by Lacey Dearie
Christos says…
I hate to point this out, but I will. Flirting online doesn’t mean he’s a cheater.
Vicky says…
It shows he’s not faithful though.
Christos says…
You could always get him to confide in her that he’s already cheated?
Vicky says…
He’s unlikely to confide in a strange woman he’s just met online though.
Christos says…
I see your point.
Vicky says…
We’ll get payment either way, through PayPal or something similar. Flic is sorting out that side of things. We’ll share profits fifty-fifty. I’m in charge of creating characters and recruiting new business - anything creative and blog-based is my job. Flic does all the actual flirting. Well, I might do a bit too once we’re up and running but for now I’m just handling the creative side of things.
Christos says…
How far is she going to take it? Will she...y’know…?
Vicky says…
Oh no! That’s one thing we agreed on. No cybersex.
Christos says…
Glad to hear it :)
Vicky says…
Though we could probably get a bonus payment if we showed evidence of that!
Christos says…
Don’t joke about that Vicky. I don’t like the idea of you doing that.
Vicky says…
Ok, ok. No jokes about having cybersex for money.
Christos says…
I mean don’t joke about having cybersex with anyone. I don’t like to think of you doing that with a stranger.
Vicky says…
Do you think of me doing that with someone who’s not a stranger?
Christos says…
I’m not answering that.
Christos says…
So who else knows about this venture?
Vicky says…
Just you, me, Flic and Scarlett. Nobody else. And we want to keep it that way. We have to be anonymous. We’re not sure how this would affect our own relationships with men either. And I don’t want anyone who reads my new blog to know it’s me. This is completely anonymous. I’ll use a pseudonym.
Christos says…
Can I ask you something? I want an honest answer.
Vicky says…
Ok…
Christos says…
Is it worth going through all this just to have something to write about?
Vicky says…
I think it is. I need something to inspire me. Now that I have Sasha, all I do is work and be a mother. I have no social life. I don’t travel. I don’t do much at all. All I do at night is sit on here and chat to you or write blogs. What is there to write about if I don’t spice things up a bit? I worry I’m boring people. I’m losing readers :(
Christos says…
Fair enough. There are worse ways to spend your nights than talking to me though :P
Vicky says…
I know ;)
Christos says…
You’re not going to forget about me, are you? Now that you’ve got this new business venture and you’ll be trying to turn on random sleazebags :(
Vicky says…
NOOOOO! I’ll always have time for you ;)
Christos says…
:)
Vicky says…
So, what’s been happening with you?
Christos says…
Oh, just the usual. Dirty nappies, screaming babies, moody girlfriend. Nothing to report.
Vicky says…
What about work?
Christos says…
Crap as usual. The best thing about today was visiting Silver Thistle Funeral Directors. The prettiest undertaker I’ve ever seen works there :)
Vicky says…
Our little virtual coffee break kept me going. I’d be lost without those ;) I know we’re just texting to say what chocolate bar and drink we’re having but it’s something I look forward to :)))
Christos says…
Me too :) Oh, before I forget, I meant to ask you about Maggie….
Vicky says…
You mean Magnus? :D
Christos says…
Magnus? It’s a bloke? Adam’s gay???
Vicky says…
Magnus Pellicci. Adam’s new BUSINESS partner. Entrepreneur extraordinaire. Half Italian, half Swedish. Looks like Dolph Lundgren, but hotter and younger with green eyes <3
Christos says…
Sounds like just the kind of guy you would fancy. Hot, foreign, memorable eyes.
Vicky says…
He is! And he’s actually not foreign, he’s from Kilmarnock originally. Just foreign heritage. It’s maybe a bit soon after Ian, but…a rebound fling might be just what I need. He flirted with me quite a bit after Flic left last night :D She and Magnus didn’t seem to hit it off so I didn’t get a chance to speak to him properly until she had left. But I feel like we really did get on well!
Christos says…
Seriously?
Vicky says…
Yeah, he kept trying to tickle me! We talked a bit and we like all the same music. His favourite band is Suburban Legends too, and he loves to travel. If I wasn’t heartbroken, I’d probably be really keen on him.
Christos says…
Sounds like you are already.
Vicky says…
Maybe I am :) He asked me if we could swap mobile numbers, and he sent me a friend request on Tête-a-net last night!
Christos says…
That’s promising.
Vicky says…
What’s wrong? You don’t think a rebound fling is a good idea?
Christos says…
Nothing’s wrong. I think a rebound fling is fine as long as it’s nothing serious. I just can’t believe someone else has heard of Suburban Legends
Vicky says…
Awww, Christos :) *hug* I know you’re worried about me, but I’ll be fine. You know me, I’ll be keen on him for a week, get my heart broken then move onto the next virtual crush.
Christos says…
So where do I get the link to this new blog of yours?
Vicky says…
I’ll email it to you. Flic and I have also set up Tête-a-net accounts for the business in fake names so we can get more publicity. She refuses to blog properly so this is the only way I can get her online. She doesn’t have profiles ANYWHERE online! Isn’t that strange?
Christos says…
It is. What’s your usernames? I’ll subscribe to your updates.
Vicky says…
Ok. Again, don’t laugh. We wanted to take the names of famous detectives and put our own spin on them – so people remember them.
Christos says…
And they are….?
Vicky says…
Well, my favourite is Magnum PI so my username is Magnum PMT.
Christos says…
*rolls eyes* Suits you :P
Vicky says…
Are you saying I’m moody???
Christos says…
No :)
Vicky says…
Are you saying I’ve got a moustache then? *slap*
Christos says…
Don’t put words in my mouth :P So what’s Flic’s?
Vicky says…
Her favourite is The Pink Panther. So she’s ThePinkCougar.
Christos says…
Now, I don’t know her, but it sounds like that definitely DOES suit her.
Vicky says…
Actually it does ;)
Christos says…
I’ll be an avid reader of your new blog when you send me the link. I love reading them. I wish mine were as popular.
Vicky says…
Your blogs are great!
Christos says…
Thanks. When I have as many subscribers as you, I might believe that ;)
Vicky says…
Ooooh, I just got a text from Flic! Adam’s asked her out.
She’s asking if I mind her going out with him. It’s not like I’m going to say no.
Christos says…
Might be tricky, dating her business partner’s brother.
Vicky says…
It won’t last. That’s why I have no problem with it
Christos says…
Why do you say that?
Vicky says…
She’s not his type.
Vicky says…
It does make me a bit sad though. I’m the only single person I know now. Everyone else is paired off :(
Christos says…
Magnus isn’t...
Vicky says…
He might have a girlfriend already for all I know. I haven’t asked yet. And his relationship status on Tête-a-net was blank.
Christos says…
He’d be crazy if he didn’t snap you up ;)
Vicky says…
Must be a lot of crazy men out there then because nobody has snapped me up so far.
Christos says…
Maybe some of the men you know would, but they’re not in a position to.
Vicky says…
Well, if they’re not in a position to snap me up, I’m not in a position to think about them!
Christos says…
You know, maybe there’s someone out there thinking...another time, another place, who knows…
Vicky says…
Doubt it.
Christos says…
I have to go now. Sounds like somebody’s had a bad dream and is crying for Dad. Goodnight, agapi mou *hugs*
Vicky says…
Goodnight Chris :) *hugs back*
5
16th January
They stepped into the pub and Flic’s heart sank. Adam had no taste. No, that was wrong. He did have taste. It was just fucking awful.
When he said he was taking her out for dinner, she hadn’t expected to have a candlelit table on a boat sailing down the River Seine, with the Eiffel Tower illuminating the landscape and the most exquisite meal she had ever tasted served to her by men who were gargoyles in comparison to her date – but she had certainly expected something better than this.
There was only a little more light in the pub than there had been in the street. She looked up and saw that the bulbs in the strip lighting had blown. She winced as she unstuck her stiletto from a piece of chewing gum which had been welded into the carpet.
‘Ah! Here’s the perfect table for us,’ Adam announced. He pointed to a cramped table with two chairs in the middle of the pub. No seclusion. It was the worst table he could have possibly picked. She was about to object when her phone vibrated and she removed it from her bag to read the message. She shoved it back in the bag and grimaced. Flic couldn’t believe her rotten luck. She had spent the whole of the last week trying to entice Scarlett’s live-in boyfriend Peter into a little bit of flirting to no avail. Tonight, while she was on her date with Adam, Peter had not only started to respond, but started to flirt.
She had posted a new picture this morning of the character she had created – a saucy ginger-haired nurse wearing a PVC uniform and red skyscraper heels. Scarlett advised this was his fetish. It was a picture taken of Flic about ten years ago on a hen night. She would never dress up in anything so tacky these days and had promised herself these photos would never again see the light of day. But Scarlett was paying them seventy-five pence per text or Tête-a-net comment, and fifteen pounds per hour for online chats. For that, she was willing to push her dignity aside. For a day or two.
She felt her phone vibrate in her bag for the second time and inwardly cursed. Surely even virtual private detectives were entitled to a night off?
‘Something up?’ Adam frowned as he pulled out a chair to assist her.
‘No, nothing,’ she covered, sashaying into the seat and dazzling a smile in his direction. She would wait until they had ordered then excuse herself and reply to the message in the ladies’ room. She wasn’t quite sure it would be referred to as a “ladies” room in this establishment though.
She picked up the menu and wished she hadn’t. The cardboard was sticky and stained. She made a mental note to write a strongly worded letter to the management when she got home.
‘Sorry, I should have told you we were coming here,’ Adam conceded, possibly reading her thoughts from her wrinkled nose and the way she had quickly examined the chair for signs of grime before sitting down.
‘It’s fine,’ she fibbed, still smiling.
‘At least if I had warned you then you could have worn something a bit less fancy,’ he blushed.
Flic glanced down at her slinky black dress, covered in subtle silver sparkles and her matching heels. She held back a sigh and reassured herself and Adam by telling him, ‘I would have worn this anyway. My wise Granny always says, “There’s no such thing as being over-dressed, you just look better than everyone else.” And I subscribe to that philosophy. Obviously.’
‘You do look nice,’ he grinned.
She reasoned that compliments never go wrong and the setting wasn’t really relevant. The person she was with was more important. She wasn’t about to ditch a nice guy just because he wasn’t flash with his money. Sighing off her disappointment, she thanked him and examined the sticky menu, ignoring the third vibration from her phone.
‘You going to answer that?’ Adam worried.
‘No, I’ll get it later.’
‘Someone’s obviously trying to reach you. That’s not the first time it’s gone off,’ he warned.
‘It’s just an email or a text. If it was urgent they would phone. What looks nice?’ she pondered aloud.
‘The chicken and chips is always good here,’ Adam nodded to himself.
‘Hmmm, it does sound nice. I think I might have the salmon though. Without the Hollandaise sauce.’ Flic decided salmon would be far less messy to eat and she didn’t fancy getting chicken fat stuck under her nails if the meal arrived and she had to pick up wings or legs with her hands to eat them.
‘I’m for a mixed grill. What do you want to drink?’
‘A glass of rosé and a bottle of sparkling water please.’
‘What’s our table number?’
‘Sixty-nine,’ she smirked and winked.
Adam blinked at her for a moment and knitted his brows before double checking the number. Flic cursed herself. Her double-entendre hadn’t gone down well. Perhaps the wink was too much? She cleared her throat and pretended to examine a pudding themed special offer leaflet from the table which seemed to be covered in the puddings it advertised.
As soon as his back was turned she rifled through her bag searching for her phone. Three Tête-a-net notifications, all from Peter. She let out a little, “Yes!” in satisfaction and clicked until she could read what he had said.
“Nice picture Jemma,” followed by, “I just read that ur on a diet. Y? No need 2 do that! Ur perfect & A1 gorgeous.” His final comment was, “Forget the diet, have some chocl8, feed the curves.”
Excellent! He had finally started to make his interest known. Time to respond and see how far he would take this.
“Ok, will have some chocl8. But just 1. And bcoz u like me curvy ;) Would h8 2 disappoint u.”
She caught sight of Adam looking back at her from the bar where he was waiting to order the food and she smiled. He smiled back. Great. The sixty-nine related wink hadn’t put him off too much.
She added the word “babe” to the end of the message before selecting send and placing her phone back in her bag. She wiped an invisible stickiness from her hands, trying to rid her fingers of the imaginary grease that was on them from sending such a message. Her eyes darted round to take in her surroundings. She noticed a few couples, one of them kissing and groping each other. She was halfway through trying to decide if it was sweet or inappropriate when her phone buzzed yet again. Was he sitting with his phone in his hand waiting for her reply or something?
She retrieved her phone and read, “Wot kind of chocl
8?” Did that matter? She twisted her lips as she queried this in her mind. She would personally choose a box of truffles rather than have a bar of chocolate. But what would Jemma eat?
“It’s a curly wurly – my fave.” There. That’s exactly what her character would eat. She added “babe” and a kiss.
‘Is that rhinestones on your dress, doll?’ asked a voice from her right.
Flic’s head spun around and she almost gasped at the appearance of the man trying to chat. He had symmetrical scars on his cheeks and “hate” tattooed across the knuckles of the hand he was using to point to her chest.
‘No, it’s glitter.’ She wrinkled her nose in disdain, but tried to be polite. He could be a psycho for all she knew, and he certainly looked like someone she would want to keep on side.
‘Are you French, doll?’ he asked, spitting accidentally as he spoke.
‘No, I’m English,’ she squirmed. What was keeping Adam?
‘You’ve got a French accent,’ her new friend slurred.
Flic wasn’t sure how to reply and was grateful for the vibration of her mobile. ‘Ooh, a text!’ she announced, picking it up and forcing all her concentration on the screen, hoping he would take the hint.
“I’ve got a curly wurly I could give u,” Peter had responded.
