by Erin Trejo
He turns and leaves the room. Leaves me standing where he killed his girlfriend. The one that he told me about.
I have mixed feelings about this too. I want to love it. I want to hate it.
“What the fuck?” I mumble as Bash drags a man through the door. He throws the guy on the bed.
“What is this?” I point to the kid on the bed that’s clearly high out of his mind.
“Kill him,” he says passing me a knife. I take in my hand and look at the blade glistening in the light.
“Why?”
“You want to kill—kill...” He nods toward the kid on the bed. He can’t be older than twenty.
“How old are you?” I ask the kid on the bed.
Bash snaps at me, “No! Rule number one, you don’t fuckin’ make friends with your kill!”
Chapter 48
Sebastian
I watch her face. She’s torn. I can see it. I felt it once before, too. Never again after that. If she thinks she can kill, I want to see her in action.
“He’s a kid,” she snaps at me.
I shrug before I say, “You’re a kid. Our baby was a kid. That means shit.” She looks at the high as fuck asshole that had the unfortunate timing of being outside when we came in. I don’t give a shit. I want her to make a fucking choice, here, and now. She can kill him or she walks the fuck away from it all.
“That’s not fair. Don’t bring her into this, Bash.” I grab the other knife out of its holster and throw it into the kid’s shoulder. He barely even flinches he’s so out of it.
“Bash!” Shannon yells. I cock my head to look at her. Really look at her.
“You want this life? Is that what the fuck you want? You wanna be the motherfuckin’ dark, Shannon? Kill that motherfucker!” I roar. She visibly jumps when I yell at her. She needs this shit though. She needs to see what the fuck she’s getting herself into. She needs to fucking feel every last bit that I have.
“Go to hell,” she grumbles. She turns and tries to walk away from me but I don’t let her. I grab her around the waist and force her back into the room. I toss her body onto the bed next to his.
I pull my gun from my jeans and point it at her and say, “Pick up the fuckin’ knife.”
Shannon watches me with wide eyes.
She reaches over and grabs the knife where it fell next to her. She holds it in her hands, examining it.
I slide the gun back into my pants and climb on the bed over her. “Roll over. Get on your knees,” I demand. She rolls over beneath me, sitting up on her knees. I grab her hand, the one with the knife.
“Here. Quick and nearly painless.” I bring the knife to his chest and tell her, “Here. He will bleed out. It will fuckin’ hurt and there is nothin’ he can do to stop it from happenin’.” I hold the knife near his throat. I hear the sobs as they bubble up from her throat.
“What’s it gonna be? You want me to take this kill? You want me to handle it?” She has to make the decision on her own.
She moves the knife with my hand still wrapped around hers.
“Why are you doing this, Bash?” She asks me now? Really?
“I’m makin’ a point here, darlin’. His life means nothin’ to anyone. He’s a nobody. That doesn’t mean he isn’t a life, though. You want this part of me, take it,” I tell her. Shannon is hesitant just like I knew she would be.
“I won’t let go. Either way, he’s dyin’. You want to see what possesses my darkness? This is it, Shan.” She’s torn. She looks at the kid lying helplessly in front of her.
I wait. I give her time to think about her choices. In the end, they are hers. When she doesn’t move, I squeeze my hand tighter around hers and bring the knife to his neck.
“Bash, don’t,” she warns me. It’s too late. It’s too late to turn back now.
I slice the knife over his neck, watching the blood as it flows from his skin. Shannon tries her hardest to move her hand. There is no use. She wanted this—I’m giving it to her.
“Bash.” I can hear the tears in her voice.
“This is what you wanted to see. You wanted to watch this. Now look!” I snap in her ear.
Chapter 49
Shannon
The kid lies there.... Silently begging for help. I can see it in his eyes. Tears fall from my own. I try to move but Bash holds me tighter.
“Look him in the eyes, Shannon. Watch him die. Watch what I did to him,” he says softly in my ear. My heart thunders in my chest. I feel like I’m going to throw up.
The kid blinks a few more times before he takes his final breath. My heart nearly stops with his. I gasp. He’s gone. I just killed him. I just watched him die.
“Let me go!” I scream. Bash lets my hand go free before moving off me. He takes a step back as I climb off the bed.
“Why did you do that? You made me kill him!” I yell louder. Bash shakes his head as he watches me.
“I killed him. You didn’t. You want somehtin’ that you can’t handle, Shan. You don’t want this on your heart. I promise you.” That’s what he thinks.
“He didn’t do anything to me, Sebastian! The motherfucker’s that stole my baby did!” There is a difference in that. They took my child’s life. This kid didn’t do anything.
“They are still breathin’, darlin’. Don’t you get that? No matter what they did or how they hurt you they are still alive! You will still see that same look in their eyes,” Bash roars, pointing the knife at the dead kid on the bed.
“You want to prove your point? Fine. You did. Ok?” I shove past him and walk down the dingy hallway until I get to the front door. I step outside and close my eyes but all I see are his eyes.... That kid. The kid that was in the wrong fucking place at the wrong time.
“That’s all you’re gonna see. Those goddamn eyes.” His voice is closer to me than I’d like. I look over my shoulder and ask, “Then why make me do it?”
“Because you are hell bent on killin’ these days. You think that’s what you want. I wanted you to see it. I wanted you to know what the fuck it feels like to go to sleep and see those goddamn eyes.” Bash presses a kiss to my cheek before walking away from me.
“Is that what you see?” I ask as I watch him slide his helmet into place.
“Every night—a different pair of fuckin’ lifeless eyes. A different nightmare. They never end, Shannon.” God, he is doing all this to keep me safe.
I hadn’t wanted to see it that way. I didn’t want him to do this.
I wanted to kill them but looking at the pain in Bash’s eyes, it hurts me.
“I’m sorry, Bash.” He shakes his head, passing me my helmet.
“I mean it.” He still doesn’t answer me. I slide my helmet on and climb on the bike behind him.
The rest of the ride is in silence.
It’s a scary feeling that I have in the pit of my stomach. He just killed that kid like he was nothing but trash. He cut his throat without so much as taking a breath.
I thought I’d seen every part of Bash but this one is the darkest and most dangerous.
I know he had his own reasons for doing this but that need that gnaws away at the back of my mind hasn’t settled at all. In fact, the need to watch the asshole that did this to me and our baby is stronger than it has been.
I may not like seeing them in my dreams, but the knowing that I took from them what they stole from me will make it all worth it.
I just won’t tell Bash that.
Chapter 50
Sebastian
“What the fuck were you thinkin’!” Link roars at me. I tip my beer up and take a long pull before I look back at him.
“What I needed to... she isn’t one of us, Link. She had to fuckin’ see that shit,” I tell him.
I hated it. God, I fucking hated it. I didn’t like knowing that her shaking body was beneath mine. I hated that I held her fucking hand on that knife. I hated all of it but in this fucked up head of mine, I knew she needed to see it. She had to know what she was up against and not just from the ki
ll. She needed to know about the aftermath.
“That’s a fucked up way to go about it, brother.” Link is pissed. I knew he would be. Bomber just walked away from me, seething, fucking mad. He knows why I did it, though.
“How else would I do it? I’ve tried talkin’ sense into her. I’ve tried to get her to calm down. This was what I needed to do. She had to watch someone die like that, Link.” He shakes his head before bringing his cigarette to his lips.
“You think it worked?” he finally asks, blowing out a ring of smoke.
“She was upset. She cried all fuckin’ night. Woke up more times than I do. I sure as fuck hope it worked.”
“CHURCH!” Micah hollers through the room. I shake my head and climb out of my chair.
I head into the office, ready to get my ass reamed for what I did with Shannon. In fact, I’m more than ready for it.
“Rangers are close. We need to move on them. Now, I know we still don’t have shit on the bastards that attacked Shannon but we need to handle the Rangers,” Bomber says. I nod my agreement. One less fucking hassle that we don’t need.
“Where?” I ask.
“About two hours north of here,” Bullet says. I glance around the room but I already know we’re going.
“Let’s do this,” Micah says. We all grunt in agreement.
“Link, I want you to stay back this time. For obvious reasons.” He doesn’t need to look at me. I know why he wants him to stay back.
“Sure thing,” Link says before standing and walking out. The rest of the guys follow but I have something to say to Bomber.
“Look, Prez. I know I fucked up. I know that you don’t approve of what I did...” I begin but Bomber cuts me off.
“No. I get what you’re doin’, Bash. Do I like it? Hell no, but just because it’s her. If it was any other girl I wouldn’t be so pissed but she’s my family.” Fuck!
“I know, brother. I just don’t want her to get too far gone, Bomber. We all know I can’t be pulled back. I don’t want to lose her like that.” Bomber runs his hand through his hair before he says, “I know. You did what you had to do. Just promise me that you’ll take care of her, Bash. Even if I’m not around.”
“That’s not even a question.”
Bomber slaps a hand on my shoulder before we walk out of the office. I see her sitting at the bar laughing with Laura. It makes my heart swell with pride.
She looks over and smiles at me. I nod my head and watch as she comes to me. Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her into me.
“We got a run. Link’s stayin’ back. You’ll be safe. Stay inside.” I press a kiss to her lips before inhaling her scent. God, I love this girl.
“Come back to me in one piece?” she asks.
“Always, baby.”
Chapter 51
Shannon
“So....” Link says with his arms crossed over his massive chest. He glares at me from across the counter.
“So?” I repeat his word. He has something to say, I can see it. “Say it, Link.”
His stares are getting down right annoying and he doesn’t really have a reason to be looking at me like that.
“This what you want, Shannon?” he finally asks.
“Is what, what I want?”
“This! Him!” Bash. It always comes back to Bash.
“Sebastian may be a lot of things, Link, but I love him,” I admit to him.
Link runs his hand through his hair before he says, “Yeah. He fuckin’ killed a kid to prove a point. That says love all day long.” Why is he so pissed about us now? What the hell is his problem?
“I get why he did it. It made his point, but what he didn’t get—was what he wanted.” Shit! I shouldn’t have said that. He’s surely going to tell Bash when they get back that I said that.
“Meanin’?” he asks sliding the bottle of vodka over to me. I pour a shot before looking back up at him and giving him the truth.
My truth.
“When she died, Link, something broke in me. All I wanted was to watch them die and suffer. I told Bash. I let him in on that part of my feelings. He may have killed some random dope-head to prove his point but he didn’t. I want to kill the motherfucker that did this. I still want to watch as their life fades away.” He watches me. He doesn’t speak. He just watches.
“He’s right, though. You might not come out the other end of this the same. That’s what he’s tryin’ to protect you from. You think Bash gives a damn if you kill? It probably makes that motherfucker’s dick hard to think about it. That’s not why he doesn’t want you to do it. His heart is as black as they come. That son of a bitch has very little feelin’ left in him but he cares about you.” Link shoves away from the bar and walks away.
I let his words sink in but that isn’t changing anything. I know Bash loves me. I know he only wants what’s best for me.
“You ok?” Aubrie sits on the stool next to me.
“If you could find the asshole that hit you and caused you to lose the baby.... Would you kill them? Have you ever thought about it?” I turn my head and look at her. Her face changes in mere seconds.
“I think about it every day. I wanted to kill them so bad. I moved on, though. Drunk driver isn’t the same as a straight murderer though, Shannon. If that’s what you’re asking me, I think I could do it.” I nod my head, confirming what I’d already known.
“It’s like a light switch was flipped in my heart. Part of it grieves for her but the other part wants to watch them pay for what they did.” Aside from Bash and Link, Aubrie is the only person that knows.
“If I said to let Bash handle it, you wouldn’t listen. You’re young though, and you need to think about what you do before you do it. You might kill them but at what cost to you? Jail time? Prison? Bash would lose his shit and tear this fucking clubhouse apart. It’s not just you anymore.” I nod my head. She’s right. I know she is... but that does little to ease the urge to handle this on my own.
“Drink?” I hold up the bottle of Vodka Link left me with.
“When have you known me to turn down a drink?” she laughs, sliding a glass in front of me. I fill her up and then me another.
“Why is our world so fucked up?” I ask no one really. I toss back my shot and refill once more.
“We are the old ladies of the Knights of Sin MC. We have to be a little fucked up. Not so much that we can’t love. Not so much that we can’t find happiness. Just enough to remind us of who we are.”
Chapter 52
Sebastian
I climb off my bike and follow the guys over to Bomber. My body is vibrating with the urge to shoot and kill. I want a fight. If I’m being honest, I want to go head to head with someone.
Dax works my ass out in the gym but this urge is different.
This is deeper.
Darker.
“We know they’re in this warehouse. They have a hanger on that sent photo proof. Little bitch didn’t even think twice when they refused her a spot as an old lady,” Bomber chuckles. He runs his hand over his tired face before he continues, “These guys have pushed us. They have run through our shit. Let’s finish this. We’re goin’ to war boys.” I blow out a ring of smoke from the cigarette Micah passed me.
“Let’s fight,” I add.
“We stay close. Don’t separate too much when we get inside. We’re lookin’ at around twelve to fifteen in there right now. That can change at any fuckin’ second and we all know it. I want all you motherfucker’s back at home tonight in one piece. A hole here and there ain’t shit,” he chuckles.
“Let’s move!” he says.
Bullet grabs a rifle from the bag he had attached to his bike.
Micah does the same. Those two crazy fucks come in with military grade shit. No one asks where they get that shit either. We all know better.
I check my gun in the back of my jeans, the one in the holster, and the knives that I have placed all over my body. I’m fucking ready for this.
With my gun in my h
and, we make our way to the front door. My heart thrums in my ears.
“Come back to me in one piece?”
Her words ring over and over in my head. As much as I’d like to go in there and lose myself to the blood lust, I won’t. She needs me. I need her.
Kane blows the front door and we all move in quickly. Shots ring out through the air. You can smell the weed that they’d been smoking in the air.
But that’s not what hits me. It’s the next smell.
Blood.
I grin to myself as I blast out shots. I don’t give a shit who they are hitting and I don’t have a specific target. Who the fuck ever gets in front of my bullet, that’s who was meant to fall.
“Watch your ass!” Dax yells over his shoulder at me. I turn at the last second to catch the butt of a gun colliding with my face. It knocks me back a little but I recover and go in for the kill.
My gun hits the ground and my fists fly. This, right here, is what I wanted. This is what I needed.
We throw blows. Bones crack in the most sickening, yet delicious way beneath my fists. The feeling that rushes me is euphoric.
His fist connects with my ribs, knocking the air from my lungs. I stumble back but don’t fall.
I grin as I throw the last blow. A nice right upper cut that shoves the fucking bones in his nose, straight into his goddamn brain.
“See you in hell, motherfucker.” I spit on his body before grabbing my gun and going back into the war zone. This is the shit Shannon could never understand.
I point and shoot.
Body after body, falls all around us. Kane goes down but he says he’s fine.
“Don’t go fuckin’ your back again!” I yell over to him.
“Leg. Straight through, brother,” he yells back as I watch him pull himself up and starts to shoot again.
“Move in!” Bomber yells, wanting us to get in there closer. I’m at the head of the fucking line for that shit!
We move forward, climbing over bodies that have fallen at our feet.
