by Erin Zak
The old me would have never made the first move…never. But this new me I was becoming? She clearly understood how to make some moves. I gingerly reached out and ran a fingertip over the top of Jackie’s smooth thigh. She moved her sunglasses to the top of her head, looked at me, an eyebrow arched, and licked her lips.
“Hi,” she said softly.
“Hi.”
“What’re you thinking about?”
“A sunflower?” I heard myself ask.
“My favorite flower.”
“Any particular reason?”
“They always look so happy. It’d be nice to always be that happy.”
Her answer made my heart ache. Was it because I wanted to be the one to make her look happy? Or was it because she was the one making me look happy?
“What else are you thinking about over there?” She slid her glasses back and set them on her nose. “I can tell you have something else going on in that head of yours.”
I smiled and gathered my courage. “I’m thinking about you.”
“What about me?” Her voice was low, smooth, and even though the Florida sun was warm, my body erupted in chills.
“That you have saved me, and I don’t know if you really meant to, but you did.”
Jackie moved her hand and tugged on my finger that was still dancing around the skin on her thigh. She pulled gently before she said, “I want to take care of you. Always.”
“Why, though? You barely know me.” I didn’t know why it was so hard for me to believe that someone would want to take care of me. Had Steven really screwed me up that badly? She stopped looking at me and stared off across the water. Her profile was so flawless: her nose, her eyelashes, even the creases around her eyes from squinting into the sun. I wanted to grab her face and smash my lips against hers.
“I can tell you, with one hundred percent certainty, that part of the reason is because of Beth.” Jackie shrugged. “And the other reason? Is because…” She paused and looked back at me. “I’m fairly positive that I’m falling in love with you.” I went to open my mouth to respond, and she raised her hand to stop me. “Please, don’t say anything. I don’t want that to freak you out. It’s the truth.”
“Jackie.” I took her hand in mine before lowering it to the arm of her beach chair. “That doesn’t freak me out. At all.”
“But I mean, it might—”
“No,” I interrupted. “It doesn’t.”
“Why doesn’t it? It freaks me out,” she said and laughed. “Like you said, I barely know you! And this is so unexpected. I didn’t ask for any of this. And it scares me so much.”
“Why? Why does it scare you?”
Jackie broke our eye contact and looked down at her lap. “Because it’s stupid and reckless. And we’ve only known each other a few weeks. It’s absurd.”
I smiled and squeezed her hand. “You are so adorable.”
She brought her eyes up to mine. “Susan,” she breathed. “I won’t be able to forget about you when you leave.”
“Jackie—”
“No,” she said quickly. “You don’t get it. I don’t share well. I don’t like new people, I hate having people stay with me, and I am filled with anxiety when I entertain. But these last couple of weeks? It’s been… I got attached to you both.” Her eyes snapped up to mine, and she held my gaze for a second longer than necessary. “I don’t want you to leave me.”
That was the moment that did it for me. I was holding it together up until those words left her mouth. My heart felt as if it was being squeezed by a vise, and all I could do was slide out of the chair and lunge toward her.
When my lips smashed into hers, our teeth knocked together, and I pulled back quickly. My hand shot to my mouth. “I’m so sorry!” I was so embarrassed. Had it really been that long that I had forgotten how to kiss someone?
She laughed and reached for me. “Are you okay?”
My embarrassment faded because of the look on her face. She was so concerned: her smile, her eyes, the way her hand reached for my face. I didn’t answer. Instead, I threw myself at her again. I was more careful this time, made sure my lips cushioned the impact. Her tongue ran against my lips, past them, and dipped into my mouth. Was this how kissing should have been my entire life? I felt alive, every single nerve ending on fire. Everything about her was so luxurious. She tasted like summer, like sunscreen and beer, and I wanted to drink every last drop of her into my soul. And she felt like spring, refreshing and clean, the end to a horrible winter that held nothing but depression and heartache. Her hands moved from the arms of the chair to my hips. I felt her fingernails dig into my skin above the waistband of my bathing suit bottoms. I was kneeling on the cool sand, but the height difference made this kiss feel spectacular, as if I was a kid again experiencing everything for the first time.
Jackie pulled back when we both heard a throat clearing. Her eyes found the owner of the sound, a man walking by with his wife, arm around her, all possessive. My stomach bottomed out. What the hell had gotten into me, kissing her in broad daylight, in front of God and everyone? I went to stand up, and Jackie put her hands on my shoulders. “Don’t,” she said softly. “I don’t care.”
“I know, but Jackie,” I said, and my voice caught in my throat.
“Look at me.”
I looked into her eyes.
“Is this what you want?”
“What?”
“This.” She motioned at herself, and all I could do was nod and smile. “Then? Don’t stop because an old, straight, white guy doesn’t know how to deal with people that aren’t exactly like him.”
I laughed. “You’re right.”
“I know I am.”
“Then kiss me again.”
She reached up and ran her fingertips along my jaw line before she placed her lips on mine. When she deepened this kiss, all I could do was get lost in the feel of her full lips, her tongue, her teeth biting down lightly on my bottom lip. She wasn’t just a great kisser. She was an exceptional kisser. I was floored by her ability to not only make my heart speed up but also by the way my toes were curling with every dip of her tongue into my mouth. I could barely handle how good it all felt. I wondered if it would be like this all the time. Would she be able to unravel me with every kiss? I secretly hoped so because feeling like this was incredible. I never wanted her to stop.
“Let’s go,” she whispered against my lips. “Go back with me.”
“Jackie…”
“Please.” She latched on to my neck with her lips and bit down lightly before she said, “I need to taste you,” against the pulse point on my neck.
Holy shit. “Let’s go.”
* * *
JACKIE
Susan Weber was nothing at all like I imagined the adoptive mom of my daughter to be. I figured she’d be uptight, slightly mean, very strict, and obviously as straight as an arrow.
And when I stripped her bathing suit top off and tossed it over my shoulder before pushing her backward onto my bed, I thanked God that she was, in fact, completely the opposite.
I crawled up her legs, slid my knee between her thighs, and pressed against her center, which was still covered by her bathing suit bottoms. She moaned softly, and I captured the sound in my mouth as I kissed her again. I honestly didn’t want to stop kissing her. Ever. Our lips crashed into each other’s the instant the door closed behind us in the condo, and I continued to kiss her as we made our way through the living room, kitchen, and finally into my bedroom. She closed the door so hard behind us that it slammed, and we heard Myrtle start barking. She laughed between my kisses, the sound reverberating into my mouth and against my lips. I loved how it felt, the vibrations of her happiness. God, how I loved knowing I was the cause of that happiness.
“Jackie,” she said after she broke our kiss. “I have to tell you something.”
I looked at her, smiled, and said softly, “Hmm?”
“I’ve never been with a woman before.”
The wh
ole conversation sounded insanely clichéd. And I knew that she was so nervous saying it out loud. If I was writing the romantic sex scene transpiring between us, I’d have edited it three or four times before I was happy with it. Because of course she’d never been with another woman. I knew that. She was straight. She didn’t need to tell me that. She didn’t need to tell me that I would have to be gentle, that I would need to walk her through things, that I would be the one in charge. She didn’t have to tell me that she was nervous or scared. I knew all of those things. Every single one of her fears and reasons behind wanting and needing this, I knew and understood them all. But my God, my heart absolutely shattered from the sound of her uncertainly and sincerity. So, there I was, with this amazing woman who I never asked for and never knew I needed or wanted, having the most clichéd of conversations, wondering how I got so lucky to find her? Or I guess, how did I get so lucky that this woman found Beth? And that Beth found me? “Susan,” I whispered and kissed her once, then twice, softly, caressed her face, and ran my fingertips along her jawline, down her neck to her clavicle. “I will take care of you.”
“I know you will. I’m nervous.”
“Do you want to wait?”
The look that Susan gave me almost stopped my breathing. Her eyes were filled with desire, her lips were parted, and her tongue darted out and licked her lips before she breathed, “No.”
“You’re sure?”
“I want you so badly.”
“Oh, really?” I asked with a laugh. “You do?”
The corner of her mouth pulled upward, and she chuckled with me. “Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.”
The light coming in the window as the sun sank lower and lower toward the horizon made it possible to see every move Susan made: the rise and fall of her chest, the way she kept biting down lightly on her bottom lip, how the gentle pressure from her teeth left a white mark in her skin, the way the charm on her necklace had somehow settled in the hollow of her neck where it met the sternum. I found myself wanting to observe every second of the next hour or two, or hell, however long it took. Sex in the daytime was few and far between for me, and nine times out of ten, I wanted the lights off, so being able to see the way her hips curved, the swell of her breasts, the slightly darker skin of her nipples, the way they hardened even before I touched them…it was all so insanely magnificent.
And her breasts were flawless. They were full, round, and beautiful. I was getting lost looking at them. Some people were more a fan of butts, but me? Anyone that knew me would say I was a boob girl. And they would have been absolutely right. I could spend hours on them. And I intended to with Susan’s. I bent my head down and captured one of her already erect nipples in my mouth. I heard her gasp as she arched into me. I bit down lightly and then sucked, flicking my tongue against the tightened flesh. I massaged her other breast and tweaked her nipple with my forefinger and thumb. The moan that came out of her mouth made my entire body heat up. I pressed my knee harder into her center and delighted in the feeling as she pushed herself against me. Her hands were on my sides, nails dragging across my ribcage, before she tugged on the straps of my bikini top.
“Off,” she whispered. “I need this off.”
I knelt and quickly unlatched my top. I slid it slowly off, my eyes never leaving hers. She wasn’t smiling, but she was still nibbling on her bottom lip, which I found to be so incredibly sexy. I reached down after I dropped my top on the bed and tugged on her bottoms. She lifted her hips, and I placed a kiss on her stomach, dipped my tongue into her navel before I pulled the bottoms down to her knees. She helped the rest of the way and threw them behind me while laughing. I couldn’t help that my eyes were drawn to her center, the soft patch of neatly trimmed hair. I placed my hand where, seconds earlier, her bottoms had been, on her hip, where the hint of a tan line existed, and ran my fingertips along her belly. I moved slowly, lightly, as I touched her. “Jesus,” I whispered. She was so wet. I could see her glistening in the light. It was the hottest thing I had ever seen.
“Is everything okay?” she asked. Her voice was so unsure. It made my heart hurt.
“Yes, Susan, yes.” I slid my index finger through her wetness. “You’re so wet.”
She draped an arm across her eyes. “Oh God, I’m so sorry.”
“What? Why?” I asked as I stopped. “Why would you be sorry?” She didn’t look at me, and kept her arm across her eyes. “Susan?” She finally moved her arm. “Do you have any idea how hot you are?” She moved her head back and forth. “Oh, baby,” I whispered. “You being wet is a good thing. A very, very, very good thing. Okay?” She nodded, and I smiled. “Women like this kind of thing.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yes,” I said. “I love knowing that I’m turning you on. That everything I’m doing…” I bent down and placed a kiss on her hip. I bit down on her skin, and she moaned. “Is making you so hot.” I placed tiny kisses all along her stomach, down her legs, on the tops of her thighs, until I was finally where I wanted to be. I glanced up at her as she lifted her head. “So hot…that you’re dripping…with anticipation.” I held her eye contact as I lowered my mouth to her and placed my lips directly on her swollen center. I heard her pull a breath in through clenched teeth, and I glanced up to watch her press her lips together before she leaned her head back. She tasted so wonderful, sweet and slightly forbidden. I slid my tongue across her and down until I could push it inside her. She moaned my name, which only made me hotter. I knew she was right where I wanted her. I focused my tongue on her swollen clit, circling it, lightly flicking with my tongue, and when I knew she was enjoying every move, I slid two fingers inside her.
“Oh God, Jackie,” she whispered. “Please don’t stop.”
My name on her mouth sounded like a song, something I wanted to listen to on repeat for the rest of my life. I did as she begged, continued to thrust my fingers into her, soft at first, and then I gained in intensity. She was moving with me, her legs bent, feet on the bed, spread wide. I positioned my fingers so I knew they were hitting that perfect spot inside her. She was tightening around them, the muscles in her thighs were starting to shake, and her breathing was labored. Her orgasm was approaching, and as it crashed into her, I heard her voice shaking while moaning my name. Tasting the sweetness as she came in my mouth would forever be one of my very favorite memories. When her hips returned to the bed, I moved my mouth from her. Eyes still clamped shut, her chest was moving up and down with her breathing as I wiggled my fingers inside her and heard her groan.
“Oh, shit, you can’t…you gotta give me a second.”
I smiled as I wiggled my fingers again.
“Jackie!” She gasped and lifted her head to look at me. “I’m not kidding.”
“Can I take them out then?”
“No.” Susan pulled in a deep breath. I could feel everything, her pulse, her muscles twitching, her wetness. “Stay there.”
“Can I come up there and kiss you?”
“Can you do that without removing your fingers?”
“You seriously underestimate me.” I did my best to not move my fingers as I made my way up to Susan’s lips. She was smiling at me. That smile that took my breath away the first time I saw it. I leaned down and kissed her. It was full of passion and desire. It had been so long since I kissed someone that really wanted me. Kissing Dana was always fun, and we obviously had a good time together, but I couldn’t remember the last time someone wanted me like this woman wanted me. And vice versa. When she slid her tongue into my mouth, I moved my fingers inside her and then slid them slowly out. Susan broke our kiss and hissed low once I was outside of her body. “You okay?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. I was lying next to her, my leg over hers. I was meant to be there for the rest of my life.
“I love you,” she said with a voice so quiet, so delicate, I barely heard it. But it still made my chest clench and my breathing hitch.
Oh, holy shit. “Susan—”
“No,” sh
e said. “I do. I really do.”
“Baby,” I whispered.
“I know. I don’t know why this has happened.” Her eyes were welling with tears. I was not equipped to handle this. Her and salty tears and sweet I love yous were not in my wheelhouse and goddammit, what the fuck did I get myself into? “Everything happens for a reason. I know that.” Her voice cracked, and she pulled her full bottom lip into her mouth and bit down. Her teeth looked so white against the pink flesh. “Was I supposed to adopt Beth?” She started again after a couple deep breaths. “And go through hell so I could eventually find you?” Tears started to slide from the corners of her eyes, down her temple to her hairline. She wiped at them frantically, and her hands were shaking. “How am I supposed to leave a life of being straight behind me to be with you? How? Is that even what you want? This is all so fucking fast… All of it. And clearly, I’m slightly freaking out right now.”
Yeah, join the club.
She let out a nervous laugh. “I’m so sorry.” She placed her hands on my face and pulled me into a kiss.
“Are you okay?” It was all I could think to say, even though there was this part in me that wanted to say all of those words back to her.
“Yes.” She kissed me deeply, and again, I was lost in the feel of her full lips and her slick tongue as it pressed into mine. She ran it along the back of my front teeth, and I have no idea why, but it made my entire body burst into flames. How was that so fucking hot? “You know it’s your turn, right?” she asked after she pulled away from my lips. She was speaking against my neck, right near my ear, and almost as if I asked her to, she latched on to my earlobe and bit down. I almost came undone right then and there. This woman was taking me to places without even going near the spots that were aching to feel her. How was I going to survive? I had no idea.
