“Mama! Look who came to visit!”
I smile at Tyler, who avoids eye contact with me. I’m not surprised.
The fact he answered when I called him was a shock. Him agreeing to come cheer Amara up… not so much. He’d do anything for her, even if it meant seeing me.
“Why don’t you go put your shoes on and we’ll go get ice cream,” Tyler suggests to Amara who sprints out of the room before he can finish his sentence. “Grab a jacket, too, kiddo.”
“Thanks for coming,” I say once we’re alone.
“You know I’m always here for her.”
“I know. I figured you’d be the best person to cheer her up, but you should know she’s probably going to talk your ear off. Ask you a lot of questions.”
“Vinnie?” he asks, reading into what I was hinting at.
“Yeah. He had to cancel dinner with her tonight, and she’s pretty mad at me.”
“At you?”
“She thinks I messed up.”
“He’s out of town.”
“I know. You don’t have to defend me to her, but if she asks you about him, I wouldn’t be surprised.”
“So you called me because she wants answers and you don’t have them?” Now he sounds pissed off. Does he think I’m using him?
“No, Tyler. This has nothing to do with me. I called you because you’re her favorite person in the world and I knew you’d find a way to make her laugh, to make her smile. I’d rather have her out having fun with you than sitting here glaring at me in hatred.”
My defenses are up. His accusations hurt my heart. It’s clear he’s lost all faith in me as a person, as a mother, and as a friend. I get it. I’m still scorned by the Dixon family. I may always be. In their eyes, I should wear the red A on my chest until the day I die.
“Ready to go, Uncle Ty?” Amara asks, bouncing back into the room. She’s wearing two different shoes and her winter coat. Probably the first things she found.
Tyler and Amara head out, leaving me alone with my thoughts. A dangerous place to be. The only thing I can think about right now is Vinnie. Amara’s admiration of a person she’s never even met. One five-minute phone conversation and she fell in love with him.
The same thing happened with Emerson. Instant connection.
I’m glad because I don’t want her to be unhappy. She’s with Emerson and Ryder every other week. Sometimes more often when Herman or Margoret calls for a family day like this coming Saturday. Instead of dropping Amara off on Sunday afternoon to spend the week with Ryder, I have to drop her off on Saturday morning.
The entire Dixon clan will spend all of Saturday together. They do this once or twice a year. This time, they’re celebrating Herman’s retirement. The morning will be just for family. In the evening, Herman and Margoret will host a celebration with all their closest friends and colleagues. Anyone who’s anyone will be invited.
Except me.
I plan to be in my pajamas by noon. Crying by one o’clock at some sappy made-for-TV romance movie that sucks. Eating ice cream straight from the container for dinner and in bed by nine o’clock.
I’d say it’s going to be a blast, but the thought of it is depressing. No matter how hard I try and get out, get motivated, or stay positive, I know where I’m going to end up. I’m a realist. There’s a carton of peanut butter cup ice cream in the freezer already.
Amara dances through the door an hour later. Chocolate ice cream on the corners of her mouth. Tyler is right behind her, carrying her winter coat. He hangs it on the rack, says goodbye to Amara, and leaves without another word.
Maybe, one day, things will go back to the way they use to be. Probably not, but one can hope.
“Did you have fun with Uncle Ty?” I ask Amara as I tuck her into bed.
“He’s funny. Not as funny as Vinnie, though.”
“Oh yeah. Did he tell you a new joke?”
Every time they see each other, Tyler tells Amara a joke. Sometimes they’re stupid, others are actually funny. It’s hard when he knows he needs to keep it child-friendly.
“I forgot to ask him. Can I call him really quick?” She seems flustered. Like not having a new joke is the end of the world. She sits straight up in bed and reaches for my cell phone.
“Mama, its Vinnie,” she says, swiping her finger across my screen and unlocking it. “What does horny mean?”
Shit!
What is he sending me?
Why did she have to pick that moment to reach for my phone?
“It’s time for you to go to bed, sweetie,” I say, attempting to keep my voice calm as I snag my phone from her hand, ensuring the screen goes dark in the process.
“But what about Uncle Ty? He owes me a joke,” she pouts.
“You’ll see him on Saturday. When you do, tell him he owes you two jokes.”
Amara nods enthusiastically, and she slides back under the covers.
“What about horny? What does it mean, mama?”
I want to laugh, but I hold back. The way she says it, the emphasis she puts on the word, is bringing out my childish side.
“It’s another word for…” Come on Megan, think! “Um, it’s another way to say that he misses me.”
“Why didn’t he just say he misses you then? Does he miss me?”
“I’m sure he does, sweetie.”
“Ask him, mama. Ask him if he misses me.”
“I will. I promise. But you need to go to sleep now, princess. It’s getting late, and you have school tomorrow.”
“Fine,” she whines as I pull the covers up around her and tuck her in tight.
As soon as Amara’s snug in bed, her thirst for knowledge more than likely less than satisfied, I crawl into the chair in the corner of the living room and hurriedly read Vinnie’s text message.
VINNIE: Just landed. Headed to my place. Wish you were here. I’m super horny.
ME: FYI Amara read your message.
I patiently wait for his reply by wearing a path into the living room rug. Back and forth I pace until I hear my phone chime. Plopping down on the couch, I swipe my finger across the screen, eager to read his reply.
VINNIE: I’m so sorry. I can make up a definition if you want me to. I can explain it to her. I feel like an asshole.
ME: She’s fine. I told her it was another word for someone missing someone else.
VINNIE: It’s sort of the truth. I do miss you. My body is craving you tonight.
VINNIE: She’s not reading these now is she?
ME: No, she’s in bed.
VINNIE: Good because there are a few things I want to tell you and they’re not PG enough for her to read.
Laughing to myself, I await his next message. He wasn't joking. Nothing he has to say would be appropriate for Amara to read. Or anyone else for that matter. Not now. Not ever.
Chapter Ten
As I drop Amara off at Ryder’s house on Saturday morning, the loneliness immediately begins to sink in. Vinnie won’t be back until later this afternoon if he can make the flight. His meeting with his boss lasted longer than he thought, and he missed his flight last night. He’s hoping he will be able to make it in later today, but there’s no guarantee there will be room on the flight for him.
“Have fun with Daddy, sweetie,” I tell Amara as I kiss her head.
“Love you, Mama,” she says as she takes her stuffed unicorn from my hands and runs to where Ryder is waiting for her on the front porch.
I wave, but he doesn’t wave back. Emerson is standing behind him, smiling as she watches Amara headed toward her. When our eyes meet, she nods her head in acceptance as my little girl jumps into her waiting arms.
It breaks my heart a little bit more.
I’m happy she likes Emerson, but it still hurts that the three of them are a happy little family and I’m over here, on the outside looking in.
Another consequence of my actions.
There seem to be so many of them. Depending on the person, the consequences are different. Most people ignore me, som
e treat me like shit, and others, like Emerson, find a way to rub it in my face. Not on purpose because, from what I know about her, that’s not her personality, but it’s still what happens. Intentional or otherwise.
If I’m being honest with myself, I’m jealous of what they have. I’m jealous that Ryder found someone else, someone that complements his personality. Someone who makes him happy, the way I never could.
I can see it in the way he looks at her and the way he dismisses me all in one swift motion. My hope is that, one day, I’ll find what they have. The happiness. That the kind of love they share is obtainable for someone like me. Maybe it’ll be with Vinnie, maybe not. The problem with hope is that it’s fleeting. One minute, the future is clear and bright, and the next, I’m right back here, shoving ice cream in my face as tears stream down my cheeks.
As I curl up on the couch, a bag of cookies in my lap next to the remote, my phone chimes. It’s out of reach, so I ignore it and search for a movie. Something sad. Devastating. I need a good ugly cry. I also need it to have a happily ever after.
I like my movies like I like my books.
Emotional. Heart-wrenching. In the end, they need to put me back together again, though.
A great story can do that. That’s why I’m fond of Nicholas Sparks’s books and movies. They can tear me apart and put me back together in the same afternoon.
My phone chimes again just as the movie starts.
Whoever is trying to get ahold of me is going to have to wait. This is “me” time. I need this. I need to be able to break down in the comfort of my own home, alone, and have a good cry. It’s therapeutic in a way. I’ll feel like shit for most of the day, but once the movie is over, I’ll feel better. Real life won’t seem so shitty compared to what some of the actors go through. The future will be bright again, hopefully.
Two movies later and my eyes are puffy from crying. I made a mistake with the first movie. It didn’t put me back together. In fact, it tore a hole through my heart. It was a happy chick flick until the last ten minutes when they killed off the main character in a tragic car accident.
Seriously? How could they do that to me? They screwed up that movie. All the characters are supposed to live. They needed their happily ever after.
Damn book made into a movie. I won’t be reading that author any time soon. She broke my heart.
In order to recover from the first movie, I turned on another, this time Googling the movie to make sure there was a happy ending. As much of a good idea as it sounded when I did it, it ruined the movie for me. I knew how it was going to end. I felt the ending coming. It killed it for me.
I still cried at the sad parts and rejoiced during moment of glee. Nothing can stop that.
So, today is turning into a triple feature for me. Not that I had better plans. Plus, I still have ice cream in the freezer waiting to be devoured. Before I do that, though, I need real food. Food that will fill my belly where the primary content isn’t sugar.
Yep, my bag of cookies is empty.
Snagging my phone off the table, I’m surprised to find a shit-ton of text messages. My phone chimed a few times during the first movie, but I ignored it. I thought about turning it off but couldn’t bring myself to do it. I probably should have checked my phone sooner.
VINNIE: Boarding now. What are you up to? I may have made plans for us tonight.
VINNIE: Layover in Denver. Where are you?
VINNIE: Back in town, headed to Ty’s. Are you ignoring me?
VINNIE: Seriously, Meg. Are you mad at me? Where are you?
VINNIE: I’m starting to worry. Answer me even if you’re mad.
VINNIE: Do I need to send out a search party?
VINNIE: Ryder said he saw you this morning. I know you’re alive. Answer me please.
VINNIE: I’m coming over if you don’t answer me.
TYLER: Vinnie is looking for you.
RYDER: Vinnie is trying to get a hold of you. Apparently he’s calling everyone. Call him back.
VINNIE: I’m serious. If you don’t want to see me this is your last chance.
VINNIE: I’m on my way.
ALLY: Why is Vinnie calling me looking for you? Isn’t today your “me time” day?
ALLY: Megan? Seriously. Why aren’t you answering?
ALLY: You’re freaking me out. I can’t come over and see that you’re okay. I’m under the dryer at the salon. Please answer me.
VINNIE: Almost there.
Well, shit. Apparently, I worried a few people. I should probably start replying.
ME: Ally, I’m fine. I was watching a movie and ignoring my phone.
RYDER: I’m fine.
TYLER: I’m fine.
Before I can text Vinnie, Ally replies. Angry.
ALLY: You’re a bitch. I was freaking out.
ME: Love you too.
ALLY: See you tonight.
ME: Did we make plans?
ALLY: Herman’s retirement shindig…
ME: I wasn’t invited.
ALLY: Since when has that stopped you from attending anything? You can be my date. I’ll drop Marco.
ME: Marco? You’re still seeing him?
ALLY: Sort of. For now. I needed a date for tonight.
That’s earth-shattering news. Ally doesn’t tend to go on more than one date with a guy. Marco’s been in the picture now for almost two weeks. I’m not sure that’s ever happened before.
ME: Not interested, but thanks for the invite. Have fun with Marco.
ALLY: The offer stands if you change your mind.
Most people don’t get Ally. Sure, she can be shady. She enjoys gossip and talking about anything that’s even remotely interesting. On the outside, people judge her for being pretty with a sinister smile. On the inside, she has a huge heart that most people don’t want to acknowledge. She’d do anything for anyone as long as she knew they weren’t going to treat her like shit.
One day, she’ll find the right man who will see past her bullshit exterior. Marco probably won’t be that guy. They have no chemistry. The right man is out there, though. Someone will snag her and when they do—
My front door bursts open, banging into the wall.
“Megan!” Vinnie yells.
His footsteps are heavy as he makes his way into the living room. I don’t know whether to be scared that it’s him or relieved.
“In here,” I call out as he rounds the corner and comes into view. There’s a look of desperation on his face that quickly morphs into relief when our eyes finally meet.
Normally, my heart speeds up when our eyes meet for the first time. Not today. Today the look on his face scares me a little. It’s obvious I worried him.
“Jesus Christ, woman. You scared the shit out of me,” he states, rubbing his hands over his face and beard.
“I’m sorry. I was enjoying a movie. It’s what I do when Amara goes to Ryder’s normally.”
“And you ignore the entire outside world?” he asks, taking a seat on the couch and pulling me into his lap. Wrapping his arms around me, he holds me close. His grip is tighter than it needs to be, his muscles flexing as I shift slightly so I can see him better.
“Sometimes,” I murmur.
“No more of that shit. Unless I’m sitting here with you. You freaked me out. I called everyone I could think of that could be with you.”
“You called Ryder and Tyler. Why would I be with either of them?”
“I called Tyler first and then Ryder to get Allison’s phone number,” he explains.
“I promise it won’t happen again.”
“Damn straight it won’t, woman, because I don’t plan to leave your side ever again.”
Such a cave man, and I tell him as much. His response is to beat on his chest and claim me as his with a deep, intoxicating kiss.
A kiss that leads to the loss of my clothes.
The promises he made in his text messages come true one by one for the next hour.
Who needs romance movies when you ha
ve the real thing? Not this girl. As long as this story has a happy ending, that is. I’ve had my fair share of shitty finales, and I at least deserve a happily-for-now kind of ending this time.
Before I can catch my breath from round two, Vinnie drops a bomb on me that I didn’t see coming.
“We need to get moving. The party starts in an hour.”
The only party I can imagine he’s talking about is Herman’s. At the Dixon family home. Where my ex-husband will be with my daughter and his new girlfriend. The same party I was trying to avoid because some of the people that hate me most would prefer I not attend.
Still, I play stupid while I attempt to grasp the words he didn’t say.
He wants me there. With him. In public.
“What party?”
“Herman’s retirement thing. Everyone’s going to be there.”
“Um, I wasn’t invited,” I reply, rolling away from him and sitting up so he can’t see the look of disappointment on my face.
“You’re my plus one,” he states firmly.
“That’s not the point. There’s a reason I’m not on the guest list, Vinnie.”
“And there’s a reason I want to take you as my date.”
We’re not having this conversation right now. I’m sure he thinks all will be well and good while we’re there, and I’m sure the Dixon’s will be kind, but the last thing I want is to ruin Herman’s celebration. My presence will surely guarantee that.
He wasn’t my biggest fan from the get-go.
Before Ryder and I were married, I thought I was pregnant. I had missed my period and was always feeling like shit. I took a test and the results seemed inconclusive. I wasn’t going to tell Ryder, but Jared convinced me it was the right thing to do.
I shouldn’t have listened to him even back then.
Ryder’s solution was to elope in Vegas. If we were pregnant, he was going to stand by my side. If we weren’t… well, he had already bought me a ring, so getting engaged seemed inevitable.
It was the happiest moment of my life when he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I was so happy that a big flashy wedding didn’t seem important. Eloping was just as good. I was going to become Ryder’s wife either way, right?
Wrong.
Rumors: Megan & Vinnie Page 7
