Our Forever Promise

by Mary Wasowski

  “When is the baby due?” Riley asked.

  “I’m due in January. Shortly after New Year’s.”

  “That’s amazing, mom. I can’t wait to meet her. Any names yet?”

  “We haven’t gotten that far yet, but we’ll let you know,” Reese said, as she looked over my shoulder and winked.

  The baby news helped with the obvious elephant in the room. Riley still looked apprehensive around me. I needed to apologize and make her understand why I was upset. Knowing we had some time before the doctors would arrive, I asked Riley if she would take a walk with me.

  “It’s beautiful this time of year,” I remarked as we took a quiet walk along the waterfront. I guided her to a bench, and we both took a seat. Riley sat, wringing her hands in her lap, while all of her confidence was replaced with worry.

  “Riley, please accept my apologies on how I spoke to you yesterday. News of Jackson’s collapse and all that was revealed was a shock to say the least. I never meant to lash out on you, but if you could just take a minute to see it from my point of view, I think you would understand how I was feeling.”

  “I was out of line, Mr. Reed. I should have never said what I said to you, but please understand I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was deeply worried about Jackson, and all I wanted was for him to be okay.”

  “Oh sweetheart, you don’t have to explain worry to me when it comes to my son. I think I own the patent on that one. I am very sorry for scaring you with my anger. It wasn’t personally meant for you, but I was just surprised and of course, taken off guard. To find out that my son kept something so personal from me, and then add the marriage license on top of it? I just lost my head. The purpose of this trip was to surprise you and Jackson, to tell you both our good news and to catch up. Do you forgive me? I need us to be okay, Riley. You mean everything to your mom and Jackson, which means you are everything to me.”

  “Of course, Mr. Reed, and will you please forgive me?”

  “I will, but on one condition.”

  “Anything.”

  “Call me ‘Walker.’”

  “Okay, Walker, it’s going to take some getting used to. You are, well, you, and calling you by your first name feels weird.”

  “Okay. If it makes you uncomfortable, then by all means you may still call me ‘Mr. Reed.’ Now before we go back, I do want to talk about something else. Riley, probably the biggest reason I reacted the way I did was out of fear, my fear for my son’s health and well-being, and knowing the position you would have been in had you married my son?”

  “I don’t understand. What position?” she nervously questioned.

  “If you two had been married, you would have been the legal advocate in regards to decision making for Jackson. Riley, you must understand the seriousness of this situation. According to the law, you would have been next of kin, and that means you make the decisions for your husband. I don’t have a directive in place for my son. Why would I? He’s eighteen years old and healthy. With facing a health crisis, anything could happen. You would be expected to make decisions, and that responsibility would fall on you.”

  “Mr. Reed, I highly doubt you would just sit back and let me take over.”

  “Now that is the girl that my son loves. Welcome back, Riley. You’re right. I would have moved heaven and earth to take you out of the equation, but I’m happy it didn’t come to that. To sit here and convince you that I’m not controlling or extremely protective of my son would be futile at this point. I’m all those things and so much more. Like I said, his well-being is everything to me, and that will never change. I know I can’t protect him from everything in the world that can harm him, but this is different, sweetheart, and so very close to home. I know and understand why Jackson kept this from me, but now that it’s out in the open, can you please do me a favor?”

  “If I can, Mr. Reed.”

  “Fair enough. I understand your commitment to my son, but when it comes to his health, you must trust me to help him. We are a family now, Riley, and there is nothing you can’t share with me or your mother, okay?”

  “Okay, Mr. Reed. Again, I’m so very sorry.”

  “Let’s not talk about this anymore. Let’s concentrate on getting Jackson well, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  We walked through the lobby of her father’s wing, and Riley stopped to admire Elizabeth’s portrait, something she always did anytime she would visit her father here.

  “She was very beautiful, Mr. Reed.”

  “Yes, she was.”

  “Don’t worry Mr. Reed. My father has been blessed with gifted hands and a beautiful mind. He will save him.”

  I was taken aback with her admiration for her father. Jackson was right. She truly idolized him. She wiped a tear from her face and walked ahead to the bay of elevators, leaving me alone for a minute.

  Looking to Elizabeth’s portrait, I whispered my own silent vow, our son will make it. I won’t be hanging a portrait of him next to you anytime soon. Please forgive me, friend. I know how I sound right now, but it’s who I am. You of all people know I make no apologies for who and what I am. Jackson is my whole world, and damn to destiny and my father’s prophecies. I will not lose him. Please, God, save my son.

  Taking a deep breath, I made my way over to Riley, who was anxiously waiting for me. We took the elevator ride in silence as we made our way back to Jackson. We both needed this minute and respected the other’s need for quietness. The doors opened and Riley speed walked back to Jackson, leaving me on my own. I followed a few steps behind and peered into the room. The doctors hadn’t arrived yet. Reese spotted me by the door but stayed where she was. Was I that obviously unapproachable? I’m scared out of my mind about what I’m going to hear from Samuel and Liam.

  I pulled out my phone. My fingers hovered over the keypad, and instead of calling my mother, I phoned my office instead.

  “Jenny, I will not be returning to the office as planned. I need a status report e-mailed to me immediately, and then I will call you later with further instructions. Anything that requires my immediate attention can be filtered through Donovan. Are we clear?”

  Never missing a beat, she agreed compliantly. “Yes sir. Is there anything else you need me to do?”

  “No, not at this time. Have Donovan phone me when he gets in.”

  “Yes sir.”

  I ended my call and pocketed my phone. That was a waste of time. Your office is fine, and you know it. My mother has a right to know, they all do, so why was I hesitating? I don’t want to hurt my mother or Gail, but Henry, I owe him nothing. I don’t want him here and especially not near Reese, but if Jackson wants him to know, then there really is nothing I can do about it.

  Just as I reached for my phone again, Liam, Samuel, and McGovern all arrived to Jackson’s room. It was time to hear my son’s fate.

  I ENTERED MY son’s room and stood beside Reese. Jackson was now out of bed and sitting on the couch with Riley next to him. Considering the condition he was in the day prior, this was a miraculous sight to take in.

  Their hands were entwined with each other as mine were with Reese’s. I was trying with great effort to be calm and focused so I could concentrate on the matter at hand, not on one of the other million thoughts that were occupying my mind.

  After the greetings were exchanged, we all took a seat and focused our attention on Samuel who began to explain his treatment plan for my son.

  “Jackson, after reviewing your newest CT and MRI scans, Dr. O’Larien and I are both in agreement that surgery is your best course of action. As I explained, the AVM you have is small, almost too small to detect, but it’s there. I’ve seen this before, but your case is different because of the symptoms that have been occurring. What concerns me is your blood pressure spikes and headaches. The AVM is located in your Occipital lobe which is the probable reason why these symptoms are evident at this time. I know this is a lot to take in with this medical jargon, but before I go on, do you have any questions, Jacks
on?”

  I watched my son take a few deep breaths before answering. He looked at Riley, and then his eyes found mine. Without ever breaking contact with me, he asked his question.

  “Dr. Briggs, am I at risk of going blind? You mentioned this as one of the side effects. Can this happen to me?”

  “Jackson, temporary and permanent blindness are two very different things. Where this AVM is located does present a risk, but I am confident that you are not in danger of losing your eyesight. Let’s go over the plan from the beginning, and then we will answer all your questions. Okay?”

  “Okay, sir.”

  My son answered with his head down. He’d been incredibly strong up to now, but I could feel his fear of the unknown. This was a feeling that I knew all too well. I gave Jackson a reassuring smile as Samuel continued on.

  “I will need to order some routine blood and urine tests again before surgery. It is also recommended to do a chest x-ray and an ECG. I have no doubt you are fit, but we exercise on every side of precaution. Dr. O’Larien will be observing, along with my highly skilled team of Anesthetists and nurses that will join me in my operating room.”

  “You will be taken in about 30 minutes before your operation. My nurses will prep the area on your head to be shaved and cleaned. The next step is my team of Anesthetists. They will prep and put you to sleep, but not before me answering any last questions you have. Once you are completely down, we begin.

  “I will perform a craniotomy, which means an opening in the skull. I will carefully excise the AVM from the surrounding brain tissue. Without facing any obstructions or complications, this will take me several hours. Do you have any questions so far?”

  “Where will you make the incision? Will you have to shave my entire head?”

  “No, Jackson. Where the AVM is located, I will make the incision behind your ear. We will have to shave the surrounding area, but to answer your question, we do not have to shave the entire head. Don’t worry, son, your hair is safe.”

  I watched my son’s apprehension fall away, and he smiled a bit.

  “As I was saying, once I close, a dressing will be applied to your head and you will be taken into recovery. You will not be here in this room. You will be moved to the Neurosurgical ICU to be observed closely by a team of nurses. They will be with you around the clock and giving me updates. You’ve never been under general anesthesia before, so you may feel nauseous when you wake, if not experience vomiting.”

  Jackson questioned, “How long will I have to be in the ICU?”

  “Depending how you recover, most likely two days. If all goes well, I will have you discharged within a week. An angiogram will be performed once more to ensure the AVM has been completely eradicated.”

  “Dr. Briggs, what about the side effects? You make this sound so simple. Just cut into my brain and take out my big bad AVM, and slap a bandage on me like it was nothing at all. This is my brain!”

  I watched Jackson stand and pace the room. He was at his breaking point. Hell, so was I, but this was happening to him, and he needed his space. He faced the window looking out and leaned his head on the glass while taking a deep breath. I eyed Riley to give him a minute, and she respectively did. Silence filled the room as we waited for Jackson to move or speak. He drank some water, rejoined his girl on the couch, and simply gestured to Samuel to continue, but it was Liam who spoke next.

  “Jackson, I know you’re scared and have many questions. We will answer them one by one until you understand them all. I don’t think I could have explained what you’re facing any different than Dr. Briggs here. Believe me, son, this surgery is not simple by any means. Operating on a brain takes an insurmountable level of skill and precise timing. Both Dr. Briggs and I have performed this operation many times, and we are confident that we will not meet any complications while performing yours.”

  “But…with any surgery, side effects are always at risk of occurring. In your case, these are: Stroke-like symptoms such as weakness in your arms or legs. Numbness, tingling, speech, and visual problems can occur. If anything, I would wager on your vision being compromised, but not anything resulting in a permanent state. This is why you will be in the ICU for a couple of days if not more to watch for all of these signs. We have no way of knowing until post-op surgery. I have no doubt whatsoever that once the AVM is removed, you will make a full recovery without fear of this ever coming back.”

  We all let out a breath after Liam finished his explanation. Jackson appeared to be more at ease after switching over to Liam. He’d been his doctor for years, and they had a bond. But, personal feelings aside, Briggs was the best choice for my son. I saw and heard no doubt. This guy was the best for a reason, and I trusted him completely with my son.

  “Dr. Briggs, when do you want to do this?” asked Jackson.

  “I can have this scheduled as early as tomorrow, with all your pre-op testing done today.”

  “If you all don’t mind, can I have some time with my father?”

  “Of course. Why don’t we all take a break and meet back here in an hour?”

  McGovern seemed pleased and bid his goodbyes to us as he exited the suite. Riley hugged Jackson and followed Reese. For the first time since last night, I was alone again with my son. Not knowing what he would say, I prepared myself and waited for him to talk.

  LOOKING AT MY father sitting there so composed was a bit unnerving. I shouldn’t be surprised by his demeanor. He wouldn’t be the man he is if not for his level of discipline and control. My actions had disappointed him and our trust had been broken, but he made it clear to me that it’s already forgotten. My actions were reckless, this I know, but at the time I felt like I was doing the right thing. I’m scared, really scared and now is where I really need my father the most.

  “Are you okay, dad?”

  “Me? I should be asking you, son. I can’t imagine what’s going through your mind right now.”

  “Well, probably the same thing going through yours. I’m scared.”

  “I know you are, son, but thank god you didn’t let that fear hold you back and keep you from getting the help you need. I know I was angry yesterday, but this could have been a different outcome.”

  “Like what happened to mom?”

  “Exactly. We always seem to come back to that, don’t we? I’m sorry for that, son. I never really took in account how it affected you all of these years. I built this fortress around you and kept all that could harm you out, but never realized that I was the one that was hurting you most.”

  “That’s not true. Please don’t blame yourself. You did everything right by me, and I have had an amazing life. Not one day as your son have I felt unloved by you. I love you so much, dad, and it is an honor to be your son, to be a Reed.”

  “Jackson, it’s not over. You have your entire life to look forward to. Talk to me son, and please don’t hold back for me. If you have something to say to me, by all means, do it.”

  “Okay.”

  I WATCHED JACKSON walk over to the closet to retrieve his backpack. He pulled out a smaller bag from it. I didn’t know what it contained, because all I found yesterday was the marriage license without searching it any further. He pulled out a small porcelain box in the shape of a heart. I recognized it belonging to Elizabeth, but I hadn’t seen it in years.

  “Where ever did you find that?” I asked my son with curiosity.

  “Grandma Gail gave it to me when we visited Arizona months ago.”

  “I don’t even remember you carrying anything when we left.”

  “That’s probably because you were angry and that’s all that you saw. I apologize, dad, but I can’t really say it any other way.”

  “After our talk, I thought you understood why I was angry with your grandfather and the reasons behind it.”

  “I do understand, dad, and hold no fault toward you, but it is what it is. You clearly hate my grandfather, and probably your own father as well. I don’t, dad. I could never hate them. I don’
t agree with their actions, and I am disappointed in them because they hurt you, but hate is not one of my feelings I feel when it comes to them. Grandfather Phillip is gone, and I miss him. If he were here today, I would be the first one to call him out on his actions, but all I could do now is just pray for him and hope he will find peace in the next life. As for Grandpa Henry, I have to imagine he is hurting and feeling lost. I’ve only spoken to him a handful of times, then a short visit with him when I graduated.”

  “What are you saying to me, son? Why are we even talking about him?”

  “Because we need to, dad. I need to know that the people in my life who I love will be okay even if I’m not here.”

  “No!!! You stop this right now. I will not sit here and listen to this. You heard Samuel and Liam. You will be fine. What the hell? Why are you preparing yourself for the worst? You are so young to be this fucking cynical. What is it, Jackson? You want to die? Do you want to join your mother? Because if I lose you, I have no doubt I’ll be right behind you. I will not lose my son. You will be fine. You need to believe that.”

  “And what if I don’t believe it? What if I have a small part of me that is just blindly scared of the unknown? Just because I’m scared doesn’t mean I’m giving up, but I also have to prepare myself for anything. Dad, this is not like getting your tonsils out; this is brain surgery. I don’t care what they said and how minimal the risks are. Anything can happen while I’m on that table, and I’m preparing myself for every outcome.”

  “Even death, Jackson?”

  “Yes, dad, even death. I’m sorry if this hurts you, but you have to know what I’m feeling. I love you. I want nothing more than to love Riley for the rest of my life. I want to see my little sister be born and hold her. I want to teach her everything, and scare the crap out of her future boyfriends. Believe me, dad, I don’t want to go into that surgery thinking I’m not going to wake up. I know what I would be leaving behind, and that’s not an option for me. I just wanted to say it out loud and really come to terms with all of this. If I hadn’t hidden this from you, maybe this conversation would be taking a different direction. Maybe this is my guilt, but I can’t keep it inside any longer. You always demand honesty, well this is me being honest. Which brings me back to this box.”