And two days after the bombing in London, the RAF bombed Berlin, and they’d had no confirmation of it, but Isabel had a feeling that Edmund was part of that mission. And he finally came home for two days after that. He hadn’t been home in more than two months by then, and they were all happy to see him. Simon hadn’t been back since his girlfriend was killed, but he hadn’t had any time off. And they were grateful to see Edmund alive and in one piece. He looked tired and admitted that he hadn’t slept much recently, but he was in good spirits.
He and Marianne went swimming in the lake, but this time they had more serious conversations than before, about the war, and about dying, and living with constant uncertainty. He said he was glad she wasn’t in London, that the devastation had been awful. He said that seeing that and all the people who had been injured made it easier for him to fly bombing missions over Germany, although he hated the idea that he would hurt women and children and civilians and not just army bases and military targets. He seemed more serious to Marianne than he had in June. It was a hard way to grow up.
“And you?” he asked her gently. “Are you still as homesick?” She had been there for six months by then, and she had gotten more used to it, and loved his mother.
“She’s such a good person,” Marianne said with open admiration of Isabel. “I feel badly sometimes that they’re stuck with me. It could be years before I go home.” Sometimes it embarrassed her to be such a burden for them. And Charles had to give her spending money, which her father planned to repay later, but she felt awkward to be staying for so long. “You really need to win this war, so I can go home,” she teased Edmund, and he smiled as they strolled through the gardens.
“I rather like the idea of your being here,” he said, as he looked at her. “I like it very much in fact, so maybe I won’t win the war quite yet.” He took her hand and held it as they walked along. She looked surprised, but he hadn’t been as playful this time. The war was fraying everyone’s nerves, even Izzie’s, who was constantly worried now about her sons. They all wanted the war to be over, especially Marianne, who was anxious about her father.
Before he left, Edmund took Marianne out for a walk again, and looked at her seriously. “If something happens to me, take care of my mum, will you, Marianne? She loves you, and it would be very hard on her if something happens to one of us, me or Simon.” It was an awesome responsibility he was giving her, and then he startled her even more. “Actually, I thought I should let you know, before I leave, that my mum isn’t the only one who’s fallen in love with you. I think I have too. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since June.” For a moment, Marianne didn’t know what to say. Until then, she had thought of him as a friend, like Toby. She wondered if facing death every day made him more intense about everything, but as he gazed at her, she felt a stirring, too, and the next thing she knew, she was in his arms and they were kissing. She was breathless when they came up for air, and she looked at him seriously too.
“Please stay alive, Edmund.… I think I love you too.” It had all happened so quickly, and he was certainly handsome, but she loved his boyishness and his love of fun, his great sense of humor, and his kindness. He was a lot like his mother.
“I’ll do my best, and now that we’ve got that worked out, I really ought to tell you that I don’t ‘think’ I love you, I know I do. I just didn’t want to frighten you when I said it.”
“Thank you,” she said with a shy smile, her blond hair tousled and framing her face like an angel. “I love you too. And I meant what I said. Please stay alive, I need you.” She had lost too many people she cared about now, and she had just found him—she didn’t want to lose him.
“I’m not going to die,” he said quietly. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“Is that a promise?” she asked, facing him, as they approached the house again.
“A solemn promise,” he said, staring her in the eyes.
“I’m going to hold you to it.”
“You do that.” He kissed her then and held her in his arms for a moment, wanting to feel her next to him. “I’ll come back as soon as I can. They’re not giving me much time off right now, but I’ll come back as soon as they’ll let me.” She nodded, and they kissed for a last time and then walked back into the house with a look of innocence that didn’t fool his father for a minute, but disappointed his mother.
“She’s such a pretty girl, and so sweet,” she complained to her husband, after Edmund left. “I don’t know why he’s not interested in her. He treats her like a little sister.”
Her husband burst out laughing at her comment. “My darling, I love you, but you are quite blind. I think he’s head over heels in love with her, he just doesn’t want us to know it.” He knew his son better than she did.
“Do you think so?” Isabel was shocked. “Does she know it?” She was amazed.
“I’m sure she does. I’ve never known Edmund to be interested in your gardens. And he keeps taking Marianne out to look at them. I daresay they’re doing something else out there than admiring your roses.”
“Really?” She stared at him in astonishment. “Well, I certainly hope you’re right. I’ll be so disappointed if you aren’t. They’d make a very handsome couple, don’t you think? Very pretty offspring.”
“I think you’re getting a bit ahead of yourself,” he reminded her. “I said I thought he’s in love with her, not that they’re getting married next week.”
“Well, as long as you think he’s in love with her, that will do for now. It would suit me very well, though. She wouldn’t have to go back to Germany, and she could stay and keep me company here. And after the war, they could live here.”
“You have it all worked out, don’t you?” he teased her. “Maybe you should let them organize it for a bit, just in the beginning.”
“Well, I might,” she said pensively. “I just don’t want him to miss an opportunity. She’s a wonderful girl.”
“I daresay he thinks so too. He’s not a fool, you know. He sees her and talks to her, too, not just you. And I do agree with you on that—she’s a lovely girl. I feel so sorry for Alex, it must be miserable in Germany now.”
“At least he’s out in the country the way we are. I wouldn’t want to live in a city right now, with all these bombings, in any country.”
Two weeks later, the Germans bombed London, Southampton, Bristol, Cardiff, Liverpool, and Manchester, and Britain had taken a heavy hit.
Three weeks after that, Germany invaded Romania, which upset a number of people at the circus. There were many Romanian gymnasts and jugglers in the show, and they were suddenly as worried as everyone else. Thanks to Hitler, the news was terrible from all over Europe. For Americans, it was still someone else’s war, and they had no intention of getting involved, but most of the cast of the circus were from countries that were being severely affected. It put a damper on everyone’s spirits, and as they wended their way through the last week of the tour, a pall fell on the mood of the entire crew.
And in November, when they got back to Sarasota, Nick and his two boys had been in America, and with the circus, for two years. It was hard to believe, and he had been in love with Christianna for almost as long. At seventeen, Toby seemed like an American boy by then, and his English was almost perfect, and Lucas, at eight, felt and acted as if he had been a circus child forever. He could barely remember any other life, and sometimes Nick felt that way too. And he had settled into comfortable routines in the circus. He and Christianna were still the stars of the show.
The tour had been successful, and they’d done well, but everyone was happy to be back in Florida for the winter. The boys were back in school and Nick could hardly wait for some time off to spend with Christianna. He had invited her to go to New York for a long weekend with him, and she loved the idea. And as they had before, they asked the Ukrainian girls to cover for them.
“Why don’t you two just get married instead of sneaking around all the time?” one of the girls a
sked her, and Christianna shrugged.
“We’re not ready,” she said blithely, but it had crossed her mind too. But she suspected that Nick felt he didn’t have enough to give her, or enough security saved up. He was much older than she was, and very responsible about things like that. He wanted to provide handsomely for a wife, or at least better than he could now. And he thought they had time, because she was only twenty-three years old. She seemed like a baby to him, and it always shocked him to realize that she was only six years older than Toby. And in Nick’s mind, it gave him more time to save some money.
He and his children spent Christmas with the Markovich family that year. They had Christmas dinner together, and he brought two bottles of vodka since he knew now just how much Christianna’s brothers could drink.
They were all in the Christmas show together, and her brothers teased him now whenever they walked past him, and they were no longer surprised when Nick stood by breathlessly whenever she was on the high wire. He knew he’d never get used to it, but at least now when he watched her, most of the time he didn’t feel sick.
And as the year drew to a close, while they all enjoyed their winter break, Nick made good on his promise to take her to New York between Christmas and New Year’s. They had no performances scheduled, so they could manage the time away.
They stayed at a little hotel near Madison Square Garden, and walked around Times Square. He took her to see the Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall, and she loved it. And it snowed while they were there. It reminded Nick of Germany, and he took her for a hansom cab ride in Central Park. It looked like a Christmas card, and when they finally went back to Florida, they were sad to leave. It had been another perfect trip.
Edmund managed to get three days off over Christmas, too, although Simon couldn’t and was still flying bombing missions over Germany. At least Charles and Isabel had one of their boys home, and they were grateful for that. Edmund came straight to Hertfordshire as soon as he got leave. And Marianne was as happy to see him as his parents were. The moment he saw her, he picked her up and swept her off her feet and spun her around.
“I have missed you so bloody much!” he said, and she laughed. She hadn’t seen him in over a month, and his last visit had been as romantic as the one before. They had spent most of their time kissing and making plans. And this time, after lunch the day he got back, Edmund spent some time alone with his mother. And whatever they talked about, Marianne noticed that he seemed very pleased. He and his parents got on extremely well, better than his younger brother, who was more independent and more standoffish and didn’t come home as often. Edmund had his mother’s warm, affectionate nature. Simon was just more reserved, and more like Charles.
It snowed the night Edmund got home, and he took Marianne out for a walk in their park. She made snowballs and threw them at him, and he retaliated in kind, and pelted her with them from behind a hedge.
“Stop that! That’s not fair!” she shouted at him. “I’m a girl!” They were both red-faced and laughing with snow matted in their hair when he came out from behind the hedge, grabbed her, and kissed her.
“Thank you for reminding me,” he said, as he kissed her again. “I almost forgot.” And he kissed her so lovingly that everything else went out of her head, as they stood in the falling snow. She forgot how much she missed Germany, and her father, and Christmas at home. All she could think of, as he held her, was how much she loved him. And he had kept his promise, and was still alive. She worried about him every day, and prayed for his safe return from his missions. And so far, he was doing fine. “I love you, Marianne,” he said softly, and then smiling at her, he dropped onto one knee and looked up at her with a gentle expression as he took her hand. “Marianne von Hemmerle,” he said solemnly, “will you do me the honor of marrying me? I would be very, very happy if you will.” She looked at him in amazement, and nodded silently as tears sprang to her eyes, and suddenly she felt an acute pang of missing her father again, wishing that she could share this with him, other than in a letter that would take forever to reach him, if it even did. But she knew he’d approve because of how much he liked the Beaulieus, and would be happy to know she was marrying their son. She felt sure of it, even though she was only nineteen. But they were all growing up quickly in the war.
“Yes,” she whispered breathlessly, as the snow fell on her eyelashes and her hair. “Yes, I will.” He got up then from his bended knee and kissed her, more passionately than he ever had before. “When?” she asked him as they walked back toward the house.
“Soon,” he answered, and the moment they walked into the living room, he took a small black velvet box from his pocket. His mother had given it to him that afternoon when he told her what he intended to do. And he had told his father that afternoon, and Charles gave him his blessing. They were both happy with his choice of bride, and neither of them was bothered that she was so young. She was a very mature girl, and they thought she was perfect for him.
Marianne opened the box cautiously and gasped when she saw it. She had never seen anything as beautiful, and Isabel thought it would be lovely on her. It had belonged to Edmund’s great-grandmother, and was a beautiful round diamond solitaire, far bigger than anything Marianne had ever expected to wear. Her own mother’s engagement ring had been much smaller, and her father had always planned to give it to her when she turned twenty-one. Now she would have her own engagement ring before that. She kissed him, and he slipped it on her finger. It fit perfectly, and she stared at it in wonder on her hand. It was the most extraordinary thing that had ever happened to her, and she looked sad for a moment. It was bittersweet for her.
“Darling, what’s wrong?” Edmund asked with worried eyes, and there were tears in hers when she looked at him.
“I wish I could tell my father, and that he could be at our wedding.” But neither of them wanted to wait until the end of the war, which could go on for years. Edmund took her in his arms, and he held her, and then he went to the pantry, and poured them each a glass of champagne. She stood admiring her ring while he did, and then he handed the glass to her.
“To my very, very beautiful bride. To us,” he said, and they each took a sip. They sat in the library after that, talking about their wedding. Edmund wanted it to be very small, with just the immediate family, in the chapel on the estate. It was not very different from the wedding she would have planned at home in Germany, in the chapel at Schloss Altenberg.
“When do you want to do it?” she asked him.
He looked cautious for a moment, not wanting to rush her if she didn’t feel ready. It had all happened very quickly. They had only been in love for six months, but everything seemed to move faster in wartime.
“I have to leave again at the beginning of February. Would that be too soon?” he asked hesitantly, and she shook her head, smiling at him. It was perfect. She didn’t want to wait either.
“It sounds wonderful. All I need is a dress anyway.” And then she looked solemn again. “Would your father give me away?” Edmund was sure he would be honored to stand in for his old friend.
“Of course. And I’d like Simon to be my best man, if he can get leave then too. Maybe Mr. Hitler will give us a break for a few days.”
They sat and talked until the fire went out, and then he walked her up to her room. He stepped inside for a minute, but he didn’t stay long. He didn’t want to get carried away before the wedding. They were getting married in six weeks. He could hardly wait, and she was as excited as he was. And she shed more than a few tears when she wrote to her father about it that night, wishing he could share the moment with her. And she was even sadder, knowing it would be many weeks before he even got her letter, via New York.
She thanked her future mother-in-law profusely for the ring the next morning at breakfast, and showed it off to her. Isabel felt like her own family now.
“It looks very pretty on your hand.” Isabel smiled at her with pleasure. “Best wishes, my darling girl.” And then she cl
apped her hands with delight. “I’m finally going to have a daughter!” And with that, Marianne threw her arms around her and hugged her. And when Edmund came down to breakfast that morning, he looked even happier than his bride. It was a perfect Christmas for all of them at Haversham Castle. Edmund and Marianne were engaged. They had a wonderful Christmas dinner in the dining hall, talking animatedly about the wedding. And Isabel was going to help her get a dress made, by her own dressmaker in a nearby village, whom she said did very clever work. And Simon called them just as they were finishing dinner, congratulated his brother, and promised to do his best to come to the wedding. And Isabel had never been happier. Both her sons were alive and well, and Marianne was going to be a perfect addition to their family. And they all agreed, despite the war and their anxiety about it, that it was the best Christmas of their lives. But in her quiet private moments, Marianne thought of her father and the Christmases they’d shared. For her, more than anyone, it was a bittersweet night, of great joy for the present, and all she was gaining, and sadness over the past and everything she’d lost.
In Germany, with Marianne gone, Alex didn’t bother to put up a tree that year. He knew it would only depress him. It had been a hard nine months for him. One of his horses had died, a big hunter he was extremely fond of. The weather had been terrible, and his house was freezing all the time, and without Marianne to brighten his days, his life had never been as bleak. With no von Bingens, and no Marianne, it was the darkest Christmas of his life, except when he lost her mother. And in some ways, this was worse. He had no one. When he lost his wife, he still had Marianne to light up his days.
He didn’t have much in the house to eat for dinner. He hated to eat alone. And he was boiling some carrots and potatoes from their garden when he heard a knock on the back door. He wasn’t expecting anyone, and when he opened the door, he saw one of his tenant farmers, supporting a man with an injured leg. For a long moment, neither man said a word.
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