They ate in silence, much like other mornings, Caleb thought with unexpected depression. Much like the mornings he’d shared with his father. Even Gabe had known better than to cut up at the table, and Gentry meals had been reduced to cleaning their plates as fast as possible so they could escape to whatever backbreaking work Lucas had planned.
When they finished eating, Abby sent Ben out with the table scraps, and told him to milk the goat. When the door slammed shut behind him, Caleb picked up his coffee cup, wondering what to say. He’d fought with his decision and come to the only plausible conclusion, but he wasn’t sure how to begin.
“I’ve thought about things all night,” Abby said at last, saving him the trouble. “The only solution is for me to quit. You can hire someone else.”
“Who?” Caleb challenged as she poured more coffee into his cup. “Widows with infants aren’t all that plentiful in Wolf Creek, and if I hired someone else it would just spark the same gossip we’re dealing with.”
Abby chewed on her lower lip. “I could take Betsy to my place,” she offered again, as he’d known she would.
He shook his head. “We’ve already discussed that. She belongs at home. Winter will be here before we know it, and getting back and forth will be a nightmare when the weather gets bad. Seeing her the way I should would be a hardship, if not an impossibility. Besides, I already know how hard it is for you to manage things at your place, and I don’t think you can make it through the winter alone with three children.”
She plopped down in her chair and rested her elbows on the table, regarding him with tear-glazed eyes. “Then what other choice do we have, Caleb? I can’t think of any other way.”
The full force of his silvery gaze met hers. “The only way I can think of is for you to marry me.”
* * *
Abby’s eyes widened and her mouth fell open in shock. “Have you taken leave of your senses?” she asked when at last she was able to speak.
“I don’t think so,” Caleb replied in what he hoped was a measured, sensible tone. “I was up the whole night, too, trying to figure out what to do, and of everything I came up with, marriage makes the most sense.”
“It makes no sense!” Abby cried, jumping up and pacing to the back door. “Never mind that we aren’t in love! We hardly know each other.”
“I know that you’re a good person and a good mother, and it seems to me that love is highly overrated.”
Her eyes widened and she looked at him as if he’d grown another head. “That’s a cynical attitude, especially since you told me you loved Emily very much.”
“When?” he asked, frowning.
“You asked me if I loved William, and I said that I had—very much. Then you said that I could have no idea how you felt when Emily died.”
“I’m afraid you misunderstood. My marriage to Emily was not a love match.”
“All the more reason I would think you’d put love at the top of the list when you look for another wife,” she countered, taken aback by his admission.
“Actually, I had no clear idea whether or not I would ever marry again, and I confess that I haven’t seen a whole lot of marriages that are based on love,” he told her. “Besides, arranged marriages, mail-order brides—” he shrugged “—for the most part, those marriages work out just fine. Why wouldn’t ours?”
His attitude went against everything Abby had been taught about love and marriage. His coldhearted approach to one of God’s most special institutions infuriated and saddened her. Shoving aside the pang of sorrow, she snapped, “Because it wouldn’t, that’s why.”
Seeing the beginning of a storm gathering in his gray eyes, she softened her tone. “Marriage is sacred, Caleb, and I hope to find someone someday who will love me and my children, and despite your doubts, I’m sure that in time you’ll find someone to love, too.”
In a gesture fast becoming familiar, he raked a hand through his already-mussed hair. “Believe me, I gave that a lot of thought last night, too, but there’s no woman in town—married or single—that I can ever imagine loving.” Seeing her skepticism, he pushed his advantage. “You know as well as I do that the chance for either of us to find love in Wolf Creek is slim to none.”
“I don’t know that!”
He admitted a grudging admiration for the spark of irritation in her eyes. He didn’t think he’d ever known Emily feeling strongly enough about a subject to defend it.
“Will you at least listen before you—” he offered her a brief, halfhearted smile and tossed her words back at her “—throw out the baby with the bathwater?”
She blinked, amazed by the change the wry quirking of his lips made in his craggy features. The notion that she found his smile fascinating triggered another stab of irritation. She did not want to find him attractive. She did not want to feel sorry for him, and she did not want to hear what he had to say. She crossed her arms over her chest. “Fine.”
He looked at her, wondering again where to start. Telling her he was no happier about the idea than she was would not help his cause. He cleared his throat.
“First, I think we would both agree that fate and Sarah VanSickle’s penchant for gossip have put us in a bad spot, and we have to figure out the best way to stop the rumors while still solving our mutual problems. After giving both sides careful consideration, I believe marriage is the best solution.”
Abby pressed her lips together to keep from saying something inflammatory. She would hear him out.
He offered her another of those “almost” smiles. “I guess you’ve noticed that I’m not the most likable man in Wolf Creek, and the mirror tells me I’m not the most handsome.”
Stunned at his brutal assessment of himself, she opened her mouth to offer a polite denial, but he held up a silencing palm. “Despite those drawbacks, I have it on the authority of several folks—including Emily’s parents—that I am considered a good catch. If you consent to this marriage, I promise to take the best care I know how of you and your children. I realize that besides being your husband, I will be their father as well as Betsy’s, which I confess frightens me more than I can say.”
She couldn’t picture Caleb Gentry being afraid of anything, yet his whole attitude was one of vulnerability.
“I have no idea how to be a father to my own child, much less someone else’s. I know I’ll need to work on being more patient and realize that there will be other incidents like the shepherdess and the chessmen, but I also know there would have been those same sorts of incidents between your children and their real father. I doubt anyone short of a saint could refrain from losing his temper on occasion.”
Impressed by the thought he’d given to their predicament, Abby nodded.
His mouth twisted into another of those mocking smiles. “As troubling as this shortcoming is, I am somewhat consoled by the fact that you, too, have a temper.”
Abby felt a blush heat her cheeks.
All trace of sardonic humor vanished. “Sit down, Abby. Please.” When she did his bidding, he continued. “If you marry me, I promise I’ll try to do better, but you must understand that I won’t always succeed.”
He had given this a lot of thought, and really was as concerned about her and her children as he was his daughter.
“I know you’re an educated woman and that you’ll want more instruction for your children than is available here. When they get older, I’ll pay for their schooling wherever you like.”
Abby’s eyes widened. “You’d do that? Why?”
“Because I know that sort of thing is important to someone like you. Furthermore, I’ll settle all your outstanding debts.” He continued speaking over her indrawn breath. “If you’re agreeable, I’ll talk to Nathan Haversham about selling your farm. You can put the proceeds from the sale into a trust to secure your children’s future—and yours, should a
nything happen to me.”
Abby was surprised by the sudden sense of loss she felt at the thought of something happening to him. She sat, trying to absorb what he was saying. His offer was more than generous. And very tempting. To know she would never again have to worry about how to pay bills or feed her children. To feel secure in the knowledge that they would have every advantage the Gentry money could offer....
But things and advantages were no substitute for a father who would love them. Nor were they a suitable replacement for a husband who would care for her.
“You make it sound more like a business deal than a marriage.”
“Maybe that’s the best way to look at it. At least until we...come to know each other better.” Abby blinked at the implication, and he cleared his throat. “There are some things you should know about me before you decide. I may not sit in a pew every Sunday, but I try to live a decent life.”
Abby had never heard anything to the contrary.
“I don’t gossip or stick my nose into anyone else’s business, and while I drive a hard bargain, I believe anyone will tell you that I’m fair. To my knowledge I’ve never cheated anyone.”
He sounded so perfect that Abby was beginning to wonder if she should offer him a laundry list of her own qualities—good and bad. With a breathless burst of self-conscious laughter, she said as much.
“I think I know the most important things about you, and it will be an adventure of sorts to uncover the others through the years. Just for the record, like you, I believe in the sanctity of marriage, and I take any commitment I make seriously, including marriage vows.”
Abby regarded him, her brow furrowed in question. “Those vows speak of love, Caleb. What about that?” It seemed they had come full circle. She longed to experience that emotion again; he doubted its existence. How could a marriage between them ever work?
He spread his hands in a helpless gesture. “I don’t know, Abby. But if love really exists, perhaps it will find us.”
She wanted to ask what would happen if it didn’t find them, but was unable to phrase the question for the thoughts swirling through her mind. She recalled one of William’s favorite sayings: “An open heart will find love.” Would he think her mad to contemplate such a thing, or would he think she was wise for doing what she must for the sake of the children? Was it possible that in time, if she kept an open mind, she would grow to love Caleb Gentry? And what of him? Would his heart open enough to let love in? Love not only for her and the children, but a love of God and His word?
The preposterous idea seemed unseemly, somehow, and yet Caleb had a point. People did enter loveless marriages every day and for less pressing reasons than finding a mother for a child. Betsy would need a caring mother as she grew up.
And what about her own prayers? Lord, is this the answer I prayed for? Is this what You would have me do? She wished she had time to consider it more fully, but in the end, would it matter? The problems and choices would stay the same.
“I don’t know what to say,” she whispered in a tormented voice.
“Say yes, Abby,” Caleb urged, his deep voice soft, pleading. “Say yes.”
* * *
Abby still couldn’t believe she’d agreed to Caleb’s unexpected proposal. Once she yielded, they’d called Ben in to tell them the news. Abby settled him on the sofa and took the chair facing him.
“You know that Mr. Gentry’s wife died,” she began.
Ben gave a solemn nod.
“And you know how hard it has been for us since your father died.” Another nod. “Well, since we’re living here already, Caleb has asked me to marry him, so that we can make a new family, all of us. You and Laura and Betsy will be brother and sisters and Caleb will be your stepfather.”
“Do you have to marry him, Mama?” Ben asked.
Abby sneaked a peek at Caleb, whose face had turned a dull red. “Yes, Ben, for the good of us all, it seems I do.”
“Well, he’s not my father,” Ben shouted, jumping up and glaring at her. “And I won’t call him that.”
“Benjamin Aaron—” Abby began, only to be stopped by Caleb’s hand on her shoulder.
“It’s all right, Abby.” To Ben, he said, “You don’t have to call me Papa, Ben. Call me Caleb.”
“But he can’t!” Abby cried. “That’s disrespectful.”
“Not if I give him permission,” Caleb countered. “I can’t have him calling me Mr. Gentry for the rest of his life.”
The rest of his life. The words sank into her mind, and a queasy feeling settled in her stomach as she faced head-on the seriousness of her bargain. “No,” she whispered. “I suppose not.”
“Ben,” Caleb said, “I know I’ve been short with you sometimes, but you need to understand that I’ve never had children before Betsy, and I’m not used to them or the things they do.”
Ben refused to lift his head and meet Caleb’s gaze.
“I know it’s been hard for you since your father died, and that it was hard for you to leave your home and come to a place that’s unfamiliar and where there are new rules. It’s hard for me and your mother, too. She says it will take time for us to get used to each other, and I think she’s right.”
Ben stared at the toes of his scuffed boots. When he didn’t reply, Caleb asked, “Ben, did your father ever get angry with you?”
Ben nodded, still refusing to look up.
“And I imagine that sometimes you were mad at him, too. But you got over it, and you still cared for him, didn’t you?” Without waiting for Ben to answer, Caleb added, “I suspect we will be no different. You’re right. I’m not your father, but I hope the time will come when you will at least count me as a friend if you can’t think of me as a father.”
Leaving Ben with that to ponder, Caleb gave Abby’s shoulder a gentle squeeze and left her alone with her son.
When he was gone, Abby went to Ben and drew him close. He buried his face against her as he seldom did since he’d turned six, and she thought she heard him snuffling. “I know this is hard for you, but it is necessary, Ben. I can’t tell you all the reasons why, because they’re grown-up reasons, and even if I did, you wouldn’t understand. You must trust me when I tell you that the decision Caleb and I have made is for the good of us all.”
Stepping back, she tilted up his freckled face and offered him a sorrowful smile. “I can’t change the way you feel, Ben, but I need you to try to understand. We don’t know what happened to Caleb that has made him—” Harsh. Distant. Detached. “—the way he is, but we need to try to get along. I know he wants things to be better. Rachel says he’s a good man, and I don’t think she would say that if it weren’t the truth. We just have to give him a chance, the way he has to give us a chance. Will you try?”
Tears filled Ben’s blue eyes and he nodded.
“We need to pray about it, too. We need to believe that we are where God wants us, even though we don’t understand why. One day we will.”
Ben nodded, swiped at his eyes and drew his shirt sleeve across his runny nose. Snail trails. She smiled.
Ben gave her a hard hug and left Abby wondering, despite their limited choices and her guarantees to her son, if she and Caleb really were doing the right thing for everyone involved.
Chapter Five
While Abby had her talk with Ben, Caleb went out to get his hands started on a final late hay-cutting. Then he and Abby spent the better part of an hour discussing their decision at length. If things went according to plan, the ceremony would be held in three days, on a Saturday afternoon at the house, since they both felt Betsy was too little to be taken out and about.
Shortly after the noon meal, Caleb headed to town to make the necessary arrangements for the wedding. He didn’t relish the next couple of hours and kept the horse to a slow walk for most of the three-plus miles. He
had agreed to take care of the legalities, including telling Emily’s parents of the decision before doing anything else. He hoped they understood. At Abby’s insistence that he take care of all the legalities, he would speak with Nathan Haversham at the bank about setting up a power of attorney and then selling Abby’s farm and investing the proceeds for her children’s future. Last, Caleb would approach Abby’s minister about performing the wedding ceremony.
He did not feel like a potential bridegroom.
Ever since she had agreed to his preposterous proposal, his feelings had vacillated between those of a shipwrecked sailor who spies land on the horizon and a man condemned to walk the plank. He was not happy about entering another marriage; contrarily, he was relieved that things would soon be resolved. There was even a small kernel of conviction that the decision was the best choice for everyone concerned.
Without a doubt there were those in town, such as Sarah VanSickle and her ilk, who would judge them as harshly for marrying so soon after Emily’s death as they were for Abby staying at his house without a ring on her finger. His jaw tightened. There was just no pleasing some folks.
* * *
“Why so glum, young fella?” Frank asked, spying Ben sitting on an overturned bucket, his chin in his palms, his elbows resting on his patched, denim-clad knees.
“Nuthin’.”
“Nuthin’ doesn’t make a fella look like he’s lost his last friend. Come on, boy, tell me what’s wrong, and maybe I can help.”
Heaving a sigh, Ben looked up at the hired hand. “She’s gonna marry him. He’s gonna be my stepfather.”
“Whoa, Nellie!” Franks said. “Are you sayin’ your mama and Caleb are getting hitched?”
Ben nodded.
Frank took off his dirty felt hat, slapped it against his scrawny thigh, scratched his head and replaced the hat on his uncombed hair. “Well, if that don’t beat all!” he said, flipping over another bucket and plopping down. “I take it you ain’t too pleased about it.”
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