by Loomis, Lisa
I officially met the girls around that time when I started attending the same Jazzercise classes they went to. After several classes, Karen introduced herself, and we started talking before and after class, and then getting together outside of class. Karen and I became close the year I started dating Max, because she was dating his brother Brian, and Brian lived with Max. Brian and Karen hadn’t lasted either, but he was the one to let her down easy.
“How about I pick you up about six thirty?” I asked Karen over the phone. “Liz is meeting us at Cowboy Dan’s.”
The cowboy craze set off by John Travolta and Debra Winger in Urban Cowboy years ago was still popular. Cowboy Dan’s was a new bar in neighboring San Marcos and they played right into the cowboy theme with a mechanical bull and line dancing. None of us were very western, but we did like line dancing, and it was easy to do without a man, so us girls could easily go together. When I pulled into Karen’s driveway, I saw Ryan’s van and figured Karen must have invited him to go. I rang the bell and Karen answered.
“You look cute,” I said.
She wore a form-fitting, asymmetrically cut top with yellow, red, and a splash of black dressed up by her black stilettos and tight jeans.
“Like the bare shoulder. You look ready to do some damage.”
“Back at you,” she said.
“Well, I figured we were going cowboy,” I said, feeling comparatively frumpy in my tight jeans, white flouncy top, and boots.
“Who cares, it all goes,” she said.
“Ryan going?” I asked.
“I don’t think so,” she said with a look of surprise.
Karen pulled the door wider and I stepped into the tiled entry.
“His van’s here,” I said, a question in my voice.
“Oh, he’s helping Sadie remodel the bathrooms.”
It amused me that Karen always called her mom by her first name. Looking past her I could see Sadie and Ryan were sitting on the couch in the family room talking.
“Hey,” I called.
Sadie looked up, as did Ryan.
“Hi, Morgan,” Sadie said. “You girls are going out tonight, huh?”
“Cowboy Dan’s, do some line dancing,” I said, doing a quick two-step.
Ryan smiled. I noticed he didn’t have his work clothes on, more like something he would wear to teach flying or go out. And he had his cowboy boots on.
“Are you going with us, Ryan?” I asked, even more confused by his dress.
He seemed relaxed, sort of sunk into the couch, his left arm draped across the back.
“Didn’t know about it. I stopped by after flying to check on my tile in the bathrooms, and Sadie offered me a beer,” he said, raising his beer. “Headed home after this.”
“You could go with us if you want,” I offered, feeling bad I hadn’t called and asked him.
“No, that’s okay. Go on and have fun. I would just keep away the boys,” he said with a smirk.
Sadie wasn’t the small-chat with worker-bees type, in fact she looked down on most of them, had elevated herself to a position above them, so it seemed a bit strange to me that she’d offer Ryan a beer. I cocked my head and smiled at him in question, he just smiled back.
“Ready, Karen?” I asked, turning away from him.
“Yep, let’s go,” she said.
“You girls look like a million bucks,” Ryan said. “Stay out of trouble.”
I glanced back towards him.
“Always. I mean, looking for it,” I grinned. “Trouble with a capital T.”
I caught Sadie’s eye, but she wasn’t smiling.
“Kidding, Sadie,” I said. “Lighten up. I won’t get Karen in too deep.”
Sadie and I both knew whatever trouble Karen got into, had nothing to do with me. I was poking fun at her about her old opinion of me.
“Who’s driving?” I asked once we got out the front door.
“I’ll drive,” Karen said. “Let you get twisted tonight.”
She walked to the keypad next to the garage door and entered the code. As the door rose I could see her red sporty Toyota parked next to Sadie’s shiny Mercedes convertible.
“Ryan still seeing that girl from the airport?” Karen asked as she drove.
“No. They broke up,” I said.
“Wasn’t he with her a long time?”
“Almost a year,” I answered. “You know, I never met her. He said she was shy. She obviously made him go underground for a while.”
“How’s Pat?” Karen asked. “I haven’t seen him around.”
“He’s fine, I guess. I hardly see him. He stays at Mom’s sometimes, but mostly crashes at a friend’s or his girlfriend’s,” I said.
I tried to think of the last time Pat and I had been out together. Ever since Park City we’d sort of gone different ways.
“You two used to be so close,” Karen, said glancing towards me.
“I know. I sort of moved on with my life, and he’s still in the same, party-like-a-rock-star mode,” I said with a sigh.
Liz was waiting for us when we walked in the door. The music was loud, but the bar wasn’t too crowded. We found a booth and ordered drinks. The three of us tore it up on the dance floor the first part of the evening. When it came to the line dancing, Karen seemed to pick up the steps easily while Liz and I struggled a little before we got it, then laughed when we would lose it. Some of the people had it down to a science, but I really had to concentrate. Liz got hit on by a good-looking cowboy and begged off a few dances to talk to him. I ran into a guy I dated once in junior college, and he came and sat with Karen and me.
“He’s so cute,” Karen gushed when he left us to get another round.
“Go for it,” I said seeing the want in her eyes.
“You don’t care?” she asked.
“No. Dated him once, once,” I emphasized.
She watched him as he made his way across the bar. It was apparent to me that my information didn’t seem to register with her. There was a reason for only once—he was a player. When he came back with our drinks he slid into the booth next to Karen. My stomach cinched and rolled when I saw the way he looked at her.
“Come on,” Liz called waving at us to join her on the dance floor as another line dance started.
“You go,” Karen said with a knowing smile.
After several more hours Liz ended up taking me back to my car at Sadie’s house because Karen wanted to stay.
“That guy is after one thing,” I said.
“Maybe Karen is too,” Liz said with a grin.
“Maybe.”
The road to Sadie’s was dark, no streetlights, Liz’s headlights caught brief glimpses of houses, bushes and such. I remembered the trip to San Francisco with Ryan and Karen. The night Ryan and I had tried to find a motel on a dark Highway 1.
“I think I’ll stay at Mom’s tonight instead of driving all the way home,” I said feeling a little solitary.
“She’ll be happy about that. She loves to find you there in the morning.”
I let myself in with the key on the water heater; it had been there forever. Everyone who knew us knew it was there. Karen and Jackie had used it more than a few times to let themselves in and spend the night, telling Sadie before they left their house they were staying at a girlfriend’s—my parents didn’t patrol what time they got in.
The house was dark when I quietly slipped through the back door. I got a glass of water and made my way down to the guest room, Ryan’s old room. After I moved out, they made my room into an office for Dad. I was almost asleep when Mom opened the door. I could see her silhouette in the doorway.
“Everything okay?” she asked in the dark.
“Hey, Mom, everything’s fine,” I said quietly. “I went out with Karen and Liz tonight, and decided I didn’t want to drive home.”
“See you in the morning,” she said cheerfully, as she shut the door.
I slept in. I didn’t have to work until that night, my Chart House shift. W
hen I got up, I found Dad in his office on the computer and Mom in the kitchen. Since Mom and I had talked about her and Dad’s relationship, I could really see they did their own thing. They were civil to each other, but I could tell there was something missing. It made me sad for both of them.
“Can I fix you breakfast?” she asked.
“No thanks, never liked breakfast. Coffee would be good, though” I said.
She poured us both a cup, and we headed outside into the sunshine. I shielded my eyes as the light hit them and set my coffee on the glass table.
“Shit, I need sunglasses,” I said as Mom sat down.
I dashed back into the kitchen and dug through my purse, found my glasses and returned quickly
“So much better,” I said, sinking into a chair.
I picked up my coffee as both dogs came to me wagging their tails. Bo pushed his head into my lap.
“Hey, Bo” I said, scratching the back of his head. “Why’s Bo still here, Mom?”
“Ryan didn’t pick him up last night. He probably got busy or something. I don’t mind, he’s a good dog,” Mom answered.
She reached for her cigarettes and I reached out pushing the pack away. I’d had enough smoke last night in the bar. She pulled her hand back in resignation.
“Did you girls have a good time?”
“We did. Liz and I aren’t that great at line dancing, but we still had fun, and we laughed at ourselves a lot. Karen gets it, like that,” I said, snapping my fingers. “Kind of sucks. Then we ran into a guy I dated at Palomar, and Karen thought he was cute, so they ended up dancing together.”
“Was it someone I knew?” she asked.
“No, I only saw him one time.”
“Um.”
“Karen wanted to stay, but I get tired of the same ol’, same ol’ bar scene crap, the pickup lines, the bullshit, so Liz took me back to my car. Those guys are out to get laid, and that’s it,” I said.
“I’m sure there are men looking for love too.”
“I don’t know how any girl ever finds a decent guy,” I mused. “I think I’m going to be single the rest of my life.”
Bo kept pushing against my hand, so I rubbed his head some more.
“Where’s your dad?” I asked him.
My mom smiled as he cocked his head and looked at me with his big brown eyes. He knew I was talking to him.
“Maybe you’re not looking in the right places. At the right men,” she said.
I figured she was talking about not finding good men in a bar. She’d told me I wouldn’t find someone I should marry in a bar.
“Okay, Mom, where are the right places and the right men? Fill me in and maybe I can give it a shot,” I said sarcastically.
She frustrated me on the dating subject. Like there was a lineup somewhere of good men, and that I just couldn’t find them.
“I don’t know. Aren’t there some nice guys at school?” she suggested.
“I’m sure there are. I’m so damn busy running from class to my jobs to home and back again, when would I have a chance to meet them, and where? Should I stand in the middle of campus and yell I’m available?” I joked.
“Certainly not, I would think there are some guys in your classes that you at least talk to,” she said.
I knew she was trying to be helpful, and we both knew she was failing miserably. As open-minded as she had become on the man front, she was still a bit old-fashioned. She thought my life needed a man.
“Don’t worry about it, Mom. With my track record with men, single is not so bad. I do miss the sex, though. One-night-stands aren’t much fun anymore; they make me feel lonely,” I said.
She gave me a half-hearted smile. She worried about me. Not in the way of worrying that I didn’t attract men, but that I wasn’t attracted to them, to dating.
“More coffee?” she asked.
“That would be good,” I said, handing her my cup.
I closed my eyes and tilted my face up towards the sun. Maybe I would lay by the pool today and read. Get some over-the-top romance novel from Mom and do nothing until my shift. I heard Ryan’s van pull into the driveway at the same time Bo bolted to the gate.
“Hey, bud,” I heard him say to Bo as he came through the gate, who was barking at him in excitement.
I didn’t turn around instead just waited for him to come around the corner. He smiled at me as he lowered himself into the chair across from me.
“How come you’re here?” he asked, scratching Bo’s head.
The dog was panting as he wiggled as close as he possible could to Ryan’s chair.
“Same back at you,” I grinned.
“I needed to get my dog,” he said.
It appeared he was in the same clothes from when I saw him at Sadie’s last night.
“Rough night?” I asked with amusement.
He gave me a blank stare, realizing it had just hit me. It came out loud, the laughter bursting from me faster than I could tame it. I laughed until tears ran out of my eyes. Ryan sat there, looking at me like I’d lost my mind. Every time I looked at him, I laughed harder. When I finally could get it together and contain myself, I sat back in my chair.
“What was that about? What’s so funny?” he asked trying to pretend I hadn’t figured it out.
I pushed my hair back with both hands and leaned forward towards him. He stared into my eyes.
“What’s so funny?” I asked, completely amused with my discovery.
I leaned closer to him, and he moved uncomfortably in his chair.
“What’s so funny is that you’re sleeping with Sadie. I thought it was odd that you were there last night having a beer with her. I took you at your word that you were checking on the tile. Then I saw Bo here this morning and thought it was odd you hadn’t picked him up as usual. When you walked through the gate, I thought the clothes looked familiar. It was the tennis shoes that threw me for a minute. You had your cowboy boots on at Sadie’s,” I said.
Ryan kept petting Bo and didn’t answer me. I laughed again.
“Oh my god, Ryan, you’re sleeping with Sadie,” I said as I pictured the two of them on the couch.
It became crystal clear in my mind—Sadie liked the young men, I knew that from the ordeal with Karen’s boyfriend and there had been other young men since. Mom came out the back door with our coffee.
“Hey, Ryan,” she said, acknowledging his arrival and setting my cup down on the table. “You are obviously making Morgan laugh this morning, which is more than I’ve been able to do. Are you going to let me in on the joke?”
“Ryan?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.
He shot me a look, and I gave him a cheesy smile.
“It wasn’t that funny, Patty. Morgan just thought it was. Forget it,” he said.
He would get shit from me on this one for a long time. Sadie Sharp, now he’d had the mother too.
“Coffee, Ryan?” Mom asked.
“I’ll get it, Patty, sit down,” he said, starting out of his chair.
“No, I’ll get it,” she insisted, moving toward the house.
“I’m not sleeping with her,” he protested quietly.
“Liar, the cowboy boots gave you away. To think if I hadn’t stayed here last night, I might not have put it together. Bad luck for you, me figuring it out. Sadie?” I said, pondering. “She’s what, twenty-something years older than you? You’ve slept with both her daughters and now her? What the fuck are you, some wanna-be Casanova Cowboy?”
I said wanna like he’d said it to me many years ago in Park City, before I even moved there.
“Enough,” he said as Mom came out the door.
I had to fight to suppress my laughter.
Chapter 26
“Have you talked to Ryan lately?” I asked Mom over the phone.
“He’s been by for Bo, and we chat. Why?” she asked.
“I haven’t seen or heard from him in a couple weeks. Is he dating someone new, do you know?” I questioned.
&nbs
p; I hadn’t told her about Sadie. I thought she might think less of him for some reason, if she knew. The age difference was weird, and the fact that Mom knew he’d slept with Karen and Jackie too might bother her. He wouldn’t tell her either and no doubt hoped I felt exactly like I did.
“Not that he has mentioned, but I haven’t asked,” she answered. “Why haven’t you called him?”
“I don’t know. When he and Julie broke up, he started coming around again. We’ve been friends so long, and he’s so easy to be with. I enjoyed having someone to pal around with, have dinner with, catch a movie. I kind of miss him, Mom,” I confided.
“That’s a new one,” she teased. “Call him if you miss him.”
I wanted to tell her about Sadie, talk to her about it, but I couldn’t. Not when I knew that my putting the pieces together had obviously made Ryan uneasy. I eventually heard through Mom that he’d finished his remodel at the Sharps’. And I wondered if he was still seeing her.
I said yes to a date that amounted to me trying to make small talk when I didn’t want to. I decided I was better off at home with a good book or a movie. It was one of those nights when Ryan stopped by unexpectedly. I was alone, curled up on the couch with a glass of wine, reading a People magazine when the doorbell rang. When I opened the door, I was surprised to see him.
I stared at him, feeling my blood race and the anger growing in me. Who was he to show up without even calling, after weeks of silence?
“Hey,” he said.
I stood with the door partially open. He finally looked past me.
“I’m alone,” I said.
“Can I come in then?” he asked, holding out a pack of Good and Plenty candy.
I tugged open the door, not taking the candy from him, and walked back to my spot on the couch. I watched him shut the door and then stand uncomfortably in my entry. He had his hands clasped in front of him his legs apart slightly. It was like he didn’t know how to start. I let the silence linger, not helping him.
“Get a fucking glass of wine and sit down,” I said finally as I tucked my legs up onto the couch.
He set the Good and Plenty down on the shelf by the door and moved toward the kitchen. I watched as he helped himself, knowing where everything was while I wondered what prompted his visit. I knew my anger was foolish, as I hadn’t reached out either. He came into the living room and debated about where to sit, first looking at the chair and then the couch, finally deciding on the couch next to me. I remained silent.
