Our Forever Promise

by Mary Wasowski

  He slowly lifted my blouse and chastely kissed my baby bump until he completely marked me. I held onto his shoulders as he so openly loved me and his child. When he was ready, he slowly rose from the floor and continued to hug me.

  With a final kiss to my forehead, I asked him, “Are you ready?”

  “Yes.”

  We walked hand in hand on the path that would lead to Jackson’s room. He took a breath before entering the private suite. I gave him one last reassuring smile for his confidence. Our hands detached, and he walked inside. I’d never seen Walker so bereft before, but then again, I wasn’t around for those years he needed me the most. I wasn’t going to allow my fear to revert back to our loneliest time when we were separated.

  Leaning up against the wall, I took a few deep breaths. The reality of this crisis that we were all facing has just hit me. My shoulders felt heavy, and my head was spinning. I prayed I did my very best to help Walker. He still kept many parts of himself closed off. He was a creature of habit, and a hard one to break. I wasn’t sure if I was dizzy because of the pregnancy, or the seriousness of the crisis we were now dealing with.

  I silently prayed to the heavens that I wouldn’t throw up. My plate was overflowing at the moment, and I couldn’t pile on anymore. I rubbed my bump and talked to my little girl, but she had other ideas. Letting go of the wall, I began to walk slowly back to Riley, and that’s when I felt my legs give way. I was on my way down to the floor, only to be caught by Samuel.

  “Hey, are you okay? Talk to me.”

  For the first time in months, I once again saw the man that lovingly held my hand the first time we met. His eyes were soft, but filled with concern. I had no voice, and tears began to fall. Damn hormones! This put him on more alert. He picked me up in his arms and carried me to a spare room. I instinctively held onto him and was praying that no one saw my exchange with my ex-husband.

  “Reese, your pulse is racing, and you appear to be a bit dehydrated. When was the last time you ate something substantial? If memory serves correctly, I’m sure you still think a bag of almonds or granola bar is a meal.”

  His lips slightly turned up, and I couldn’t help smiling back at him. Standing before me was the Samuel I had always known, not the angry man of late. I couldn’t blame him though. I was the one that left.

  “I’m fine, Samuel. I have eaten today, but it was hours ago. I should eat now before I get nauseous. Let me just catch my breath, and I’m sure it will pass.”

  “Let me be a doctor and check your vitals. Your pulse should not be this high, and your blood pressure is reading 140/90. I want you to lie down here for a while and rest. I can check it again in twenty minutes.”

  “Samuel, I’m fine. I need to get back to Riley. Please just take care of Jackson. Do we know anything yet?”

  “Reese, I am taking care of Jackson, and I was on my way in to speak with him when I saw you collapse. Riley is with Reed’s two bodyguards, or whatever he considers them to be. She clearly is not ready for my comfort. I’m a doctor first, right? Wasn’t that always our problem?”

  He said his words sarcastically, but I knew the hidden meaning. I always accused him of putting his hospital and patients before his family. To Samuel, I must have sounded like a hypocrite, because I was begging him to tend to Jackson, when he should also be a father to our daughter.

  I remembered that I should position myself on my left, but my blouse raised and didn’t go unnoticed by Samuel. His eyes went directly to my baby bump. I saw the obvious hurt lining his face, but he said nothing. He jotted down some notes on his tablet.

  “Reese, I’m going to put you on an I.V. Drip with nutrients. It will help you get hydrated quicker, and your blood pressure should return to normal soon. Stay here, and I’ll send a nurse in to get you hooked up.”

  “Samuel, wait…”

  “Congratulations, Reese. You truly do have everything you’ve always wanted. And with the one man who has never left your heart. Too bad I wasn’t that man. What is the old adage? ‘To come full circle is God’s way of returning your heart to its rightful place.’”

  With pained eyes, he turned and walked away from me. He was clearly hurt upon discovering my pregnancy. After having a second miscarriage, to experience that loss was just unbearable for me. He was loving and supportive. He said we could try again, but I always said no more. I convinced him that I was done having babies and wouldn’t risk another loss. He unselfishly got a vasectomy for my benefit. I truly loved and respected him for that decision.

  To see me now pregnant with another man’s child? Walker’s child? He’s got to be devastated. I can’t come up with one reason why he should be okay with it. I rubbed my belly and tried to calm myself.

  “It’s going to be okay, baby girl. We’ve seen worse…much worse. Mama will not allow anything to happen to you. I love you, princess.”

  My eyelids grew heavy and began to close. I drifted off into sleep and dreamed of Walker holding our daughter.

  JACKSON HAD BEEN moved to a room located in the I.C.U. of Samuel’s wing. The corridor I walked through contained only four rooms, with Jackson’s being the last on the left. As I approached his room, I heard voices coming from inside. It was Riley. She must have sneaked in while I was with Reese. As much as I wanted to see my son, my feet felt heavy, and I was unable to move forward. I knew he was waiting on me, but I wasn’t ready. I knew it was best to let him have time with his girl, so I willed my body to move away from Jackson’s room. Once I was in the open hallway, I knew where I needed to be.

  I entered the dimly lit chapel filled with the overwhelming pungent smell of burning incense. Candles were flickering all around me, no doubt from worshipers praying for the sick. I was about to do the same. I was alone and sat down in the pew. My eyes found His, and all I could do was stare up at the man on the cross, the one man whose followers flocked to when they needed help, implored him to take away their burdens, and made all the wrongs right in their lives. He would heal the sick and grant them the miracles they were praying for. If your prayers were answered, then he was a hero. If they weren’t, then he was to blame.

  I wasn’t a religious man, never pretended to be. I always believed in what I could see, not what I couldn’t. The universe had a way of really fucking with my psyche. How could I not believe when I was given the most amazing gift a man could ever receive…My son? My eyes found His again, and I said my words out loud this time.

  “You did it, didn’t you? You gave me my son, but took my wife. A life for a life?”

  This room was meant for solace. What was I expecting to find here? Comfort or devastation? All I felt was anger at the moment. I’m angry with my son for lying to me when he should have been reaching out for my help. I’m his father! The one person he should always be able to trust and know will help him in any way I could. I would die for my son on any given day, and twice on Sunday.

  “Why Jackson? Why him?”

  I shouted at the man on the cross. Sinking lower down into the pew, I felt helpless and weak. I am not familiar with these emotions. Having the utmost control is what I know, and yet it is nowhere to be found right now. All I felt was a chokehold of something that I had no connection with at all, but I had to believe in it for the sake of my son’s survival.

  I stepped out of the pew and dropped down onto my knees to the hard floor. I laid it all out for the God before me and the two spirits that had been in my dreams: Elizabeth, who came to try to help and guide me, and my father, the dark one who haunted me from beyond the grave and demanded absolution for his sins.

  “Elizabeth, are you here? Can you hear me? Please hear me. Don’t take our son. He’s mine! Do you hear me? He’s mine, and I need him with me. Please don’t take Jackson. I won’t survive it, not this time. Losing you was hard enough. How can this be happening again? He’s only eighteen years old. He has his entire life filled with an amazing future to look forward to. You were cheated. We were cheated. Our boy was cheated from knowing an
d loving his mother. We should have had more time. I’m so sorry, Elizabeth, that we didn’t.”

  “He has loved you through the stories I have told him. You’ve always been where it counted the most, in our hearts. You were my best friend, my only true friend. The time we were able to share with one another is a time I will never forget. It can’t be measured…just treasured. It gave us our son, our own piece of heaven, all seven pounds of him, swaddled in blue. Jackson is an extraordinary young man now. The best parts of us, Elizabeth, live on in our son. He still has so much to offer to this world. Please, my friend, I’m begging you. Give him the chance to prove it. Please, Elizabeth, don’t take him from me.”

  “Please. Please.”

  “I beg for no one, but I will for my son. I will give up everything I own for our son. Please don’t take him from me.”

  I was face down on the cold, hard marbled floor, reaching out for a sign from the heavens above, not expecting what I heard next. Can fate be that cruel? Even at my darkest hour?

  I heard a voice. A man’s voice. A familiar one that I despised. “What makes you think it will be Elizabeth that takes him from you?”

  No! Please, not now. I don’t think I can bear it. I clenched my eyes shut as hard as I could, willing him to go away, but I knew better. He was here…my father.

  “Open your eyes, Walker,” he calmly asked me.

  I kept them shut. I refused to submit to him. I am stronger than him, and I will break his hold on me.

  “Open your eyes, Walker. Every story has a villain, I’m sorry that I’m yours. Why are you in here? You should be with your son for the time he has left.”

  “No! Don’t you dare say that to me! He’s your grandson. How could you be so cold and cruel? I could take just about anything you do to me, but this is your grandson. You will not take another son from me, you fucking bastard!”

  I was screaming at the top of my lungs, alone in God’s house with a form of the devil challenging me to fall before him. No way in hell! I’m stronger than that and so is my son.

  “Jackson will survive this, and he will live a full life, despite your prophecies about him.”

  “Not my prophecies, Walker. It’s just his destiny.”

  “The hell it is. The hell it is. I will not let this happen. My son will survive.”

  “Forgive me, Walker. Free yourself from the chains that bind you. Free yourself of the pain and guilt you feel. Free me, please. Jackson needs you. Don’t waste any more time hating me. Your son needs you more than ever right now, and so will your daughter.”

  His voice faded away from me, and once again I was alone in my despair. My knees and legs were numb from kneeling on the floor. My eyes found His again, and once again I was at His mercy.

  “Is that what it will take? Forgive my father? I said I would do anything, so yes, I forgive you, Phillip Walker Reed. I forgive you for taking Reese away from me. I forgive you for the lies you told and the people you hurt. I forgive you. Is this what you want to hear? Because I will say it a thousand times a day if it means saving my Jackson. I forgive you!”

  I was planted to the floor, screaming up to the cross with balled fists in the air.

  “I forgive you! I forgive you! Here before God, I set us both free. Do you hear me father? You are free. Be in peace.”

  I dropped my head and hands to the floor, begging God to hear me…Please hear me.

  I felt someone’s presence behind me, as I slowly got up from the floor. My knees were shaky as I tried to regain my balance.

  “Forgive me, sir, for intruding on your private time, but there is something you need to know.” It was Richard standing at the entrance of the chapel’s door.

  “What is it? Is it my son? Is he…”

  “No sir. It’s Ms. Mitchell. She collapsed.”

  “What? Where is she?”

  “She’s on the same floor as young Mr. Reed, but on the other side. Dr. Briggs put her on an I.V. drip for dehydration. The nurse who found me told me that her blood pressure was escalated and needed to be monitored. That’s all I know, sir.”

  “Take me to her right now.”

  “Yes sir, I’ll show you the way.”

  First Jackson, and now Reese. I can’t take much more today. Please let our baby be okay, I silently prayed to myself as we made our way to her room. I haven’t done this much praying in all of my life. I was definitely one of the hypocrites that beg for divine intervention when needed the most.

  “Richard, have you checked on Jackson?”

  “I have, sir. He’s comfortable and with Ms. Riley. He asked for you, but I said you were busy with the doctors and would see him soon.”

  “Okay. Thank you. Please go to his room and wait for me there. I’ll be along soon.”

  Once I sent Richard off, I glanced at my watch. I had been hiding in that chapel for more than an hour, away from my family who needed me the most. I should have been with Jackson and Reese. I leaned against the door and took in a calming breath before entering.

  Man the fuck up, Reed! Your family needs you.

  “HI. WELCOME BACK.” A familiar voice greeted me as my eyes fluttered open. It was Samuel’s nurse, she was very kind.

  “Hi. Fran, right?” I asked her.

  “I prefer Francesca, but either one is fine. You don’t remember me, do you?”

  “Should I?”

  “I guess not. We met under unfortunate circumstances many years ago. I was just beginning my career back then.”

  “I’m sorry Fran…Francesca, but I’m confused. How do we know each other?”

  “I was working the E.R. the night you were brought in and lost your baby, and now I’m here with you again.”

  “What the hell?” I cried out. “Are you trying to tell me that I lost another child? Oh my god! You heartless bitch!”

  “No, Ms. Mitchell, please calm down. Your baby is fine. I’m sorry I frightened you. I was just pointing out the coincidence of it all. I feel foolish.”

  “As you should be. How the hell can you sit here and reminisce with me about something that was so painful from my past? Get the hell out! Or I will have my security throw you out.”

  “Ms. Mitchell, I am so sorry. It wasn’t my intention, please.”

  “I said…get out!”

  I HEARD HER screaming as I entered her room.

  “Reese, are you okay?” I bypassed the nurse and took Reese into my arms.

  “Thank God you’re here, Walker. I was so scared. I thought something was wrong with our baby.”

  “Is she okay? What got you so scared?”

  Reese was shaking and her beautiful face was now tear stained.

  “It was me Mr. Reed. I said something out of line, and Ms. Mitchell misunderstood.”

  “And you are?”

  “I’m Francesca, I work with Dr. Briggs. I’m so very sorry. I didn’t mean to scare Ms. Mitchell.”

  “Leave now. Do not bother us again, or I will have you removed from this building. Do I make myself clear? Or do I have to write it down for you? Get the hell out! You incompetent fool!”

  I watched her quickly leave the room. I didn’t give a shit about her feelings. She nearly collided with Dr. Briggs, who was standing on the threshold, as she made her exit. He appeared to be shocked at the scene he just witnessed and stood at the door, silent.

  “Baby, just breathe. You’re safe now,” I said to Reese, caressing her arm.

  “Walker, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. I just got scared for a minute. How’s Jackson?”

  “I haven’t been in to see him yet.”

  “Why ever not?”

  “I was about to, and then I heard Riley in there with him. He was stable, and I just wasn’t ready to face him. Can you believe that? I was hiding from my own son. I’ve been in the chapel of all places.”

  “I believe you are just a father that is worried for his son, and nothing more. I’m better now and will go with you to see Jackson.”

  “Why are you in this
bed to begin with? When I left you, you were fine. Please tell me that was true.”

  “Walker, I was fine. I guess the shock of today finally kicked in, and I was just worn out. I had no idea that I was dehydrated.”

  “I think I can answer some of your questions,” Samuel said, as he popped into the room.

  “Samuel. Is Reese okay? What happened?”

  “She had a spike in her blood pressure and, along with being dehydrated, her body weakened. With the nutrients she has received, her levels are all back in normal range. Your baby’s heartbeat is steady and very healthy.”

  I closed my eyes and thanked God for watching over my girls. I wasn’t sure how to feel about Samuel knowing such intimate details about Reese, but was thankful for him for caring for them both. I wasn’t ready to say that out loud, but I was thankful all the same.

  “Reese, as long as you get rest and eat properly from this moment on, you should be fine. The stress of today was certainly a trigger for the effects to your system that followed. Now, I also have Jackson’s test results. I’m ready to talk to him about it.”

  “Why don’t you tell me first, and then we will see Jackson,” I said.

  “I’m afraid I can’t do that. Jackson is of legal age, and I must disclose all my findings to him first. It will be his choice for you to stay.”

  “Like I will ever allow that to happen,” I said. “You are out of your mind if you think I will be shut out of any conversation you have with my son.”

  “Calm down, Reed, I was just stating the law.”

  “Don’t you know by now, Briggs, there is always a loophole when it comes to any law?”

  We just stood there eyeing the other down. I knew I had just spent the last hour begging God for help, but when it came to Briggs, I just couldn’t help myself. By the way he was looking at me, he knew exactly what I was referring to. He said nothing and walked out.

  Reese spoke out. “Was that really necessary, Walker? Haven’t we caused each other enough pain already? This is not the time to dredge up old wounds that are still healing. Let’s go and see Jackson.”