* * *
Jemma changed and packed by the light on the bedside table, chiding herself for allowing herself to be so vulnerable and praising her strength in standing firm. Better the pain of a break-up now than the agonising anticipation of its coming.
He’d warned her, and she’d accepted the risk. No promises of for ever. No lies. No regrets. The defences she’d built to protect her heart had been successful until now because she’d never truly loved her ex, nor more than liked the other men she’d dated. But Nate had slipped past her barriers and she’d foolishly dared to dream of storybook endings.
Even if what he felt was only masculine admiration for her sister’s beauty, she didn’t want to live with the comparison. She was what she was, and would no longer settle for being an also-ran. He’d move on, and he still had this Tess to talk to. Whatever that relationship entailed. She didn’t know because he’d never explained their connection.
She would... Hell, she had no idea what she’d do.
In the early hours of the morning she crept from the suite, booked out and took a taxi to the airport. By late morning she was home, picking up Milly from her neighbour and ignoring her message bank.
She imagined Nate’s brow furrowing, and his storm-grey eyes darkening. Knew he’d be pacing as he waited for her to answer. Knew it wasn’t right to leave him dangling.
She sent a text.
Believe me, Nate. It’s better this way. We can communicate through Brian on any writing issues.
Cradling Milly for support, she lay on her couch and bit into the soft flesh at the base of her thumb to prevent herself crying.
It didn’t work. She sobbed until there were no more tears to shed. Then, after taking a deep lung-filling breath, she pushed herself to her feet, huffed it out and went to splash her face with cold water.
Life didn’t stop just because you’d been a fool.
* * *
Two afternoons later she wasn’t so sure. Unsuccessful attempts to paint or write had left her restless, and long meandering walks no longer soothed her soul. She missed Nate—his gentle touches, his sombre expression that morphed into a heart-stopping smile in an instant. His ardent loving that took them to a world only they could share.
Oh, how she ached to see that smile focussed on her just once more. No, not once—a hundred thousand times more. When she woke in the morning, over the breakfast table, in the evening watching the sunset and in all the special moments in between. And most of all as he cradled her to sleep at night, watching her with tender storm-grey eyes.
It seemed like a lifetime since she’d last heard his unique husky voice—except in her head as she relived their conversations and the sexy teasing words he’d whispered in her ear as they lay in bed.
She’d begun to trust his word, and had sometimes thought, Maybe this time... It was the unspoken—those moments of silent contemplation and the times when his eyes had shuttered over a world he kept hidden—that had held her back. And the female voice of Tess and her sister’s lovely face clouded her mind when she tried to think.
Her paintbrushes were dry, her keyboard silent and her inspiration absent and unattainable. Without closure she couldn’t continue the revisions in her novel, couldn’t move forward.
Catching up her phone, she walked outside and sat on the swing, scrolled through her contacts and pressed his name, then stared at the number she’d unknowingly memorised.
He hadn’t called since she’d sent her text. Would he talk to her now? He’d wanted to talk on Saturday night, but she’d felt too raw and insecure, too unsure of his motives.
Oh, Nate, why did you hide what you went through from me? Why ask for my trust yet not give me yours? Why can’t I tell if you love me?
She sucked in a deep breath, remembering her declaration about recognising love when she saw it. Had she subconsciously been so determined to avoid being hurt again that she hadn’t recognised the pain in his eyes? Was he trapped in his past too?
A crazy idea, worthy of her most feisty heroine, shot into her head. Before she lost her nerve she went inside and booted up her computer, crossing her fingers for one piece of luck.
Hours later she slipped into bed, calmer and more optimistic than she’d ever been.
A lifetime of being non-confrontational, of quietly conforming while Vanessa bathed in the limelight and of accepting her ex’s excuses and lies without question was over. Tomorrow—against all the odds—she’d fight for a happy future. If it wasn’t to be with Nate, at least she’d know she was strong enough to make it alone.
* * *
Nate was up before dawn, prowling from room to room, gut churning, fingers tapping on his thigh, for once oblivious to the scenic views. The plans he’d drawn and amended, the research into furniture and colours incorporating ideas from his global travels and the time and effort he’d put in all withered into insignificance.
His house, his home, had been built to suit a perceived lifestyle that no longer applied. Every room reminded him of Jemma. Every intake of air recalled her unique aroma, though it was no longer there. Every sound had him looking round in expectation of her presence. She was in his head...and in his heart.
He wanted her with him, here or anywhere in the world, every day for the rest of their lives. Running until his muscles burned hadn’t helped tire him. Lying awake, yearning to feel her soft steady breathing against his chest, had left him antsy and short-tempered.
He’d been an idiot—so focussed on never being fooled again he hadn’t seen the sweetest prize of all waiting in front of him. How could he have so totally misread the most important relationship of his life?
He stopped short at the sight of Milly’s bed in the lounge area. Hell, he even missed that little fur ball. He’d bet she missed him too—she’d always loved him scratching behind her ears, or tickling her as she rolled onto her back. And Jemma? Did she miss his caresses, his kisses? Their making love?
It couldn’t end like this.
Letting loose with a fervent curse, he stormed into his bedroom, accessing flight times on his mobile as he went. No suave persuasion or coercion this time. Like the hero he’d created, he’d fight for the woman he loved. Or at the least learn the reasons why.
As he packed he pictured her eyes. Big, blue and sparkling with exhilaration as she’d stood on the top of the Harbour Bridge. Soft and misty after they’d made love. And that was the image he clung to as he drove towards Sydney, towards the plane that would take him to her.
With time to spare at the airport he sat in the departure lounge and hooked one ankle over the other knee, forming a place to balance the clipboard and the sheet of paper he’d brought with him. With Jemma’s image as inspiration he wrote from his heart, holding nothing back.
Reality hit home as he watched a woman trembling with anticipation as she scanned the passengers arriving in the lounge opposite, and then heard her cry of joy as she raced into a passionate embrace. Jemma hadn’t been happy at his unannounced initial arrival in Hahndorf, and he had less reason to expect a welcome now.
Would she even be there?
His body taut as a drum, he walked while he accessed her number, holding his breath and willing her to answer. He almost buckled at the knees when she did. Tuning out the somehow familiar noise in the background, he heard only the sound he longed for.
‘Nate?’
‘Jemma, please. I need to see you. Are you at home?’
She didn’t reply. His heart sank, but then picked up a little. At least she’d answered after seeing his ID.
‘Jemma, please.’
A soft sound like a sigh came over the line, tripping his heart, then a hesitant voice. ‘I’m on the Katoomba train.’
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
‘WHAT?’
The familiar noise. The train.
Nate’s mind boggled at the irony of t
heir timing.
‘You’re coming to me? Hell, Jemma. Of all the crazy... No, not you, darling. I’m the one who’s been a fool.’
‘I’ve been trying to decide when to call you, or whether to take a taxi and simply turn up.’
Just as he had. He was stunned by her actions after she’d broken all contact with him. Adrenaline spiked, followed by a cold chill of the knowledge that he might have lost her for ever. It was soon replaced by the primitive male urge to fight for his mate against any odds.
‘Oh, Jemma, my angel. If I’d known I’d be waiting at the station now. As it is we have a slight problem.’
‘You’re not at home?’
She sounded disappointed and his hopes soared.
‘That’s what we get for not communicating, sweetheart. I’m waiting for my flight to Adelaide.’
‘Oh.’
Picturing her sweet soft lips forming an O, and her lovely blue eyes widening in surprise, he ached to comfort her.
* * *
Jemma stared at the mountain scenery rushing by, seeing only Nate’s magical smile, shaking with the intensity of the elation flooding her. The last skerrick of doubt that she loved him had dissipated. But whether they’d stay together depended on an honest, nothing-held-back discussion.
He was on his way to Hahndorf, expecting to surprise her as he had before. And a man who called her either ‘darling,’ ‘my angel’ or ‘sweetheart,’ in almost every sentence, even while agitated and under pressure, had to care. Could she dare to believe he loved her?
She let her head fall back onto the seat. Her heart was racing, she was smiling and her head was spinning in the nicest possible way.
‘How far out are you, Jemma?’
‘About an hour.’
‘Okay, I’m heading for the check-in counter to ask them to unload my luggage. I’ll call you in a few minutes. Don’t go anywhere.’
‘Hardly an option on a moving train. Except to Katoomba.’
‘Except to there. Wait for me, darling.’ He hung up.
Jemma ended the call with trembling fingers. So much for being calm and cool when they met. She’d become emotional even at the sound of his deep voice with that sexy hint of abrasion. Add his unique Nate aroma and enigmatic aura and she’d crumble at his feet.
‘Well, Milly, still think this is a good idea?’ She tickled the kitten’s ears through the wires of the pet carrier she’d brought as extra baggage, and was rewarded with a contented purr. ‘Of course, you do. He’s putty in your paws. Maybe if I curled up on his lap and licked his fingers, huh?’
Delightful tingles shimmered up and down her spine as she remembered the last time they’d made love in Melbourne, before the gala function. Nate had made her feel she was beautiful, special, the only woman in his world. Then he’d seen Vanessa, and hadn’t been able to hide his surprise that they were related or keep from looking at her, and Jemma’s lifelong insecurities had crushed her euphoria.
‘Good or bad, we’re gonna sort this out,’ she told the cat. ‘Then you and I will either stay, or take another plane ride home.’
She was ready to answer his call before the first ringtone finished.
‘That was quick, darling. They’re getting my case off the plane and I’ll be on the road as soon as I’ve picked up the SUV from the apartment. Grant or one of his staff will meet you and take you to the hotel to wait for me. I’m a damn fool, Jemma. If I’d rung last night or this morning we’d be together now.’
‘I’m guilty too.’
His light laugh tingled in her ear, heightening her pulse even more. ‘We’ll share the blame.’
In the pause that followed she heard a guttural sound, as if his throat had blocked.
‘I’ve missed you, Jemma. I want to hold you, talk to you face to face, and convince you I’ve never lied to you and I never will.’
She couldn’t hold back. That was why she was on this journey.
‘Evasion is a form of lying, Nate, and you kept things from me.’
‘Not long ago I’d have disputed that, Jemma. Now—’
He went silent as a male voice called out his surname. A moment later he was back.
‘I’ve got my case and I’m on my way. I... No, that’ll wait. I’ll see you soon.’
‘Soon’ was over two hours away. She really hadn’t thought this through, had she? Had he? If they were both riding on instinct—well, surely that was a truer gauge than the emotional baggage she’d let rule her life for years?
* * *
Nate went straight to his SUV on arriving at the apartment building, feeling rejuvenated and alert. This was the most important journey he’d ever take. Jemma was waiting for him, and all he had to do was release the past and embrace a life he’d denied wanting for too long.
Leaving his bags in the vehicle, he raced through the back door to the hotel’s reception desk and prayed the couple there, booking in, were impatient to get to their room. It was hard to curb his impatience as they asked numerous questions.
‘Nate, you made good time.’
He spun round to accept Grant’s extended hand. ‘I was lucky with the traffic. Thanks for looking after Jemma.’
‘My pleasure. Jemma’s in one of the rooms, resting, and the kitten’s in my office.’
Nate froze. ‘She brought Milly with her?’ His elation peaked even higher than when she’d told him she was on the train. She’d come intending to stay a while.
‘Friendly little thing. Can’t have pets in the rooms, so...’ He glanced over Nate’s shoulder. ‘Amend my previous statement.’
Nate swung round. His peripheral vision blurred, surrounding noise became muffled and his world narrowed to the elevator foyer. Jemma, adorable and enchanting, stood there, regarding him with the same tentative expression she’d worn the first time he’d seen her. And she was wearing the same blue patterned top and black tights.
His hopes clicked a notch higher.
Heart pounding, he moved with purposeful strides towards her, eyes locked with hers, mind racing to find the right words of greeting. She stepped into his open arms and he hugged her to his chest, then lifted his hand to caress her cheek.
‘You brought Milly.’
Before he had time to berate himself for the inane greeting she sucked the air out of his lungs with a radiant smile that sent his head spinning. He kissed her as she deserved, with tenderness and reverence. Both of which threatened to morph into red-hot passion when her lips moved under his.
He pulled away, fighting for control, and saw the same battle in her eyes. Heard the same fight for breath and loved her even more.
* * *
The strong, rapid beat of Nate’s heart pulsed under Jemma’s palms, and the heat from his body matched her own, telling her she was where she belonged. Brilliant storm-grey eyes held hers captive, begging to steal her soul, and she willingly surrendered.
A deep chuckle from behind Nate sent him spinning, with her clasped in his embrace. Grant stood a few feet away, a broad grin on his face.
‘You haven’t forgotten you have a room upstairs?’
Heat flooded her cheeks, and a quick glance sideways showed Nate was blushing too. A scan of the area proved they were the only three around, and Nate recovered more quickly than she, or maybe covered it better.
‘I guess we have.’ He gazed down at her with something akin to awe in his eyes. ‘Do you want to stay here for dinner?’
Her answer was forming before he’d finished asking.
‘Take me home.’
‘You only ever had to ask, darling. Let’s get your luggage.’
He linked his fingers with hers and addressed his friend.
‘We’ll pick up Milly when we come down, Grant.’
‘I’ll be at the desk or in my office.’ He was still smiling in the nicest I’m-happy-for
-you way.
They rode the lift in silence, as if knowing a word or a glance might trigger the heat rush that simmered close to the surface. Her backpack and suitcase were ready inside the door, and her handbag lay on the barely disturbed bed where she’d lain, unsuccessfully trying to rest.
Nate’s eyes flared as he studied the dent in the pillow, then he looked out of the window to the car park below.
‘I was watching the cars come and go, and saw you arrive,’ Jemma said.
‘Ah, that explains your timely appearance downstairs,’ he said, grimacing at the bed as he reached for her luggage. ‘And if we don’t get out of here...’
His expression filled in the unsaid words. And they echoed in her heart.
They found Grant in his office, teasing Milly with a scrunched-up piece of paper. He put her into her carrier and took it to their vehicle.
‘Thanks for your help and hospitality, Grant.’ Jemma held out her hand but he ignored it, drawing her into a hug.
‘Any time, Jemma. You two are always welcome.’
She wasn’t sure what he said to Nate as the two men shook hands, but both were smiling as Grant stepped away and waved them off.
‘He’s a good friend.’
He nodded, giving her a quick smile. ‘Yeah, one of the best.’
Now they were enclosed in a small space, his aura heightening all her senses, the need to sort out their issues was rapidly being overwhelmed by the desire to touch him and reassure herself this wasn’t a dream.
She sat on her hands to prevent herself giving in to the impulse, allowing him to focus on his driving. Anything she asked might lead to a prolonged answer and, as he’d said on the phone, face to face was better.
When he pulled up to turn onto the track leading to his home she glanced across and met contemplative grey eyes. How often, especially in the early days of their relationship, had she seen that unfathomable scrutiny? Then he gave his special smile, and in the instant before he faced the windscreen again she saw such an open look of adoration that she doubted her own sight.
Her head spun, heat engulfed her from head to feet and coherent thought vanished. She sat in a daze until he pulled up beside the house, leapt out and strode round to open her door.
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