But I’m not a leader. I’m just Dorothy the freak. The Undead Redhead. Right?
Dorothy’s thoughts were interrupted by the classroom intercom.
“Mr. Macarini! Mr. Macarini! Please meet animal control at your car immediately. We have a… a situation.”
Mr. Macarini sprang to his feet and looked at the intercom, then back at his class. “I’ll just be a minute,” he said, pulling a jacket from under his desk before running to the door. “Stay put,” he ordered. He pointed a warning finger at Dee. “Especially you.”
The girls listened as Mr. Macarini’s footsteps echoed down the hallway.
“I wonder what animal control is doing at his car,” Ruth said.
“I bet bunny rabbits are trying to steal it,” Dinah suggested.
Lizzy snarked. “Or lizards,” she said.
Dorothy had to smile at the nerdy girl. She’d never seen Lizzy so bubbly.
“Speaking of lizards,” Dorothy said, “nice Godzilla impression.”
Lizzy grinned. “You can call me Geekzilla, if you’d like.”
Dorothy nodded. “Okay, Geekzilla.”
“Hey!” Dinah said, bouncing out of her chair. She did a happy jig that looked a lot like a potty dance. “I just had a great idea. You guys should totally join our roller derby team!”
“Roller derby?” Lizzy said, adjusting her glasses.
“Sure!” Dinah said. “You already have an awesome skate name and everything.”
Dorothy cleared her throat, trying to get Dinah’s attention. Dorothy liked Lizzy, but it would take more than a good name to be good at roller derby. Shouldn’t they be trying to recruit athletic girls? Like the soccer players or girls from the Ultimate Frisbee team?
“The next training is Monday after school,” Dinah continued, not noticing Dorothy’s zip-your-lips signal. “We need more players, and you guys totally kicked butt at lunch today.”
Kicked butt? Dorothy thought, thinking of the upturned table and Ruth and Lizzy laughing themselves silly in a pile of smashed food.
“My skating is decent,” Lizzy said. “And I can offer strategy advice.”
“I can roller-skate, too,” Ruth said. “But do I have to use Thunder Thighs for my skate name? I know I’m kind of big, but…” She started to giggle, but there was something so sad about the laugh, it nearly broke Dorothy’s heart.
Dorothy sighed. Poor Ruth. Was it her fault that she was bigger? She was strong, too, right? During the dodgeball game she had knocked over Pompoms like bowling pins.
“Um,” Dorothy said, thinking out loud, “maybe you could go by Rolling Thunder instead?”
Ruth stopped giggling, and her eyes lit up like she had just received a Christmas present. “Rolling Thunder? Oh, Dorothy, it’s an awesome skate name. Thank you!”
Oh, frap. Did I really just recruit Ruth?
Dee rocked back in her chair and propped her huge, muddy boots on the table. “Roller derby, huh?” she said. “So you guys get to hit people and stuff, right? ’Cause I like to hit stuff.”
Dorothy cringed. Not Dee. Anyone but Dee! The beastly girl would probably break everyone like dry twigs before the team even had a chance to compete.
Before Dorothy could think of a way to talk Dee out of joining, there was a tap-tap-tap at the window. Gigi and Jade peered in, their noses pressed against the glass. Dorothy leapt out of her seat and rushed to her friends, unlocking the window and pushing it open.
“Jailbreak!” Gigi said. She grabbed Dorothy by the shoulders and pulled her halfway through the opening.
Dorothy gripped the window seal and pushed herself back into the classroom. “What are you doing?”
“Come on, Dorothy. We’re busting you out,” Jade said.
“But why?” Dorothy asked.
“Duh,” Jade said, rolling her eyes. “Because you’re innocent. That’s why.”
“Really, it’s okay. I’m fine,” Dorothy said, looking back over her shoulder at the door. She expected to see Mr. Macarini return at any moment.
“Look,” Gigi said, her hands propped on her round hips. “Your grandma went to a lot of trouble to put that snake in Mr. Macarini’s car. And if you don’t come NOW, we’re all going to get busted.”
“Grandma? Snake?!” A ribbon of fear coiled itself around Dorothy’s heart and squeezed. Dorothy craned her head through the window and dared a glance at the parking lot. There, idling at the curb, was the long black hearse with a pink lightning bolt on the door. Dead Betty.
But instead of Grandma sitting behind the steering wheel, there was a strange driver with squashed features and unnaturally pink skin. A pink-faced child appeared at the window and waved at Dorothy. Dorothy gasped. She’d recognize that wave anywhere. It was her sister! But why was she so pink and misshapen? Sam bounced up and down and long pink ears sprang up around her face. Dorothy groaned. Nylons. Grandma and Sam were wearing pink panty hose over their heads.
“See!” Dinah said, sticking her head out next to Dorothy’s. “I told you there’d be bunny rabbits.”
Morti pressed his paws against Sam’s window and barked happily. The poor dog was wearing pink nylons, too.
Dee shoved Dorothy and Dinah out of the way and squeezed through the window opening. It was not a pretty sight—similar to watching a live yak birth on the animal channel.
“See ya, suckers,” Dee said. She hit the ground running and was soon out of sight.
“You shoulds go, too,” Juana said, patting Dorothy’s back encouragingly.
Lizzy handed Dorothy her backpack. “Don’t worry. We’ll devise a logical excuse for your absence.”
Dinah hopped up and down excitedly. “Be sure to hug a bunny rabbit for me!”
“And count on us for roller derby!” Ruth said.
Dorothy sighed and reluctantly stuck her head and arms through the window. Gigi and Jade pulled her through, and the three girls ran to the car.
Chapter 13
Gigi climbed into the front passenger seat, and Jade and Dorothy slid in back next to Sam.
Grandma gunned the engine. “I’ve got the need for speed, my hoagies.”
“Homies,” Gigi said, fastening her belt buckle.
Grandma shifted the car into gear and raced the hearse toward the exit. She swerved clear of the teacher parking lot, where two animal control vehicles flanked an old VW Beetle.
Dorothy caught a glimpse of Mr. Macarini, his face glistening with beads of sweat as an animal control officer inserted a long stick with pinchers through the window of his car.
Dorothy yanked the panty hose off Morti’s head in disgust. “Grandma, I can’t believe you put a snake in my teacher’s car.”
“Ain’t no thang,” Grandma said, uncovering her own face as soon as they were out of the school grounds.
“No, Grandma. It is a thang,” Dorothy said. “Mr. Macarini is really scared!”
Grandma chuckled. “Chillax, Dot,” she said, swerving the hearse through a series of construction cones like a skier on a slalom course. “You should be giving your G-Dawg some props, yo?”
“G-Dawg?” Dorothy said. This was like arguing with an insane person.
“So, who are you today?” Gigi asked. “The ghetto geezer?”
Grandma laughed. “Fo sho, my ninja.”
“Hey!” Gigi said. “I do not know what you mean by ‘my ninja,’ but I’m pretty sure I’m offended.”
Dorothy pressed the palms of her hands against her eyeballs until she saw stars. “Sorry, Gigi,” she said. “Grandma doesn’t mean anything by it. Really. She just thinks she’s being cool.”
“Thinks?” Grandma asked. “Would a not-cool Grandma have tickets to the big derby game tonight?” Grandma clicked open the glove box and pulled out five tickets.
“Real roller derby?” Gigi said, snatching the tickets.
>
“For me, too?” Sam asked, grinning like a happy gargoyle through the sheer pink material of her panty hose.
“Yup,” Grandma said. “Flatiron Sirens vs. the Radon Rollers. It’s at the Thriller Auditorium. You girls in?”
“Definitely,” Gigi said. “How about you, Jade? Will your mom let you go?”
Jade’s shoulders sagged. “To a derby match? Are you kidding?”
“Wait,” Dorothy said, blinking. “Your mom lets you play roller derby but won’t let you go to a bout?”
Jade cleared her throat and leaned into Dorothy. “Don’t tell your grandma,” she whispered, “but my mom thinks I’ve joined the Cupcake Scouts.”
Grandma adjusted the rearview mirror so Jade’s face came into view. “Speak up, hon. The cupcake whats?”
Jade blew a strand of hair out of her eyes. “All right. If you must know, I told my mom that I joined the Cupcake Scouts, not a roller derby team.”
Dorothy frowned at Jade. “Don’t you feel bad about lying to your mom?”
Jade raised an eyebrow. “Why? What did you tell your mom?”
Dorothy’s gaze dropped to her lap, where Morti was chewing his panty hose into a ratty pink ball. She hadn’t told her mom anything. Not even when they talked for a half hour on the phone the night before. Actually, it had been easy—not talking about herself. Mom had been too excited about Nashville, her new country songs, and her “dreamy” boyfriend to even bother asking Dorothy how or what she was doing.
Is hiding the truth as bad as lying? Dorothy wondered. Her stomach twisted with guilt.
Jade took a package of wet wipes out of her messenger bag and began rubbing away the temporary tattoos on her forearm. “In my world, what my mom doesn’t know won’t hurt her. Besides, she’s so protective of me, I’d spend my entire life locked in the house with Mr. Wrinkles if she had her way.”
“Mr. Wrinkles?” Sam asked.
“My cat,” Jade said. She pulled a photo out of the side pocket of her messenger bag and handed it to Dorothy. Sam rolled the panty hose up over her eyes and leaned over to see the tiny photo. It was a picture of a hairless cat with wrinkly, white skin, pink eyes, and big triangle ears.
“Mr. Wrinkles is cool,” Gigi said. “But not exactly snuggly.”
Jade went to work on her other arm with a new wet wipe. “It’s like my mom’s afraid I’m going to drop dead or something, like my dad did. But for me, doing nothing feels worse than dying.”
Dorothy sighed. She knew exactly what if felt like to be held back by an overprotective parent.
“You’re not going to turn me in, are you, Sally?” Jade asked.
“Turn you into what?” Grandma replied with a wink in the rearview mirror.
A relieved smile appeared on Jade’s valentine-shaped face. “I guess I am going to the roller derby game tonight after all.”
Dorothy smiled, too, but the sour, guilty feeling sat heavily at the bottom of her stomach like a giant pickled egg.
Chapter 14
The Thriller Auditorium was located on the edge of town. Dorothy grew increasingly nervous as they passed buildings covered with graffiti. Trash skittered down the sidewalks like tumbleweeds, and tattered curtains wriggled their sharp fingers through broken windowpanes. Was the auditorium going to be as run-down as the rest of the neighborhood? And if so, what kind of people would be there?
Grandma parked the hearse in a five-minute loading zone right in front of the Thriller, and Dorothy, Sam, Gigi, and Jade climbed out of the car. Grandma locked the car doors from inside and joined the girls on the curb.
“Aren’t you worried about parking tickets?” Dorothy asked.
“Nope,” Grandma said, patting the roof of the car. “I worry about my Betty.”
The inside of the auditorium was large and grand, something between an opera house and a sports stadium. Gigantic chandeliers hung like diamond earrings from the soaring, domed ceiling. Rows and rows of bleacher seats descended toward an expansive, oval-shaped wood floor. Pounding rock music echoed off the walls, making Dorothy’s body tingle all the way down to her toes.
While Grandma went to claim their “kick-butt seats,” Dorothy, Gigi, Jade, and Sam took a tour of the building
At the back of the auditorium, they found a table piled high with fliers, playbills, and baked goods. The table was manned by a pretty blond girl a year or two older than Dorothy.
Sam picked up a chocolate chip cookie as big as her head. “I can’t wait to see real roller derby,” she told the blond girl.
“Is this your first time at a bout?” the girl asked, ringing up Sam’s cookie. She was wearing a cheerleader uniform with a handwritten name tag that read, “Callous Alice.”
Gigi perked the collar of her denim jacket and stuck out her chin. “Actually, we’re on a derby team, if you must know.”
“That’s cool,” Alice said. “I play with the Cheerbleeders. What’s your team name?”
“Uh…” Gigi cleared her throat and looked at Dorothy.
“We’re the…” Dorothy started. But the only thing that came to mind was the kissy lip sticker inside her locker. Unfortunately, “Hugs ’n’ Kisses” was a pretty lame team name. Then she remembered her run-in with Alex that morning and she had an idea. “Slugs ’n’ Hisses?”
“Yeah,” Gigi said, giving the table a thump with her fist. “We’re like snakes that can punch you in the face.”
Dorothy and Jade exchanged concerned looks. Why was Gigi acting so tough?
“Slugs ’n’ Hisses, you said?” Alice asked, fishing a clipboard out from under the table. She flipped through a few pages. “Your team isn’t on the schedule. Should I add you?”
“Sure,” Gigi said. “You do that.”
“Great. You’re coming into the season late, but we just had a team drop out, so we can fit you right in.” Alice took several minutes to write “Slugs ’n’ Hisses” on each page of the clipboard.
To pass the time, Dorothy leafed through a pamphlet titled Down and Derby: How the Game Is Played. It had a description of derby rules, an explanation of how points were scored, and a diagram of the track and team positions.
When Alice finished writing, she handed Gigi a copy of the schedule. “We have some really good junior teams this year. I hope you’re ready.”
Gigi crushed the schedule into a ball and tossed it to Jade. “We were born ready.”
After they paid for three cookies, two Rice Krispies treats, and a few cupcakes for Jade to take home to her mom, the girls headed back to the bleachers to find Grandma.
“You want to explain why you were so rude to Alice?” Jade asked as the group descended the stairs.
“Me? Rude?” Gigi said. “It was Alice who was all snotty. ‘Look at me,’” Gigi mimicked in a high, girly voice. “‘I’m blond and pretty and I know everything about roller derby.’”
“I bet we could have learned a lot from her,” Dorothy said.
Gigi snorted. “I don’t take advice from stuck-up cheerleaders.”
“Duh, Gigi,” Jade said. “She wasn’t a cheerleader. She was a Cheerbleeder.”
“Whatever. Same thing,” Gigi said. “It’s over, okay? Let’s just watch some roller derby and forget about it.”
The girls found Grandma at the bottom of the bleachers. After getting settled and opening their treats, Dorothy only had a couple minutes to look at her How the Game Is Played brochure before the music grew louder, announcing the start of the match.
“Jam time!” Grandma hooted. “You girls ready to rock?”
Chapter 15
A tall, thin man in a blazer and bow tie stepped onto the floor and tapped on a microphone.
“Ladies and gentlemen! Girls and boys!” he bellowed in a deep voice. “Please welcome to the track our uncontested national champions, those murderous mermaids of the deep derby sea�
��the Flatiron Sirens!”
The crowd jumped to its feet, clapped, cheered, and whooped as a dozen skaters raced onto the track. The Sirens wore tattered tutus, fishnet stockings, and sleeveless black T-shirts with their logo on the front—a sharp-toothed mermaid wearing a derby helmet.
A jumbo screen came to life behind the announcer, and a photo of a grinning woman with long dreadlocks appeared.
“First out is a jammer so fast and fierce,” the announcer shouted, “she turns her opponents into stone statues. Give it up for…Merdusa!”
The crowd went crazy, stomping loudly on the bleachers as a petite woman shot out of the pack of skaters and waved. Merdusa’s thin, pale arms were sleeved in tattoos, and her long dreadlocks flowed out of the back of her starred helmet. Her tiny frame and sweeping strides instantly reminded Dorothy of Jade.
The photo on the screen changed to a heavyset woman with dark brown skin.
“Batten down the hatches, folks, because this next gal is a real loose cannon. Put your hands together for this powerful pivot… Boom-Boom!”
Boom-Boom, wearing a striped helmet, pushed through the pack of skaters and pumped her fist into the air. She thrust her hips to the left and right as the crowd chanted, “Boom, boom! Boom, boom!”
Gigi bumped Dorothy with her hip. “Now that’s my kind of derby girl!” she shouted.
As the rest of the Sirens were announced, Dorothy looked and looked for signs of common traits among the players. She couldn’t come up with any. Sure, they were all awesome skaters, but they were different sizes and colors and ranged from conservative, librarian types with round-rim glasses and carefully braided ponytails to wild women with shredded fishnet stockings and more piercings and tattoos than the average rock star. Even the skating styles were varied. There were booty-shaking jam dancers like Gigi, speed skaters like Jade, and even one woman who danced and twirled like Alex. Dorothy was beginning to think that her team of oddballs had some potential after all. Maybe you didn’t need to be a traditional athlete to be good at roller derby.
Dorothy’s Derby Chronicles: Rise of the Undead Redhead Page 7
