I cringed. “I should have known better than to ask.”
“Jo, are you out here?” a voice asked.
A man’s voice.
I grinned at Jo.
She pointed at me. “Don’t say a word. I’m just doing my thing.”
I turned my head and Michael was approaching us.
With his white buttoned-down shirt open, black pants, no socks or shoes, and messy bed head to complete the look.
I quickly wiped my eyes. “Sorry, Jo. I didn’t know you had company.”
I sniffled.
Jo half grinned and looked to Michael.
“I’ll be right there,” she said.
“Okay,” Michael said. “I’ll be waiting for you, JoJo Bear.”
I pursed my lips tight to make sure I didn’t say anything to Jo.
She closed in on me. “Don’t say a fucking word about that. That’s something he just started last night. And it fucking pisses me off.”
“I thought if someone called you something like that you would have killed them.”
“Yeah… well… not yet,” Jo said.
I couldn’t help but laugh at her.
Then came another quiet moment.
“Jo,” I said. “If I’m in the way at all here…”
“You’re not,” she said. “Stay. Just don’t be so obviously stupid.”
“I’m not,” I said.
“Are you alone here today?”
“Of course.”
Jo shook her head. “You have two friends hiding in the cove at the end of the pool.”
I gasped. “How did you know? Cameras?”
“The fucking car in the driveway,” Jo said.
I shut my eyes. “Shit. Sorry. I didn’t know if you wanted me to have anyone here…”
“You’re not grounded,” Jo said. She laughed. “I’m not your mother. Or your friend.”
“Or my caretaker,” I said. “You keep saying that. Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”
“Just please don’t be stupid,” Jo said. “I don’t have time for stupid.”
“Right. Lizzy and Danica are here. Lizzy is hungover. Possibly still drunk. She threw up outside of the pool.”
“Fuck,” Jo said. “I said don’t be stupid… not be open and honest with me. Two different things.”
Jo started to walk away.
“Jo, wait a second,” I said.
“Yeah?”
“I swear I was just going for a walk. I wasn’t looking for trouble. Where I come from… I mean… a big SUV with no lights on, following me…”
“I would have thrown that rock too, Belle,” Jo said. “Hagan knows that too. Stupid fool. I’ll make sure he stays out of your hair. Just do the same for everyone else.”
I nodded.
Jo disappeared and I started to walk back to the house a few seconds later myself.
As I walked the curved path back to the pool, I heard a psst that made me jump.
Michael seemed to step out of nowhere, smoking a cigarette.
“Morning, Belle,” he said.
“Hey.”
“So you have two girls hidden in the cove, huh?”
I curled my lip. “What?”
“I didn’t realize you were into that kind of thing.”
My lip curled even higher. “Are you trying to be funny right now? Because you’re not funny.”
“I’m not trying to be funny at all,” he said. He dropped his cigarette at my feet. “Be careful where you step, Belle. You might get burned.”
Michael exhaled a cloud of smoke and strutted across the pavement to the house.
He kept his eyes on the pool, a grin on his face that made me feel sick.
He came within an inch of planting of his bare feet into Lizzy’s vomit.
Damn.
When Michael was gone, I walked to the edge of the pool and crouched down.
“You two can come out now,” I yelled. “She knows. I was stupid. I think I need a drink.”
A second later, Lizzy popped out from the cove. “A drink? I’m in. That's the best way to chase a hangover away.”
“You just threw up,” I said.
“I made room for more.”
“That’s disgusting.”
“No,” Danica said as she swam out of the cove. “Disgusting is that dude that just walked by. He gives me white van free candy creeps.”
I laughed. “Yeah. Hopefully Jo tosses him to the curb soon.”
“She’s like those animals that fuck and then eats the guys,” Lizzy said. Lizzy looked at Danica. “If that was true, you know how fat you’d be?”
“Oh, shit,” I said.
Danica splashed Lizzy. “And you’d die of starvation, bitch.”
“I think Belle would have been dead by now,” Lizzy said.
“Fuck you,” I said.
Lizzy and Danica looked at each other and then at me.
Before I could jump back, they each had an arm, pulling me head first into the pool.
Fully clothed, front flip, water rushing up my nose.
I felt like my nose and brain were on fire as I popped up out of the water.
My right hand was in a fist, ready to swing, but seeing them both laughing, I had to laugh too.
I had to remind myself they were my friends.
Not everyone was out to choose me, use me, and lose me.
So I just splashed them once.
“I’m hungry,” Lizzy said.
“There’s some leftovers from last night over there,” Danica said, nodding to the vomit.
“Let’s go inside and make someone cook for us,” I said.
Danica grinned at me and winked. “You’re such a rich, spoiled bitch, Belle.”
two
The hallways were quiet yet tense.
I kept looking over my shoulder, waiting to see Them.
But there was no sign of Them.
I stopped at my locker, grabbed my notebook so I could head to Miss Whitaker’s class, then took the long way there.
Tempting fate.
Tempting whatever waited to show me Them.
But there was still no sign.
I opened the door to Miss Whitaker’s room and it was bustling with a full class.
I loved how everyone just scattered wherever they wanted.
There was a couple sitting against the back wall, heads touching, both their eyes shut, sharing earbuds.
There was some guy with long hair, with his face on a desk, snoring.
Most everyone else just sat with their phones in their hands.
Only two sat with a notebook open.
And then there was Miss Whitaker, standing at the window, staring out.
I crept up on her and cleared my throat to get her attention.
She turned and smiled when she saw me.
“You okay?” I asked her.
“How much do you love that secret notebook of yours?”
“What?”
“That notebook,” she said. “You write in it. A lot. And you only choose what the world sees. What about everything else? What does it say in there, Belle?”
“Well… a hello would have been a good start… but… yeah…”
“Cut the shit,” Miss Whitaker said. “You keep handing me good stuff but hiding the great stuff.”
“You think that’s going to be great?” I asked. “Random stuff about an old boyfriend? Or where I grew up. Or how I grew up. Or… whatever else…”
“That’s the great,” Miss Whitaker said. “Because it’s raw. So give me that, Belle. Something raw.”
I looked to my left. I studied everyone. I curled my lip.
“Sharing the sound, what can they actually hear? The heartbeat that echoes, if only to chase the fear. To shut your eyes and lose all senses, discover ones not found. Fingertips that explore, we know there is ground. Up here, there are no angels, those that can be this high. One last note, look at me, my love, and let me taste your sigh….”
�
��That’s what you want, Belle,” Miss Whitaker said. “Why not give me something you lost?”
I looked at her.
“I trusted your touch, the seconds that climbed onto each other, we built our own time for this, running down the endless hall, laughing at the ghosts that were never really there. Leaving nothing left unknown, I can stare into your eyes and get lost, like one big contradiction for the sake of writing a fucking word that could make sense of everything that’s happened. But then there’s silence. Except for that one lonely cricket. It’s body the sound. Just like us…”
I swallowed hard and felt my cheeks burning red.
Miss Whitaker grinned. “Ten.”
“Ten?”
“I want ten pages, Belle. Ten of the best pages you’ve got. Get them on my desk and I can send them off for you. But you better go deep. Don’t fluff shit. Like these two sharing the earbuds that you just described.”
Miss Whitaker and I looked at them at the same time.
“What’s wrong with that?” I asked.
“Pity,” she said. Then she whispered, “You took half the sound, but all of my heart. I can get the smell of your clothes off my skin. I’ll hear the same song, over and over, and when it ends, I know I can make it all begin. Again, but not us, my reflections tell me the truth. So I cut my hand, to avoid the truth, and I’m already lost… without you…”
“You should be the famous one,” I said to her.
“You first, Belle,” she said.
“Ten pages?” I asked.
“Ten.”
I opened my mouth and felt my back pocket vibrate.
I gasped.
Them.
“Sorry,” I said to Miss Whitaker. “I’ve been waiting…”
I let my voice trail off.
I didn’t even have enough energy for a decent lie.
I turned and looked down at my phone.
My smile faded fast.
It wasn’t Uly, Hil, or Ash.
It was Jo.
My mother was in the hospital… again.
* * *
Jo was the kind of person to text something like that instead of calling and then not fucking replying to my text back or even answering her fucking phone.
I ran out of Miss Whitaker’s room screaming It’s my mother! and kept running. Like I knew where I was going.
To my car.
I’m going to my car.
Shit.
I need my bag first.
I skidded to a stop with my arms out so I didn’t fall.
I turned and went the other way.
I needed to get my bag, get to my car, and get driving.
Just start heading back home.
Eventually Jo would…
My phone buzzed.
I kept running, my eyes down, reading the text.
Car accident. Getting details.
“Fuck me,” I said.
“That I can do,” a voice said.
I looked up, screamed, and crashed right into Hil.
It felt like I hit a brick wall.
I hit him, flew back, and was on my ass all in a second.
For a moment I couldn’t breathe as Hil stood over me.
“Shit, beauty, where are you running to?” he asked.
“My phone,” I said. “Where’s my phone? I need my fucking phone right now.”
I started to look across the floor and watched as Hil stepped next to my phone, blocking my view.
He picked up the phone and my heart sank
“You need this phone, Belle?” he asked.
“Give it to me right now, Hil,” I said.
“I love that kind of talk.”
“You’re such a fucking cliché,” I said. I sat up. “It’s my mother. She’s in the hospital.”
“Are you being serious, beauty?” Hil asked.
“Just found out. So give me my phone so I can get the fuck out of here.”
Hil stood up and offered his hand.
When he touched me, I begged for the warm jolts to go away.
They didn’t go away at all.
Hil pulled me right up with ease and slipped a hand to the small of my back. “Someone hurt her?”
“I don’t know, Hil,” I said. “I’m trying to get Jo on the phone. I need to get my bag and then… then drive. I have to get… somewhere.”
“Not a fucking chance in hell you’re driving like this,” Hil said.
All my attention was suddenly dedicated to him. “Excuse me?”
“I ride faster than you drive, beauty. I’ll take you where you need to go.”
“Not going to happen, Hil,” I said. “Just get out of…”
My phone buzzed again.
Jo was already on her way to the hospital.
I knew which one it was.
The same one my mother had been to many times before.
My thumb hovered over the screen on what to type back to Jo.
There was nothing to type.
My hands kept shaking.
There were a thousand possibilities of why my mother was in the hospital again.
An accident? What the fuck did that mean?
“Belle.”
I looked up at Hil’s wild, gray eyes.
At least with Hil I knew his intentions. I knew I was going to get hit on and then hurt. There was nothing really to hide.
“I’m not fucking you for this,” I said to him.
“Whoa,” he said. “Can’t I just do something nice for a pretty girl?”
“No,” I said. “You’ll expect repayment. I’m not an idiot.”
“And that, beauty, is why I can’t stop thinking about you,” Hil said. He touched my jaw. “Now, we can either stand here and eye fuck each other some more or I can take you to see your mother. Again… you get to choose.”
I slapped his hand away. “I can drive myself. I just need…”
I looked around.
My entire train of thought was all messed up.
“Shit,” I whispered.
Hil kissed my cheek.
I gasped.
“Good luck with your mother then,” he said. “I’m not wasting any more time here. You’re scatter brained and fully clothed. Boring.”
As Hil turned, I grabbed his hand.
My eyes felt glossy.
I blinked fast.
“I’m scared for her,” I said. “This is what she always does, Hil. She gets involved with these men and they hurt her. They hurt her.”
Just like I’m doing now. I got involved with you. With Them. And now I’m getting hurt.
“Why are you telling me this?” Hil asked.
“I need a ride.”
“I know you do, Belle,” he said with a grin.
“Not like that.”
Hil turned and grabbed my hand and pulled me against him.
I hit with a slight thud that stole my breath. I pushed away from him.
“Yes, like that,” he whispered. “Now admit it to me and I’ll take you to see your mother.”
“What? Fuck you. You said you were going-”
“That’s before you hesitated,” he said. “Now pay me. You’re lucky it’s just words this time.”
I curled my lip. “Okay. I get it. You want to hear me say how desperate I am? How much in need I am? How long it’s been for me? That just some touching here and there isn’t enough… I need more, Hil.”
Hil nodded. “That’s perfect.”
He pulled me closer to him.
To let me feel…
I caught my breath in my throat.
Hil lowered his mouth near mine.
But he didn’t kiss me.
The leather and cigarette smoke smell overtook me again.
“Better hold on tight, beauty… you’re in for one hell of a ride.”
* * *
Hil rode like a madman.
That was the only way to describe it. And the only way I survived it was by holding on tight and shutting my eyes until I felt dizzy a
nd sick. Then I’d open my eyes and watch the world fly by. When the panic would set in, I’d shut my eyes again.
My arms wrapped around his strong body.
Him in complete control of me.
Master of my fate while I was on his motorcycle.
He knew that too.
And he loved it.
But this wasn’t about me and Them.
When we got to the hospital, I called Jo and she answered the phone in the middle of giving out orders to someone. I felt bad for whoever was on the receiving end of that. It amazed me she was able to just call or enter any hospital she wanted and start barking orders and people listened to her.
I told Hil where I was going to be and I took off into the hospital without him.
Of course I was on the wrong side of the hospital.
My mother had come in through the emergency side and I had gone through the main entrance. I hated the way the hospital was designed. I hated everything about the hospital. The amount of times I had been in there… you’d think I’d know which door to go in by now…
I somehow met up with Jo.
She was waiting for me.
I tried to hug her and she was quick to put her hands out, touching my sides to get me to stop trying to get close to her.
“Sorry,” I said. “I came through the other door…”
“Doesn’t matter,” Jo said. “They’ve got her admitted for monitoring.”
“What happened?” I asked.
“Car accident,” Jo said.
“Car…?”
Jo took me to an elevator and started rambling off medical terms that were far beyond my reach of understanding. It always made me wonder why doctors couldn’t just call an arm an arm. Why did things have to have long names? Like speaking a different language. And on top of that, Jo went from talking to me to talking to herself. Running through several scenarios. Of what could have happened. Of what could happen next.
The elevator ride was slow and annoying.
I just wanted to know what happened to my mother and wanted to know if she was going to be okay.
When the doors opened, a man stood just outside the doors.
He pointed at me and smiled. “You must be Belle.”
That’s when I realized I knew the man.
Only from pictures.
Chester.
I wasn’t sure what came over me, but I charged toward him.
NOT SO Special: a bay falls high novel Page 2
