by Holly Hood
I grabbed his hand back, looking at his scraped knuckles—the kind of knuckles you got when you hit something. Dad had been in a couple fights with the wall back home, I was used to scraped knuckles. I knew what they looked like.
“Your hand. What happened to your hand, Slade?” I stared at him.
“Answer me,” he said back, ignoring me.
“Because you don’t scare me. You’ve been actually really great since I moved here. You’re the one great thing about this place.” I looked away as my cheeks warmed. I had just admitted that he was great.
“I think you’re great, too,” he confessed.
I looked away, not sure what to do with our admitting that we both were fond of each other. And then I remembered something. The ink.
“You may be great, but you’re also very mysterious. I know I’m not seeing things. The heart went away and there were words.” I touched the heart. “How could that happen? And this time could you give me a real explanation?”
Slade scooped my hand into his. He swirled his thumb against my skin. The heart turned into a beautiful rose, and with another swipe, it was a smile. And with yet another swipe the words, I’m not what you think I am appeared. He quickly covered it, my skin growing warm as he wiped away all traces of anything. He let go of my hand, looking into my eyes.
“Does it really matter?” he asked, coming in for a kiss.
I shut my eyes, letting his words ring true. It didn’t matter. He was intoxicating and anytime he was near me nothing really mattered anymore. We broke apart. Slade ran his hand through my hair.
“I’m glad you’re not believing their lies. I’m glad you still trust me, because that’s what most important. Trust,” he told me. We held hands, going silent.
“I liked the heart. I feel kind of naked without it,” I said. I turned my head to him and gave a small smile. Slade smiled back, bringing my hand into his lap. He dropped his leg down.
“Are you sure you want a heart? I can do just about anything.” His fingers busily rubbed my skin, making delicate circles as he waited for my answer.
“How about you do whatever you think is fitting,” I suggested. I watched closely as he did his work. He finally stopped, revealing the same black heart.
“Yay,” I whispered, letting out a laugh.
Slade shook his head, amused by me. He kissed my lips and then stood up. “You should be getting some rest. You got school tomorrow, right?”
I groaned. “I’m not going. As long as my dad doesn’t bother me about it, I’m staying away.”
Slade lifted one of my heart shaped pillows off my bed. He studied it closely. “Maybe I can visit you tomorrow?”
I gave a nod. “And maybe you can share who you are too?”
Slade ran a hand across my cheek. He tucked the pillow behind my head as I climbed into bed. And then he stared down at me.
“Maybe. But you have to promise you won’t hold it against me.” He bit at his lip ring, studying my expression.
I smiled and nodded. “I can do that.” I grabbed his hand, stopping him before he turned away. “Did you punch Mr. Sinclair, Slade?”
It made a lot of sense, and also answered the question of why Slade was accused. Maybe Slade had actually saved me from Tucker’s father. Maybe he was the one shushing me as I cried and felt ill.
And Tucker was forced to believe or cover for his father. Tucker might have been telling the truth. Maybe he did come running after me, trying to see where I ran off to. I wondered if Tucker caught his father doing something awful and Slade had stopped it. Of course Tucker would side with his father, he hated Slade and he loved his father.
“Shh,” Slade coaxed, pressing a single finger against my lips. “I’m just glad you’re okay. Goodnight, Hope.”
Reality
I wiped away the condensation on the mirror. Squeezing a glob of toothpaste on my toothbrush and began brushing. I was going to school. And even though it wasn’t the place that I wanted to be, I had no choice. Some things in my life were still more important. And if one day soon I wanted to get out of Cherry, then school took precedence over everything else. My feelings included. I knew there were some things that I couldn’t just run away from.
Wiping at my mouth, I turned the water off and concluded that it was time to head out. I hurriedly slipped into my shorts and tank top, shoved on some white sandals and grabbed my backpack that sat by the door.
Dad was at the kitchen table. He quickly looked up, taking the last bite of his cereal and a long swig of coffee. “Morning.”
I slung my backpack over my shoulder. “Morning. I thought you were supposed to be to work at eight.”
He gave a nod as if I figured him out. “I was thinking about driving you. I know you probably wouldn’t want to ride with Tucker.” He brought his bowl and cup to the sink.
“Thanks, Dad,” I said, letting out a relieved sigh. I wasn’t sure if I had it in me to avoid Tucker this morning. Knowing Dad had intervened made me feel really good for once. He had my back.
“I was thinking. I will talk to the office about switching some of your classes. That way this kid can leave you alone.” He pulled the door shut, giving his key a quick turn as I waited for him.
“I think everything was full. It’s not a big deal. I don’t think Tucker is going to bother me anymore.” I opened up the door to the van, climbing in. It didn’t matter where I went in that school, the kids were going to talk, regardless.
I gave Dad a quick kiss on the cheek. I didn’t care who saw me or called me a pathetic little kid. Dad lifted my backpack off the floor. He ran a hand through my damp hair. “If you need anything, Hope, you can call me. I will leave work and come here as soon as I can. Are you sure you’re going to be alright?” His eyes were full of concern. More concern then I had ever seen from him.
“Dad, I’m fine. But thanks, that really makes me feel, well… normal.” I smiled, shoving the door open and jumping out. The first bell rang. Several kids took off on a sprint to the doors. The ones that didn’t care they were minutes from being late stared at me as I walked to the entrance of the school. I held tight to my backpack, letting out an inaudible sigh as the doors congested with kids trying to get to their classes.
It took me a couple seconds to make my way to my locker. I dropped my backpack at my feet, and then started working on my combination. There was a loud laugh. I turned my head to find Darby, Lydia and Jesse staring at me a few feet away. I shoved my math book in my locker, swapping it for my biology book, ignoring them.
“Welcome back, Hope,” Darby said, letting out another laugh. I wondered what was so funny. But I assumed the idea a girl being attacked on a beach was humorous to some. Why, I didn’t know. They were just that sick and twisted.
I gritted my teeth, pushing my book bag into my locker and held tightly to my books, slamming the locker door shut hoping the emphasis of how hard I shoved it would scare Darby away. But she only kept staring at me. Jesse and Lydia seemed a little standoffish, but not her.
“Thanks, Darby. It’s so nice of you to act like you care,” I said, walking past her. I didn’t bother to see her reaction. I didn’t care.
“It had to of been hard, trying to keep your hands off such a wealthy man like Everett Sinclair. So hard you had to finger him for attacking you!” she called after me. Several onlookers laughed until the principal scolded Darby for inappropriate attire and shooed her into his office.
So now I knew they chalked it up to me being the lowly tramp. That no one else was to blame but me for what happened that night. I held back my tears quite well. It was easy when I was more angry than sad.
I threw open the door to Mr. Rudner’s class, everyone’s eyes immediately locked onto me. Tucker wasn’t at my table, and this relieved me. I hurried to sit, slamming my book down, warning them all to back off.
“Let’s all quiet down now,” Mr. Rudner said loudly. He pushed into his chair, standing up. “Pencils out.”
I cringed. I ha
d forgotten my pencil in my locker.
“Pencils out, Ms. Zigler.” He wrapped his knuckles on my desk.
“I forgot mine,” I said quickly. The boy in front of me, who I had never laid eyes on before, turned around.
“Here you go. “ He handed a pencil over. I gave him a small smile, taking the pencil reluctantly. Mr. Rudner handed over the paper, leaving me be finally.
“Don’t be too nice to her, Daniel, she might accuse you of giving her more than a pencil,” one of the other kids said. The whole class erupted into laughter. I lowered my head, scribbling my name on my paper in misery.
A biology book slammed down beside my elbow. I startled back to reality. It was Tucker and he didn’t look too pleased. Everyone angled in their seats to get a look at him.
“Get it all in while you can. Anyone have anymore shit to talk?” Tucker asked bitterly.
Mr. Rudner directed his attention to Tucker now. “That’s enough, Mr. Sinclair.” He shot him a warning glare and dropped a paper on Tucker’s desk.
I slowly moved away from him, going to the other end of my seat. It seemed Tucker was as upset and miserable as I was. A group of girls in the front row laughed, which only upset Tucker more.
“What is it with all of you?” Tucker yelled. “How is any of this funny?”
I stared out the window, feeling really uncomfortable. Jesse and Lydia laughed along with everyone else. Tucker groaned, jumping out of his seat. “One more chuckle out of you, Jesse, and it will be your last one!”
Everyone in the class started egging them on. Jesse’s face was full of alarm now. I wondered if he had it in him to keep up the taunts. But as Tucker knocked his chair over and took off after him, I knew he didn’t.
Mr. Rudner quickly dropped his papers, they scattered to the floor in a glorious spiral, pluming out all around his feet. He had Tucker’s shirt in one hand and Jesse’s in the other, doing his best to separate the two of them.
Lydia jumped to her feet. “It’s all her fault. Please, Mr. Rudner, he has practice tonight,” she whined like a little child.
I took another deep breath, trying my hardest to keep the anger deep inside of me. My parents always told me to not direct my anger onto other people. And so far I had listened, but as Lydia gave me another judging glare, I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed a hold of my biology book and chucked it right at her head. It spun through the air and slammed into her face with such force it knocked Lydia sideways, and then over her chair.
It didn’t take more than ten seconds before Mr. Rudner had me by the elbow and was pushing me out of his classroom. I could hear Lydia in the background, crying. Crying like I had just punched her with my fist or something.
He pushed Tucker out next and then slammed the door shut behind him. “Both of you to Principal Harm’s office, now.”
I rolled my eyes. If only they reprimanded everyone for their behavior maybe these things wouldn’t happen.
“I understand your issues, Ms. Zigler, but there are no exceptions for physical abuse at Ashwilder.” He raised his eyebrow, giving me a stern look.
I nodded, heading down the hallway. Tucker was still being scolded as I rounded the corner. I took my time getting there. I was in no hurry to hear it from yet another person who didn’t care about me.
“I can’t believe you chucked a book at Lydia.” Tucker laughed, as he caught up with me. I pushed my hair off my shoulders and shrugged.
“I can’t believe it, either, but a person can only take so much abuse.” I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him. He was part of the reason I was going through hell now at Ashwilder.
I yanked open the office door, looking around. It was no surprise I was the only kid waiting to see the principal along with Tucker. Tucker took a seat, grabbing a newspaper that was abandoned on the chair next to him. He plunged himself deep into the sports page.
I sat across from him, crossing my legs and staring at the clock. I watched every tick, totally throwing myself into that and nothing else.
“Mr. Harm’s is pretty strict. I wouldn’t be surprised if you get expelled,” Tucker informed me.
“I don’t care,” I said, crossing my arms tightly across my chest. I put on the most serious expression, throwing caution to the wind. If Mr. Harm wanted to throw me out of school, more power to him. Good riddance.
The secretary shot me an unamused expression and nibbled on her bagel.
“I thought you were all about dance and going to college?” Tucker asked me. He set the paper back down on the chair.
“I still do. I am just tired of this place. Maybe I’ll just transfer to the regular school. Maybe they’re a lot nicer. And what’s your problem, why did you come in all defensive?” I stared at him.
“I was late for class because Chuck and his friends were throwing bricks at my jeep. Not to mention what they did to my locker.” He sighed.
I felt a little bad now. It wasn’t just me who was being treated badly. “Why are they doing that to you?”
Tucker shrugged. “I’m the Mayor’s son. I don’t know.”
That made no sense at all to me. “Tough break.” I grumbled as the office door opened. A tall and very looming black man stared out at me. His eyes were bulbous and nearly popping out of his head. This only made him look that much more intimidating. I hoped for the best as he cracked his knuckles, his dark skin and white eyes alarming me as I approached. He hadn’t even called me, but looking at his expression as he stared at me, that was enough to get me moving.
“Take a seat, Hope,” he said, his voice booming. I sat down and watched him close the door, caging me in his office.
“Mr. Rudner phoned and says you threw a book at Lydia Wilder’s head?” he asked, but it seemed like a statement more than a question. So I wasn’t sure how to answer. I could only concentrate on how bad my palms were sweating and how constricted my throat felt.
“Why would you assault a student here at Ashwilder?” He shot me an angry look.
My brain fired back into life and I opened my mouth finally. “She was. I just got upset with everyone. They’re all laughing about the party when I was attacked on the beach, sir.”
Mr. Harm settled into his chair. He stroked his chin. “So you throw a book at her head.” I nodded. “One attack leads to another attack and this is supposed to make everything better?” Another glare.
I pulled at my tank top. It suddenly felt way too constricting. “I was angry. This whole school seems amused with such a horrible thing. I can’t get over how mean all these people are.”
The clock on the wall ticked, adding to my nerves. I just wanted Mr. Harm to deliver my punishment so I could go home. Or back to class, either one worked for me. I wiped at my forehead, actually sweating.
“I am going to call your father and inform him that you are expelled. And the one condition that is different than most expulsions is we will be setting you up with a WAH program.” He pulled a slip of paper from his desk drawer. “WAH is a work at home system. You will be doing all your work from the comfort of your own home. And as long as you finish and turn in all your work, you will graduate, Ms. Zigler. Is this fair?”
I raised an eyebrow. Did he really think I would say it wasn’t fair? I forced myself to nod.
“This is the information for your father. The fees and the schedule. Maybe now you won’t have to throw anymore textbooks at anyone’s head anymore. Stop at the desk on your way out for your new textbooks.” He stood, going to the door and opening it for me. Tucker immediately straightened in his seat at the sight of Mr. Harm.
“Mr. Sinclair, in my office.” Tucker stood up, giving me a weak smile as he passed by.
I watched as Mr. Harm shut the door, the secretary busily loaded a tower of books in front of me. School was over for me and I wasn’t sure how to feel about this.
Good Riddance
Finally, I made it home. My arms ached from lugging a ton of books across the sand to get there. I tossed them in a pile on the table and s
nagged a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. I wondered how Dad took the news. He hadn’t phoned the house yet, so it was yet to be determined.
No more school. To me it was the easiest way to stay out of everyone’s way. They didn’t like me and now they would never see me again. It was perfect.
But a small part of me was going to miss the social connection. Being able to be amongst peers and learn was something I deeply enjoyed back home. Back where everyone actually liked me.
I shrugged it off for now. There was no point worrying about something I couldn’t change. I squeezed my water bottle open, wandering outside. I had several hours to kill before anybody was home. Now was a great time to do a little sightseeing.
I crossed through the sand, going between the beach houses that hid the boardwalk. The boardwalk was the long strip of stores in Cherry. Everything from clothing stores to auto parts. Just about anything anyone needed was there. I had only been to one of the clothing stores with Nona since I moved here. So I was eager to venture further down and check out the rest of the place.
I passed by three trendy clothing windows. Not even venturing inside. The sign on one store in particular spoke to me. It swayed in the breeze, letting out a low screech with each movement it made as I approached.
Pauwau, I mouthed silently, reading the sign.
A soft melodic breeze sailed across my skin, enveloping my hair as the sun disappeared behind large gray clouds. As my hand touched the door a zap of electricity pricked my fingertips and my hair suddenly felt full of static. I brushed it off. Maybe I had dragged my feet across the sand too much or something.
A tiny little bell rang overhead as I pushed inside. The smell of burning incense filled my nose with a deep earthy scent. I stared at the rows of bookshelves that went from floor to ceiling in the back. It was like one of those old flea markets back home, I thought. I sneezed, inhaling a little too much dust.
