by Loomis, Lisa
We took Mom’s ashes out on a close family friend’s sailboat off Point Loma, a place she’d enjoyed during her life. We kept it small, only ten of us. We played music that she loved and drank wine. Don Henley’s “The End of Innocence” played as my dad turned her ashes over to the sea. To me, that’s what it felt like, the end of my innocence. The sun started to set as we toasted to her life and how full it was, to how lucky we were to have shared the time we did with her. There was no shortage of tears.
Ryan and I moved to the front of the boat to watch the ocean, feel the wind. Cutting through the water reminded me to keep looking forward, forward to our new life together. She would want that. He told me about their talk on the bench the day after our wedding. How he told her how much he would miss her. They’d reminisced about their friendship and about our journey. She asked him through tears to take care of me, always. His words made me sad, made me miss her.
“I promised her I would, always,” he said leaning his head into mine.
The sun was going down, getting close to the horizon, and it threw a path of light on the water, a band of light across the ocean leading to the sun. And there she was, that brightness, the beauty in the sea.
“That’s her trail,” I said with small smile, pointing.
Ryan looked to where I pointed.
“That’s the warm spot. That’s where she will always be, in the warm spot, no matter what ocean we’re on,” I said, choking out the last words.
Ryan put his arm around me and drew me into him. I could feel the strength of his arm, his skin against mine and was glad to be alive.
“She was a great lady and a greater friend…” he started.
I felt him suck in a deep breath.
“She taught me a lot. She helped me see things I didn’t see, things I’d missed. She said you told her once to stop trying to make me love you. She never did try to convince me, she just listened. She knew I had to figure it out on my own.”
I pulled back and looked into his eyes.
“Your mom even told me to go, move on if I didn’t know. She only wanted the best for you.”
On our many walks on the beach in the last few months, Mom had shared conversations she’d had with Ryan, when I was in Tahoe. How he felt like he had cut us both adrift and how nothing felt right to him without me. He worked through his feelings of doubt with her. She’d helped him to see that our love was bigger than he thought.
“She wanted to get one part of her life settled before she left this planet. A part she knew she could help with. She wanted to know the people she was leaving would be okay, would go on. She damn well wanted to know she wasn’t leaving you with a broken heart to deal with,” he said and smiled.
His lips quivered slightly and I leaned in to kiss him.
“She wanted to know I had my best friend back, that there would be someone there to heal the boo-boos when she was gone,” I choked out with tears in my eyes.
I looked up into his eyes. I loved this man with all my heart, and I knew he loved me. We’d been through so much together, so much that she had shared in. Whatever fix she thought she could do, she had done a good job.
“She wanted to be damn sure she’d driven the Casanova out of the cowboy,” I said, smiling.
The End
The prequel to Casanova Cowboy available at Amazon.com
Partial preview
Prologue
I could see him up ahead of me, strolling along the shore. The waves breaking, the surf rolling in, water swirling around his feet, white foam wrapping around and then out again. Footprints filled in by surf and then erased. He stopped and looked back at me to see how far I had strayed. As usual I was poking along, looking for beach glass and shells. He whistled.
I looked up in his direction, squinting into the sun. His blond hair, tossed by the breeze, caught the sunlight, his bare chest golden from the beach. When I caught his eye, he smiled at me and motioned for me to catch up. I sped up my pace walking along the ocean's edge to where he stood, eager again to be with him. As I got closer, I stared at his face, so familiar to me, yet still able to make me catch my breath. Had it ever not? I couldn’t remember. He reached his hand out, and when I took it, he laced his fingers in mine. We walked along the ocean, just close enough that the water played around our feet and ankles, at times sucking our feet into the sand. The sun was low in the sky, reflecting off the water.
“I love the colors. How it plays off the water,” I said.
“I know you do. You always have,” he answered.
“What does that mean?” I teased.
I brought his hand between my breasts and wrapped both hands around it, holding tightly, afraid for no reason I could remember.
“Nothing really, I just know,” he replied.
We walked in silence for a long ways. While he held my hand, he intermittently squeezed my fingers. We both understood now how to be with each other without the need for so many words. He stopped and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around my body. His skin was warm from the sun, and I breathed in the smell of him. Oh god, how I loved that smell, a slight lemon, vanilla, along with a light musk, but not strong. My body instinctively pressed into him, turning up the heat between the two of us. I looked into his blue eyes, at times so intense, at times so mischievous; I could tell he was happy. How many times had I looked into those eyes and seen other things? My thoughts raced back to when we first met. I could see him in his room, playing the guitar. I remembered the angle of his head and his long thick blond hair, just a hint of a wave to it. What had he played? I reached back. Oh yeah, Classical Gas. “Have you ever heard it?” he’d asked.
We’d come such a long way. He put his hands on both sides of my face and tilted his head slowly to the side. I closed my eyes and waited for his lips to touch mine, remembering how much I could want him. My body tingled in anticipation. He kissed me slowly, soft lips parting mine. His tongue entered my mouth, probing slightly, and then more knowingly. I could feel my longing for him move in and out, like the tide, flowing through my body, desire pooling within me. I kissed him back, my arms wrapping around his neck before I slowly ran one hand down his back, feeling his firm body, and tucking my fingers inside the band of his swim shorts. His hands ventured lower and he cupped my ass.
“Ummm,” he said.
I felt a tingling between my legs, a sensation he could easily make me feel. My hips almost of their own will pressed towards his body. He squeezed my ass, pulling me to him. I could feel his body, his lips, his tongue, a complete sensory overload and wondered again how he could make me feel this every time he touched me. Gayle flashed through my mind. “What magical hold does he have on you?” she’d asked more than once in anger.
I could never answer her, and I was confused as to why all of a sudden. I felt the heat spread from between my legs into my stomach and his kiss squelched the why question in my head. I pushed harder against him and wished I wasn’t restricted by a public place. I wanted to rip his clothes off. I wanted to feel him naked against me, feel him in me. My heart was racing, my body melting into his. The sound of gulls squawking overhead, the children laughing in the distance, playing in the surf all faded away as I lost myself to him. The sound of the waves crashing in time with my emotions as we stood kissing, the water lapping at our feet, ignoring the outside world, aware only of each other. His hands moved to my hips, his fingers digging slightly into my skin as he held me against him. I pressed my pelvis forward, unable to deny the desire, and could feel his hardness.
“Whoa, kid,” he said, pulling away slowly.
I gradually opened my eyes and looked up into his face, his expression was sexy and raw.
Other books by Lisa Loomis at Amazon:
Boy in a Band (New Adult/Adult erotica romance novel)
Gem Rats (Chick Lit)
A Horse Named Joe (Chick Lit)
Finn & Geo’s Winter Adventure (Children’s picture book)
Coming this fall:
&nb
sp; Racing through Cornfields (New Adult/Adult novel—prequel to Casanova Cowboy—Ryan Walker’s story)
