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Our Forever Promise

Page 5

by Mary Wasowski


  Yes, this trip was amazing. I was one lucky girl, and our parents trusted us, which was even more of a blessing. Mom was in wedding heaven right now, so I probably could get away with a lot if I wanted to, but I was happy just being with Jackson.

  I wanted to pick up a few gifts for mom and Mr. Reed. I would have loved for Jackson to join me, but he sent me on my own in the company and protection of Richard. The poor guy was weighed down with my bags, I couldn’t help but laugh. Richard was a good sport about it. He even helped me pick out a present for Jackson.

  Having been gone for most of the morning already, I didn’t want to miss another moment with my amazing boyfriend. I called out for him as I walked through his outrageously big apartment. At first, I thought he wasn’t there, until I heard his voice coming from his father’s office. I was about to sneak up and attack him with kisses, but what I heard next stopped me at the door.

  Jackson was yelling, “I don’t care what your policy states, nor do I care what you have in your instructions. I’m the patient here, not my father, and I want a copy of my file. I have already signed all the consent forms. What is the issue with the delay? I will be there within the hour, when I expect to receive my files without any more delay.”

  The sound of the phone crashing down into the cradle made me jump. I had never heard Jackson raise his voice before. Who was he yelling at? It was time to stop eavesdropping and find out what was going on. I entered his father’s office quietly to see Jackson holding his head in his hands.

  “Jackson,” I called out to him just barely above a whisper. He lifted his head and his eyes found mine. He smiled, and I instantly calmed.

  “Hey baby, how was shopping?” he asked me as he extended his arms out for me. I accepted his invitation for a hug, and he folded me into his warm chest. “I missed you so much,” he continued. “No more outings without me. I will even endure the shopping.” I could feel his smile against my neck as he kissed me.

  “I missed you too,” I said. “Are you okay? Who were you on the phone with? You didn’t sound like yourself.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Riley. Everything is fine.”

  He held my face in his hands and kissed me again, but this time on my lips. Staring into his beautiful hypnotizing eyes, I saw something shift. Whatever was troubling my boyfriend, I was the last person he wanted to share his secret with. His eyes dismissed me.

  I shrugged my shoulders as if I didn’t care that I was a little hurt. He didn’t seem himself, and I wanted to help him.

  “I wasn’t worried,” I said to him. I lied. “I was just simply asking a question. Jackson, you can talk to me. Who were you on the phone with?”

  “Riley, drop it okay? It was no one of importance. I have a few errands I need to run by myself. Why don’t you relax, maybe take a bath, and by the time I return, we can go to dinner.”

  Now putting some distance between us, I was getting frustrated with the fact that he wouldn’t answer a simple question. He began rubbing his head again. Clearly he was in pain. Does he think I am blind not to notice?

  “Jackson, please talk to me. Are you getting another headache?”

  “How many times do I have to say it? I’m fine, Riley. You’re my girlfriend, not my mother. I don’t need another keeper, I already have enough of them in my life.”

  Wow! That hurt. This was not like Jackson to erupt like this and lose his temper with me. It was obvious that something was bothering him and this tantrum he was having wasn’t really about me.

  I gave him the most dignified response I could. “Okay Jackson, shut me out. When you’re ready to talk to me, I’ll be upstairs.”

  I didn’t want to overreact and was quite proud of myself for not slamming my way out of his father’s office. He didn’t follow me, probably knowing that I needed a few minutes to vent on my own. Jackson looked like he was in pain. Why not just tell me?

  I went into his bathroom to get him some pain reliever, but didn’t find any in the cabinet. I looked around and still didn’t find what I was looking for, so the last place was his dopp kit. I immediately found his migraine medicine, only to find the bottle nearly empty. When we left Montana, this bottle was nearly full. How is this possible? And how did I not notice this before now?

  “Riley! What are you doing?” His angered voice made me jump.

  Not knowing how long he was standing behind me, I was startled at the sound of his voice and dropped the pill bottle. The remaining pills scattered all over the granite floor. I felt like the child that just got her hand caught in the cookie jar. But what did I do wrong? I’m trying to help my boyfriend, but here he stands in the doorway yelling at me…Why?

  “Why are you in here?” he questioned me. I kept myself in check. I wasn’t about to overreact and make the situation worse.

  “Jackson, I was in here getting your medicine because it’s clear to me that you have a headache. I didn’t think your bathroom was off limits to me. Now, here’s a question for you. How long have you been hiding your headaches from me? This pill bottle was filled over a week ago, and now it’s nearly empty. Care to explain? Or are you going to throw another hissy fit?”

  Without answering my question, Jackson picked up his empty pill bottle and grabbed his bag from me. Clearly frustrated, he threw it back onto the counter. Take a deep breath, Riley, I silently recited to myself.

  “I’m waiting, Jackson. Either you tell me why this pill bottle is almost empty, or I’m calling your father.” Well, that got his attention. I wasn’t really going to do that, but he was pissing me off with his silence.

  “Riley, the last thing I want is for you to call my father. It’s no secret that I take migraine medicine. The last few weeks I’ve been getting a few headaches, and I needed it to take the edge off.”

  “Twenty-four pills, Jackson? This is how many you need to take the edge off? Talk to me right now, or I am out of here.” I wasn’t really going to leave him, but I was willing to try any scare tactic to get him to talk to me. Counting slowly in my head, I gave him to thirty to talk to me… Well, time’s up. I turned to leave the bathroom, and he pulled me back into him.

  “Let me go, Jackson. I am not going to stand here and be ignored.” I tried with my best efforts to be strong and not overreact. I already learned that lesson all too well, but fighting with Jackson was not something I was used to. At the moment, he was behaving strangely and was obstinate.

  I was slowly losing my fight, as my tears began to fall. I wanted to run, but I was caught up in Jackson’s proximity. I couldn’t resist Jackson if I wanted to. The Reed charm gets me every time. He held my face in his hands, as he wiped away my tears with his thumbs and began to kiss me softly.

  He said, “I’m sorry, baby, please don’t cry. I was hoping that this conversation could have been avoided, but now I am out of time. Will you lie down with me, so I can hold you?”

  “Jackson, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”

  He led me to his king-sized bed, where we both climbed in and held each other. We laid there for a few minutes without any words spoken between us, until he let out a breath and once again took hold of my face so I could look at him.

  “Riley, I’m sorry for being an ass back there. I never want to upset you, not ever. You heard me yelling at Dr. O’Larien’s nurse. I requested my medical file after signing all the consent forms, and I still haven’t received them yet.”

  “Why do you need them?” I asked through my sniffles.

  “I need my records to seek another medical opinion. I’m in all rights to have them in my possession, but I need your help, Riley, and it involves your father.”

  “What does my father have to do with this?”

  “My headaches have been getting worse and coming on more frequently. The medicine helps, but I am probably taking more than I should, which leads me to believe I may have a bigger problem. I can’t bring this to Dr. O’Larien. He will tell my father and all hell will break loose.”

  I was so c
onfused and needed clarification. “Start from the beginning, Jackson. How long have you been getting the headaches?” His expression changed with uncertainty and apprehension clearly showing all over his face. I wanted to just hold him, comfort him, but I need him to talk to me. He couldn’t shut down now. I needed to know everything. “Please, Jackson, how long?”

  “They started in New York the last time we were here with our parents, when you went missing and were taken away by your father. I was out of my mind with worry. I didn’t know where you were. I was upset. It began as a headache, and it got increasingly worse. My father immediately called Dr. O’Larien to our home to examine me. My father wanted me to go to the ER for an MRI, blood work, etc. He was plagued with worry, so I played it off and told him it wasn’t bad. Once I calmed myself, it did get better. He talked with Dr. O’Larien, and I simply went to sleep. I chalked it up to stress over not knowing where you were. Then with my father being preoccupied with finding your mom, the focus was off of me for the time being. Stress usually tends to bring them on, but lately they are becoming a regular occurrence.”

  “You had one in Georgia after our fight. Oh my goodness, I am so stupid! Why didn’t I see what was right in front of me. I’m so sorry, Jackson. This is my fault.”

  “Riley, stupid is not a word I would ever use to describe you. Baby, this is not your fault, and we did not fight in Georgia. If anything, I sealed my soul with yours in Georgia. I love you so much.” Why didn’t I see the signs earlier? My boyfriend, who I should know pretty well by now, has been hiding a major secret from me. Why? I have been so caught up with my parent’s drama, and my own anger with my father, only to be avoiding the obvious issue right in front of my face. I felt foolish as he held me in his arms. I was crying like a silly girl. He’s my first love, and I hope him to be my forever love, but am I worthy of him?

  I didn’t know if I was angry with him for lying to me, or at myself for not being stronger. My nana always told me that the Mitchell women came from strong Irish stock. I laughed every time she said that. I’m a person, not cattle, but with Nana, there was always a hidden message. We are not to fear anything because no matter what it is, we have our family to lean on for support. That piece of advice was lost on my mom, and Nana was upset that she never came to her when she needed her the most. I couldn’t repeat that mistake with Jackson. He was my boyfriend, and I loved him very much. He had to know that he could share anything with me, no matter what it was. I have to be better for him. Now if only these stupid tears would stop falling.

  SHE BEHAVED THIS way in Georgia. She blamed herself then too. Couples fight; we are not immune to this. She had the power to completely break me down with just seeing one tear on her beautiful face.

  I never wanted her to know about this, but now it seems I had to tell her everything. I should have never lost my temper with her, but I was taken off guard and did the one thing I never do. I let my fear of her knowing about my headaches cloud my judgment, and I just lost it. For that alone, I felt sick.

  It broke my heart, her lying in my arms and crying. She was fighting against her tears. I could feel her trying to stop, but her tears still flowed. Her body was trembling. I knew she was scared and that it was my fault for making her feel this way. Still holding her and not wanting to break our connection, I let her cry it out until I could explain everything to her.

  “Riley, I need you to stop crying. Please, baby, my heart can’t take it. I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

  “I’m sorry too. I hate it when we fight.”

  “Riley, we’re not fighting. We’re communicating with each other. I’m not doing a great job at it right now, but please don’t make it worse than it is. I was just trying to protect you, but my plan didn’t quite work out that way.”

  “Jackson, you swore to me that you would never keep anything from me. We talked about this is Georgia. I promised you that I would always talk with you first before becoming reactive, so when the shoe is on the other foot, you completely shut me out. A lie is a lie even when it’s a lie by omission. If something is bothering you, then you must tell me, no matter what it is. Together, we can work out anything… You do know that?”

  “I do, but Riley this was something I was hoping I would never have to tell you. I have no choice now, but to be completely honest. I need my file, because I want to take my records to your father and seek his advice. Dr. O’Larien is a great doctor, but he’s on my father’s payroll, and I know he would tell him.”

  “What about patient confidentiality? He just can’t disclose what you tell him to your father.”

  “You don’t know Walker Reed. He has no boundaries when it comes to me. If he knew I was experiencing these headaches now, our summer adventure would be over.”

  I continued, “Riley, he would drag me back to California and place me on lockdown. It is a miracle he hasn’t shown up yet. Thank goodness for your mom, or we would be home already. Being on my own is not something that I am used to, nor my father. He has never allowed me this much freedom in my life. I may have traveled all over the world and have seen some major sights in my life, but never ever on my own. Who do you know in our circle that requires a security detail?”

  “No one,” she quietly answered.

  “Exactly. Welcome to my world, and the strong arm of Walker Reed. Listen, baby, we only have a few days left before we fly back home for the wedding. I don’t want to spend those days arguing with you. This trip has meant everything to me, and I will always remember it. I love that I had you to share it with.”

  Riley looked at me and replied, “I love you too, boyfriend, but Jackson, he’s your father. He loves you and only wants you to be okay. Do you think you might be exaggerating a bit?”

  “Riley, he is completely obsessed with my health, he always has been. Watching my mother die in front of him and me barely surviving as a newborn changed my father and how he reacts to things that are beyond his control. Losing my mother was a failure that he has never gotten over. I know it sounds crazy, but that’s how he feels. You can’t even begin to understand what I had to do to convince him to allow me to go to school in New York. He wants me in California, and it took months of convincing to change his mind. Even then, I had to agree to certain concessions.”

  I continued, “We are only on this trip because of your mom. She has got my father completely focused on their happy reunion, and with the wedding approaching, they are probably on cloud nine right now. This is probably my only chance to do this. My father will soon remember that I have an appointment coming up, and then it will truly be out of my hands.”

  I explained to Riley, “I need to go over to Dr. O’Larien’s office to pick up my flash drive with my records on it, and then I want to bring it to your father. I tried calling his office, but the wait to get in for a consult is over six months long. Riley, I don’t have that kind of time. I probably could pull strings to see him with just my last name being what it is, but I don’t want that either. I can’t risk it getting back to my father. I know you are still very upset with him, but I need you to put that aside for now and reach out to him. I would like to see him tomorrow if possible.”

  “Jackson, how am I going to arrange this consult for you? He is going to have all sorts of questions and will probably say no.”

  “Riley, he’s not going to say no to you. He loves you, and all he wants to do is talk with you. All you have to do is ask him to meet you for lunch tomorrow, and once he shows, I will take it from there. Even if I could get an appointment to see him on my own, he probably would say no because of who my father is. I need to try, Riley. Please help me.”

  “Jackson, I haven’t spoken to my father in months, and after how he treated my mother, I don’t want to. He is not the loving father I always looked up to. My father has changed, and is not someone that I respect right now especially after the hurtful words he said to my mother.”

  “I agree, but I think he learned his lesson after my father set him straight. You have
to cut him some slack and meet him halfway. Look at what he’s been through. I’m not condoning his actions, but if I were in his shoes or even my father’s, I would have a problem with this shitty situation too. His marriage is over, his wife has returned to her past lover, his daughter is with the past lover’s son… Oh my goodness Riley! This is the making of a movie. I know we joked about this, but you can’t make this up if you wanted to. My loyalties are with my father, but I can’t help but feel bad for yours. Come on, baby, can’t you soften a little?”

  Riley got off the bed and started pacing the room. Oh, my girl is stubborn. I could see the wheels turning in her head, but she still remained silent.

  I tried again. “Riley, he loves you. He has been calling you nonstop. I’m not saying you have to forgive him, but please talk and meet with him. He’s your father, but he is also a doctor, one that I especially need. Will you please call him for me?” Please let me get through to her.

  “If I do this, Jackson, I will only be doing it for you, not him. I’m just not ready to forgive him yet. What are you hoping for after talking with my father?”

  “I’m hoping this is nothing, but it has never been proven that what happened to my mom won’t happen to me. Dr. O’Larien has told this to my father a thousand times, but even ‘A headache is just a headache’ theory doesn’t sit well with my father. Riley, if my father finds out about this, my chances on attending NYU are slim to none. He will make me return to California. And all of my dreams—our dreams—will be over.”

  “Jackson, I can’t believe your father would force you home. He knows how important NYU is to you, and to us. I can’t believe he would take that away from you.”

  “He won’t care, Riley. My health is his number one priority. You don’t know what it was like growing up with him. If he feels that it is compromised, I’m fucked. If I can get the answers I need, then at least I may have an advantage. My father relies on facts, knowledge of every situation he finds himself in. I can’t surprise him with this. I need to know and understand every option before he does. I am praying that my anxiety is just getting the better of me and I’m really fine. Riley, this is a happy time in all of our lives. Our parents are finally going to be together the way they always wanted to be. You and I will be together here in New York and attending college with our friends. I’m confident that everything will be okay, but I need you to be on board with this. I won’t keep anything else from you, I promise. Please trust me on this? I know what I am doing, Riley. I know my father better than anyone, and I have to try to be one step ahead of him, maybe several.”

 

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