by Madison Diaz
She nods again, biting her lip. "I want it. Please. I want you."
I growl, shoving myself in all the way to the hilt in one thrust. Her fingers dig into my shoulders as she cries out. Her eyes pin shut as I start thrusting, hard and fast. Her breathy little moans can’t keep up as I pound into her, not giving a fuck about her pleasure.
She's turned me into this person. She got in my damn head. Made me believe she loved me as much as I loved her, then left me high and dry as if I were nothing. She was there the day my leg had broken, and she never said a thing about it. She’s the reason I lost focus this summer, wallowing in self-pity from the moment she disappeared. She’s the reason I’ve felt so damn empty and pathetic over the last two months.
She used me, so now I’m gonna use her. She can’t just show up three months later without a single text or phone call. She can’t demand I hear her out and forgive her. We were done from the moment she shut me out without a single text. He used her like this, and she went right back to him again and again. Why be any different? What did it ever get me?
Her eyes finally open, and I look into that forest green. The look pierces right through my heart, filling me with agony and anger. I quickly sit up and pull out. She blinks, confused. "Flip over," I order, stroking my cock in front of her.
She’s hesitant as she flips over and shoves her ass right in my face. I grab her hips and bury my tongue in her pussy one last time. She moans and tastes so goddamn good. I suck on her little bud and spank down on her ass as she groans through it all. I kneel behind her and push her head down into the mattress as I enter her again.
"Yes," she whispers as I start to thrust again. I grab her ass hard enough to bruise. My fingers tangle in her hair as I pull, and she moans. I fuck her hard, fast, and rough. She shoves her hand down between her legs and rubs her clit. I think about stopping her, but whatever, I don’t care.
I slap down on her ass again, keeping pace until I feel it. My body goes rigid as I shudder my release into her. A loud groan leaves my lips as my eyes pin shut and my cock pulses inside her. She follows quickly after, her pussy contracting around me as I milk myself dry.
She collapses on the bed, sweating and breathing hard. She glances up at me with this hopeful look in her eyes, but I don’t return it. "You got what you wanted," I tell her.
Her brow furrowed in confusion.
"Now go. Don't talk to me again."
Her confusion shifts into sadness as her eyes fill with tears. I feel like a damn asshole, so I look away. I can’t watch as she scrambles for her clothes, almost losing balance as she throws them back on as quickly as possible. She doesn’t turn back to look at me or say another word as she rushes out the door, slamming it behind her.
If using her was the right thing to do, then why did it hurt so much to watch her go? I hate knowing the cause of her tears is me, but I made my choice. There's no way Leah would ever want to speak to me again.
Chapter Twenty-One
Leah
I run from the hotel so fast I trip over my feet a few times on the sidewalk, straight up face-planting at one point. Random people walking on the street help me back to my feet, pushing me on my way. Nobody wants to deal with a hysterical woman in the streets. I’m sure I look crazy, but I deserve everything that happened a few minutes ago up in that hotel room.
I deserve the cold version of Nick I never knew existed. He isn’t my fairy tale prince. He’s just another person, hurt by the selfish actions I’ve made. He’ll never be evil like Ethan, but men are all the same, only willing to listen when it benefits them. Only willing to forgive if we submit to them. Well, I’m done with it. Finished with men forever.
"Leah?" a familiar voice squawks from across the street.
My eyes fall on the sister of the person who ripped my heart out only moments ago. Her eyes widen as the other two members of their band stand still as statues, shocked to see me.
Carrie takes off across the street, getting honked at by cars that nearly run her over. "What are you doing here?" she asks once she finally reaches me. "What happened to you? Where'd you go?"
My head shakes back and forth. "I can't…I have to go."
I try brushing past, but she grabs my arms, pulling me back to look at her. "Don't go," she pleads, her eyes filled with as much despair as mine. Had I hurt her too when I left? How many more people would I hurt? "Nick's at the hotel. Come back with us."
My head shakes again. "I was just there."
"You were?" Sean asks, finally joining us a few moments later. I assume he and Michael had waited patiently to cross the street legally, unlike Carrie. Sean’s eyes are wide and filled with worry as he steps next to her. "Where's Nick? What happened?"
Another tear escapes as I pull from Carrie's grasp. "It doesn’t matter. I fucked up, and I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have run away like I did. I wanted to find myself, but I did it the wrong way. I hurt all of you, and I understand if you’re all done with me forever."
Carrie shakes her head, grabbing both my arms now. The people walking by us on the street barely notice my life falling apart out in the open for all to see. "We were never done with you, and Nick isn’t either. He loves you. I know it. Don't give up on him. Don’t give up on us. We can go back to Austin together. You can room with Sean and me until you and Nick figure everything out."
Wiggling out of her grasp, I shake my head for the final time. "I can't do that. I have family here. I can't up and leave them for something I can't save. I'm done, and I wish you all the best. You showed me what it was like to have friends, and I'm sorry I ruined it."
"You didn’t ruin anything," Michael finally speaks, scrubbing his face with his hand. His eyes are soft as he replaces Carrie by my side, placing a hand on my shoulder. "You can't help your past." Sean and Carrie both nod. "We don't hate you. You did what you had to."
Now I’m seriously bawling in the street. "We won’t give up on you," Carrie promises, throwing her arms around me. I hug her back as Sean and Michael join in.
I never thought in a million years I'd get sandwiched between these three, but it’s nice. Maybe I’m not such a bad person after all. Bad circumstances, sure. Bad upbringing, yep. But I’m changing. Turning into someone who isn’t weak and doesn’t let her past define her.
"I'll keep trying," I declare once we pull apart. They all smile at me. "I'll get my life together, and I'll come visit you all when I do."
"That's the spirit," Sean says, slugging my arm.
Carrie cups my cheeks. "And Nick will realize how much of a stupid jerk he was. I promise you that." She pulls me to her and kisses my cheek. "To be continued?"
I nod. "To be continued."
Chapter Twenty-Two
Nick
A slap goes straight to my face, pulling me from my drunken stupor. "What did you do?" Carrie asks, seething with rage as my eyes pry open.
I glance at the clock. It’s almost midnight. When did I fall asleep? What the fuck did I do to piss my sister off? "Nothing," I croak, laying my head back down and closing my eyes.
"Oh, no." She pulls my hair. "You don't get to cop out and go to sleep."
I shove her hand away. "Ow. Would you quit? I'm not playing around, Car."
She jumps on the bed, knees digging into the back of my thighs, elbows pressing hard into my shoulder blades. "I'm not playing around either. What happened with Leah?"
"Leah?" I shove her off of me to the free space on the bed. "What about Leah? She's gone."
"We saw her out on the street, dude," Sean tells me, looking very disappointed. I almost give a shit. "She looked pretty messed up. Told us she'd just talked to you."
"What did you say?" Carrie asks, grabbing my arm. I can now see the distraught in her eyes, making me feel like the world’s biggest asshole.
"Nothing." I pull my arm out of her grasp.
"What'd you do?" Michael asks this time. What the hell is up with my bandmates getting in my business?
Growling, I run my fingers
through my messy hair. "We fucked. Big deal. She's gone now." I lay back down and cover my head with the blanket.
Carrie pulls it back off, making me groan. Her eyes are filled with concern, and those damn tears are like kryptonite. "This isn't a joke, Nick. She was crying. She looked hopeless."
"Yeah, well, not my problem. She bailed after I poured my heart out to her, so she can fuck herself. I'm done with women like that. You were right all along. She's like Katie." Sean and Carrie groan. "You can't fix broken people."
"Uh," Michael speaks up, "who's Katie?"
Carrie scoffs, rolling her eyes in the process as she finally backs off and sits on her end of the bed. "My old best friend. She could sing like an angel but was evil incarnate. Nick followed her around like a puppy until she broke his heart. She left him for some other lead singer for another band."
"That's not what happened."
"Pretty close to what happened," Sean agrees. Asshole.
"Whatever," Carrie continues. "The point is, Leah's not Katie, and she didn't use you."
I sigh. "I'm tired of talking about this. It's over. Done. She ended it, so I gave her exactly what she wanted. Now we can all move on."
They glance at one another, disappointment all across their faces, like they’re the heartbroken ones. Like they're the ones invested in my pathetic love life. Leah and I are done. We have to be. We aren’t meant for each other, and in the end, we’d only keep hurting again and again.
What if she ran again? What if I wouldn’t be enough for her? We fell too deep too fast, and it ruined us. I don’t have what it takes to keep her, and I’m not gonna kill myself trying.
✵ ✵ ✵
The months passed slowly, and winter break was right around the corner. I'd spent most of last night holding a seance, calling on the dead for help to salvage at least a B in a few of my classes. This semester was turning out to be the most distracting of my college career and Leah was always on my mind, in my head, and torturing my heart.
I saw her everywhere. In the face of every pretty blonde girl I passed. But none of them were her. None had those haunting green eyes or those puffy pink lips. None of them made me question everything I'd ever known about myself, wanting to throw it all away for love. Yes, this semester I'd turned into a sap.
A regretful sap, of course. The way I'd ended things with Leah was wrong. If she never talked to me again, I’d deserve it. I deserve worse for the way I'd been a total jackass. It took a few days of reflection to bring me to that conclusion, and I wished I could turn back time.
I hope that wherever she may be, she’s happy. That's all I want. Her dark past and tortured soul warranted a release. I hope she didn't lie about her ex-boyfriend being in jail. I hope she’s far away from him, and me, and is moving on. Even if that means with someone else.
My bandmates hadn't mentioned her since New Orleans. Carrie had given me the silent treatment all the way back to Central Texas that next morning, but then she dropped it once we needed to set up for our next show, then she went back to normal after that. Everyone accepted it was over. Leah’s gone, and she's never coming back.
One good thing from the summer was that our band gained some momentum. Our Facebook page blew up (okay, two hundred likes, but still a big deal) right before the school year. People from all over the south wanted to know when we'd be back. The awesome feedback from new fans gave us the energy to start writing new shit and make what we had tighter. Our goal for next summer was to at least double our fan base.
But for now, I’m just ready for winter break. My mom will be back to visit for Christmas. We haven’t seen her since Carrie's birthday in October. She was oblivious to most of what happened with Leah, but she still patted me on the shoulder at the end of the night, telling me everything was gonna be okay.
I know it will be. Like most broken hearts, time is the only cure. I just want the be done with school, and I only have one more semester left until graduation. Just five more months of this torture then I’d be free to pursue whatever I want.
My final paper is in my professor's mailbox. The weight has lifted off my shoulders as I go on my way to meet with Carrie and Sean for celebratory tacos.
The damn wind has been blowing like crazy all day, making a jacket necessary. Branches and abandoned papers slide across the ground in front of me as I walk to meet the two lovebirds. Yep, that's right. My sister and lifelong buddy.
Carrie thought I'd freak out or murder Sean, but I saw it coming from a mile away. The way she depended on him and the way he stared at her, even when she wasn't looking. Did they think I was blind? It was so obvious, but whatever. They've been cool all semester, keeping the PDA down.
I stop at a busy street, waiting for the light to turn red when I see her. I know one-hundred percent it’s her. Sure, I'd mistaken about a million blonde girls on campus for her from behind, but that has to be her. The girl standing by the street, staring up at the university, is Leah. My beautiful Leah.
Okay, she isn’t mine anymore. I have to remind myself of that as another man comes to her side and touches the small of her back. I'd screwed all that up forever, but she had been mine at one point. I have no right to be jealous, but that doesn’t stop my hands from shaking as I watch them.
She smiles up at him like she loves him, then he kisses her forehead so intimately it gives me chills. Glancing back across the street, I decide I don’t want Torchy's anymore. I want to go home and wallow in my own self-pity. I turn around, ready to head back to my apartment as I sneak one last look at Leah.
Mr. Tall, Tan, and Handsome has his arms around another woman. One with darker hair who beams up at him like she definitely loves him. Now I’m confused. What’s their relationship? Who is that? Why aren’t my legs moving?
"Nick?" I hear come from those beautiful lips. It’s then that I realize the three of them had been walking in my direction where Leah easily spotted me. Even with my hood on, I still look the same.
The couple she’s with stop in their tracks, staring at me. Do they know who I am? Had she mentioned me over the last few months?
"Wow," Leah breathes out, bringing my attention back to her. Oh, man, she’s more beautiful than I remembered. Her soft, creamy cheeks are flushed from the cold. Her long, beautiful hair is blowing in the wind. Those incredible green eyes and those luscious lips. "You look great," she adds, still without breath.
The guy looks at both of us before catching the eyes of the woman in his arms. "We'll, uh, give you guys some space," he announces. Grabbing the woman's hand, he pulls her further along the sidewalk.
Leah catches my eye again as she approaches me, slow as ever. She gives me a kind smile that sends butterflies right to my damn stomach. "Hi," she says, blinking with those pretty, long eyelashes as she gazes into my eyes.
"Are you really here?" I finally ask, star-struck. Had I actually fallen asleep in the library? Is all this a dream?
Her smile turns brighter as she runs her fingers through her hair. "Yes, I'm really here."
"Why?" I ask, a little too quickly with a tone I instantly regret.
It doesn’t seem to bother her as she shrugs. "Just visiting… Dreaming about what could have been…” Her eyes venture off toward campus.
"Do you plan on going?"
She scoffs, rolling her eyes back onto me. "I have to take classes first. I can't up and go to UT after barely getting my GED."
My eyes widen. "You got your GED?"
She smiles as she nods. "Yeah. My brother and I wanted to visit our parents. You know, clear the air and all that. Make amends, but we couldn't find them." She shrugs. "So we stopped by in Austin on the way back." She glances at campus again. "Wanted to actually see it up close. I'd only ever seen it as I drove past. It's amazing."
"There are other nicer schools."
She shrugs, looking at me again, those stunning eyes sparkling. "Yeah, but you don't go to those other schools."
My eyes almost bulge out of my head as my mouth goes dr
y. "You came here to see me?"
She shakes her head, fighting the corners of her lips to stay down. "No, I just wished I could." She chuckles. "It's fate we happened to pass by each other, and I'm glad." She smiles. "It feels like closure, you know? I've been telling my heart to stop loving you for months. Telling myself you don’t want me anymore, and I have to accept that. Seeing you here now, it still hurts. It hurts like hell, but it feels final, you know?"
I want to say, No, I don't know, because things between Leah and I would never feel final. I want to reach out and touch her, tell her I still love her, but I can’t. My body won’t move. I’m tongue-tied and still in shock from seeing her so suddenly after so many months.
She continues on. "I feel like I can go back to New Orleans without wondering what you'd wear in winter or how you'd look if we ever meet again. I wouldn't have to drive myself crazy wondering what could happen if I showed up, asking you to be with me again. I can let go."
"Don't let go," I finally manage to breathe out.
She blinks. "What?"
Stepping forward, my hands grasp her arms, pulling her to me. She gasps as her gorgeous eyes flutter up at mine. "Don't let go. Don't let me go. Leah," I cup her cheek as she sighs, relaxing into me. "I'm sorry for everything. I can't let you go either. I was wrong. So, so wrong when I hurt you."
"I hurt you too," she answers back, eyes filling with tears. "I was so scared you'd wake up one day and realize how much of a loser I was. How much of myself Ethan took away. I wanted to be more for you."
"You are more for me. You're everything." A tear escapes from her eye as I brush it away with my thumb. She sighs again, gripping my jacket with her dainty hands. I was ready to plunge right in and cover her mouth with mine before she stops me with her hand.
Her eyes are full of determination. So beautiful and hypnotizing. I want to stare at them forever. She opens her beautiful mouth as she says, “We need to talk first.”
