Sometimes decisions that are taken in the nick of a moment are the ones that have the power to affect a whole train of events that follow. But at the moment of taking those decisions, not much thought goes into them. They are taken in the normal manner and in retrospect, cause a great deal of contrition or remorse.
“Do you want to join us? We're having a special office bearers party tonight,” said Sanjana when Suja asked her for permission to stay out late. It was a surprise to me as well.
“What office bearers party?” I asked.
“The office bearers of all colleges are meeting today at 11.00 p.m after the day's events are over. It is a tradition before the last day, during youth festivals. Suja can come along and vanish in a little time after the party starts. Nobody need know, as long as she comes back safely and joins us to go back to the dorm,” Sanjana winked.
I shrugged. It was not my decision. I was quite sure that Sanjana knew what she was doing. Of course Suja agreed gratefully. Every other office bearer seemed to know of the party. They were old hands at this and I was the newbie.
“Where is this party going to be held?” I asked Priya, as I watched Suja walk away in glee.
“A t Hotel Crown Plaza. Their ballroom is a decent size. And some navy cadets will be there too. Gosh, those guys are gorgeous,” answered Priya dreamily.
The Indian Navy had a sea officers training establishment as well as a Naval Base in Cochin. The naval cadets trained here. The guys were usually well turned out, articulate, smart and most importantly would be officers at the end of their courses. The combination was irresistible to most women and having a naval academy guy as a boyfriend was a matter of prestige. The naval guys on their part would definitely give a right arm to say that an Agnes girl was their girlfriend. After all, Agnes girls had the reputation of being intelligent, fashionable and smart. So it was a kind of symbiotic relationship and each side thought they were the lucky ones.
The girls were all excited about the party. The numerous preparations that involved ‘getting ready for a party’ in a woman's parlance had begun in the hostel at 6.00 p.m itself. I was stunned when I saw some of the outfits that the girls had chosen to wear. Sanjana looked like a fashion model straight out of Vogue with an off shoulder deep red dress that had a plunging neckline and it clung to every curve. She also wore six inch heels and when she completed her make-up, all our jaws dropped open in amazement. She was stunning. Most of the others who were attending the party had dressed glamorously. I had not known about the party and had not carried any such party wear with me. I chose to wear a simple black and white printed shirt and black tights. They went well with my white heels. Sanjana took me aside and asked if I would like to borrow one of her outfits but I refused.
All the girls wore some kind of a jacket or a full sleeved top over their clothes which they would remove as soon as we were out of sight of the faculty. If the nuns saw the girls dressed like this, they would definitely object.
The hotel was within walking distance of where we stayed. The party had already started when we arrived.
The atmosphere was electric. The ball room was spacious, elegant and filled with young people dancing to the groove of blaring western foot tapping numbers. I was taken by surprise and it seemed as if I had stepped into a different world.
Priya, Sanjana and the others seemed to fit right in. They mingled around effortlessly and started dancing with a group of guys. I knew they were the navy guys. Suja too seemed to have found her boy friend and they were dancing like they had eyes only for each other. I did not know what to do. I tried to blend into the background inconspicuously, suddenly feeling out of place and uncomfortable.
“Hi there. You're Ankita, aren't you?” said a tall well dressed guy, tapping me on my shoulder. From his hair cut I knew that he was one of the Naval guys.
“Yes. And how do you know me?” I answered, surprised.
“Sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I am Pravin Singh. I am a friend of Rakesh Duggal who is Suja's friend,” he said.
“Yes, I have heard Suja talking of Rakesh.”
I hoped that he would not ask me to dance. I was not ready to dance yet.
“May I have the pleasure of dancing with you?”
“Er...Maybe after a while?”
I did not know what the etiquette in turning down a guy was. I was beginning to sweat a little now.
“Hey Ankita! Comfy?” said a familiar voice and I saw Abhi with a drink in his hand, walking towards me.
The relief I felt was what an animal trapped in a net experiences when it is freed.
“Hey, Hi!” I said sounding so enthusiastic that I hoped Pravin got the message. He seemed to have, as he slipped away unobtrusively as Abhi came up to me.
“I am so glad to see you,” I said.
“You're looking terrific! I love it when you leave your hair open.” he said his eyes shining.
“I feel such a plain Jane. Look at the others.”
“They need all those embellishments because they don't have what you do,” he said smiling.
“A nd what is it I have which they don't?” I asked eagerly lapping up his praise.
“Me, of course!” he said.
I laughed and punched him playfully.
Then I peeped into his glass. “What are you having?”
“Champagne. Can I get you some?”
“No, thank you. You know I don't drink.”
“I promise I am not trying to get you drunk,” his eyes twinkled. “But you must try everything at least once.”
I was tempted. I had never had alcohol before. I knew I could count on Abhi to see that I did not do anything foolish. I trusted him completely now. I also felt a lot braver than before, now that he was at my side. I looked around the room. Almost everyone had a drink.
“Here, try mine. See if you like it.”
Hesitatingly I took a sip from his glass. It felt strangely intimate. I nodded my approval and he got me a drink.
“Have it slowly. Don't gulp it down.”
“I am not so foolish. I know that much!”
The party was in full swing now. The lights had dimmed. Many of the guys were smoking and the air was thick with smoke. The smell of expensive perfumes too lingered. There was a huge disco light in the centre. The music had changed to slow dance and many of the couples were dancing very close to each other. A few of the girls had buried their faces in the guys' shoulders. They were completely engrossed in themselves. My eyes almost popped out when I saw where the hands of some guys were. I felt a bit like an intruder. Abhi too seemed to have sensed my surprise.
“This is not really uncommon, Anks,” he said. “Many of them go the whole hog too. They have rented rooms upstairs.”
“What?!!” I said, truly shocked now.
“Hey, look. I didn't do it! And I am not making an indecent proposition to you. Don't worry!” He said.
I was beginning to feel a bit claustrophobic. Also the alcohol seemed to have unsettled my stomach. I felt giddy.
“Abhi, I need to sit down. I am not feeling too good.”
“Come, let us get out. The fresh air will do you good.”
Deciding to go out at that instant was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. In retrospect, I would be many times grateful for it. They say destiny changes in moments sometimes.
But I did not have these philosophical thoughts at all, as I went out with Abhi into the cool night, through a door that led outside to the huge hotel lawns and the well done up garden. Abhi gestured towards a wooden bench that was tucked away, almost hidden by two large green bushes that seemed to be ushering it. The sky was star studded and the breeze felt refreshing compared to the noise, smoke and music inside.
“This is so much better,” I said.
Abhi put his arm around me and I did not protest. I leaned my head on his shoulder. He stroked my hair and murmured something about how beautiful I was. I snuggled a bit closer. That was when he pulled me towards hi
m, put an arm around my waist and kissed me so tenderly that I thought my heart would break as his lips met mine. I could taste the champagne on his lips. It felt so natural and so right. I had always wondered how my first kiss would be, what one should do—should one open the mouth, close one's eyes? Would I know what to do? I was surprised that it just came instinctively and Abhi seemed to know what he was doing. My heart was singing and more than exhilaration, it was a feeling of completeness that washed over me, in a strange way.
That was when we heard a commotion, the sudden noises and confusion. It was the cops. We could see them tumbling out of their vehicles and running into the hotel. The scene frightened me.
We didn't know what to do. We had no idea what was happening. I wanted to go and see, but Abhi pulled me back.
“Let us wait here Ankita, Trust me, it won't be a pretty scene.”
“How can I, Abhi?! We can't just sit here.”
“Yes, we can. I think I know what is happening out there. Look, there is nothing you and I can do. You can't reason with cops. Let us stay here. Now listen to me and don't protest.”
I did listen to him. We stayed on that bench for almost two hours till the noise and confusion died down.
Destiny had indeed changed in a matter of moments. The next day was a nightmare for everyone in Agnes and everyone associated with Agnes. Splashed in huge blazing headlines across the pages of almost all Malayalam dailies and a few English newspapers too were screaming headlines that said “Agnes girls caught in hotel rooms,”, “Agnites show a talent of a different kind,” and many more such sarcastic one liners. It was mudslinging at its worst.
We had been the celebrities of the moment and now had fallen. The rival colleges were pouncing upon it like vultures. The mighty Agnes girls were shamed. We would later find out that it was one of the office bearers of the host college who had connections with the student wings of the political parties, who had engineered this whole police drama. We would also later find out that the naval cadets who were involved had punitive action taken against them too.
Sanjana and Suja's photos were splashed across the newspapers with unpleasant and unnecessary details and also the names of the naval guys they were with. In a place like Kerala, it was a fate worse than death. The fact was that they were all over eighteen and what they were doing was entirely their business was forgotten. But conservative Kerala had no place or tolerance for such things. Good girls simply did not go to hotel rooms with men and get caught in police raids. Only prostitutes did that.
What hurt me most and disillusioned me completely was the reaction of the college authorities. They promptly expelled Sanjana and Suja. Sister Evangeline released a press statement saying how just two girls had tarnished the reputation of the college. The college had a history of more than a hundred years and never in its history had such a thing happened. They blamed the girls and their parents. Then after a hurried conference and closed door meeting with other faculty members, they announced that they were reinstating a new chairperson for the college whom they had unanimously agreed upon. Their choice of chairperson was someone the rest of us would grow to hate—she was a spineless coward who could only suck up to authority. She had no opinion of her own. She would never even have been nominated, let alone won the election, had she contested for a million years. She was plain, unglamorous, had no clue what to do and did not even know how to speak. She was a stooge not a leader.
Priya, I and all the other office bearers went and met Sr. Evangeline privately. We voiced how strongly we felt about it and that we were representing the thousands of voices of students of the college who wanted to say the same thing. Sister brushed our protests aside.
“We gave you freedom and you misused it. These girls have brought disgrace to the college. You girls have no choice but to obey,” she said.
I could not help thinking that as long as the girls kept winning and bringing the laurels home, they were adored. As long as they were ‘useful’ and they ‘performed’, it was great. But the moment things went a little awry, they were dropped like hot potatoes.
Later I told Suvi bitterly “How then is the treatment meted out to these girls different from the treatment that is meted out to prostitutes? Both are used.”
“You're perfectly right,” she said. “At least they get paid for it.”
The rest of the year was not the same. Without Sanjana to lead the team of office bearers, the entire essence of what it was all about had disintegrated.
The college authorities did not care. Agnes had already won almost every cultural competition that there was to win that year. Agnes was also the overall champion in the Mahatma Gandhi University festival that year.
But it was the first time that nobody talked about it or rejoiced.
8
Ready to fly
The elections arrived like monsoons the next year. It was the final year of our graduation and we would soon be completing our Bachelor's degrees. There was no way I was contesting. I had made up my mind about that even though many had urged me to contest again. The entire thing had left a sour taste in my mouth.
There were only a few more months for our final year to end. My agenda was now to get into any of the top institutes in the country offering an MBA. Like many of the others, I had dutifully filled in the application forms, taken out the demand drafts and mailed them well before the last dates. My parents were very happy about my decision. I hoped I would not disappoint them. I desperately wanted to get admission into an MBA course.
Vaibhav and I were still in touch but not with the intensity as earlier. I think it was more out of a sense of duty that he called rather than anything else. I had not even noticed that his calls had trickled as I was so absorbed in Abhi and the other things that were going on in my life. I think the love I had for him was replaced by a kind of fond affection. Honestly it did not matter to me anymore whether he called or not. It seemed as though Abhi and I had been through so much together and somewhere along the way, Vaibhav had been left far behind.
Charu had decided that she would pursue Chartered Accountancy and join her father's firm. The rest of us had no such options and the entrance tests were what we had to concentrate on. The MBA bug had bitten all of us. Most of us had opted for postal coaching. There were only two reputed institutes that sent you the practice papers and the study material. We pooled in our resources. We had formed a study group which consisted of Dhiren, Abhi and Christy from Mahaveers and Suvi and I from our college. We met twice a week at Mahaveers, in their auditorium which we had access to, as Abhi and Dhiren were office bearers again that year.
Christy and I were the ones who were most serious about it. We competed with each other like crazy, solving questions, seeing who would crack it first. I was far ahead of him in verbal ability and he would be dazzled by my reading speed and data interpretation. But he made up for it in quantitative ability. He beat me hollow in that, as I grappled with figures. I knew how to solve most of it, but my speed wasn't very good. I took too much time. On some days, we had seniors over, from our college and from Mahaveers, who were now doing an MBA at Cochin University of Science and Technology (CUSAT).They joined us and they gave us tips. They held mock-interviews and group discussions as well. I kept telling Abhi that he would have to work harder. I felt that the college activities were taking a toll on his preparations. I sensed that he did not like my saying so and could also see that he was getting annoyed at the way I competed with Christy. But my goal was clear and I was not wavering from it. I was determined to make it.
I think entrance exams are mostly about how one performs on that particular day. Of course, it needs hard work and talent, but largely it also needs luck.
Whatever it was, I was delighted beyond measure when I got an interview call from not one, but four institutes one of which was a well known one in Bombay! I had also been selected for CUSAT . I had never expected to be this lucky. I cleared the group discussion and interviews too. My parents' joy knew no b
ounds, as they boasted to all relatives about my achievement.
Abhi had got an interview call only from CUSAT .
My dad had another surprise for me. He announced that he had got a promotion in his company and had been posted to Bombay. We would soon be relocating as soon as my final exams were over. Abhi was very upset when he heard this.
“Look Abhi,” I reasoned with him, “Even if my folks were not moving to Bombay, we would still have parted as I would have chosen to do it in Bombay,” I said.
“Come on Anks, Isn't CUSAT good enough for you? Doesn't ‘WE’ mean anything to you?”
Most of us had got offer letters from CUSAT and those who had got interview calls from other places were stalling, keeping CUSAT as a backup option, in case we did not get in anywhere else. CUSAT was definitely not my first choice.
“Abhi, how can you be so unreasonable?” I said. “Look, put yourself in my place. If you had got a call from the places I have, wouldn't you have grabbed it?”
“No, Ankita. I would still have gone to the place where both of us can study together. That is how much you mean to me,” he said simply. I did not know what to answer as I knew he meant it too. But the thing was, he had not made it. I had.
He was such an emotional fool. This was an opportunity of a lifetime for me. How could I just chuck it up, for something which I presumed was love? How foolish was that? I was not getting swayed. Abhi felt I was being hard hearted. I felt I was being practical and rational.
“Look, I had told you to study hard. If you had, you would have made it,” I said. It came out more accusingly than I intended.
“Yes. It is easy for you to say now, Miss. Bombay. You know what, pride has gone to your head.” he said caustically.
I was taken aback. I said no more and walked away.
“Don't get angry with me,” he called out. “I am the only one who dares to tell you the truth. The others just suck up to you. Think about it.”
I was fuming. How dare he speak to me like that? He called out to me to wait, but I was in no mood to listen to him.
Life Is What You Make It A Story Of Love, Hope And How Determination Can Overcome Even Destiny Page 6
