by Harper Sloan
My body craves her. And ever since she’s cut me off and started avoiding me, I feel like I’ve been living in hell on earth.
Coop laughs when he sees me check my phone, again, to see if she texted me back yet. Her messages earlier today were more of the same.
Me: Why did you run out of the office before I could see you?
Dee: Needed to take care of some work things.
Me: Really? Using work as an excuse again?
Dee: Yeah, sorry just really busy.
Me: You coming to Heavy’s tonight? I get that you’re busy but I would like to spend some time together where I’m not chasing you around like some stalker.
Dee: Funny, Beck. I’ll be there but not sure if I’ll stay long.
Me: Save me a dance?
Dee: We’ll see.
Me: We could always go out tomorrow night. Like we used to.
That’s all it takes for her to go back to her silence. The second I mention just the two of us doing something, she turns cold. It’s been almost a month, and she hasn’t made it possible to be alone in the same room with her. It’s as if Izzy’s attack turned some switch in her brain that has her afraid of her own shadow.
When the light turns green, I throw my phone into the cup holder. Coop is rambling on about this new bartender at Heavy’s, something about how he just knows she is the one. Yeah, the same douchebag that was talking about not being tied down earlier is now convinced there is one woman that he would spend some extra time with.
Sure, maybe he would devote an extra day to her.
“You know, you could actually make an effort with one? Test the waters. It isn’t a hardship to enjoy the company of the same woman. I don’t know, maybe grow a real relationship?” He snorts, rolls his eyes, and then continues on.
“You know, I’ve tried every trick in the book, and she won’t budge. Not an inch. I’m going to enjoy breaking this one.”
“How are we friends?” Shaking my head, I laugh when I think just how different Coop and I are. Don’t get me wrong. I love the little shit like a brother, but we couldn’t be more different.
“Because I’m the king of the fucking world?”
“You’re delusional.”
I turn the radio on to distract myself and to try to calm the anticipation fueling my nerves. It’s time to make my woman understand she wants me.
* * *
Heavy’s is packed when we arrive. When we walk in the door, Izzy waves us over, and we begin picking our way through the crowd. Ever since the girls brought us here the first time, this has become the place of choice when we all want to get together for a little ‘family dinner.’ Of course, that always turns into pitchers and pitchers of beer, and before we know it, someone is being carried out.
The classic rock is already turned up, and since Coop and I are late to arrive, it looks like the alcohol is already flowing freely.
“We ordered a bunch of wings for you two.” Emmy smiles up at me and moves in so I can squeeze past her. Dee has effectively blocked my chance at getting close to her by holing herself between Izzy and Maddox. I try to make eye contact with her, but she’s looking everywhere but at me.
“Have you been here long, Em?”
She shakes her head, and the light blush that we all find so adorable covers her face.
“No, not too long.” She peeks up again and looks over at Maddox. I laugh softly, which earns me her wide-eyed shock. It’s no secret that she has a major crush on our resident Mr. Untouchable. He’s either clueless, which I have a feeling isn’t the case, not with Maddox, or he just doesn’t want to see sweet Emmy change. He’s not an easy man to deal with, and even I worry that her little crush could end up going sour. One of these days, she’s finally going to come out of her shell though and give that man a run for his money.
“That’s good, Sugar.”
“Yo! Who’s ready to get this party started?” Coop screams when he finally detaches himself from the blonde that grabbed him before he had two feet in the door.
Leave it to Coop to break the ice and have us all eating, drinking, and laughing in no time. I look over at Dee again to see her smiling and joining in, but like always, I see right through her. She’s laughing, but not like she used to. She’s smiling, but it doesn’t come close to making her eyes dance. She’s eating, if you call picking up a fry every few minutes and nibbling, eating. How is it that everyone else is blind to the fact that she needs someone to lean on?
I take another long swallow of my beer, wipe my hands against my jeans, and settle in. I’m just biding my time before I take a risk and try to shake some sense into her.
Let’s just hope I’m not making a huge mistake here.
Dee
Thirty more minutes, and I’m getting out of here. Normally, I have no issues being around Beck, but after last weekend, seeing the devastation wash over his face when I told him Stewart was coming over, almost had me giving in.
It’s been so hard to stay away, to keep my distance, and try to squash this thing between us. I feel like my mind and heart are in a constant battle, each wanting something different. But deep down, I know I’m doing the right thing. There is just too much at stake if we give in and attempt a relationship.
For the last hour, Izzy’s been sitting on Axel’s lap, and I’m pretty sure if they could, he would be bending her over the table. It feels so good to know she is finally happy, but watching them is almost nauseating.
I reach out to take another drink when I remember the pitcher went dry a little while ago, sending Coop and Beck to the bar for refills. I lean back in my seat and pick up another French fry that I know I won’t eat.
“Want mine?”
I jump when Maddox’s question tickles my ear.
“Jesus, Maddox . . . Scare much?”
His lips tip up slightly, and he shrugs.
“I’m not drinking it, if you want it.” He holds out his full glass, and I gladly snatch it from him. The longer I stick around, the more tempting getting fall down drunk seems.
After a long pull, I look around the room again. Where the hell is he? Just when I’m about to give up my stupid search for Beck, my eyes hit the bar and the couple I had overlooked the first sweep through the crowd.
Before I can stop them, the words fly out of my mouth. “What the fuck?” Izzy’s head snaps up and looks over at me before following my eyes across the room. I know when she sees him because her hand reaches out and grabs my arm. I don’t even notice the biting pain of her nails because of the red-hot fury that is pulsing through my body.
How dare he? He acts as if he wants me, but the second things get difficult, he runs. Typical man. And a Heavy’s Slut? He had to pick the regular trash that never seems to leave and is always here, always dressed like a prostitute, and never with the same man.
“That stupid, little fucker. I hope his dick rots off.” There’s no way in hell that I can stop the verbal vomit now. I can hear Axel laughing softly, and all it does is fuel the inferno blazing through my body. I want blood, preferably the hoochie grinding her crotch rot all over his leg, but I’ll settle for his. I want to hurt something, destroy something; I want him to know this is wrong.
It takes me a few more seconds before I can’t stand it any longer, and I shoot out of my chair and stomp across the wooden floor. My heels threaten to snap with the force of my steps. My hands clench at my sides, and my breathing is coming in short bursts. When I get closer, and see how she is shamelessly grinding against his leg, my eyes narrow, and I pick up the speed in my walk.
His hands are holding her loosely by her hips. Those hands I know as well as my own are on her body, against her bare skin where her scrap of a shirt has ridden up during her imitation of a bitch in heat.
In all my life, I have never felt this kind of madness. Not when my father slapped me so hard I couldn’t hear for a week, not when I got dumped for the seventh time when a job opened up under my father, and not even when Brandon ‘filthy ass’ Hunter p
ut his disgusting hands on me.
No, this is a new kind of anger, and deep down, I know the only way to make it feel better is to take out the trash.
When I get close enough to get my hands on this troll, I don’t even have to think. I reach out, take the badly dyed, teased to the roof hair, and pull. With a yelp, her mouth loses its suction against Beck’s lips, and I rip her body off of his.
“You stupid, little slut. What makes you think you can walk into this fine establishment and start rubbing your disgusting, crusty crotch all over a man you do not know? That one, the man whose leg will need a case of bleach now, is not up for your filthy, used, and pathetic shit.” Her nails are making purchase against my wrist, trying, without success, to detach my hand from her hair. “And wash your hair, you nasty bitch.” I push my arm out, and with every single ounce of anger possessing me, I toss her to the side. I don’t even spare her another glance before turning on the man who has me in knots.
“And YOU!” I scream in his face. “You make all these promises. You have me questioning everything I have ever told myself, and second-guessing every single carefully planned path. YOU MAKE ME FEEL, DAMN YOU!” I jam my finger into his rock hard chest, taking another deep breath before continuing. “How could you make me feel, and then just give up?! I knew you would be just like the rest of them.”
I finally stop, drop my hand, and work to catch my breath. I feel like I’ve just run a marathon. I take a few more deep breaths, calming myself down slightly before looking back up at his too handsome face. But when I see his smirk, that infuriatingly hot smirk, I’m knocked slightly off balance. When he lunges forward, I jump back with a shriek. That shriek turns into a grunt when he bends, puts his shoulder to my stomach, and before I know what’s happening, throws me over his shoulder.
By the time he puts me in the passenger seat of his truck, buckles my seatbelt, and has the truck speeding down the road, I finally wake the hell up from my shock.
What in the . . .”You did not just kidnap me?” I yell.
“You’re damn right I did, Wildcat. I’m sick of you ignoring me, running, and fucking hiding. Tonight we’re talking, and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it.” He turns the radio up, and Papa Roach’s Last Resort blasts through the silence.
Real subtle, Beck.
With no choice but to go along for the ride, I start preparing myself for the showdown that’s to come.
CHAPTER 5
Dee
When he pulls his truck into the driveway, I push the door open and stomp up the stone pathway to the brightly lit porch. I watch him as he makes his way to the door, shaking his head with that damn smirk in place, and I want to scream. My anger has hit the point of no return, and all I want to do is smack that look off his face. Then, kiss away the pain. God, I’m so sick with my own constant, mental tug-a-war with this man.
“Is this a game to you, Beck?”
He looks shocked for a second before his eyes turn hard. Turning to unlock the door, he holds it open for me to step through before he follows me in. After dropping his keys on the table he disarms the security system before looking at me. His eyes are still hard, and his body strung tight.
“Which part do you think is a game? You refusing to be more than a bed warmer? Not answering the phone when I call because I’m worried about you? No, wait, I’ve got it. It must be the time that I told you I wanted more than to be just an itch to scratch and a dick to ride. Please tell me, Dee, because for the life of me, I can’t figure out just what game I could be playing with you!”
Oh. My. God. Never. Not once, in the months that I’ve known this man has he ever yelled at me. Standing here, right now, looking at his wild eyes and flaring nostrils, I want to slap myself for taking such a strong man and turning him into this. He doesn’t deserve this. He deserves a woman that can love him freely. A woman who won’t be waiting for the other shoe to drop, and the perfect man to turn into the perfect nightmare.
He deserves the best. And as much as I wish I were that person, I know that it isn’t me.
“I don’t know what you want me to say here.” Even though my words are whispered, by the look on his face, I might as well have just screamed them at him. “I don’t think I’m capable of being the person that you want me to be.”
“Are you serious? I don’t want you to be just anyone, Dee. I’m not sitting here demanding that you be anyone else but YOU.” He walks over to where I’m standing, taking each measured step slow and steady. His hands are relaxed at his side, and his body is screaming comfort. “All I want is you.” He stresses with his deep velvet voice, caressing my ears and warming my heart. If anyone has the power to make me believe, it’s this man right here in front of me.
When his feather-light kisses dance across my face, it’s almost my undoing. He takes my head between his large hands and tilts it to give him better access. I look into his pleading eyes, and silently beg him to stop.
“I’m so scared of you, John Beckett.”
His eyes widen a fraction before an emotion I’ve seen a few times takes over his face. He looks at me as if I’m his whole damn world and he isn’t afraid to admit it.
“You’ve got nothing to be scared of with me. Not one damn thing. You’ve had me in knots for months, Dee. Fighting for you, us, and this relationship might drive me mad at times, but it’s a fight I want if it ends with you in my arms.” Between his words and the soothing promise, I find myself relenting. Knowing this might blow up in my face, and prove once again that I’m right about men, doesn’t even bother me. I crave him just as badly as he craves me.
His lips meet mine, and it’s a kiss full of every ounce of love he’s been trying to convince me of but I’ve been too afraid to see. I’m still terrified of the unknown, but when I look into his eyes I know he means what he says. I can feel the emotion pouring over me, drowning me, and I want more than anything to believe him.
“Tell me you’re mine. Tell me that you’ll stop running and working on those damn walls so hard. Just try. That’s all I’m asking, please.” He doesn’t even give me a chance to answer him. Scooping me into his arms, he carries me up his stairs, down the hallway, and into his bedroom without removing his lips from mine. He places me softly on the mattress, and continues to look at me with his eyes blazing, just taking me in. I go to sit up and remove my clothes, but my movements must have looked like another flight attempt, because he places his hand lightly on my chest lightly, his eyes begging. “Please, Dee. Take a chance on us, and I swear to you, Baby, you won’t regret a day of it.”
Sighing deeply, I look him in the eyes and hold his stare. Yes, I’m scared out of my mind, but if I leave here tonight and deny him this, I know I’ll regret it until the day I die. “I’ll try.” The smile that takes over his face makes my heart skip a beat. His eyes crinkle at the corners and lose all traces of worry. He looks like a man that has the world. And, in that second, I feel lighter than I have in years. I feel like I’m the one who has the world.
“Thank you.” Kiss. “Thank you.” Kiss. “God, thank you.” I laugh when he pulls back from peppering my face with kisses, and I see the smile is still firmly in place. “You won’t regret this. I’m going to make you the happiest woman in the damn world, Dee. Just you wait.”
We come together roughly. I pull him down on top of me, and his solid weight hits me, causing my breath to leave with a whoosh. God, I’ve missed this feeling that only he gives me. We’re a mess of limbs and flying clothes. The room echoes with our loud kisses, panting, and moaning. Neither one of us wants to miss one second of our newfound connection.
It doesn’t take long before we are both finally naked. His heat warms me straight down to my core, and I want to cry when I think about all the time I’ve stupidly denied this man. “Hurry, please! I need you.”
“Shh, soon.” His warm breath against my ear causes me to shiver, and when he pulls my lobe into his mouth, biting slightly before lightly licking up the shell of my ear, my
toes curl. He laughs when I push my fingers into his hair and roughly pull his head back to my lips.
“I need you now. I need to feel you take me hard.” God, I need him. I’m not even ashamed of my begging.
“I’m not taking you hard, yet. Not this time. This time, I’m going to show you just what it feels like to be loved.” His words have my eyes widening, but when his lips trace down my body in a trail of fire and latch onto my clit, I forget every second of fear that had previously washed over me. His talented lips and tongue feast at my center, and I lose myself in the pleasure that overcomes me. It doesn’t take long for our normal, out of control lovemaking to take over. No matter what, the carnal passion we always create together blows to maximum proportions. He licks, sucks, and nibbles, causing me to scream a few times when the pleasure almost becomes too intense. No matter how close I get he keeps pulling me back, denying me what my body is craving.
“Beck, please!” I plead when he inserts one long finger inside me, pressing against the one spot guaranteed to have me shooting to the sky.
“Mmmm . . .” When his deep rumble hits my clit, and the vibrations shoot up my body, curling around me, and setting fire to every single inch, I scream. Scream so loud that my throat burns, my ears ring, and my eyes water. He kisses back up my body and takes my lips roughly, and when I open to accept him, I can taste my desire on his tongue. Never in my life did I think I would enjoy the taste of myself, but on him, I feel like I could lick his whole face and never get enough. His tongue sweeps in, dancing with mine, and after a few minutes of the most soul-consuming kiss, he pulls back. My lips feel as bruised and swollen as his look.
We hold each other’s eyes as he slowly trails his hand down my side before taking his hard dick into his hand and slowly pushing into my waiting body. The second he pushes inside me, the rest of the world is forgotten, and we come together like we always do, wild and frenzied. I lose track of how many times we flip back and forth, both of us fighting for the top position of control. When we fall off the bed, he flips so that his body takes the brunt of the pain, and I scream out his name when I land, and his dick hits me deeper than ever before. My eyes roll back in my head, and I ride him like I’m auditioning for the top spot in a rodeo.
