It was the first time of any length Erin had spent away from her parents and her home, and it proved to be a period of discovery for the young woman. Charterhouse saw it—the excitement of independence—and he noted the intensity with which she threw herself into flight training.
The dot magnified itself against a huge mountain of clouds and descended quickly. Charterhouse watched as the craft grew larger and made for the concrete strip. Critically he judged the approach and was satisfied as Erin brought the plane into a perfect landing. “She’s got the knack,” he murmured as he moved forward to greet her. “I’ve never known anyone so dead set on soloing.” This was her maiden flight alone, and Charterhouse had been as concerned as he would have been about any student. But Erin was not just any student. Since she had moved to Nairobi they had been together almost constantly. At first this was merely at the airstrip and during flight training, but gradually they began spending more and more of their evenings together.
The silver plane came to a halt in front of him, and the engine shut off. Stephen watched as Erin scrambled out of the plane. She hit the ground and ran forward and threw herself into his arms.
“I did it, Stephen! I did it!” She pulled his head down and kissed him, and her eyes sparkled like diamonds. “I soloed! Wasn’t I great?”
Stephen nodded and held her tightly. “Congratulations. You did it indeed.”
Erin held on to him for a moment and then rather self consciously backed away. There was an uncertainty in her, as her brother, Patrick, had known. She had never been around any young men who had attracted her, and Stephen was the first man she had ever felt so drawn to. She wasn’t quite sure she could trust herself in his presence, and yet she also knew she loved him and wanted to be with him every waking moment. The weeks at Nairobi had been the happiest days of her life. Now as she smiled at him, she was so excited she could hardly speak. “You’ve got to take me out and celebrate.”
“All right. We’ll do the town tonight. You’re going to be a great pilot, Erin.”
“Do you really think so, Stephen?”
“I know so. You’ve got good hands, good eyes, and wonderful balance. And you’ve got that intuition that no great pilot is ever without. You’re going to be wonderful.”
Erin drank in the words. She had been thirsting for them all of her life. Her failure in academic subjects had scarred her deeply, and now to hear this man she had come to love say them meant more to her than she could ever have expressed. She squeezed his arm again and said, “I’m going to buy a new dress.”
“Good. Spend a lot of money on it. I’m prepared to be impressed.”
****
When Stephen looked up to see Erin coming toward him, he was indeed impressed. “Well,” he said, “you did buy a new dress.”
She had on a sleeveless black-patterned silk dress with a low, square neckline. The skirt was gathered up on one side, with the extra fabric hanging down gracefully. The hemline brushed her ankles in front and the ground in back in one fluid line.
“Do you really like it, Stephen? I think I’ve lost my mind spending this much money on a mere dress.”
“You ought to wear silks and diamonds every day of your life. Come along. I’m prepared to fight off the blighters who will try to cut in on me. I should have brought along a gun.”
Erin laughed and clung to his arm. She turned to her aunt, who had entered the room, and said, “Aunt Dorothy, we’ll be a little late coming in tonight. This is a celebration.”
Dorothy smiled quickly. “Not too late, I hope.”
“I shall take good care of her, Mrs. Winslow,” Charterhouse said with a slight bow. “Don’t worry for a minute.”
Erin tugged on his arm and headed for the door. “Come along, Stephen. I’m anxious to start our celebration.”
As soon as the two had left, Dorothy went to Andrew’s study and spoke to her husband. “Well, they’re gone. She looked beautiful in that new dress we bought her.”
Andrew put down his pen and removed the glasses he had started using for close work. “I hope we’re doing the right thing.”
“I don’t know how we could have prevented it. After all, she’s a grown woman.”
“She’s still a child in some ways.” Andrew frowned. “I’m not sure we did the wise thing. I’m not certain Barney and Katie did the right thing in sending her here. We’re responsible for her. What time did she say she’d be in?”
“She said they’d be late.”
“Well, I’ll be up walking the floor just like I did for Amelia.”
Amelia, their nineteen-year-old daughter, had been a severe trial to her parents. She had a rebellious streak, and now that she was out of her teens, she was even more willful. Phillip, their seventeen-year-old, would be leaving home the next year to begin his undergraduate work. “We went through some hard times waiting for them to grow up,” Andrew recalled.
“Yes, but Erin’s different. She’s so . . . so innocent.”
“That’s true, of course. Well, if they’re not in by eleven, I shall go looking in all the dens of iniquity for them.” He gave his wife a teasing smile and put his arm around her. “But let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”
****
The evening ended all too soon for Erin. Stephen had taken her to several nightclubs, where she had been somewhat shocked at the behavior she witnessed. Stephen had laughed at her. “You are an innocent one, aren’t you? These nightclubs are pretty tame. I could take you to some really sinful ones!”
“This is sinful enough for me,” Erin said, laughing. “Come along. Dance with me again.”
While they danced, Erin talked on and on about her flying career. She had the feeling that her successful solo flight would mark a turning point in her life—the opening of a new door. Every new day that she had been in Nairobi had brought its own thrill, and she had grown and blossomed during this time.
Stephen listened to the excitement in her voice and smiled at the sparkle in her eyes as she talked. He was deeply touched by her exuberance for life and longed for a more intimate relationship with this special young woman.
Finally at a quarter of eleven, Erin said, “We’d better get home. My aunt and uncle will be worried about us.”
“This early? Why, the night’s just beginning.”
“Not for me.” Erin smiled up at him. “Can we do it again soon?”
“Of course. Whenever you say.”
They went outside, and Stephen helped her into the car he had rented in Nairobi. He got in, started the engine, and then drove through the unusually quiet city streets. During the day the streets were crowded with hucksters, vendors of all sorts, stray dogs, and playing children, but now there were very few souls moving about.
Erin began talking about the next part of her flying program, but she suddenly looked up when the car stopped in front of a three-story brick building. “Why are we stopping here?”
Stephen turned to her and took her hand. He held it for a moment and kissed it, then reached out and stroked her hair. “I thought you might like to come in for a little while.”
Erin stared at him. “Why, I can’t come up to your room, Stephen! Not to your apartment. You know that.”
“I wish you would, because—you see, Erin, I think I’m falling in love with you.”
These were the words that Erin had longed to hear, and she willingly gave herself to him as he reached out, pulled her forward, and kissed her. She put her arms around his neck and pulled him even closer. She felt safe and secure in his arms, and whispered to him, “I think I’m falling in love with you, too, Stephen.”
“Then come up with me. We’ll just talk.”
At his invitation, she pulled back and looked searchingly into his eyes. Erin was often described by her relatives as innocent, but she was not completely so. “I’d like to—I really would—but it wouldn’t be a wise thing to do.” She hesitated, then said, “I’m a good girl, Stephen.”
The naïveté of her re
mark struck Stephen like a gentle blow. He recognized the truth of her words, and then he said quietly, “I know you are.” He still had her in a half embrace and was aware of the delicate perfume she wore. He was also aware that she was intensely feminine as well as virtuous. He did not attempt to kiss her again but drew back to his side of the seat and released her. “I told you to stay away from wicked old men like me.”
“You’re not a wicked old man—but I should go home now. Thank you for a wonderful evening, but please take me home.”
“All right, I will.”
He drove her home in silence, and Erin found herself feeling anxious and disappointed. The question that kept running through her mind was If he loves me, why didn’t he ask me to marry him?
****
That question never came. July passed and then August, and as Stephen continued teaching her to fly, he did not cease in his attempts to make their relationship more intimate.
Erin found herself physically more and more drawn to him. She had allowed him no more liberties than they had enjoyed up till now, yet he continually pressed on in his efforts to persuade her to give herself to him more fully. He never seemed to grow angry when she refused, but neither did he ever talk about marriage or their future together. Erin kept waiting and hoping for a promise of commitment to her. They declared their love for each other often, but nothing more ever came of it.
****
One Thursday afternoon Stephen and Erin were out on a sailboat he had borrowed from a friend. They had flown to Mombasa to enjoy a day in the tropical waters of the Indian Ocean. The two were far enough from land that it was but a distant line along the horizon. The breeze was light, and Erin had delighted in steering the tiller herself.
It had been a perfect day. They had enjoyed a picnic lunch, and now the gentle wind sent the small sailboat across the waters with a delightful motion. Stephen had kept her amused all afternoon with stories of his flying adventures. As the sun began to set, he tied the rudder off and lowered the sail. The small craft was bobbing slightly up and down, and Erin was reclining against his chest, half turned toward him. She was grateful for all this man had done for her in teaching her to fly. It was exciting to know that she would soon have her flying license. She had already planned to tell her parents she was going to make a living as a pilot. There were plenty of opportunities in this profession in Africa, for roads were few and those that existed were bad, and she knew she could get financing for a plane and pay the money back.
Erin was grateful to Stephen for far more than flying lessons, however. He had awakened in her a deep desire to experience life more fully, and she loved him dearly for that. Life could never again be the same, and she nestled closer to him as their conversation ceased and together, silently, they watched the changing colors of the sunset. He gently stroked her back through her light cotton shirt, and in response to his caresses she found herself longing to be with him forever, to love no other man. When he touched her chin and lifted her face to his, it seemed only natural to surrender to his kiss, the taste of salt on his lips increasing her desire for this man she loved so much.
He pulled her down beside him on the deck, and Erin felt lifted out of the world. Out here alone with only the endless sky above them, the green waters whispering in the waves, and the wind murmuring against the mast, she found herself yielding more and more to him. His caresses became more intimate, and though Erin knew she should stop him, she found instead that she was returning his kisses with a passion that at once surprised and disturbed her.
Suddenly she gasped and shook her head. “We must stop this, Stephen!”
“Why? We love each other, don’t we?”
“Yes—but this is not right.”
“If you love me and I love you, what could be more right?”
“I . . . I just can’t do it, Stephen! Not here, not like this.”
Stephen stared at her as she pulled back and sat up straight. He saw that her hands were trembling as she ran them through her hair. With a sigh, he slowly leaned up on one elbow and gave her a penetrating look. “Maybe you’re not ready for this, Erin. You need some time to sort things out—decide what you really want in life.”
His words frightened her. What was he saying? She couldn’t imagine wanting anything more than to be with Stephen—but not like this. She wanted a commitment of marriage before giving herself to him fully.
His next words hurt as much as if he had physically struck her. “I think we should stop seeing each other, Erin.”
She answered in a rush, a feeling of panic rising up and choking her. “No, Stephen, I don’t want to do that. I don’t think I could live without you. We’ve just got to be more . . . careful, that’s all.”
Stephen leaned forward. “I’ve been wanting to tell you something, Erin—”
She waited expectantly, hope gripping her that he was about to declare his feelings and commit himself to her alone. She waited for the words she so longed to hear—that he loved her, that he wanted to marry her and spend his life with her, but instead a shudder seemed to pass through him, and he pulled himself up and began to lift the sail. “Never mind. It’s nothing,” he muttered. “The wind’s rising. We’d better get back before dark.”
“All right, Stephen,” she said almost in a whisper, not wanting to do or say anything to disappoint him further.
Erin sat quietly as they sailed back to shore, lifting her face to the wind, allowing it to dry the tears that stung her eyes, and trying to make sense of what had just happened between them. She could not bring herself to accept his suggestion that they should end their relationship. No, she thought, I know he loves me. He just needs a little more time. I can wait—I will wait for him forever. One day he’ll love me enough to marry me.
****
The weeks that followed proved painful to Erin as she continued to work alongside Stephen, but without the tender closeness of their relationship. She steadfastly refused to believe that things were over between them, but the reality of their strained conversations was hard to ignore.
After completing her first commercial venture—delivering machine parts to a small village—she decided to stop on the way back to visit her family. To her delight Patrick was also there for a couple of days. Seeing her family again refreshed her spirits, and she enjoyed their company with hardly a thought of Stephen—until she lay in bed at night and thoughts of him crowded out all others. She made a valiant effort to hide her feelings of disappointment from her parents, but they could see that something was troubling her. At her father’s encouragement, she decided to pay a visit to her dear friend Nbuta.
In the Masai village Nbuta sat listening as the young woman he loved so much spoke. The constant thread that ran through her conversation was the name of the pilot. Nbuta listened for a long time, and when she fell silent he said, “Something has come to me, daughter.”
“What is it, Nbuta?”
Nbuta had a deep wisdom that Erin respected greatly. She said, “What is it? Tell me.”
“It is not good. I do not know what it means. Perhaps it is nothing.”
But Nbuta’s insights before had always been truer than fact. She was frightened now, and she said, “What is it? I must know.”
“Part of you,” Nbuta said slowly, “will die soon.” He saw her eyes narrow at the shock of his words, and he bent his shoulders, staring at the ground and remaining silent for a moment before speaking again. “We do not die all at once, but small pieces of us die. You will soon lose some small part of yourself.”
Erin stared at her friend. Too afraid to speak, she got up at once and left. He had been cheerful enough until this last pronouncement, which had left her full of dread. Now as she walked away and mounted her mare, she was aware that he had seen something dark—something more than he was telling her, or perhaps more than even he could understand.
CHAPTER SEVEN
The Sky Is Falling!
Erin looked down at the airstrip and gave a sigh of r
elief. It had been a long flight, and she was very tired. She had delivered a supply of oxygen to a remote mining camp for a dying miner and had been depressed by the experience. The camp itself was raw and unlovely in every respect. She had spent one sleepless night there, for the bed they assigned her in the small room was crawling with vermin. She had sat up all night and left at first light.
Now as she brought her plane around, she felt, despite her fatigue, a sense of accomplishment. She had gotten her pilot’s license in early November and now at the end of that month she was keeping busy. There was, it seemed, a constant need for her services. She was the only woman pilot working in all of Africa, but she had learned to put up with the odd looks, the smirks, and the raw jokes that sometimes came her way.
Flying for her was something that had clicked into place. She felt now that her life would be incomplete without it. She banked the plane and lined up with a group of trees on the edge of the airstrip that seemed to be standing in disorganized ranks, like a regiment at ease. They laid their long shadows in lines, and as she came in and touched her wheels down gently, she uttered a sigh of relief. She taxied off the airstrip and cut the engine. As she got out, the mechanic, a short, squatty man named Roscoe Hayes, came forward at once.
“You have a good flight, Miss Erin?”
“I got back. That makes it a good one.” She smiled at him wearily. “Give her a good going over, will you, Roscoe? I’ll be leaving early in the morning.”
“Where you going this time? Seems like you never stop.”
“Taking a businessman to Mombasa.”
“The engine run all right?”
“Seems to be fine. Just check everything if you will.”
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