by K. P. Haigh
"What book?" my mom asks—it’s her professional obligation as a librarian.
"Oooh, Hidden Bodies. You'd like it. It's dark and twisted." My mom stands up and goes to the hutch behind the dining table to write down the name. There are sticky notes all over our house with her thoughts. She's a director for the local library system, so even though she's around books all day, she doesn't actually get paid to sit and read them. I'm constantly sending her new book recommendations.
This is my world. I look over at Baron and see him smiling. I've pulled back the curtain, and he likes what he sees.
Something vibrates against a chair, rattling the wood. Baron's hand darts to his jeans, and he pulls his phone out of his pocket. He looks down, and his eyebrows crease together.
"I'm sorry, but this is my agent. I need to step outside and take this." We all nod, and he quickly gets up and darts out the kitchen door. I hear it clank shut, and I wonder why his agent would be calling him in the middle of a weekend in the summer.
My dad leans back in his chair, resting his clasped hands against his chest. "He's a nice kid. Not what you'd expect from someone who has so much at such a young age. Must have a good family, good parents."
I want to reach out and hug both of them at the same time. I'm lucky to have both of my parents. I might have already traveled around the world twice over if they weren't so wonderful. Every time I think about leaving, it feels like getting out of the car in the winter just after the heat kicks in. There's a whole world out there to explore, but it just feels so nice to stay huddled up inside for a moment longer.
I stand up to start clearing the plates, and my mom joins me. We're on dishes duty since Dad cooked today.
"I know that look you got on your face when I invited him to stay, but I'm glad I pushed you both. He's a good man. I'm glad we got to meet him. It's nice to know you're spending your time with someone who's worthy of it."
It's not the first time I've heard that sentiment, but it feels even more meaningful coming from my mom. I set down the plates in my hand and wrap my arms around her with a squeeze. She's never judged who I spend my time with, but she did instill in me the idea that it's better to surround yourself with a few great ones rather than waste your energy trying to pile in the okay ones.
I've done pretty damn well for myself so far in life. I have a handful of extraordinary people in my life, including my parents. It looks like Baron is another one to add to the list.
When Baron walks back in, I can tell his phone conversation was draining. His hair is ruffled, like he's spent the last twenty minutes weaving his hands through it. There are tiny lines planted firmly between his eyebrows, like grooves of thought he's walking back and forth in.
He doesn't need the parental brigade to launch an investigation into his current state.
I give my mom another hug. "I think we better get going. Thanks for dinner."
My dad walks in and joins the goodbye. "It was nice to meet you, Baron. I hope we'll be seeing more of you again soon. You're welcome any time."
Baron smiles, but it looks as if it's taking significantly more effort to hold the corners of his mouth up now. "It was nice meeting you too, sir. That brisket was phenomenal."
My dad beams with pride. I don't think there's anything he loves more than feeding people and feeding them well, except maybe science. He can't ever really turn off his inner neurobiologist.
My mom shoves two huge containers of leftovers into my hands. "Good. You're going to be eating it for a week."
"Mommm," I say with a hint of whine. "You don't need to send us home with the whole pig."
Baron laughs. "I'll eat it if you don't."
My mom reaches up and gives him a hug. "I knew I liked you. Have a safe drive."
My dad follows up with a handshake that turns into a hug, and when he pulls away from Baron, his eyes are faintly wet, even though his smile looks full and effortless again. He doesn't have this anymore. I make a mental note to bring him back for another family dinner. I'll happily share, both my leftovers and my family.
We finally make it back out to his car and start to drive away from the house. We're both quiet, and when I look over, I notice that Baron's face is pinched in thought.
I would leave it. I should…but I'm starting to care about him, and when I start to care about people, I want to help carry whatever load they're hauling around on their shoulders.
"Are you okay?"
He nods wordlessly, but the movement is slow. It's as if he's trying to convince himself that his head is supposed to be moving up and down and not left to right.
I let him process, and we continue driving down the dirt road I grew up on. I've been down it a million times before, but it suddenly feels like new territory. He jerks the car to the right and pulls over into the empty lot of a corn stand that's closed up for the night. He shifts the car into park and turns in his seat to face me. "That was my agent. Everything just went through. I'm getting traded."
I have a vague idea of what that means, but I feel like I need to be sure it is what I think it is. "To another team?"
"Yeah. A different team."
"In a different state." I realize as soon as the words run out of my mouth that I have no idea if states have more than one team. Is there some other professional football team in Michigan? Are states even allowed more than one team? It's a stupid question, but I'm at a loss here.
"Yeah." He stops and looks down at the center console. "Seattle."
Oh. My heart and stomach grab hold of each other and race off the cliff together like two suicidal maniacs. I feel weightless and heavy all at once.
"Seattle." I repeat the word, just in case I got it wrong. Baron nods, and I know I didn't. I wish I had.
I didn't even realize how many blocks we had stacked until the world beneath us shifted and every single one came tumbling down.
Baron and I barely talk on the way home. We're both silently trying to process what just happened. I have a million questions. Did you know about this? When do you have to move? Are we still going to talk?
I could barely figure out where I stood on this whole not-a-relationship-but-spending-time-together situation. Throw a four-hour plane ride between us, and all I can do is throw my hands up in defeat.
Baron is completely silent. He grips the steering wheel with both hands the entire way back to Ann Arbor. I'm convinced there are going to be permanent indentations on the leather.
I can't even imagine what he's thinking about, how he feels. He's already a couple hours’ drive away from his family; this will move him much farther away.
I get that. I so get that. I haven't taken off on my own adventures because I can't quite wrap my head around leaving the state I've spent my entire life in. It's my adult security blanket, and even though it desperately needs a spin cycle, I'm still clinging to it with everything I've got.
It's a relief when he finally pulls up to my building, and I'm relieved when he doesn't turn off the ignition. We both need time to process.
I step out and look back, completely unsure of what to say.
Baron leans down so he can see my face. It looks like every feature of his face is pulled toward the center in concentration. It really does make him look like a bear. "I'll, uh…call you."
"Yeah, don't worry about it." I want to let him off the hook. I don't want him to call just because he thinks he has to.
His concentration releases for a split second, and I see the Baron I sat in a canoe with this afternoon. "No, I'm really going to call you, as in this week."
"It's a date. A phone date."
"Good." It's such a simple word, but he packs it with meaning. “And I’m sorry about dessert.”
“Another time,” I offer with a small shrug, trying to downplay the emotions that are punching me in the gut. I didn’t realize how much I wanted more until the possibility of it got pulled out from under me.
I say goodbye and head up to my apartment. I'm standing in the same
place I was just a few hours ago, but everything’s different.
I spend Monday in the office doing photo placement for the articles running that week, online and in the paper. There's still no news on the big changes that are coming, which makes it feel like my entire world is in limbo. I still haven't heard from Irene Collins, and I'm starting to think the worst. Maybe she did pass on my resume, and the HR director didn't like my application enough to even respond.
I can't bring myself to look at their website to see if they currently have photographer positions available. I don't want to know. Whoever said ignorance is bliss is my kind of person. I'd take them out for a beer and give them a high five if I could.
My phone buzzes, and I look down to see Baron's name flash across the screen. The man keeps his word.
I swipe right to answer. "Hi, can you hold on a sec?"
I quickly work my way through the nearly empty building to head outside. It's so close to five, and on gorgeous summer days like today, everyone tries to escape the office to catch the extra hours of sun. I don't blame them. The only reason I'm still here is to avoid thinking about the man I'm on the phone with now.
I step outside, and background traffic noise floods in. Ah, that’s better. "Thanks. Hi. Um, how are you?"
Or, you know, are you still moving to Seattle? That too.
"I'm good. What are you up to right now?"
"Just finishing up work. Why?"
"Up for a short road trip tonight?"
I wonder for a split second if he's planning on kidnapping me and driving me out to Seattle—except that's anything but a short drive. Baron doesn't exactly seem like the kidnapping type, and I'm pretty sure most girls would go along with it willingly anyway, even if it involved riding in the trunk of his car.
"Monty?"
Oh, right. Road trip. "Sure. When do you want to leave?"
"Um, well, I just parked in Ann Arbor. I can wait until you're ready though." Well, I guess I'm escaping the office early today too.
"Do you know where the Ann Arbor Daily office is? I can grab my bag and meet you out front."
Baron confirms and ten minutes later, I'm sitting back in the passenger seat of his little blue Prius.
"So, where are we headed?" I'm half tempted to keep it a surprise, but the look on Baron's face is a complete 180 from when he dropped me off at my apartment. I have to know why he's so excited about this trip.
"Well, first, where any good road trip starts: food."
We pull into the gas station just outside the city, and Baron cajoles me into picking out my favorite junk foods: Doritos, Twix, and Vernors. My parents would always let me pick out one treat whenever we went on a road trip when I was younger. It feels oddly mischievous to grab all three today, even though I'm a fully independent adult with access to whatever junk food I want, whenever I want it.
I guess that's how you know you're really an adult. You could walk around eating Oreos and chips all day, but you suck it up and eat your vegetables because you know you'll feel a million times better if you get some carrots in your stomach.
We also grab some tacos from the drive-through one parking lot over, and I'm starting to seriously wonder about the length of this road trip.
When we get on the road, Baron lays down the ground rules. "Okay, passenger gets DJ privileges, but the driver has veto, but only three vetoes per hour. Singing participation earns one extra veto per hour."
"As in singing one song earns you an extra veto, or singing for the full hour earns a veto?"
"Good question, DJ Monty. One song."
I'm immediately determined to overpower him with all the late 90s, early 2000s music I can. Oh hey, Backstreet Boys, nice to see you again. I barely notice when we pass the Welcome to Ohio sign; I'm too busy laughing at Baron's interpretation of Britney Spears’ hair flipping and boy band dance moves.
Two hours later, we pull into a parking lot, and Baron shifts the car into park. It's almost 8PM, and the sun is just starting to work its way down toward the horizon. I step out of the car and can smell the hint of moisture in the air. Are we by the water? I wasn't even paying attention.
Baron grabs my hand, and we start to walk toward a paved trail. I see a sign that says lighthouse, but the print is so small, I can barely read it. Hmm, we must be by Lake Erie.
We don't have to walk very far before my suspicion is confirmed. Waves crash against the flat slab rocks of the beach, and there's a bright white lighthouse with a red top like a little beret. There's something so romantic about it, like a steadfast love that's always beaming light out for its soul mate to come home. It's an oddly beautiful idea, the idea of lonely love. You're so sure of it that you never take your eyes off the water, no matter how long it takes for it to come back to you.
Baron sits down on one of the raised rocks and motions for me to come sit by him. I smile to myself; maybe I’ve found that. I won't know until I sit down and wait.
I squat down and swing my legs out and around, curling them into my chest and leaning my whole body into Baron's side. He wraps his arm around me, and we sit for I don't even know how long, just listening to the gentle waves lapping against the shore.
Baron is the first one to speak. I knew he would be. There's so much on his mind, and I desperately want to hear what it is before I come to any conclusions.
"My dad brought me here when I was a kid. It was one of the only times it was just him and me. I had just lost a football game. I missed a pass and the other team intercepted." He stops and shakes his head. Whether it's due to the memory or to the fact that I have no idea what he's talking about, I don't know.
He takes a deep breath. "I wanted to quit. I felt like I had let everyone down, and he brought me here and told me you don't ever let people down by trying. You let them down by giving up. He passed away a few weeks later from a heart attack. Every time I've had a big decision to make, I've driven back here. It's always felt like it's my direct link to the man that knew me better than I knew myself."
I lean into him with every fiber of my being. He's showing me a part of him the rest of the world doesn't get to see, and that feels monumental.
He rests his head against mine. "I wanted to bring you here with me. I wanted to immediately, right when I got that call…which is crazy. I know it's crazy, but I feel like you fit. You see the side of me no one takes the time to notice."
I know what he means, and when I turn to look up at him, I feel like I'm staring at the face of someone who is already imprinted on my heart. It is crazy, but I can't say I don't feel it.
"I want you to come with me, and I know that's insane. You don't have to answer me now. I just want you to think about it. I'm not asking you to move in with me, just come out to Seattle with me and spend a few months at least. I can find you a month-to-month studio to rent, or you can stay in my guest room. Whatever the details are, it doesn't matter."
My heart is swelling out and pushing against my lungs. Neither organ is able to function. Everything stops.
"I don't want to give up on us. I want to spend time with you. I want to see where this goes, and I know it's asking a lot of you. I'm hoping you see it as an adventure rather than just some crazy guy asking you to do an impossible thing."
It does sound impossible, but it also sounds crazy to say goodbye to him right now. I don't want to walk back to his car, have him drop me off, and never see him again.
And I'm not naive enough to assume that once football season starts back up, we would be able to continue seeing each other if we lived in different states. He wakes up at 5am in the off-season to push himself through workouts every day; I'm sure when he's in full-on go mode, it's a whole different level of commitment.
We sit and stare at the water, and the sky begins to take on a watercolor hue. The sun may be setting on today, but I have the option in my hands of whether it's going to rise on a life in Ann Arbor or a life in Seattle.
I take a deep breath, letting myself feel the warmth of Baron's profi
le against mine. "I can't say yes, but I can't say no either. This is a really big idea. A crazy one." I can feel his muscles pull tight underneath my touch. I draw my hand toward the center of his chest and stop, feeling his pulse race. "But, it's not completely insane. I keep talking about how I want to live a life of adventure, and what better adventure is there than the possibility of pursuing love?"
It feels crazy to say that out loud, and I blush at how easily the word love slipped out. I almost want to scoop it up and swallow it back down. I'm not in love with him, but I can't say I won't be someday. Every single hour I spend with him makes me want a hundred more, and isn't that how the seed is planted?
"I'll take it." I can feel Baron's smile as he presses his lips against my temple. We sit and watch the sun slide toward the horizon, and the lighthouse beams out into the indigo night, endlessly casting out hope that its soul mate will find their way home.
I step out of the driver's seat of my car and head toward my parents’ house. Andie gets out of the passenger seat and follows me.
Just before Andie started med school, her parents moved back to New York. All of her older siblings are spread out across the country, and her parents wanted to be back close to their extended family on the East Coast.
She's become a regular at our family dinners, and it’s kind of the best having all my favorite people together in one room.
Well, all of them minus one. A hesitant but trending addition to the favorites list, Baron moved out to Seattle days after he got the call. Training camp had just started, so he needed to get there ASAP.
Andie and I walk in through the side door of the house that opens up into the kitchen. The sweetly spicy smell of my mom's chili tickles my nose. Oh, dinner is going to be so good.
Mom walks over to us and wraps us both in a giant group hug. "My girls! It's so good to see you, Andie!"
My dad walks into the kitchen and beams when he sees the two of us. "How's school going, Andie?"
I grab a cold can from the fridge while she tells him about her rotations. My dad the science guy is in heaven.
