The woman in me wants to rebel and pray she has her phone on loudspeaker so he can hear me give her a piece of my mind. The other part is still a scared little girl, who only wants her mother to love her.
“Mum,” I whisper, not looking at the others in the room as I excuse myself, stepping into my bedroom for privacy.
“You haven’t called or visited. And I heard from Mrs. Dailey that you visited your father not long ago.”
I notice she doesn’t say she misses me, like most parents would. Even my father messages me to say he misses me. I get nothing from my so-called mother.
I roll my eyes. “Because that’s my home.” I pause, then smile, grinning wickedly. “And he wanted to introduce me to his new girlfriend.”
“Girlfriend?” she screeches, and I have to remove the phone from my ear a little, wincing.
I hear someone mumbling something to her, but then her voice carries clearer across the line. “It’s nothing, honey. Why don’t you go and get your suit ready for the party tonight and I’ll be up shortly?” I smile at her haste to assure her soon-to-be husband and get rid of him. It also doesn’t escape my notice that she leaves out what she meant.
“Mum, I have schoolwork to do. Was there something you wanted?”
“That is no way to speak to your mother,” she snaps, showing her true colours. Ah, this is the mother I know. “And what is this about a girlfriend?”
“He’s dating Low’s mum, Mel.”
“What?” she yells, before cursing up a storm. “That low life? He’s too good for someone like her. She’s probably after his money. It won’t last long. Your father will never get over me.”
He moved on ages ago, I want to say.
Her snotty attitude is beginning to get to me, so I move the conversation on.
“Mum, I really do have work to do. Is there something you want?”
She snorts. “Yes. Benjamin and I, as you know but have somewhat chosen to ignore, are getting married in a few weeks. For you not to attend would look embarrassing on my behalf, and I can’t have that. I have ordered you a dress that should be delivered to your flat in the next few days,” she says, disgust in her tone at the word ‘flat’. She’s never liked the fact I moved here. If it were up to her, I would have gone to a ‘better’ school, one where I belonged. “I can’t have you turning up to our wedding dressed… unseemly. It will not be done.”
I roll my eyes, glad she can’t see me. I’d never hear the end of it. It still hurts that she regards and treats me the way she does. It took a long time to realise I’ll never win her love or affection. I don’t think she even knows how to love. I give up even trying. As much as it pains me, I don’t want anything to do with her anymore. I’ll always love her; she’s my mum. But it’s not the same love Willow shares with her mum. Or the love CJ shares with his.
With a sigh, I answer, prepared for the tongue-lashing I’m going to receive. “Mum, you don’t need me there. I don’t want to be there. I thought you would have realised that when I didn’t return your calls or messages.”
Hearing her cluck her tongue causes me to wince.
Here is goes.
“You will listen to me, young lady. You will not disrespect your mother this way. I gave birth to you, gave you life. You will attend this wedding. Benjamin won’t marry me if he thinks my own daughter hates me enough not to attend our wedding. I always knew you were good for nothing, but this is a new low, Alison.”
The hairs on my neck stand on end. I stand a little straighter, looking out the window. All my life I’ve put up with her snide remarks. I had to stand and listen to her tell me to lose weight, to wear the new range in fashion, to stand up taller, to smile more. I had to listen to her put me down, to verbally abuse me, until she found a way to psychically abuse me. Nothing that bruised, just a slap here and there. It was enough to scare me, to make me pause.
But now… enough is enough.
Even with all the bad things that have happened here at Whithall University, I’ve managed to come out of my shell. No longer do I live in my books or only socialise with Willow. I have friends, a life, a voice. Not my mum, or anyone else, will take that away from me.
“No, Mum, you listen to me for a change. Listen! I won’t be attending your wedding. You may have given birth to me, but you didn’t give me life. Life is friends, family, love. Life is the air I breathe when I step outside each day without having something squeezing the life out of me. Life is what I have now that you’re no longer part of it. I don’t have to listen to you anymore, and I certainly don’t want to see you. I’m a grown adult in control of my own life. If your fiancé doesn’t want to marry you because of me, then that is his prerogative. Don’t bring me into it. But then, if it’s taken him this long to realise you have no one other than him in your life, and the friends you’ve made through him, then he’s coming to his senses. Better he cut his losses now.”
I can feel the anger radiating through the phone. Her breathing is heavy, and no doubt, if I could see her, her face would be pinched tight, veins bulging to the point they look ready to burst.
Three, two, one…
“You will regret this, young lady. Mark my words. Your father will hear of this, too. If he knows what’s good for him, he will get you to listen. I can make both of your lives a living hell. How long do you think Melissa will stick around once I tell her how your father cheated repeatedly on me?” She pauses when I suck in a sharp breath. She laughs when she hears it, the sound manic and smug. “Oh, you didn’t know? All those long nights at the office? They weren’t for working, dear. They were for boning the secretary.”
My mind only pauses to feel the pain of my dad’s disappearance all those years. All those years I needed him at home, needed to feel some sort of love from a parent, and instead he was having an affair. It cuts deep to hear such a betrayal.
But when I put my mum into the equation, can I really be mad at him?
I remember all those days and nights where I would sit in my room and pray for something to come up so I could leave the house and the company of my mum. I jumped at the chance to stay out at Willow’s, when I was allowed. I joined every after-school club there was and then some, because I knew my mum wouldn’t argue over my schooling. I even worked extra shifts at the restaurant Willow and I worked at, much to her disappointment. She even tried to get me fired a few times, but thankfully, the manager had served my mum when she worked at a higher-established restaurant and felt pity for me.
Mum threatening us now is just another way for her to control us. She knows my dad doesn’t want her, and I know she doesn’t love him. She isn’t capable of it. She’s cold-hearted enough to find pleasure in causing trouble.
As for me, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be hearing from her had her husband not questioned my absence.
I won’t let her ruin what Dad and I have built.
“Leave Dad and Mel alone. He’s finally happy, and so am I. I never want to hear from you or see you again.”
I end the call, throwing my phone to the bed and running my hands through my hair. Tears burn the back of my eyes, but I promised myself I’d never let her make me cry again.
A creaking sound has me turning to my door. CJ, covered in mud and dripping with sweat and rain, stands there, panting hard. He eyes me warily, stepping further into the room. I’m frozen to the spot, breathing hard, still angry I let her get to me.
“Low told me you ran off. I swear, it wasn’t what you thought. She’s actually gay. She doesn’t want her friends to find out so she acts like they do when it comes to lads. We had a project together last year, and I found out. On my life, Allie, I would never, ever hurt you like that.”
A sob I had been holding back bursts free and I run into his arms, not caring about all the mud getting over me.
“I hate my mum,” I wail, crying into his shoulder.
He picks me up, carrying me over to the bed and sitting us down. “You don’t hate me?” he asks, sounding confuse
d. “And your mum? I thought you left because of my fuck up.”
I look up, wiping my tears, and shake my head. “I did, but I was being stupid and immature. It hurt when you didn’t brush her off and come over to say hi, but it was stupid to overreact the way I did. You’ve never done anything for me to not trust you.”
He pushes my hair behind my ears, cupping my face. “Why all the tears, then? And I thought we already hated your mum?”
We.
I chuckle and sob at the same time, my face crumbling. “She called me not long after I got back. She demanded I attend her wedding because of her husband. He’s cottoning on that I’ve not once visited. When I refused, she threatened to ruin what Dad has with Mel. Apparently, he cheated on Mum a lot when they were together.”
He gives me a dry look. “Not that I don’t blame him, ‘cause your mum is a bitch, but he should have just left her. If it causes trouble for him and Mel, then that’s something he’ll have to deal with. He can handle it, Cupcake. That said, your mum is marrying another dude; she needs to let sleeping dogs lie.”
I nod, leaning my forehead against his. “I don’t understand why she had me, CJ. She doesn’t love me. I don’t think she ever loved my dad, either. Yet, she’s still out to make my life hell. She still has a way of tearing a hole through my heart with her cruel words.”
He kisses the tip of my nose before gazing into my eyes, his expression determined. “Cupcake, don’t listen to her. Don’t let her words hurt you, because you are loveable. I love you.” He pauses, kissing me briefly. “And that hole? Every time she does manage to get in there and crack it open a little, I’ll make sure to fill it back up. Because if anyone in this world is worthy of love, it’s you.”
I literally sag against his chest. He always knows what to say, what to do. His words though… I’ll cherish them forever.
I glance into his eyes, and the love and yearning I see makes me pause to catch my breath.
He’s perfect.
This moment is perfect.
“Make love to me,” I demand gently.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
My steps are light as I walk out of my room with a smile on my face. I’m sore, tired, and well and truly happy.
“Well, don’t you look chipper this afternoon,” Willow sings, her hip resting against the counter, a cup of tea in her hand.
“Who’s here?” I ask, leaning around the kitchen doorway to the front room, but my reach isn’t far enough to see anyone.
She eyes me with suspicion. “Um… just us. The guys had practice this morning and the girls are out. Why?”
“Good,” I sigh, before stepping up to her and pushing her shoulder lightly.
“Hey!” she yells, rubbing her shoulder. “What was that for?”
I point to her shoulder. “That was for lying to me.”
Her brows scrunch up. “Lying to you? I’ve not lied to you. Did you bang your head or something?”
“When you lost your virginity, you said it didn’t hurt, that it was a pinch which went away after a few minutes.”
Her entire face lights up when she catches on, and she starts squealing. “Oh, my God, you slept with CJ?”
She jumps up and down, her hands on my shoulders, shaking me in the process. I put my hands on her arms, shaking her a little whilst smiling. “Stop!”
“You have to tell me everything,” she squeals, pulling me into the front room and basically shoving me down onto the sofa.
My entire face and neck heat. “I am not telling you what we did.”
She frowns, waving me off. “You can’t tell me I lied then not explain what you meant. Tell me what happened? Didn’t you enjoy it?”
My lips pull into a light smile, remembering the night before, how gentle and caring CJ was.
“Are you sure?” CJ asks.
We’re both naked, CJ above me, already sheathed. His expression is soft, filled with so much love it nearly brings tears to my eyes. I’ve never been surer of anything, that much I know. I want him, desperately.
“Kiss me,” I whisper.
“As you wish,” he whispers back, leaning down to capture my lips.
“Ah, you totally did,” Willow says, beaming at me and snapping me out of my memory. “You’ve got such a dopey look on your face right now. It’s adorable.”
I blush further. “I wouldn’t change last night for the world, but you could have warned me about the pain.”
She seems concerned at that, her hand reaching for mine. “Did he hurt you? Was he too rough? I swear, I will kill him.” I give her a dry look and she shakes her head, still frowning at me. “Okay, I’ll have Cole do it.”
I stifle a giggle. I cannot believe we’re actually going to talk about this, but I can’t have her thinking CJ hurt me.
Here goes nothing.
“He was perfect, Low. But the pain… I was expecting a little pinch, maybe a sting, but it burned the whole way through. It felt like I was having a doctor’s exam at one point.”
“What do you mean?” she asks, getting more comfortable, bringing her legs under her.
I sigh. “When, you know, he…”
“Put his dick into you?”
I groan, covering my face. It’s not that I’m embarrassed about the act but talking about it seems so… so crude. She giggles at my expression, cooing at me. I slap her hand away from mine, glaring at her, but then end up giggling with her.
“Yes. It really fucking hurt, Low. Like, mega. Why do people not make a big deal out of it, not warn us other girls that it really flipping hurts?”
“Allie, it didn’t hurt for me. I told you, when he first entered me, it felt like a pinch, a slight burn. I guess it’s different for everyone.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, sitting forward.
She grins. “Well, for the girl it’s her size, and for the lad, it’s his size.” She wiggles her eyebrows at me. “Did it get better?”
I grin at her, remembering how good it got.
“I’m so sorry, Cupcake. So fucking sorry,” CJ groans, his voice pained as he moves to get off me. I lock my legs around him, stopping him. There is no way I went through that for him to stop now.
No way.
I just lost my virginity.
And it’s really fucking painful.
“It’s fine. It’s just a little tender. Go slow?”
He looks torn, ready to bolt, but when I move my hips, biting through the pain, he groans, giving in.
“I love you. I don’t want to hurt you.”
I palm his cheek. “You’ll never hurt me.”
He pulls out until only the tip is left inside, before pushing back in slowly. His eyes close like he’s in pain. “God, you’re so fucking tight.”
“Am I hurting you?”
Sweat beads on his forehead as he glances down at me. “No, Cupcake, you’re just really tight.”
It doesn’t help that he’s really big. Like, seriously big.
I’ve seen dicks before—maybe not in person, but I’m not that sheltered or naïve. His is above average, that much I do know from the things we’ve done before.
“At first, I felt dry because of the pain. It was like my body completely shut down for a second, so I wasn’t as turned on as before,” I admit, blushing.
“But you got into it?” she asks, thankfully not making me feel uncomfortable. I nod, smiling.
I got really into it.
“You feel so good,” CJ moans, thrusting inside me.
The girth of his cock stretches me wide, filling me in a way I’ll never forget. Somehow, I feel closer to him than I’ve ever felt before, and I don’t mean distance wise, but connection wise.
“I love you,” I murmur against his mouth, feeling an orgasm building inside me. I didn’t think I’d have another one, not when he gave me one before we started having sex.
At my words, his thrusts become more frantic, his lips kissing me briefly before he pulls away, breathing heavily.
I grip onto h
im, my hips moving with his, ignoring the burn and stinging sensation. The more he moves, hitting the spot inside me that sends tingles all the way to my core, the easier it has become to bear with.
“Fuck, I love you,” he growls, right before he changes my life.
A light slap to the cheek shakes me out of the best part of my memory, and I glare at my best friend.
“You really need to stop spacing out, it’s freaking me out.”
“Sorry, I can’t help it. It’s all I’ve been able to think about since it happened. It doesn’t seem real, but the burn between my legs proves otherwise. I never want to forget it, Low. It was amazing.”
“I’m so happy for you, Allie.” She reaches over, pulling me in for a hug before pulling back and smirking at me. “It explains now why CJ was extra chirpy this morning. He could have walked into oncoming traffic and probably not even cared. He was on cloud nine.”
I giggle, falling back on the sofa. “He didn’t want to leave me this morning. After I took a bath last night, we spent most the night kissing and just touching each other. It was then I felt mortified. I thought his mum and you guys were still out in the living room. Thankfully he said you all went across the hall to give us some privacy.” She grins, her eyes shining with happiness for me. “I feel different. I can’t really explain it. I feel closer to him, too. I never knew relationships were like this; I only had my parents to go on. But he’s incredible. I know I’m young, but I can’t picture my life without him. I don’t know whether that makes me stupid or what.”
“Different as in good, then?” she asks, still smiling at me.
“Yep, definitely good.”
“The joys of being in love. And I understand where you’re coming from. Cole owns half of my soul. It sounds corny, but he does. He gets me. But it’s more than that; I get this feeling inside me whenever I think of him. When I try to feel the true depths of the love I have for him, it actually hurts. My chest tightens and the thought of losing him is enough to break me.”
I sigh, closing my eyes for a second before glancing over at her and taking her hand. “What are we like, huh?”
Game Over (Whithall University Book 2) Page 14
