by Izzy Shows
“C-can we go home?” one boy asked tentatively, his voice so small that it broke my heart.
“Of course you can!” I immediately promised. “We’re all going to go home.” I smiled, and looked over at Emily. “Where’s Aidan? Did he clean Deacon up? Oh, hell, I should call Finn. I promised to let him know if…” I trailed off at the look on Emily’s face, the wrinkle between her brows, the downward tug at the corners of her lips. “Where’s Aidan?” I asked again, softer this time.
“He…he didn’t make it, Blair,” she whispered, blinking rapidly as tears brimmed at her lashes.
I shook my head. “No, don’t be silly, of course he did.” I tried to laugh, but it didn’t sound right even to me. I leapt to my feet, frantically looking around. Deacon had been in the circle of trees, and so had Aidan, and where was that? I spun around, looking, searching, but I couldn’t see very well, because the world had this hazy underwater look to it, and oh I might be crying, I guess.
Finally, I saw the trees and I bolted for them.
“Blair, don’t go over there!” Emily called after me, but I ignored her, running for the trees, running for Aidan.
He was an arsehole, and he didn’t teach me very well, and he was going to turn me over to the Order, but fuck it, he was the only person who had understood, and he had felt like family, and he couldn’t be gone.
I reached the trees.
There were bodies there.
Aidan’s throat was slit and Deacon looked like he’d taken a bomb to the face.
I dropped to my knees beside Aidan, shaking my head and sobbing.
“No, no, fuck you, no, you can’t be dead, don’t do this to me!” I shook his body the same way the twins had shook mine, begging for him to wake up like a small child. I didn’t want to be alone. “Don’t leave me.” I whispered, leaning down and placing my head on his chest.
I held his lifeless body and let myself cry. Not soul shuddering sobs, but quiet tears, mourning the loss of the one family in my whole miserable lonely life that I might have wanted.
43
I STARED AT THE TOWNHOUSE DOOR. Just two days prior I had walked in here and yet I had been an entirely different person. I didn’t know who I was anymore.
Emily and I had taken the boys home after getting stories straightened out. They’d snuck out to have a little adventure, like kids do, and we’d found them exploring and brought them home. We comforted the parents, made sure they were OK, and left.
I didn’t cry. I didn’t break.
I was numb.
In a way, we had won. London didn’t fall, all the innocents were saved, Emily and I had made it out unscathed. Raven was fine.
I suppose Mal was perfectly peachy too.
I was broken, almost beaten, and just barely keeping myself together. I had lost Aidan, the one person who could have taught me about this power inside of me. The one person who had finally understood everything. Finn, my best, my only friend, still didn’t understand the nuances: the isolation I felt when walking down the street, the way I didn’t fit in anywhere, the way everything about me felt so wrong. Aidan, simply through the bond of having magic, had understood all of that without having to say a word.
No one would even understand the loss I felt.
I inhaled through my nose, exhaled through my mouth, and knocked on Finn’s door. Emily and I had agreed to meet back up after I had debriefed him.
Taxis and buses whizzed by behind me, blaring horns and music. People walked by, talking on their phones or to one another, and they were all so obnoxiously ignorant to the horror that had occurred last night.
No, it hadn’t gone unnoticed. The police had roped it off and begun their investigation, but no one cared. Maybe they had an initial reaction of how very terrible it was and oh, how sad, and they just hoped no one had been hurt.
But, the next minute, they just went on with their lives. No more thoughts. They were all too happy to be distracted by the minutiae of their lives.
Finn’s door swung open, and I was greeted with a stern, unhappy face. Lips in a thin line, arms crossed over his chest, and that subtle shake of his head.
I looked up at him and couldn’t muster the strength to show the dispassionate mask I’d been using so far. My lower lip trembled, brows knitted together, and I had to blink and look away to keep the tears from falling. I shoved a hand through my hair—so recently freed of the blood and shards of bone it had collected throughout the night. Took another breath, tried to stabilise.
“Hey.” I whispered.
“Hey.” He was quiet.
I tried to bring my eyes up to his but they skittered away to avoid the piercing look in his eyes.
“Come in,” he said.
There had never been a need for many words between us.
I limped inside the house and made it to the sofa before the dam broke and the tears fell. This place, no matter how stuffy and expensive and above me it felt, this place was the home of a friend and there was comfort to be found here.
I threw my face into my hands and sobbed, quiet little heaves that shook my frame. I didn’t have a lot of tears left in me, and too much would bring the pain in my throat back to life.
One more thing to deal with later.
“You look like hell,” he said.
A tea cup appeared in front of my face to accompany the curt words, and a hysterical laugh bubbled up from within me.
Tea. The answer to all British problems.
I took it, though, and let the warmth spread through my hands.
I had been surprised, when I finally had a moment to look at them earlier, to find they weren’t ripped to shreds as it felt like they had been last night. Little worse for wear, scratches and scabs, but not the gaping holes I had expected. The scabs were more likely to be from hitting the ground so many times, rather than the magic.
Empty silence stretched between us for several minutes as I sipped carefully at the hot beverage. I didn’t dare to look at Finn, afraid I would dissolve into tears again if I found pity in his eyes.
“What happened?” He asked, voice soft, though I flinched at the sound of it.
“I fucked up,” I mumbled, sucking down a couple of breaths of air to avoid the crack that threatened to break my voice.
“You could have called. You should have called.”
“We talked about that.” My voice sounded meek even to me.
“Yeah, and I seem to remember agreeing you would let me know before it became necessary to scrape you off the pavement!” he snapped.
“Ah, well, as you can see, it did not quite come to that.” I cracked a wry smile for the first time since I’d woken up. It didn’t have any heart in it, the joke was horrible, but at least it was something.
“Christ, Blair, you could have died. I don’t know what happened, but you look like shit, and that scene was not bloody pretty. Where the fuck was that Wizard of yours?” He threw the words at me and they struck my heart like daggers.
I flinched again, closing my eyes tight and biting down on the inside of my cheek to keep my emotions in check. He didn’t know. He wouldn’t say that if he knew.
“There was a man’s body, right? Slit throat?” I whispered.
Silence.
“Yes,” he said, slowly.
“That was Aidan.” I looked up at him then, my eyes brimming with tears. How did I have so many tears inside of me?
“Fuck.” That was all he said, and I understood. What do you say to that? “Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” He sat down beside me and placed a hand on my back—to which I immediately leapt off the settee.
“No, don’t, don’t do that.” I gasped, struggling to stay upright after the sudden weight I’d placed on my bad leg. “I’m not even stitched together yet. These clothes are all that’s holding me together.” I tried another smile, but it fell flat.
His eyes widened. “What do you mean?”
“You saw Aidan. You thought I magically got away unharmed?” I smir
ked at my own pun.
“I mean, you look pretty scraped up but…yeah, I guess I thought that was it.”
“I’ll save you the damage report.”
“Shouldn’t you be in a hospital?” he asked.
“I can’t go to a hospital, Finn.” I sighed. “You’ve seen me around technology. I can’t risk it.”
Finn frowned, looking down at his hands for a moment before he looked at me again. “OK, well, I’ve got a mate who can look at you. He owes me one, won’t talk.”
I’ve never been suspicious of Finn before, never doubted anything he’d said. Maybe it was the events I’d just lived through, but I felt wary. I was ashamed for even feeling that way. I could only stare at him.
“Come on, Blair, he’s ex-military. A medic.” Finn sighed. “Look, I can’t believe you’re making me say this…I feel guilty. If I had been there…maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad. Maybe I could have helped. Can you just let me help you with this?”
I stared at him for another moment before I darted my eyes around the room and coughed. It felt like something had suddenly taken up residence in my throat. “Uh. Yeah. OK. Sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say.
I heard the breath he let out. “OK, are you going to tell me what happened or not?”
So, we were back to that question.
“What’s there to say?” I shrugged. “They grabbed Aidan before the show even started. So, we started out handicapped. Emily—this uh, I don’t know, she’s got her God on her side or something, has a sword and armour and shit, it was weird—she helped me get to the ritual site. There was a necromancer, and he had some goons, I guess. We took them out, but he was protected inside his circle. Army of undead, blah blah blah. We barely managed to take him down by the end of it. Aidan died before we could.” I looked at the fireplace as I spoke, my voice bored, as if recounting a story I’d read in a book, completely removed from the situation. Of course, I’d omitted some details. No need to tell Finn I’d made a pact with a demon and lost my shit.
“OK. So. Fuck,” he muttered.
“Eloquent.” I chuckled.
“Yeah. I don’t know how I’m going to spin that, to be honest,” He said. I turned back to see him shaking his head.
“Well, you don’t really have to spin that. Just find something that works for the way the site looks, and no one will want to know the truth anyway.” Clearly, the people going about their business outside was proof enough of that. Humans didn’t care. Humans didn’t want to care.
“You’re right. Yeah, no, I’ll probably leave just about all of that out.” He snorted.
“Is that all? I’ve got a couple more things I need to take care of.” I didn’t want to leave, but I also didn’t want to stay. I didn’t feel comfortable anywhere.
“Yeah, that’s all I needed. I’m sorry about Aidan, Blair. I really am. When should I bring my friend by your place?” he asked.
“Oh, uh, right. I don’t think I’m going back there just yet. I can’t…it doesn’t feel right. I’m gonna crash at Aidan’s. I just…” I trailed off, not comfortable explaining that I wanted to mourn him. I didn’t think Finn would understand.
He nodded. “OK, that’s fine. So, just write down the address, what time should we come by?” He grabbed a scrap of paper and pen off a side table and handed it to me. I placed the tea cup on the table.
“Just give me an hour or two, that should be fine,” I said, scribbling down the address. “Thanks, Finn.” I offered him a small smile and limped out of the house.
44
SO, IT TURNS OUT I’M A LIAR.
I didn’t have the energy to see Emily or Raven anymore. They’d have to deal with being stood up. I was sure they’d forgive me, all things considered—though maybe not, they’d been through the ringer as well.
I should be more supportive, but I was done putting on a normal face.
I made my way back to Aidan’s. Part of what I’d told Finn had been true, I didn’t want to go back to my old flat. Didn’t want to face my landlady, smell the piss and stale beer on the floor. I’d deal with it later, but just not today.
The sun was setting as I parked my car and got our, puzzling over how I was going to take down his walls so that I could get inside. Could be they weren’t up at all, Emily had come through the door without any problems as far as I knew.
I approached the door and felt a sudden prickling sensation at the back of my neck. I swung around to scowl at whatever had caused it. I didn’t have the fucking energy to deal with anything. I just wanted to be alone.
Mary. Only she didn’t look quite the same. She was dressed in white and had a sort of…ethereal look to her.
“I got some bad news for you, lady.” I said, heaving out a sigh.
Strangely, she smiled at me. It felt a little patronising.
“I am sorry for the trouble this has caused you.” Her voice sent shivers down my spine. “If I had told you the truth, you would not have taken the job, and it needed to be done. For this deception, you have my most heartfelt apologies.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, brow furrowed.
“Ah, you have not pieced it together yet then?” Again, with that damn patronising smile.
“No, I guess I haven’t ‘pieced it together.’ You know, between your husband trying to blow up my town, and my friend dying, and me getting torn to shreds, I haven’t had a lot of time to piece any fucking shit together.” I snarled, my temper flaring for a moment.
“Yes, I can imagine,” she said, shaking her head. “Perhaps Deacon didn’t get around to telling you why he was doing what he was doing. He was driven mad by the loss of his wife.” Her smile flickered and her eyes darted to the side for a fraction of a second.
“But…” I frowned, shaking my head. “First wife?”
“No. Me. Ironic, is it not? I told you he was cheating on me with a ghost, and in a way, he was. In love with a memory and determined to bring her back. Order had to be restored, and you accomplished it. I am sorry I do not have mortal money with which to pay you. If you should need anything in the future, you may call on me.”
Before I could say a word, she vanished. Gone as quickly as she had come, and probably for the best. I had a lot of anger in me, and there was a very good chance I would have hurled all of it at her.
She had started this mess, her and her husband, and she had used me without giving me the opportunity to decide if it was something I had even wanted to be involved in.
Bloody hell, and I had been hesitating to get involved with cheating spouses.
I giggled at the thought, because the world had changed so completely for me since then. Once upon a time, cheating spouses were the worst thing for me to worry about. Now, I’d had a ghost hire me to kill her necromancer husband.
It was a whole new world of danger to contend with.
I sighed and turned back to Aidan’s door, placing a palm against the wood. For a moment, it felt as if he was on the other side and would open it up and tell me to get to work. I allowed myself that moment of deception, of peace. If only I could go back in time and enjoy that for what it had been worth, instead of rushing through it like I had.
If only we hadn’t fought.
I touched the pentacle still around my throat with my free hand, closing my eyes. At least we’d almost made up at the end. At least I had something to remember him by.
And then the door swung open.
I jumped away as if burned, eyes wide, trying to figure out what happened. There was no one on the other side, certainly not Aidan.
Wary, I stepped inside, and the door shut behind me. I wondered…had Aidan known this was going to happen? Had he set up safeguards, just in case?
He’d told me to finish it, back there at the end. Perhaps he had prepared himself for this.
I looked around the living room, still ransacked from the kidnapping, and felt the pain bubbling up from within me. I stumbled over to the sofa and threw myself down, letting
the huge sobs come out now that there was no one to see me, no one to judge me. “I hate you.” I mumbled into a cushion, wishing I could scream it at Aidan. Wishing he was here for me to scream at.
What was I going to do? Mary wasn’t going to pay me, not that I’d really expected a pay out when I ended up killing her husband, but still. I was going to lose my flat, and once again I didn’t know where I would be getting my next job.
The idea of managing to get by day to day was just inconceivable in that moment, so I just let myself wallow in the grief and pain and ignore everything else.
Well I did, until something jabbed me in the side.
“You’re late!” A shrill voice piped up from beside me.
I lifted my head, brows knit, squinting in the direction the voice had come from.
All right, so that looked like your stereotypical demon or devil or whatever. Anthropomorphic body, but the head was too big, with wings and a tail, and all leather. Red, leathery skin. Mal was a demon, but he was a gorgeous human-looking being.
This looked like something from a cartoon.
“And who the hell are you?” I snapped.
“Druxglieqfredhelic the Conqueror!” The little imp crowed triumphantly, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“The Conqueror, eh? Well, I’m not going to remember that. So, I’m gonna call you Fred.” I said.
“No, no, no! We will not be having stupid names again!” He stomped his little feet and tugged at his oversized ears, pouting at me.
“Again?” I asked.
“Yes, again! Master called us Droopy and it was horrid, horrid, lady. We will not be doing that again, oh no.” He sniffed, and puffed out his chest.
“Aw, I’m sorry, buddy, but there’s no way I can say that name. At least Fred is better than Droopy.” I grinned. “Wait. Master?”
“Yes. Master Aidan.” His little eyes lit up. “Where is Master? Master promised us chocolate if we were good, and we were very good. We deserve chocolate.”
Who would have thought an imp could be so adorable and so chocoholic? If only I wasn’t so sad.
“Sorry, but, uh…Master didn’t make it. He’s not coming back.” I whispered.
