"I told you that you were her hope for a southern belle." Blaine whispered as he stood behind me.
I turned my head back toward him and looked up. "You know you're lucky I’m wearing flat sandals today, or you wouldn't be able to see the parade over my hair."
"Maybe you should work on taming the blonde beast."
"At least it's natural. Well mostly anyways."
"Touché." He kissed the top of my head.
The parade went on just as I thought every small town parade would. Complete with floats from the local high school, fire engines, and ending with a convertible carrying the mayor and the local fair queen. They all traveled down that little narrow strip of downtown, some floats even getting caught on the pot holes that I'm sure Blaine was thinking needed to be filled. Nothing too exciting, but I think Aunt Dee was happy to have me there. It was truly her last happy memory of Joni, having her as the fair queen.
I couldn't even imagine what was going through her mind. Was she happy to be at the fair, or did she want to cry seeing the fair queen so happy and waving at the crowd? I knew she loved Britt, but I also wonder if she ever imagined what it would have been like if Joni would have never had Britt, and that night would have never happened.
Britt was nowhere to be found as Blaine and I walked down to the high school, which was literally about one hundred yards from the downtown, where they had the fair set out on the grounds. There were a few rides, a bunch of craft and bake sale booths, and complete with a big stage where a lot of amateur talent played.
"Blaine, why don't you get up there and play something?" I asked between slurps of a lemon shake up.
"Naw, that's not really my thing." He squinted while we walked around the perimeter of the fair.
"Why not? I think you're pretty good."
"Yeah, but you're my girlfriend, you're supposed to say that." He gently squeezed my hand.
I wanted to say, and you're my boyfriend you're supposed to want to screw me. But I didn't, I just kept walking.
"Well, Britt's softball game has probably started, did you want to go watch?" He asked
I didn't want to. I really just wanted to get my dress off and roll around in the sheets with Blaine, but the Fourth of July festival was definitely not the place to be doing that.
"Yeah." I forced a weak smile.
"C'mon I'll show you to the fields. You know I used to play in high school right?" He swung our interlocked hands back and forth while we walked.
I shook my head. "No, you actually never told me that." But by his biceps I could tell he had to do something.
"Yup, All-Parrish pitcher my senior year." He said proudly.
"Do you still play?"
"Well…" He ran a free hand through his hair. "There is a summer league that some of the guys threw together, but I haven't really had time."
I knew that meant between work and spending most nights with me, it wouldn't fit in. I didn't know if I should feel bad about him not playing, but he answered that for me.
"Besides, if I were playing ball when would I get to spend time with you?" He grinned, letting go of my hand and putting his arm around my shoulders.
"You shouldn't really stop doing something you like just because of someone else," I muttered under my breath.
I never realized how many things I stopped doing just because I'd wanted to spend more time with Beau or with my Kappa sisters. Things that I used to love were suddenly too uncool, and I stopped caring about them. Like the saxophone, I used to love to be in jazz band in school. I played the saxophone so much that my dad built me my own little studio in the basement, so that he wouldn't have to hear me playing all the time.
But when you are in a sorority it isn't cool to be a band nerd, and when your mom asks why you don't play for her anymore, you have to lie. Or when you have to lie that you love your classes, when really you never show up for them. I didn't know who I became over the school year, but I definitely did not like who that girl was anymore, and was hoping Blaine wouldn't become someone he hated for me.
"Hey, there's Britt," he called, pointing toward the softball diamond.
It was not even a block from the school and hordes of girls were running around, throwing balls back and forth. Britt, of course, was squatting down with all her catcher's gear in place. Who would have guessed she would be the catcher? I was starting to feel like a big hypocrite now, insisting that she wear what I wanted her to, but somehow it was okay for Blaine not to play baseball because of me. That just wasn't fair of me to think that way, and I felt terrible.
"Hey Blaine!" A petite little redhead came running over to the fence.
Immediately I tensed up and put my arm tighter around Blaine's waist. It wasn't enough that I was always worried about other girls. Now I was just paranoid.
"Hey Sadie." He beamed walking toward the fence.
"Hey, our umpire got some kind of stomach flu, would you mind stepping in?" She pointed a thumb toward home plate.
No, please say no, please say no.
"Sure." He cracked a huge smile. "You don't mind, do you baby?" He looked down at me. I could see the pleading in those baby blues. How could I say no?
"Yeah, go ahead." He beamed letting go of me. "Have fun!" I yelled as he jogged to the other side of the fence.
I found a seat on the bleachers in-between the crazy softball moms that had gathered and dads with their video cameras.
"Libby, is that you?"
Great, I'd been spotted. Maize Thibodaux came scooting down next to me at the end of the bleachers.
"Hi Mrs. Thibodaux." I grimaced.
"Why, where is Blaine?" She fanned herself with a free hand, her dark gray eyes peering around the park.
Maize Thibodaux was not an attractive woman by any means. It was like a bunch of cow licks got together and decided to have a big party in her curly gray hair. And if her hair wasn't bad enough, that bad hair framed her chubby face, complete with beady little gray eyes, and enough moles and freckles to start an army. But she prided herself on being a southern debutante, from what I later learned, she ran the yearly Cotillion at the country club a few towns over. Even though she was about 100 pounds overweight she still carried herself like she was a debutante herself.
"Oh, they needed an umpire, so he's helping out." I leaned back onto the seats behind me, thinking I'd at least be able to get somewhat of a tan today.
"Oh, why look at that." She squinted toward home plate. "You know I haven't seen him on a field since high school! Did he tell you that he was All-Parrish? And even pitched for the state team."
I nodded. If I didn’t know something in this town, leave it to little gossiping old ladies to let me know.
"I honestly think that's the only reason that Doddery girl stayed with him so long." She wiped a big glob of sweat off of her brow.
"Now I don't like to speak ill of people usually, but for being a debutante, that girl was the most stuck-up little thing I had ever met."
"Really now?" I leaned in a bit more. I couldn't help it if it was good gossip, and it was about Blaine's ex, I had to hear it.
"Oh yes. Always walking around like she was better than anyone else just because her daddy was a lawyer. Well you don't see him practicing law in this town anymore do you?"
She nodded with satisfaction.
"Anyways, when a girl makes her debut, one of the most important things is her escort. The man who introduces you, shows your place in society, and I remember Julie had said she didn't want just any good ol' boy to escort her. If it wasn't for Blaine being the star pitcher, I don't think she would have even stayed with him. It was all about wearing his letterman jacket for her and the prize that came along with that."
I knew girls like that in high school, dating the star football player and suddenly their shit didn’t stink. I wondered if Blaine ever realized that's why Julie was with him, it wasn't like I was going to say anything to him though. I'm sure in high school he wouldn't have even looked at me. I'm sure if the
kids in my high school looked at me now they wouldn't believe it. The band nerd and a baseball player became the sorority girl and the road crew grunt, and now they're dating. Who would have thought?
It seemed like we were there for HOURS. Even though the games were only seven innings long, Blaine decided to umpire for all three games. I sat there trying to smile. If this was what made him happy, then maybe he wouldn't mind making me happy later.
Finally he shook hands with all the girls on both teams, and was thanked profusely with a little too many hugs by the redhead, before he came back running over toward me.
"So you ready to go over to Jackson's place?" Blaine asked placing a big sweaty kiss on my forehead, that I quickly wiped away.
I couldn't find Britt anywhere, and figured maybe this would actually give us some alone time if she didn't tag along. I turned to look for Mrs. Thibodaux, but it looked like she had already left too, it was just as well.
"Sure." I shrugged. "I think I've had my fill of this thing for now".
∞
Jackson lived more out in the boondocks than Aunt Dee's or Blaine's place. It was a small blue house, I guess you could almost call it a shack. But the land it was on was beautiful. It was a large plot of land with a lake in the back, or maybe it was a creek, I failed geography in college too.
When we pulled out to the gravel path, there were already a bunch of guys out on the front lawn, most of them in their swim trunks and probably all of them were at least halfway to being plastered.
"HEY BLAINE'S HERE!" Ryan ran over to the truck as Blaine closed the door behind me.
"Oh Libby, thank God you aren't wearing heels! I don't want you to attack me on my fashion!" He grinned putting an arm around me. "I’m just kidding with you."
He burped, it smelled like cheap beer and crawfish, I had to turn away. "Now come on you two, go get into your suits and grab a beer!" Ryan let go of me and then headed back over to a couple of guys that were playing bags over to the side of the house.
"It may not exactly be one of your sorority parties." Blaine started, but I turned and put a finger on his lips.
"Its fine baby, come with me to go change." I took my finger off of his lips and grabbed his hand.
"You brought a swimsuit?" He cocked an eyebrow trailing behind me.
"No, um." I tried to speed up as he was slacking behind. "But I don't want to just strip off my dress in front of everyone." At least that got him to shut up for a while.
We had to stop another ten times it felt like, for people to stop and drunkenly say hi to Blaine or to high five him, or for me to be introduced to another person I had probably already met twenty times before. I just really wanted to get Blaine alone. Finally, after what seemed like forever, I got him back in what must have been Jackson's bedroom.
It was near the back end of the house, so it was kind of dark. The walls were painted gray and the room wasn't furnished with much more than a huge waterbed covered with a dark blue bedspread.
"So...where is..." Blaine walked toward the edge of the room as I shut the door behind us.
While his back was turned to me, I slowly slipped off my dress. He turned just as I slid the top down to show my chest popping out of the black lace merry widow.
"Um." Blaine's eyes widened as he couldn't take his eyes off of my chest. "That doesn't exactly look waterproof."
I pulled down the rest of my dress, tossing it to the side, revealing my black lace gartered thong. I strutted over to him tracing my fingers down his chest. It wasn't exactly the most comfortable thing I ever worn, with the form fitting boning in the torso, but I was hoping it would be off soon. I pursed my lips together and whispered in his ear. "Maybe you should see if it is." I moved his hand between my legs.
He just held his hand there for about five second before pulling away. "Libby." He held his hands up.
"Blaine." I breathed and put my arms around his neck. "Don't you want me?"
"I…I...I mean." He stuttered. He still couldn't take his eyes off of my chest.
"You mean what baby?" I said coyly, rubbing the lace garter on my thigh, on the bulge in his pants.
He sighed and closed his eyes pressing his forehead to mine. "I do Libby, I do. It's just…" He sighed.
"It's just what?" I retorted, pulling away and putting my hands on my hips. "You still want your ex? You think I’m ugly? You want my cousin?" I threw my hands up in the air. "For God's sake Blaine, what is it!"
He groaned and sat on the bed, putting his head in his hands. "Libbyyyyyyy." He seemed to drag out the end of my name forever.
"Blaineeeeeeeee." I mocked back. I did not waste all of this money on perfectly good lingerie.
He patted the spot next to him on the bed. I reluctantly sat down, crossing my arms across my stomach.
He shook his head back and forth before turning and opening his eyes toward me. "Baby, you know I care about you."
"Then why..." He lifted up a hand as to say I'm not done.
"But..." He sighed loudly and over exaggerated. "I'm not just going to screw you in Jackson's bedroom." He put his arms around me and pulled me closer. "You are more than just some random skank that I'd hump and dump, and I hope you think more of yourself than that."
I didn't want to think of him humping or skanking anyone, and I kind of winced when he said that.
"Baby." He tilted my chin up toward him. "Do you really just want to have meaningless sex with me on Jackson's bed? Right this very moment?"
"Well." I bit my lip. "Not when you put it that way."
He groaned and not in the good way.
"Blaine, do you not understand how I’m feeling?" I moved my hands back and motioned them in a circle encompassing my torso. "I spent an entire paycheck on this. And not only that, but you have acted like doing anything more than kissing me is like some kind of a crime!"
"Libby. I do want to. Trust me." He ran his fingers along the front of my panties, thumbing the lace in his fingertips. His very touch was proving that the panties were definitely not waterproof. "More than anything."
I leaned in closer and whispered. "Then why don't you?"
He moved his hand back up to my hip. "Because you mean too much to me to throw you down here on Jackson's bed!" He was almost yelling, I hoped no one heard him.
"Well fine. Why don't we go over to my place then, no one is going to be home all day." I scooted in closer so that I was practically on his lap, from the angle I was sitting and the rumbling in his pants, I could tell that I was making a pretty good argument.
He put his head down and whispered something I couldn't understand.
"What?"
"I can't Libby, I'm sorry." He didn't look up at me as he spoke.
"Why? It's obviously not like you have a problem in the keeping-it-up department." I nudged his bulge with my thigh.
He didn't move for a minute and then slowly pushed my thigh out of the way. "Look Libby." He stared me down. I couldn't tell what was behind his eyes or what he was thinking, and I wanted more than ever to know. "I'm not going to have sex with you here. End of story."
He took his arms out from around me and slowly stood up, adjusting himself as he did.
"Okay." I bit the inside of my cheek and then sprang up off of the bed, clasping my hands together. "Well no one is at my Aunt Dee's right now, we can go there."
I positioned myself back in front of him, my body pressing tightly against his. "I'll even bring the bubblegum pink bedspread back out for you." I grabbed his hands and intertwined them with mine.
He groaned and made a circle with his neck before looking me straight in the eyes. I knew the look behind them now, and it was anger.
"Elizabeth." He growled. He had never called me Elizabeth before. He released his hands from mine and stomped toward the door.
"We are not having this conversation anymore. It's done." He put his hand on the door and took a deep breath. "Now come on, people are going to wonder where we have been."
I crossed my
arms over my chest and just stood there. I was in shock and had no idea what to say. So I mumbled the only thing I could think of. "No."
"What was that?" He tilted his head so that his left ear was closer to me.
"I said no, Blaine." I said a little louder. "Isn't that what you just said to me over and over?" I smirked and grabbed my dress.
"Come on Libby, it doesn't have to be like that, let's just go back outside get a few beers and have a good time." He forced a tight lipped smile.
"No, Blaine." I slipped the dress over my head. "Take me home."
He sighed and walked over to me, putting his hands on my shoulders as I pulled the rest of my dress down. "Baby can't we just wait a bit longer? Not just have it be some meaningless sex in Jackson's bed? Or trying to sneak behind your Aunt to do it in your bedroom?" He eyes looked at me, pleading like puppy dogs.
"So is all sex going to be meaningless with me?" I pushed back. "Or just when you don't want it?"
"Libby…"
"No Blaine." I balled my hands into tiny fists and tightly crossed my arms across my chest.
"Take me home."
"Libby. Come on." He pleaded again, trying to make eye contact with me.
I looked down at the ground, grinding my feet into the wooden plank floor. "Please just take me home."
With a sigh he agreed and I spent the rest of the night, by myself, on the bathroom floor. My cheeks were soaked with tears and the toilet was a swirling mass of lemon shake up and cookie dough. I laid my head down on the cold tile floor until I heard Aunt Dee unlock the front door. Then I quickly washed my face and headed to bed.
I had never felt so rejected in my life, even Beau wanted me, but my own boyfriend wouldn't even sleep with me when I was right on top of him, in black lingerie that cost hundreds of dollars.
Blaine called, texted, and Facebook messaged me dozens of times that night, but I ignored every single one of them. All of the I’m sorries and please talk to me's. And one point he even showed up at Aunt Dee's house, but I couldn't bear to see him. I was embarrassed, but more than that I was hurt, and it was going to take a lot for me to get over that.
My Paper Heart Page 11
