I panic and blurt out the first thing—no, the only thing—that’s going through my head. “The last person to say that to me was Lilly.”
Her brows shoot skyward and I see tears prick her eyes. “Oh.”
I know what she’s thinking, and I hurry to chase away the hurt I see written all over her face. “Lilly was my kid sister.”
“Oh.” She nods and looks out the window, like the view is particularly interesting. It might’ve been, if it wasn’t pitch black outside. “Was?”
“Yeah, was.”
“I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me anymore if you don’t want to.”
“It’s okay. I can see how much you want to know.”
“Elijah—”
“You gonna shut up long enough for me to get a word in?”
She nods gravely and chews her bottom lip. I can see already how much this is affecting her, and I know why it has her on the verge of tears. She’s so soft-hearted that way, a part of me resents having to tell her this wrenching truth for fear it’ll hurt her.
“She was all excited about going away with my mum for a girl’s weekend. They were getting out of the city and taking off to some horse ranch where Lil was going to learn to ride. She was obsessed with them, horses. Had them plastered all over her room, though she’d never even come face to face with one.” I shake my head as I remember all that crazy plastic My Little Pony shit I used to trip over in the hallway.
Ana’s voice is a whisper, like she’s afraid I’ll stop talking if she speaks too loudly. “What happened?”
“They never even made it past the front gate.”
“Why not?” Her eyes are wide with horror and glistening. The tears spill down her cheeks and I look away so I don’t run us off the road again.
“Lil wrapped her arms around me, she was so damn excited she forgot for a minute to be embarrassed by her big brother. She said ‘I love you Lijhie.’ I strapped her in the car, kissed Mum goodbye, and turned and walked back to the house. The next thing I know there’s a big motherfucking explosion, and parts of our four-wheel drive are raining down all over me. There was nothing of them left to bury.”
She’s sobbing now, so hard that I’m not sure how it doesn’t wake Sammy on her lap; maybe he’s slipped into a sugar coma after all that fairy floss.
“Jesus, baby girl. Don’t cry.” I swipe at my eyes with the back of my hands.
“How can you stand it?” she sobs quietly. I can see the effort it’s taking her to quit crying, to try to be strong for me. “How are you even a functioning human being after something like that?”
I shrug, but the truth is, I’ve had a long time to think about this and here’s the only answer I can come up with: “The world doesn’t stop because a couple of people die. Families die every day.”
I glance over at Sammy. His head rests in Ana’s lap. Her fingers absently stroke the side of his face as she cries. I’d give anything to trade places with him right now. “At first, you’re not sure how you’ll survive something that crushing, and then one day you get up and you go about living again. Or, in most cases, you just get through, one day to the next.”
“I’m so sorry this happened to you.” Her tears have eased up a little, but she’s still at risk of drowning her kid brother. I tell her as much and she shakes her head and presses her palms to her eyes.
“Where was your dad in all this?”
I feel white-hot rage burn through me at the mention of that worthless piece of shit. “Dead.”
Ana stops rubbing her eyes and gapes at me. “Oh, Elijah.” She reaches over and brushes my face with her tiny hand. I take hold of it with my own and place a kiss to her soft flesh. “I’m so sorry,” she whispers, and the tears start falling again.
More than anything, I want to pull the car over and hold her. I want to kiss and touch her until all the pain of that stupid, shitty life melts away, but I don’t. I stare ahead at that white line, the only thing that’s kept me grounded and away from trouble these past few years. I stare at it until it blurs and burns into my mind the string of mistakes I’ve left behind me. I stare at it and wonder if it it’s time to start following it again until it runs out completely.
Chapter Fourteen
Ana
Pulling the front door shut behind me, I race across the gravel alley and into the back of the shop. Holly’s leaning over the front counter, fogging up the glass with her breath.
“You know I’m gonna make you clean that, right?” I say, and toss her a rag.
“Ana.” She whirls around, completely guilty. Her eyes practically pop out of her head when she takes in my outfit. The shock is not completely unwarranted, because I’m wearing skinny jeans, fuck-me boots and my fitted black leather jacket, zipped low with nothing but a bra beneath it. “Holy shit, woman! Where is he taking you, again?”
“Lantern Parade in Lismore. Do I look okay?”
“Are you kidding me? Cade is gonna bust a nut seeing you in this outfit.”
“That’s the idea. I think.”
A highly irritating laugh comes from the booth closest to the window. It sets my teeth on edge and, if I’m completely honest, kinda makes me want to punch someone’s face in. Then I remember the last time I had that feeling and it’s suddenly crystal clear who that pretentious sound belongs to: Nicole White. I glance in her direction and see her bitchy partner in crime sitting opposite. God, has there ever been a more pathetic sight than former high school queen bee bitches, still carrying on their hierarchy bullshit long after they’ve graduated?
Perhaps the only thing worse is seeing their pinched up, constipated faces pressed to the glass of my pie shop as they outright ogle the fresh meat out the window. I follow their gaze and realise they’re staring across the road at a shirtless, grease-stained Elijah.
My Elijah.
A tsunami tide of jealousy swells inside me. It’s irrational, but there all the same.
“How long have Slut and Sluttier been here?” I whisper to Holly.
“About twenty minutes.”
“And how long has my boyfriend been parading around without a shirt?”
“About an hour,” she replies, dreamily. I whip my head around to glare at my supposed best friend and she shrugs. “What? There’s a kinky sex god half-naked across the road. Sorry, girl, but a body like that deserves to be worshiped.”
“He gets enough worshipfulness from me, his girlfriend by the way—in case you’d forgotten who you’re ogling.”
“Oh, I haven’t forgotten. Haven’t forgotten you promised me more details either.”
“You’re such a perve.”
“You know it. And honey, you have nothing to worry about. Anyone can see he’s mad about you.” She smiles and then throws me a wink. “Plus, even if I wanted to hit that, my hands are bound by the code: Hoe Hoes before Bros.”
“That’s too bad, because Elijah loves restraints.” I poke out my tongue and Holly’s mouth falls open.
“You dirty little slutsky. One of these days you’re going to remember I’m your best friend and tell me everything.”
“One of these days I’ll tell you every little insignificant detail, and it’ll be so ingrained in your mind, you won’t look at either one of us the same again. Then you’ll have to move towns in order to escape all those devastatingly gruesome mental pictures.”
“Ha! Like that’ll ever happen.” She leans over the counter and begins fogging it up again, then draws explicit pictures in the residue. “Ana, girl, you and I are gonna be stuck in this sad excuse of a town for the rest of our lives.”
“Maybe. But I’m beginning to wonder whether that would be such a bad thing.” I stare longingly out the window at my man. He wipes down his bike with smooth, even strokes and, with a giggle from the front booth, it’s apparent that I’m not the only girl in the room appreciating the sight of his muscled torso straining beneath his tanned, tattooed skin. His phone must ring because he straightens and stares at the screen before runnin
g a hand over the back of his neck and answering it. Then he disappears inside the shop and I take it as my cue to leave. Holly has other ideas and pulls me back to her side.
“You’re in love with him,” she accuses, but on her face is a huge, megawatt smile, and I can’t help but smile awkwardly back. Holly wipes a pretend tear from her eye. “Aw, my little girl’s all grown up. When are you going to let him stick it to ya?”
That’s my best friend for you; sadly there’s never been a filter between her brain and her mouth. Which, come to think of it, is probably why she’s always got someone’s penis in it.
“I was thinking tonight.”
“OH MY GOD! You’re letting the sex god nail you tonight and you’re only telling me this now?!” she screeches, and I so desperately want to hide beneath the counter because both Nicole and her bitchy sidekick, Renee, are glaring at us. Holly remains steadfastly unaware of the mortification she’s inflicting upon me and jumps up and down, clapping her hands. “Okay, okay, okay. Knickers?”
“The white G-string you helped me pick out.”
“White? That’s good. Virginal. He’ll be reminded this is a first for you and hopefully won’t just impale you on his pork sword.” Holly doesn’t see me scrunch up my nose in distaste at that imagery. Her mind is working a mile a minute and she has a glazed-over look in her eyes that I’m beginning to feel nervous about. “Matching bra?”
“Of course.”
“You know it hurts like a bitch the first time? Sometimes the second, too.”
“Yeah, I’m really not looking forward to that part.”
“You’ll be fine. You’re obviously in very good hands.”
“Really not as comforting as you’d think,” I deadpan.
“Hey, it’s better than being with a then fifteen-year-old Chris Johnson who couldn’t figure out which hole was which and ended up prematurely ejaculating before he’d even rolled the condom on the whole way.”
“You’re never gonna let him live that one down are you?”
“That experience scarred me for life!”
“And yet you still turned around and tried again the next weekend.”
“Yeah, and some friend you are. You really should have stepped in and prevented that. All I can say is, thank god your hot cousin Jackson came to town a month later; otherwise I might have never ridden another pony again.” She waves off my belligerent look. “Anywhoo, enough about me. You remember how babies are made, right? You’re covered, or he will be?”
“Yes, Mum. Unlike some, I paid attention in PD/Health class.”
“That a girl.” She slaps my arse hard and sends me on my way. “Now, go bring that tattooed, motorcycle riding, kinky sex god to his knees, and don’t come back until you’re walking funny.”
With a chuckle, I hurry to the front door of the diner, a bundle of nervous energy and excitement. Just as I reach for the handle Nicole slides out of the booth and steps in my path.
“Hi Ana.”
“Er, hi?”
“I just wanted to thank you for not making a big deal about me sharing Elijah the other day.”
“Come again?”
She giggles and Renee whispers under her breath, “Wasn’t that what he said?”
I glare at the two of them.
“You know, the other day when he dropped my car off to me? I thanked him myself, of course, many times, but I just wanted to let him know how grateful I really am.”
Oh no she didn’t.
“Then you should tell him yourself. You’ve only been eye-raping him for the last half hour, what’s a bit of harmless flirting between friends?”
Her responding smile is dripping with venom, though her voice is airy and filled with laughter. “You’re so funny, Ana. I really can’t understand why we weren’t closer in high school?”
Probably because you stole my boyfriend out from under me, you two-faced home-wrecking whore, I think, but I don’t give her the satisfaction of hearing those words out loud.
I feel Holly come up behind me. “Well, don’t stand around chit-chatting all night, you’ve got a hot date, remember?
“Right,” I mutter, and fling open the door. Now I’m an anxious mess for an entirely different reason.
“How long have they been together?” I hear Renee ask Holly, and as I’m exiting the diner I bend down and pretend to fuss with the zipper on my boot.
“Ana and Elijah?” She feigns nonchalance. “Oh, they’ve been banging one another’s brains out since he first rode into town. Guess he doesn’t need that motorcycle anymore, now he just rides her.”
“That’s not what I heard,” Nicole says.
“No? Then you haven’t been in the room next to them when they really hit their stride. It’s like someone opened all the cages in the zoo and the animals are having a free-for-all.”
I cringe at that last statement, quit playing with my boot and begin marching across the road to meet Elijah. Though she always has my back, and my best interests at heart, sometimes I wish Holly would contract a flesh eating throat virus that would render her speechless for the remainder of her life.
Elijah has the front door to the garage pulled down, so I slip in through the side door. The shop is shrouded in shadow, and I’m just about to call out to him when I hear him talking on the phone in the bathroom. “You listen to me, you worthless piece of shit. You hang up the phone and you lose this number.”
“I don’t give a shit what you say to the club. Tell them I rode the bike off the edge of a cliff. I’ve got a good thing going here, and I will be fucked if I let you waltz back in and ruin everything I’ve worked so hard for. This conversation alone is enough to send me back into the lock-up. Zero contact with club affiliates, did you forget about that condition of my release?”
There’s a pause, and then he roars so loud it rattles the drywall of the tiny bathroom. “I AM NOT YOUR SON! I stopped being that the day your retaliation got Lil and Mum killed!” There’s a loud yell and the sound of plastic thwacking against the wall and shattering across the tiled floor.
I’m frozen to the spot, caught between breaking down the door and demanding an explanation or running in the opposite direction. And, while I’m contemplating my retreat, I hear Elijah mutter to himself, “Pull it together arsehole.” And then he wrenches the door open and stands there, staring at me.
I know the guilt of overhearing his conversation is written all over my face so I’m not sure why I try to pretend like I’m in the dark, but I smile sweetly. “Hi.”
“How long you been standing there, Ana?”
“Not long, I just got here.”
“Oh yeah?” He eliminates the distance between us and slides his hands around my waist. Then he lifts me up and sets me back down on the workbench, easing his way between my thighs. He’s shaking slightly and I can feel the caged violence in him, and the effort it takes him to be gentle with me. “You’re a terrible liar, you know that?”
“Nice outfit.” He tugs my zipper down an extra inch until my boobs are practically falling out of my jacket. Then he slips his hand inside my bra and rolls my nipple between his thumb and forefinger. “You got a hot date tonight?”
“Yeah, actually I should get going. Scott’s picking me up in a minute,” I joke, just to relieve some of the tension between us, but it has the opposite effect. Elijah growls and tugs hard on my nipple, causing my breath to catch in the back of my throat and a shot of fiery pleasure to arc between my breast and my already drenched crevice. “Now is really not the time to be putting images of you with other men in my head, Ana.”
“You wanna talk about it?” We both know I don’t mean the ridiculous idea of me with other men.
“No,” he says, a little too quickly, and then presses a hard kiss to my lips.
“Elijah—”
“I don’t wanna talk about it. I wanna put you over my knee and spank you til your arse is raw. And then I wanna flip you over and eat you out until that beautiful pussy can’t come any mo
re.” He peppers my face and neck with kisses, then slides a hand between my legs and begins working me into a frenzy. The seam of my jeans rubs against my clit with every stroke until I’m a sighing, shuddering mess of a woman. “Then I wanna fuck your mouth until you drain every last drop from me.”
I have my own ideas about that last one. As much as I love going down on him, I’d much rather he fucked me than my mouth, but I’m not prepared to admit that little detail yet. Besides, I’m under no illusions that if he took me now while he’s in this dark—and frankly, kinda scary—mood, I wouldn’t be walking for a week. As hot as that makes me, it’s really not the way I think my first time should go.
Not that it matters at this point. A few more strokes of his hand and I’ll consent to anything as I’m riding that delicious post-orgasmic high. I think he senses this, too, because he withdraws his hand and tilts my face up to his. I’m panting and desperate and aching for him to finish me off, but the wicked glint in his eye tells me he has no intention of doing so. I let out a ridiculous whimper that shames me beyond the point of no return, which says a lot when you consider who my best friend is. Elijah laughs, low and so sexy that it sends a fresh frisson of yearning through me.
“What’s the matter, baby girl? Cunt got your tongue?”
“You’re cruel,” I whine and slap playfully at his chest. He catches my hand in his and brings it to his lips.
“Ah, but I promised you a date.”
“And it couldn’t start after my orgasm?”
“Usually that happens at the end of the date.” Elijah carefully zips me back into my jacket and leads me out through the side door before locking up after himself. He falls into step beside me and slides his hand into my back pocket, then he leans down and whispers, “If you’re a very good girl, I might even tie you to the bed and take more from you tonight than just your orgasm.”
I freeze midstride. Does he already know that this is where tonight is leading? Is it written all over my face? Did he somehow hear Holly from across the street? And is he kidding me with this whole bondage thing, or have I bitten off much more than I can chew?
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