Which I had figured was coming at some point.
“I have no idea what I’m going to do,” I said.
“You really love Ash?”
“I really do,” I said. “I kind of love them all in a way. But Ash…”
“He gets you…” Danica splashed her hand in the water and giggled.
“Right,” I said. I smiled. “I got Uly and Hil to play a song for me.”
“Really?”
“It was amazing. Then they started arguing about Penelope. Then they fought. Then they started playing guitar again.”
“Wow. Look at you. You’re like… wow. Special. Special Belle.”
“Stop that,” I said. “I don’t want any names or attention.”
“Too late for that.”
“Yeah. Just wait until word gets around about Werthwood.”
Danica groaned. “I will break Lizzy’s jaw if she says anything.”
“You know what? Who cares? In a strange way I feel for Lizzy. What she did was wrong and she deserves to get her ass kicked. But the situation around it is messed up. It almost makes sense why my mother did everything to make sure I wouldn’t know about Werthwood.”
“I can’t believe all of this drama revolves around Werthwood,” Danica said.
“You’re crazy for what you did. To Lizzy.”
“She had it coming.”
“I’m sorry about your parents, Danica. I didn’t know. If you ever need a place to crash…”
“You’re offering me Dr. Thornburn’s house?”
“When is she ever home?” I asked. “And if I stay… we’ve got a good thing going now. We understand each other more.”
“If you stay… what about your mother and your old town?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “Everyone has moved on. Why not me?”
“You move on in fucked up ways, Belle,” Danica said with a laugh.
“I know Ash is crazy. I know it’s a risk. I know everything about him is probably really wrong and really bad for me. But I can’t help how I feel. And on the outside, everything that looks bad to you… it’s honest to me.”
“Fuck,” Danica said. “You’re actually making my heart go just a little soft for Them.”
“Wait a second,” I said. “Not Them. Just Ash. Uly is still a broody asshole. And Hil is this crazy thing of…”
“I get it,” Danica said. “Well I hope you stay. I need a new best friend.”
“You need to find a bed inside and sleep. I think we both do.”
“But it’s so nice here, Belle. To just disappear. Hide from the world. We can pretend like… like this is some secret cove. Right? And we’re going to a new world.”
“Oh yeah?” I asked. “Let’s write that story then.”
Danica laughed and pointed at me. “You’re a nerd, Belle. I’m not writing a story. Ever.” She put her glass to her lips and finished her drink. She let out a long aahh! sound. “That’s good.”
“Hey,” I said. “You’re not going to drunk text or call anyone, right?”
“Why’s that your business?”
“Nobody else is allowed here,” I said.
“Okay, Mother,” Danica said.
She dipped her head into the water and swam from the cove.
I swam after her and watched as she stayed under water. She swam all the way to the steps and then climbed out of the pool. Her clothes were drenched and pulled tight against her body.
She looked around and then at me. “No fucking towels?”
“It was either grab drinks or towels,” I said as I walked toward the steps.
“Okay. You made the right choice then.”
“There’s plenty of-”
“I’ll judge,” a voice said.
I made it out of the pool and let out a groan.
Hil came walking from the beachside, smoking a cigarette.
He rubbed his chin. “You’re all but taken, beauty…” He pointed to me. “So you…” He pointed to Danica. “You win by default.”
Danica hugged herself.
“What do you want, Hil?” I asked.
“Same as the rest of us,” Uly’s voice said.
He appeared too.
And then came Ash.
Them…
“I thought the guitar playing was the best part of the day and night,” Uly said. “I was wrong.”
“I think it’s only fair I strip down to my boxers, get in the pool, so everything hugs tight,” Hil said.
“Like you’re the type to wear boxers,” I said.
“That’s true,” Hil said. “So that means…”
“Hey, angel,” Ash said as he reached for my hand.
“Do I want to know what this is?” I asked.
“I needed to see you. They followed me.”
Hil and Uly approached Danica like hungry lions.
Danica stepped back and bumped into the table.
“Careful,” Hil said as he touched her waist. “Would hate to see you fall for me.”
“Give it up, Hil,” I said. “It’ll never happen. She’s smarter than me. And she took a baseball bat to Lizzy today.”
“What?” Uly asked.
“Long story,” I said.
“I’ll hit your ugly face with a bat,” Danica said to Hil.
“Ugly?” Hil asked. He touched his cheeks. “Damn, that’s cold.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Danica said.
“Shit,” Ash said. “Is she drunk?”
“Little bit,” I said. “I have to get her into a bed.”
“That could be fun to watch,” Uly said.
“So you two assholes hang out for one day and now you’re both sharing the same brain?” I asked.
“We wrote a new song, doll,” Uly said.
Hil set his sights on me. “That’s right.”
“What’s it called?” I asked.
“Beautiful Belle,” Uly said.
“How sweet,” I said. “Now go. I’m tired. I have things to do.”
Uly and Hil looked at each other and then at Danica. Then at me.
They were being annoying, but it was better than the two fighting each other.
“Come on, we’ll get out of here,” Ash said. “Leave these two to enjoy their night together.”
“Is that niceness I’m getting from you, Ash?” I asked him.
Ash blocked my view of Uly, Hil, and Danica.
His amber eyes devoured my body, mind, heart, and soul.
He lowered his lips to mine for a quick kiss.
Then he had something to say.
“I’ll be back in an hour, angel… my night with you isn’t over just yet.”
* * *
There was no sign of Jo.
Danica was passed out in one of the spare bedrooms next to my room.
She stumbled around the house and up the stairs. I ended up just pushing her into the bed and then tucking her in. I put her phone on the nightstand next to her. And then I sent her a text just letting her know she was safe and in Jo’s house.
I went out front and sat on the steps to enjoy a midnight cigarette.
It was kind of the perfect way to end such a messed up day.
I had all the truths. All the secrets.
There was nothing left to know about the past.
It was just about the present and a little about the future.
I really didn’t care what my mother did. Or what Werthwood did. Or what Jo did. Or Lizzy… Danica…
Their story was their story.
I grabbed my phone and opened a text message to myself.
The story we tell,
The unknown,
Maybe never known,
Never tell,
It all.
Like clouds in,
The sky,
Ask me,
‘What do you see?’
Point, laugh, study, trace,
Invisible lines in the air,
It doesn’t ever matter,
What you
see,
What they see,
Because nobody,
sees,
anything.
I can feel so much,
Without touch,
See better when,
I shut my eyes
Hear,
With the music so loud,
Taste the ocean,
With my mouth shut,
A lesson learned,
The hard,
way.
Maybe that wouldn’t make the ten pages I owed to Miss Whitaker, but whatever.
I was just killing time.
Waiting for…
“Ash,” I whispered.
The headlights of the truck grew bigger as he drove up the driveway.
I finished my cigarette but didn’t stand up.
Instead, I leaned back on the steps and waited for him.
As he walked toward me, I studied him as though it were the first time I was meeting him. And I realized I would always do that. Each and every time I saw Ash I would let my eyes climb all over him. It was impossible not to do that to him.
He walked up the steps and then leaned down toward me.
He put his hands to the steps above me and did a pushup kind of move to lower himself down to me.
I kept my head back, praying I had a bitchy look on my face instead of the desperate in love look that I knew was there.
He put his forehead to mine.
“You’re alone,” I whispered.
“Finally,” he said.
“Friends are such a pain in the ass.”
“That’s why I don’t have any,” Ash said.
“Right,” I said. “You’re a loner like me.”
“Where’s your best friend now?”
“In a spare bedroom.”
Ash grinned. “You trusted me, angel. To come back for you.”
I grabbed his shirt. “No. I just knew you wouldn’t be able to resist me.”
Ash growled in his throat and he kissed me.
We started to make out on the steps.
It was fun. But it wasn’t what I wanted him there for. Or what he came there for.
I lifted my right leg and gently kicked him away.
It took me standing three steps higher than Ash to be eye level with him.
I lifted my right eyebrow and turned to walk up the steps.
Ash followed.
We held hands inside the house as we went upstairs.
We were quiet, almost like we had to sneak through the house.
Except the way Ash walked, there was nothing sneaky about it. He wasn’t afraid of anything. Or anyone. That sometimes scared me. And it made me feel safe.
He sometimes confused me as much as he made me feel love for him.
“You know, if Jo catches us, she’ll probably kill you,” I said.
Ash moved behind me and slipped his hands to my waist and walked me into my bedroom.
He kissed my cheek and sighed against my neck.
Chills ran down to the tips of my toes.
Then he laughed.
“Worth it, angel,” he whispered.
I shut my eyes and put my head back to his chest.
And there it was… the last little bit of truth that had been dancing overhead all along.
It was all worth it.
twenty
Werthwood’s office was back to normal.
You’d never know the window had been shattered.
I stood because I refused to sit.
Fuck that.
He stood because he refused to sit.
“I wanted to let you know that Ashby will not be removed from Bay Falls High.”
“Good.”
“He’s taking the break we agreed upon. I’m okay with that.”
“A break for doing nothing.”
“He said what he said, Belle.”
“So I’m Belle again?”
“How about Belle for as long as we know each other?”
I swallowed hard. “Fine. Can I call you Hagan?”
“No,” he said.
“Fine,” I said again.
“There’s a lot we can talk about, if you ever want to. I do not want you to feel pressured or punished, Belle. I am sorry for the way things turned out. For the way things happened. It was never my intention… years ago or today…”
“I really don’t want to talk about it,” I said. “I want to blame you for the way my mother is, but I can’t. I hate the whole idea of rich boy, poor girl and that being the excuse. But I can’t control it.”
“I hope this can work out for everyone, Belle. I’d like to see you finish here. And go on to great things.”
“Thank you,” I said. “I hope things work out for you too. I know you broke things off with Ann…”
Werthwood waved a hand. “That’s personal. I’m sure it looks different than it really is. That’s how things go in life. Can I tell you why I kept those pictures?”
“Why?”
“Because I missed it every second of my life,” he said. “I can’t make excuses or dig up reasons, but I can say how I feel. Your mother was scared about me meeting you. I couldn’t blame her. You were three months old. And what kind of guy walks into a woman’s life when she has a newborn? In a way we were in trouble from the beginning. But I loved every second of it. I’m sorry my memory has been erased from you. Your mother did it out of love.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t know what to say to that. Maybe you should get back together with her. Or maybe we could…” I laughed. “Well, you’re my principal.”
“Deal,” he said.
“Oh, also, I’m leaving today. Not for good. But for today. So don’t do anything stupid like call Jo or try and tell me not to come back.”
And just like that, I flexed some power over Werthwood.
It felt good.
It felt weird.
But that was just Bay Falls High.
Plus, I had to dance with the past one last time to say goodbye.
* * *
I turned and looked at the FOR RENT sign in the window and laughed. The sign was crooked and faded. I wondered how many times the sign had been hung up. If anyone had lived in the apartment for a full year.
Shit… how many people lived in the place since that day my mother was taken away in an ambulance and I was taken away by Jo.
The building was still crappy looking.
And it would forever be that way.
The street was busy and smelled like car exhaust and old trash.
A familiar smell that trigged memories.
It actually hurt my nose the first few minutes.
My senses were spoiled by the ocean.
I was a spoiled bitch now…
I smoked a cigarette and waited for Sarah.
It was just like old times.
But with a different meaning now.
I looked down the street and when I saw Sarah turn the corner, my heart leapt up into my throat.
I sucked in a breath.
Images flashed in my mind.
Gray’s smirk after me finding the red V on my locker. Gray’s face as Sarah… you know what… in his car…
Sarah kept her distance from me, showing her hands.
“If you’re going to hit me, just do it,” she said.
“I’m not going to hit you,” I said. “At least I don’t think so.”
“Then I’ll stand right here.”
“I can chase you.”
“I have people waiting around the corner,” Sarah said.
“Oh yeah? So that’s who you are now? You have protection? Taylor? Grace?”
“No,” Sarah said. “I don’t talk to them anymore. Things have gotten crazy.”
“Crazy? Really? How so, Sarah?”
“You can just say whatever you want. Get it out of your system. Because you’re never going to let me talk. I know it.”
“You know it, huh?” I asked. “You’re just going to assume things about me?”
�
�You’ve done the same to me.”
I sat down on the stoop that used to be the apartment I lived in.
I waited for Sarah to join me.
It took her a minute to do it, but she listened.
“Everything’s changed,” I said to her.
“No shit.”
I looked at her. “I used Gray as much as he used me. I knew what I was doing.”
“I know that already, Belle. We talked about it. You tried to convince yourself you loved him or something. You were so afraid of hooking up with someone. Because of your mother. And I totally get that. Even still, what he did was wrong. He knows it.”
“Is that what he said to get into your pants?” I asked.
Sarah sighed. “Right. Whatever you say then. I’m a whore.”
I laughed. “You’re not a whore, Sarah. It’s not my business. I’m just pissed nobody said anything. That I had to find out the way I did.”
“I know,” Sarah said. “I’m still unsure of it all myself. I question everything. Believe me. I can’t figure out if what he says is real or not. And I know the end of the road is hurt. But I’m okay with it.”
“I’m never coming back here, Sarah. I want nothing to do with this place. I went to see my mother before I came here. She’s doing okay. She’s happy. I know there’s no way her new boyfriend will work out.”
“That just sucks,” Sarah said. “But at least you have somewhere to live now.”
“Yeah, I do. And I hope you find somewhere too. And if Gray hurts you, let me know and we’ll go after him together.”
Sarah nodded. “I can handle that. I really miss you not being around. And I’m sorry it all happened the way it did. I do like him. A lot. When I went after him for what he did to you… I felt stupid at first. Falling for the flirty bad boy thing. But it made sense, Belle. It was wrong, sure, but it made sense. And then he started talking to me more. Things happened. And I’m sorry that I hurt you.”
“You didn’t hurt me, Sarah. I let myself get hurt. That stops now.”
“If I stand up and walk away are you going to jump me?”
“Take the chance,” I said. “You never know.”
In reality, I had no idea what I wanted to do with Sarah or about her. Part of me wanted to keep talking. To find a way back to laughter. But another part of me wanted to punch her. Or jump her. Just to make my point very clear.
But at the same time…
NOT SO Special: a bay falls high novel Page 20
