by Amy Cissell
“You are a goddess.”
“I know,” she said.
“This is the best day ever!”
“Better than your mating day?” Emma asked. There wasn’t as much acid dripping from her tongue as there would’ve been if she’d asked the question six weeks ago, but I didn’t think she was entirely kidding.
“Have you ever been through a mating ceremony?” I asked. I was being a little mean, because I knew the answer was no, due to her kidnapping and me mating with the wolf she thought she’d end up with.
“No,” she said, walking into the room holding a chocolate croissant. My eyes locked with her pastry and my mouth filled with saliva.
“My eyes are up here,” Emma said, shaking her croissant at me.
“Until you are able to compare fluffy pancakes and hot, delicious coffee to the tedium of a ceremony that ended up with everyone naked but me, I’m not interested in what you think. Isaac would totally agree with me here.”
“I had one of those,” she pointed at the pancake that was rapidly disappearing into my gaping maw. “It wasn’t very good.”
I gasped dramatically. “Bite your tongue, Emma Melinda Wolfenstein!”
She tilted her head and squinted at me. “That’s not my name.”
“Way to ruin it for me. But it occurred to me that I don’t actually know your full name, so, until you told me differently, it could’ve been.”
“It’s Emmaline Petrova. I don’t have a middle name.”
“Well then, Emmaline Petrova, bite your tongue. This breakfast is fantastic.”
She shook her head at me, not willing to conceded, but not interested in pursuing it further.
I finished my pancakes and bacon, then leaned back with a second cup of coffee to rub my warm and happy belly. Life was good. “I am so happy right now. This was almost as good as the middle of the night Taco Bell.”
Emma, who’d been watching me eat with something akin to horrified fascination, made a sound I couldn’t identify. It was halfway between a cough and a laugh with a slight detour to hysteria-town. I grinned at her, “Anything wrong?”
She shook her head. “I don’t understand you.”
“I don’t have a lot of small pleasures right now, but food is one of them. I can eat and forget that Isaac’s gone, that I don’t know what the next three months are going to bring, that the cashier at Taco Bell last night would cheerfully shoot each of us if he knew what we were, and that Raj is missing.”
“Raj isn’t missing,” Emma said. “He’s just not here right now.”
“Emma, that’s what missing is. He’s not here and I don’t know where he is.”
“No one knows where he is,” she said.
“If you’re trying to comfort me, you’re going about it in a very strange fashion.”
“He’ll come back. He has to, right? That was the whole point with the sword?”
I sighed noisily. “Yes. He has to come back. But that’s not the point. The point is I’d mostly forgiven him for New Orleans. Mostly. I’m still not pleased, but I’m not as angry as I was. And then as soon as I made that concession, poof! He fucking disappears. I don’t want to sound like some overdramatic twitter girl, but I cannot keep a man!”
Emma started laughing. “I don’t know what Twitter is, but you are being completely illogical, and that’s not like you at all. It’s only been a few days since you opened the last gate, and even less time than that since you woke up. Raj might have been your near-constant companion for the last few months, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have other interests and responsibilities. He owes allegiance to the Queen of New Orleans, has children scattered all over the world, and a large territory he’s responsible for in the Pacific Northwest. Maybe he had to do something for Marie, or check on the kids, or take care of some business. The world doesn’t revolve around you, no matter how much it seems to do so at times.”
Her words hit me like a punch in the gut. She was right. I fucking hated it when she was right. “Argh!”
“What was that?” Emma asked.
I had no choice but to admit it. “You’re right. Of course, you’re right. I don’t have to like it, but you didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.”
She reached over and patted my head like I was a good puppy. “Your life will be much easier if you always assume that I’m right and you’re wrong.”
I bared my teeth at her in a mock growl and she laughed. The lightness lasted only a moment before I sunk back into my melancholy. “Emma, I don’t know what to do.”
“About what?”
“Raj. Isaac. Everything. Maybe I should become a nun.”
“Are you Catholic?” Emma asked.
“Not in the least, but I don’t know any other official ways to renounce the company of men.”
“You could try not being a whore,” Emma said primly.
I flipped her off and she laughed again.
“Eleanor,” she said. “I didn’t see you with Isaac, but I’ve seen you with Raj. You guys are great together. I don’t get it, but there’s definitely something there.”
“Of course, there’s something there,” I scoffed. “He’s an incorrigible flirt capable of sending all his perverted thoughts to me.”
“He never did that to me,” Emma pointed out. “He’s not just chasing anything in a skirt. It’s you he’s after. I’ve seen the way he looks at you when you’re not looking at him. He adores you.”
“Pffftttttt.” I was eloquent today.
“We aren’t friends. Well, maybe a little bit now,” Emma conceded. “You know I think—thought—that you were betraying Isaac. And I’ll be honest, it’s in my best interest for you to break your bond with Isaac and stay with Raj. You might not believe it, but what Isaac and I had was real, too. I loved…no, I love him. I don’t know if I would’ve been enough for him if we’d been able to stay together, but you’re teaching me how to be enough for him now. I’m stronger because I’ve watched you be strong, and I think that if I can stop being so scared, I’ll be able to be the kind of strong woman Isaac wants. The kind of strong woman he deserves. I want that chance with him, and you choosing Raj gives me that chance.”
My mouth hung open. I hadn’t been prepared for this level of honesty. It made sense, from a twisted perspective, though. There was one thing she’d said that really bothered me, though.
“Emma, you are already strong enough. You’ve been free for about three months, and you can handle yourself alone at a full moon, something Isaac couldn’t do. You’re fast and smart and sassy as fuck, and the more you learn to let go of your outdated opinions about sex and a lady’s place in the world, the more awesome you’re going to be. Isaac would be lucky to be chosen by you. I’m just not sure I’m ready to let him go. We are bound.”
“Maybe he won’t choose you again,” Emma said. I could hear the hope in her voice and I didn’t know how to respond. I couldn’t lie and say of course he’d choose me. I couldn’t lie and say that he’d choose her. All I could do is look at her in mute sympathy, my heart aching in my chest, and try to smile.
Shortly after dusk, Petrina showed up and we loaded the car. We camped the next day in Fort Stockton, deprived of the little luxuries like coffee shops and fat food joints, then made our way slowly west and north. We stopped in El Paso where I was able to get pizza and microbrews, then drove to Santa Fe. It was the last day of March. Seven days since I’d opened the previous gate, and eight nights since I’d seen Raj. Not that I was counting.
When we crossed the border into New Mexico, we also crossed the border of the Texas power grid. Although there wasn’t power, some things were still working here as were about as far away from a gate pulse as was possible in the continental US.
We found a hotel in Santa Fe. We were still a couple hours away from Bandelier National Monument, the site of the final gate, but this was as good a place as any to set up shop for the time being. I had exactly one month before opening the seventh gate. There was one
more after this one, but it was starting to feel like I was approaching the end of the quest. I looked at the women who were sharing this journey with me and reflected that they were ever so much more reliable than the men I’d started with, or even the one that had wormed his way into my life halfway through.
As dawn approached, I sat alone in my motel room and thought about why I was alone. Petrina was preparing for her day sleep somewhere else. Florence and Emma were sharing a room. When I started this journey, Isaac, Finn, and I had always shared space. Florence didn’t share unless it was necessary because Isaac and I were so new in our relationship and had trouble keeping our hands off each other. By the time Isaac left and Emma joined us, it had become habit. Also, there was some cuddling with Raj. Maybe a little making out, but not so much that we needed our own space. And now I was alone.
I’d never been the kind of woman who believed a relationship with a man would make me whole. I liked men, sure, but I’d never had any long-term romances, and I’d always been okay with that. So why now, after a few months of being with Isaac, and even less time with Raj, was I so fucking lonely? I didn’t need to be held while I slept. I was not a cuddler. I was Eleanor Jane Morgan—Ciara nic Mata—and I would survive. Gloria Gaynor played through my head and resolve snuck in and straightened my spine.
I stood up and looked in the mirror. “Eleanor Jane Morgan, you are thirty-five years old, you are Fae, you are a motherfucking dragon who doesn’t need anyone to keep you going, and you are going to get this done.” I stripped off my shirt and bra and concentrated on my dragon wings, holding the idea of them in my head until they were free of their metaphysical bindings and pushed through my skin. They were gorgeous and didn’t match the idea of what I would’ve guessed wings sprouting from my humanoid form would look like. If you’d asked, I would’ve gone with either the angel-variety of fluffy gold-tipped feathers or the shimmering dragon-fly wings I’d seen on story-book fairies. These were an almost-black purple membrane stretched over delicate bones that ended in claws. They were more reminiscent of batwings than butterfly. I moved them delicately and was rewarded with a large bust of air.
I was Eleanor nee Ciara, Dragon Queen of the Dark Sidhe, and I was here to get shit done.
At dusk, Emma, Florence, and I were ready for our field trip to Bandelier. I filled up the car with the gasoline we’d been toting for months and noticed we were down to our last few cans. We might be making a side trip back to Texas to refill a few soon if we had to do a lot of driving.
I got behind the wheel of the car and impatiently drummed my fingers on the steering wheel until Petrina graced us with her presence. I headed north out of town, but before too long our route headed west and then, once we passed the turnoff to Los Alamos, started zig-zagging south. I was so glad I was driving. There were few things I liked less than being a passenger on a dark and winding road.
It was nearly nine o’clock when I pulled into the deserted parking lot. The posted sign said the park closed at dusk, and it was well past that, but it didn’t look like anyone had been there for a while. I hoped it was because of the weirdness of that last months and not because a bunch of people had been blown up by surprise land mines.
We got out of the car and climbed over the gate that denied us entrance. “Florence, can you see okay or should we get a flashlight?”
“I can’t see much of anything, but won’t a flashlight ruin everyone else’s night vision?”
“I have a plan,” I said. “Emma and Florence, you guys stay here while Petrina and I investigate.”
“I can see fine in the dark,” Emma said. “Probably better than anyone here.”
“Even in human form?” I asked.
“Even so.”
Interesting. “Next time, it’ll be you,” I promised. “But we’re operating under the buddy system here and you and Florence are buddies now. Back over the fence with you.”
“I wish you’d come up with this plan before I climbed over the fence,” Florence griped. “As you so aptly pointed out the other night, I am not a spring chicken.”
“I wish she’d come up with this plan before we left the hotel,” Emma said. “That drive was not my idea of a good time.”
“Shut it, both of you,” I said. I didn’t think Emma knew my bindings were gone, and with Finn probably lurking about, it needed to stay like that.
“Petrina, could you grow back a leg if you lost it to a land mine?” I asked. I wasn’t sure how far the regenerative powers of the vampires went.
She stopped and looked around carefully before answering. “Possibly. I’ve never lost a limb before. It would be extremely painful and take a long time, though. I’d rather not experiment with it. Are they close?”
“I don’t think so. I wonder if I would grow back a limb.” I pondered for a while and then gave it up as a “let’s hope we never find out” question. “Maybe we should all head back. This is definitely the gate site, and Finn is likely in the area. I’d rather not go in there if we don’t have to until we know for sure what we’re dealing with.”
“And this couldn’t have been a daytime trip?” Emma groused. “Or a trip that didn’t involve me at all?”
I heaved a sigh. “I’m sorry, you guys. I made a mistake.”
“Well, it wasn’t the first one, and it won’t be the last,” Emma said pragmatically. I flipped her off, knowing she’d see it, even in the dark.
Also by Amy Cissell
Eleanor Morgan
The Cardinal Gate (Feb 2017)
The Waning Moon (Jun 2017)
The Ruby Blade (Oct 2017)
The Broken World (Mar 2018)
The Lost Child (Apr 2019)
* * *
Oracle Bay
It's Not in the Cards (Oct 2018)
First Hand Knowledge (Nov 2018)
Belle of the Ball (Dec 2018)
