctors had her on. I assumed fluids and all other kinds of stuff that went well beyond my head. I snapped a picture, not really knowing if I’d need it for anything regarding my paper, but figured it couldn’t hurt for perspective when going over my own stuff for class. After, I left everything but my purse and a notebook behind, intending to speak to those doctors like Knight had advised me to do. I bet I could got a lot of information here about both physical and mental diagnoses and decided since I was here, that’s what I’d do.
I started to close the door to Evangeline’s room before looking at her one more time. I hoped for the best for the situation, but even if his mom did wake up, who knew how she’d be? The whole thing was just terribly sad, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make a thing or two make sense, a thing or two about Knight?
I closed the door, nothing more I could do.
Chapter Thirteen
Knight
I pulled Greer up to her dorm later than anticipated. Fuck, I shouldn’t have even taken her to see my mom at all, but she’d pissed me off with all that shit she liked to talk about me being an idiot. I didn’t flash my school shit around, but that didn’t mean I didn’t know anything. Sure, I could take school more seriously, but who couldn’t? Didn’t mean I was a fucking idiot. Turning off my truck, I reached in the back to get her stuff. She actually put it back there herself this time instead of hugging it for the better part of two hours.
“Thanks.” Sitting by the door, she cradled her things, dead fucking silent since we’d left the nursing home. I’d drown some of it out with stuff I’d played though the speakers with my phone, but she’d kept that mouth of hers completely quiet since we left campus. Normally, I wouldn’t complain…
But considering recent circumstances.
I had no idea why I’d taken her to see my mom. Hell, I hadn’t seen my mom at least all term. That shit was hard enough on my best day, still was.
I tapped the steering wheel. “You get everything you need today?” I hadn’t stalked her, but did notice she took my advice and talked to some of the medical staff. They had all kinds of information she could use, most of which went well beyond a general education psych class, but I was sure would be helpful for her. I’d personally get more out of talking to an actual psychologist or medical doctor than studying shit in a book, but maybe that was me.
“Yeah, it was really helpful.” She played one of her petite, little fingers against the strap of her bag, filling my damn truck up with her little dove scent. She smelled like raspberries and vanilla, and I only knew because I’d been close enough to taste.
I tasted that shit now, trying not to. I unlocked her door. “Good. Glad you got something out of it.”
And now she could get out of my truck, no doubt happy to be rid of me for at least a night. My whole life wasn’t this girl despite how I was sure it came across to her most days. I had shit to do tonight, my life to reevaluate. I felt really guilty that I’d let so much time pass since seeing my mom, my buddy Royal right. She was around, and with what Janet said about my voice maybe actually helping? I mean, I wasn’t naive to believe much of that shit anymore, but it was the least I could do. I loved my mom, missed her.
My hand curled on the wheel, pulling her out of the hospital and moving her to a nursing home the hardest thing. The decision had been up to my grandpa at the time since I’d been a minor, but I could have gotten her out a while ago. I just hadn’t known what else I could do for her, and since I was away at school, not much. I’d just been happy Grandfather took care of all that, those decisions so long ago. He still continued to make decisions regarding her care now, and I was happy about that too. I was way too close to the issue, not sure I could do right by her. The easiest thing was letting Gramps do his thing.
Greer wet her lips. “Knight?”
And she was still here, my body lounging back and angling in her direction.
She shrugged. “I’m just wondering why you took me to see her.”
I’d told her why, to help her. I shrugged this time. “You said you failing and shit was my fault. Figured I’d be nice.”
“But why?”
Why?
I was about two seconds from tossing Greer and that mouth of hers out, but she saved me from that when she finally opened the door. I could breathe a little more when she f
inally did, no more of that sweet dove scent in my lungs.
She stood at the door. “Thanks. I’m sure it’ll be really helpful.”
And that’s all I wanted, not really knowing why. My hand fisted that steering wheel until she finally closed the door, and with a start, I was peeling out of that lot quicker than the day I’d originally dropped her at her dorm. Honestly, I didn’t know why I’d taken her to see my mom.
Honestly, it was stupid.
The frat was gratefully silent by the time I made it back that night, and sitting outside, I took a moment before heading in. I didn’t know why, some fresh air good for my head. I left the windows down and sat back, and fuck if I knew how long I’d actually sat out there before coming inside. I opened the door and got a few handshakes from a couple buddies inside, but not two seconds in was I told I had a visitor.
He’d been waiting for me, I guess.
Grandfather stood inside my room when I made it there, hand on his cane as he stared at a personal photo.
“I called you, son,” he said, truly this man’s son. He was basically the only father I ever had. I’d been a child when I lost Dad, his memory fading as well. I admit I hadn’t checked my phone today, with Greer all day.
I closed the door, coming over to my grandpa. He held a family photo of my mom, my dad, and me, his hand firm on the frame.
“I remember taking this photo of your guys,” he said, tilting his head at the family photo in the mountains. We all stood at the top of a rock. “Remember it?”
I did, though it was so long ago. We’d all gone hiking, no one to take a photo of us all out there. It’d been Grandfather to step up and take one of my parents and me, always the one sacrificing. Gramps handed it to me, and I smiled a little upon holding it. “I do. It was a fun day.”
“It was very nice.”
I nodded, setting the photo down. “Didn’t know you called. Sorry. I’ve been out all day.”
“Mhm, I know that.” He took a seat on my armchair, gesturing for me to do the same. I had a matching set across from my personal fireplace, most of these rooms did. Gramps’s head tilted behind his mustache. “I got a call from Dr. Silvera today. He said you went by to see your mom?”
I frowned, Dr. Silvera my mom’s main doctor. “He did? Why?”
My grandpa tilted his head back and forth. “I’m always in talks with him about your mom’s care. Since the nursing home hadn’t seen you in a while, he just thought to inform me. Found it curious.”
It shouldn’t be. I shrugged. “She’s mom.”
“Yes, son, but you haven’t made much of an effort to see her lately.” Because he was right, I said nothing. He frowned. “Any particular reason today?”
I obviously couldn’t tell him about Greer. He shouldn’t know about Greer at all considering she’d been here that night with Bryce, and though this scenario had no relation to that one, I didn’t want to take the chance. “No, sir. Just went to see her. Like you said, it’s been a while.”
Grandfather’s hand moved over his cane, his eyes sad. “I’ve actually been talking with her doctors more and more recently. You know she’s unchanged.”
I did, nodding. My mom’s prognosis hadn’t changed in the years since she’d been in the dark, no hope, at least told to me anyway, that anything would change. It’d been something I’d long accepted a while ago. But still, her being my mom, I’d never wanted to give up hope, still didn’t.
Grandfather reached over, gripping my shoulder with the hand that shined his own Court ring. He squeezed. “I think you’re of the age to make the decision yourself, but you might want to start considering what’s next for her. You’re twenty-one now and… those decisions need to be made.”
I knew that, knew that ultimately it would be me to call it. But still, even thinking about it…
The thing whole made my stomach sick, my head shaking, and Grandfather squeezed my shoulder again.
“I won’t pressure you,” he said. “Never would. I just want what’s best for you. Best for her too. She was married to my son, and I’ve always loved her.”
He had, all of us really close. I nodded. “Can I think about it?”
“Of course,” he pulled back, this discussion hopefully over now, and I was grateful when I later escorted him back downstairs. As it turned out, since he couldn’t get a hold of me, he’d decided to come over, check on me personally after hearing I’d seen Mom today and I appreciated that.
“Be sure to let me know if you ever come to town again? To see her?” he asked by the door. He smiled at me. “I’ll always go with you. You know that.”
And I’d needed that for sure way back when, those early days when I’d been a fucking mess and couldn’t see the world right. I’d wanted to destroy everything in sight, so angry.
I nodded again, opening the door and started to walk him outside before we both had to stop. Someone else was on the other side of the door.
And she looked scared to hell.
Greer
I’d been in my dorm room about two seconds before I realized I’d left my notebook in Knight’s car. I guessed I could have called him about it and probably should have.
I supposed I had just wanted to check on him.
I didn’t know why really and for whatever reason, I found myself in a ride share instead of picking up my phone and texting him. I should have texted him, texted him for many reasons and the main one being the look he gave me the moment the door blew open and spotted me in front of it. His expression transformed into one of the wild, an unfurled anger of increased intensity the longer he stared at me. He left the door in an instant, a man standing behind in the distance. I was unable to see him long because Knight had me by the arm, dragging me off the frat house steps and down the way I came.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Like stated, wild the way he stared at me. His expression appeared maddened, completely crazed. He threw me away from him, basically like trash. “What right have you—”
“Son?”
His eyes twitched wide as he turned, that man I could see now. Older, he had a presence and familiarity about him I’d recognized from the past. This man was Gerald Reed.
This man was Knight’s grandpa.
The older man stood upon the frat house porch like an emperor, one overseeing his kingdom and the actions before him. He frowned. “Knight, son. Who is this?”
My eyes twitched wide, the man clearly not recognizing me. Though I wasn’t surprised. I’d been only a kid the last time he’d seen me, and I had been surprised Knight had even recognized me when I’d been at that party. We’d recognized each other, both of us like lantern to its light. We’d found each other.
I wished we hadn’t.
I’d had my reservations about coming here tonight, for so many reasons and actually had felt ill on the way over. I had no intention of actually going into the property, being there where Bryce shot himself. I still remembered his face, all that blood, and Knight’s face in return. I’d never seen him scared before and hadn’t since, absolute terror in his eyes at what had happened in front of us both. He hadn’t had the look of a guilty man, only a part of that sole action being taken by another. He’d been shocked, fearful, which had been all the more reason I’d been confused why he’d taken me out of there. He clearly hadn’t wanted what Bryce had done to happen. But for whatever reason he was making himself guilty of something by pulling us away. It’d been wrong. It’d been weird.
I swallowed, starting to open my mouth and address his grandpa. I was going to reintroduce myself, share who I was with him since technically, we had known each other at one time.
“She’s no one, Grandfather.”
Right in the chest as he cut in front of me and then forgotten as he graced the steps, standing by his grandpa. He turned to me, basically sneering. “You know how these girls are.”
These… girls?
Another cut at me, another time in which he basically called me a slut and right in fr
ont of his grandpa.
My eyes watering, I backed off but not before his grandpa addressed me again, came down the steps to me. Knight stood in the distance this time, his eyes wide but incredibly cold.
His grandpa frowned. “You should probably be on your way, young lady. It’s very late.”
Very late indeed.
I choked down a lump again as he passed me, Knight not far behind. He grabbed my arm, his hold pinching me. “Get the fuck out of here before I make you.”
He let go as quickly as he grabbed, heading off behind his grandpa who had a waiting car outside. The engine ran, another man opening the door for him. My ride-share had left but I started to walk in the other direction. I’d find my way back home, damned if I made the same mistake of getting lost again.
Chapter Fourteen
Greer
A few short taps and my roommates appeared in my room. They looked amazing. Sophie with her hair all done up and dressed to the nines, and Keisha in a baby blue dress that highlighted the varied tones of her voluminous curls. The kicker had been Hales, her pink dress short, petite and making her look too cute. These girls were dressed for clubbing and not only that.
“We’re kidnapping you,” Haley said, then from behind her back she pulled out the most exquisite glistening dress. Powder white, the dress looked like literal sparkles and sequins and was short enough if I bent wrong I’d have a major vagina slip.
I frowned, shaking my head before going back to my books. “I need to study, sorry.”
Something they could take note of, and how the tides had turned. I hadn’t seen them all in days, a far cry different from the previous week. I only didn’t complain because that meant I hadn’t seen Knight and his crazier-than-fuck attitude since that day he’d kicked me off the frat’s property. I was completely over it, over him, and still hadn’t gotten my notebook back. I took a few notes on my phone from the nursing home so at least that’d been helping when I started my paper.
