17 | Watermelon Stains
Lee didn’t have much time to plan the barbecue. His guest list included CJ, her two sons, and Francine; Dr. Rad and his sister; the architect, Dennis Freborg, and his son, David; the builder, Earl Lundberg; and the hardware-store owner, Lenny Vinik, and his wife. He hadn’t originally thought of inviting Lenny, but they had become pretty friendly in the course of Lee’s many visits to his store to purchase whatever tool or gadget Bob Vila had just used on the latest episode of This Old House. It was fun and interesting learning about different tools, and he snickered at the notion his family was missing out by hiring everything done for them.
Lee felt good about the guest list. The playing field would be even—eleven Winekoops and eleven of his own guests.
Shaneta appeared to be overwhelmed at the idea of having to cook for a crowd that big by herself and asked for help. When Lee told her he wanted to make it a traditional barbecue with hot dogs, hamburgers, and potato salad, her eyes grew wide.
“You’re not serious, Mista Lee.”
“I’m totally serious.”
She put her hands on her hips. “I have been your parents’ cook for over ten years, and I can assure you they have never eaten a hot dog or a hamburger.” She shook her head. “If Mrs. Winekoop was plannin’ this, we’d be havin’ roasted squab or grilled shrimp, maybe yellow tomatoes stuffed with wild mushrooms, and—”
“Well, she’s not planning it, and we’re having hot dogs and hamburgers.”
“Oh, mi God. I can’t wait to see this.” She smiled. “Can I make deviled eggs too?”
“Of course.”
“And watermelon?”
“Sure. And how about red, white, and blue cupcakes for dessert?”
Shaneta threw up her hands. “Wait ‘til I tell Helen.”
“And none of that lavender lemonade stuff. I want pure, unadulterated fresh-squeezed lemonade.”
Shaneta clapped her hands together. “You got it.”
“And soda and beer.”
“How ‘bout some chips and dip just to round things off?”
“Perfect.”
* * *
The Winekoop procession of Mercedes and BMW cars arrived Saturday morning at eleven o’clock...in precise pecking order. His parents pulled in first. Nelson followed, with his wife, Yvonne, and their twin ten-year-old boys, Vincent and Virgil. Bringing up the rear were Bennett with his wife, Daphne, and their three children, eleven-year-old Odessa, eight-year-old Anna, and nine-year-old Bennett, Jr.
Lee watched them parade through the front door like a noon-time fashion show at one of New York’s finest department stores—all dressed in Ralph Lauren, Burberry, and Calvin Klein, even the kids.
Upon seeing Lee greet her at the door sporting a new pair of jeans, plaid shirt, and tennis shoes—quite a change from his previous preppy style—his mother let out a gasp that echoed throughout the foyer. Shaneta’s stifled titter emanating from the kitchen confirmed he had probably horrified his mother with his attire.
Lee’s father and brothers returned to their cars to fetch the luggage. The children were escorted by one of the housekeepers to...somewhere. Lee led his mother and two sisters-in-law to the sunroom, the invisible being-in-charge feeling in his chest causing him to stand a little bit straighter as he walked.
“So how have you been, Lee? You move up here, and we never hear from you anymore,” his mother asked in that all-too-familiar condescending tone of hers.
“I’ve been well, Mother. Everything is fine here.”
“How is construction progressing?”
“Good. The house has been roughed in,” he explained. “I’ll take everyone to see it tomorrow if you want.”
The men carried the suitcases upstairs, and when they returned, they all spent the next hour immersed in small talk. Shaneta interrupted them a couple of times to ask Lee about various details of the meal. After her third interruption, Lee’s mother asked, “Why does she keep asking you questions, Lee? When did she start needing help planning a meal?”
“Actually, I planned the meal for this afternoon, and while we’re on the subject, I’ve invited some friends to join us as well.” He studied their faces, waiting for their reaction.
“What friends?” his father asked.
“What? I can’t have friends?”
“What Henry meant was—”
Lee leaned forward in his chair. “I’ve met some nice people since I moved here, and they’re coming to the barbecue this afternoon.” He eyed his mother, then his father. “That is okay, isn’t it?”
Silence.
“The cost is coming out of my own bank account, so...”
“That’s not the point, Lee,” his mother said.
“Then, what is the point?”
“We just weren't expecting other guests, that’s all.” She squirmed in her chair. “Of course, it’s all right.” She watched Henry stare out the window at something—something way out over the lake. “When will they be here, dear?”
“I told everyone noon.”
She glanced at her watch. “Well, you’d better get changed then.”
“This is what I’m wearing.”
Everyone’s eyes were on Lee.
“Lee, you can’t be serious. You look like a...like a...”
“A bum,” Henry blurted out.
Lee stood up. “Excuse me. I’m going to see how Shaneta is doing.”
Shaneta gave him a comforting smile when he entered the kitchen. “How’s it goin’, Mista Lee?”
Lee put his arm around her shoulders. “Shaneta?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Will you please call me Lee from now on, and drop the ‘sir’ business?”
Shaneta glared at him. “In front of Mista and Mrs. Winekoop too?”
“Especially in front of them.”
“Yes, sir.”
Lee reentered the sunroom and addressed his family members. “If you want to go outside now, you may. We have everything set up, and my other guests should be arriving shortly.”
No one moved.
Lee turned away from them. “Whenever you’re ready then,” he mumbled under his breath.
Lenny and his wife were the first to arrive. Lenny had on the same bib overalls he wore in his store, but instead of a frayed-around-the-collar shirt, he had on a neatly pressed dress shirt. Lee showed them the Styrofoam coolers of beer and soda and pointed out the snack table that held a variety of chips, dips, vegetables, and fruit.
Lee introduced builder, Earl Lundberg, the next to arrive, to the Viniks and then walked toward the side of the house where he saw CJ and her clan approaching. He waved them over.
“C’mon in. We don’t bite,” he shouted.
“You gotta be kidding me, Soc,” CJ whispered as she took in everything. “This is your house?”
“Well, my parents' house.”
“Are they here?” she whispered.
“They’re inside. Hopefully, they’ll come out soon.”
Architect Dennis Freborg and his son, David, arrived next. Lee showed them around and then went over to where CJ stood with her sister.
“Having a good time?” he asked Francine.
“Yep.”
They focused their attention across the lawn to where Lee had arranged for a local company called Parties by Patty to entertain the children. CJ’s sons were getting their faces painted.
“My boys seem to be having fun. Why aren’t your nieces and nephews over there?”
“Too messy for them, I would imagine.”
“What’s going to happen when the water balloon fights start?”
Lee saw that two of the party staff were using a hose to fill balloons with water.
“Well, we’re not planning on fights, but there will be a balloon toss game. They probably won’t be allowed to do that either.”
“Poor things.”
Shaneta approached Lee. “Are we ready to start cookin’, Lee?”
“Sure.”
<
br /> “Who’s that?” CJ asked.
Lee followed her gaze. “That’s Dr. Rad and his sister, Adishree.” Dr. Rad wore a suit coat and tie. Adishree wore a brown and gold sari.
“No kidding.” CJ reached into her purse and pulled out a camera. “I couldn’t resist bringing this. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Shoot away.”
Lee walked over to greet Dr. Rad and Adishree. “I’m so glad you could make it. Let me introduce you to everyone.”
As soon as the smell of hamburgers and hot dogs began to waft through the air, CJ’s sons came running. They stood in front of the massive outdoor grill, paper plates in hands. Six-year-old Travis’s shorts were twisted, and the Ninja Turtle that had been painted on the side of his face was now smeared and unrecognizable. Nine-year-old Wayne, sporting a long green snake that wrapped around his forehead and down his cheek and neck, had grass stains on his shorts and both knees.
“C’mere, you little flea turd,” Wayne said to his younger brother. “How can you even walk in these?” He straightened out Travis’s shorts. “Can’t take you anywhere.”
Lee’s family emerged from the house onto the patio overlooking the back yard and the rest of Lee’s guests. From his vantage point, Lee could see they were talking among themselves, even though their eyes were all fixated straight ahead and their lips barely moving. He could only imagine what they were saying to each other.
Dozens of hot dogs and hamburgers had been cooked and were ready for the taking on one end of a long banquet table that had been decorated with a red, white, and blue plastic tablecloth. The rest of the food—baked beans, deviled eggs, potato salad, and cole slaw—lay in neat rows down the length of table. At the other end were the desserts—thick watermelon slices, festive cupcakes, and dozens of Shaneta’s homemade cookies.
Lee saw his mother look at his father, who shrugged his shoulders and then glanced over at Nelson, who turned his attention to his wife, Yvonne. Yvonne looked at her sister-in-law and so on. When the Winekoops had run out of family members to look at, they left the patio and made their way to the end of the food table, picked up paper plates, and followed Lee’s other guests who were filling their plates with food. Lee watched his mother appraise the paper plate in front of her like she had never seen one before, as may actually have been the case.
Lee had arranged for everyone to sit around a second long narrow table near the picnic buffet. By the time the Winekoops arrived at the table, the only seats available were scattered among Lee’s other guests. Lee watched the look of horror sweep across his mother’s face. He nodded at her, and she sat down in the nearest open place, between CJ and Adishree.
For the first twenty minutes, Lee was the only Winekoop who engaged in conversation with the others.
“I’m so glad the rain held off. What a great day.”
“Isn’t the lake beautiful with all the sailboats and cabin cruisers trolling by?”
“How ‘bout those Brewers—three wins in a row!”
The Winekoops kept silent, elbows in so as not to make physical contact with anyone, every once in a while glancing up at one of their own as though wanting to be saved from the awfulness of the situation.
CJ, who had taken several pictures after everyone had been seated, returned to her seat, and in her usual carefree style said to Abigale, “So, Lee’s mother, how’s it goin’?”
The collective Winekoop gasp hung in the air for several seconds.
From that moment on, conversation between his family and his friends, all of them initiated by his friends, commenced, and Lee just sat back and took in as much as possible.
Dr. Rad to Daphne, Bennett’s wife: “So how are you related to my good friend Lee?”
Daphne leaned away from him. “I’m married to his brother.” She turned to put her arm around her daughter’s shoulders, seemingly to protect her from Dr. Rad.
CJ’s sister, Francine, to Henry: “You have a very nice house. So what do you do, Mr. Winekoop?”
“I beg your pardon.”
“What do you do?” Francine asked with deliberate slowness.
“I’m an investor.” He glanced at his wife, who was staring at Adishree as though she was from some other planet.
“What do you invest in?”
Henry cleared his throat.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t get that.”
“Real estate mostly.” He turned to address Travis, who sat on his other side and had been staring intently at him since they’d both sat down. “Is there something wrong, young man?”
“You’ve got long nose hairs.”
“Good grief.”
Francine to Lee’s brother, Bennett: “I’ll try you, then. What do you do?”
“I’m an attorney?”
“That’s interesting. Where?”
“Chicago.”
“What kind of law?”
“Corporate law, but...”
“Yes?”
Bennett paused. “But I spend a lot of my time doing pro bono work.”
“Pro whato?”
“Pro bono. Helping those who can’t afford legal representation.”
“Do you ever help illegal migrant workers?”
“All the time.”
“Are you any good?”
Bennett shot her a sidelong glance. “Of course I’m good.”
“I see. You know former Senator Sam Wheland?”
Bennett’s attention quickly heightened. “I know his work on immigration reform. Why do you ask?”
“Because I’m his part-time home nurse.”
“Are you serious?”
Francine gave him a look that answered his question.
“I’ve been trying to get an appointment with him for months. I didn’t know he was sick.”
“He still has lots of good days. I can try to make that happen, the meeting that is. But you better not be kidding about being good. I’ve got a reputation to maintain. Let me have one of your business cards.”
Nelson to Lee: “What on earth were you thinking, bringing us together with these people? Have you gone mad?” he whispered.
“These people are my friends,” he whispered back. “Decent, law-abiding, morally upright everyday people.”
“Right.”
Lee noticed that his mother appeared to be on the verge of fainting. CJ’s son, Wayne, who was sitting across from her, innocently asked, “You’re not going to barf, are you?”
“Good heavens.”
Dennis Freborg to Nelson’s wife, Yvonne: “Nice affair.”
“Pardon me?”
He raised his voice. “I said this is a nice affair.”
“Yes, of course,” she mumbled.
“Nice affair,” he repeated.
Lenny to Bennett: “So I hear you’re a lawyer.”
“Yes, I am.”
“I knew a lawyer once. Dumber than a box of rocks. Oh, I suspect he had a lot of schooling. Otherwise he couldn’t be a lawyer.” He paused to scratch his head. “Yeah, the cheese musta slipped off that cracker. I wonder whatever happened to him.”
CJ to Bennett’s daughter, Odessa: “That’s some dress you’re wearing. But how are you going to manage in the potato-sack races later?”
“The what?”
“The potato-sack races.”
Bennett’s wife, Daphne, to Odessa: “Never mind, dear. That would be for the other children.”
CJ to Daphne: “Oh, you’re wrong there. The adults play too. Barrel of laughs.”
Dennis’s son, David, to Nelson’s son, Virgil: “So do you play any sports?”
“Squash.”
“I said, do you play any sports?”
“Squash,” he said louder.
Travis to his brother, Wayne: “Have you ever seen anything like this?” he whispered.
“Nope,” he said under his breath. “Did you get a load of the twin hosers?”
“Makes me wanna barf.”
Bennett’s daughter, Anna, touched Adishree’s sa
ri. “This is very pretty,” she said.
“Shukriya, mera Baalika.”
“Mom!”
One of the party planners dressed in a clown suit shouted, “Are all you party animals ready for a round of balloon toss?”
CJ’s sons were the first to leave the table and follow the clown. The rest of Lee’s friends weren’t far behind, including Dr. Rad and Adishree.
“Well, don’t just sit there like bumps on a log. C’mon and join the others,” Lee told his family. He got up, leaving eleven open-mouthed Winekoops sitting at the table.
“Mother, may we play?” asked one of Nelson and Yvonne’s twin boys.
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because you’ll get wet,” said Yvonne.
“So?”
“Nelson, I think it’s time we take the children into the house, don’t you?”
“But Mother...”
“Mind your mother, Virgil.”
“May I have a piece of watermelon first?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“It’s too messy. It’ll leave stains.”
“But Mother...”
“Come along, boys.”
Bennett and Daphne also got up to leave. Bennett Jr. asked, “Mother, I would like to stay out here and watch.”
“No, we’re going in now.”
“Daphne,” Bennett interjected, “what would it hurt if we just watched?”
She rolled her eyes. “Have it your way.”
Lee’s mother got up from her chair, picked up her paper plate, which still contained the same amount of food as it had when she’d first sat down, and said, “Imagine serving someone on this thing.” She and Henry walked toward the house.
That left six couples tossing water-filled balloons back and forth, each taking a step back with each round. CJ’s sons won, and the clown awarded them each a cheap little trinket, which they accepted with wide smiles.
The same couples joined in the potato-sack race. Dr. Rad and Adishree had to drop out when her sari kept tripping them up. Dennis and his son, David, won.
Francine and Lee, whose shirts were soaked with water from the balloon toss, walked back to the table where Bennett, his wife, and their three children remained seated.
“You guys are missing all the fun, you know,” Francine said.
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