This gem of advice from the woman whose husband just smacked her senseless for daring to ask a question.
“I’ll do better.” I hated the quiver in my voice. I hated that I wanted my mother to wrap me in her arms, hug me to her, and tell me everything was going to be okay. That she’d fix it. That the secret would go away and we could leave Ralph. I hated that sometimes I hated her for what she did. That I blamed her. I hated that she could drown the problems of our life from hell in alcohol and pills. I didn’t have that luxury. And she only had Ralph to deal with. I had Ralph and Jaden. And most of all, I hated feeling like I was a whiner.
This is life. Get over it. Suck it up and deal.
“You’d better. He’s a good guy. Start treating him with respect.” She turned and walked away.
“Yes, ma’am. Goodnight,” I said to her retreating back.
“Goodnight, Willow. I love you.”
Yeah, okay, whatever. Sometimes, you have a really shitty way of showing it.
“I love you, too, Mom.”
Breathe. Just breathe.
“Surprise him. Okay, which one should I wear… what message do I want to send?” I stood in front of my closet, looking through my shirts. I finally decided on sending a safe message to Brody and hoped Jaden wouldn’t notice or ask about the shirt. I pulled out a pink tee that read, He’s just a friend, and slipped it over my head before I could change my mind and grab the other one I was debating on wearing that read something about kissing me… which would definitely send mixed messages after the night before in Brody’s Jeep. But, oh, how I wanted to wear that shirt—wanted to finish that kiss.
Maybe I’ll have a T-shirt made that reads, I just dumped my dumbass jock boyfriend. Will you kiss me senseless now? Yeah, that’s sounds like a perfect T-shirt. I’ll get right on that… sure.
I pulled on a thin, zippered hoodie—I had a ton of them to go with the T-shirts and tanks. They were great for covering the cuts and bruises. Thankfully, he didn’t usually hit in the face. The hoodie was a light blue and matched the lettering on the tank top. I pushed my feet into my blue paisley Converse high tops. Another fashion faux pas I had that made Jenna cringe—my shoes. I went for comfort more than style. I loved my Converse, especially the ones with the funky prints. Not Jenna. She nearly had heart palpitations every time she saw me wearing them. I thought it was hilarious. She thought I’d lost my mind.
After running a brush through my hair, pulling it into a messy bun, and swiping my teeth with a toothbrush, I was ready for school.
I opened my door slowly and peered down the hall. My mother wasn’t anywhere in sight. Stepping into the hall, I made my way to the stairs. I was careful to avoid the boards I knew would make noise with the slightest change in pressure. I didn’t want to wake her up and get another lecture on how to keep men happy so they wouldn’t smack me around.
As soon as I’m eighteen, I am out. Of. Here. I don’t care if I have to flip burgers every day and babysit every weekend for four years to put myself through college. I’m leaving Middleton far behind.
I walked toward my locker when Jenna turned and saw me. “What are you wearing? I told you, shoes make or break an outfit. Those are breakin’ it. They are even worse than that horrid pink monstrosity you call a shirt.” She finally freed her book and papers from the mess overflowing from her shelf. I had to stifle a laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Brody peeked around the locker door at me.
“Oh, Jenna is just being… Jenna.”
“Ah. How’s the hand?” Brody asked.
“It’s okay. It makes getting my pants on and off interesting. Ugh… I can’t believe I just said that.” I laughed, feeling my cheeks heat with a blush.
“You’re cute when you blush.” He smiled. “I’ll see you in class. Oh.” Stopping, he looked over his shoulder. “I don’t like that particular T-shirt. Just so you know.” He winked and walked toward our biology class.
“What happened to your hand? And what the hell was that between you and Brody?”
“I jammed two fingers. No big deal. And Brody and I are… just… we just are. Like the T-shirt says. That’s all.”
“Mm-hmm. Sure, just friends.” A small smile curved her lips. “And how’d you jam your fingers?”
“Oh, you know, the usual.”
“Willow—”
“I’m fine. Really. I’m just fine,” I lied.
I sat next to Jaden, twirling my fork in the salad I was eating for lunch. Brody was across the room with some people I recognized from a few of our AP classes. Jenna and Tim sat with them, the traitors.
“I can’t believe you, like, eat that,” a blonde cheerleader said to me, cracking her gum as she talked. She was a girlfriend of one of the other football players—Sasha, or something like that.
“What?” I asked, looking at her.
Jeez, is it a requirement that all cheerleaders possess abnormally perfect genes? Big blue eyes, wavy, blonde hair, big boobs, and a tiny waist, yeah, I feel incredibly sexy next to her. She does wonders for my self-esteem. Sure. At least she’s dating a butt-ugly football player.
“The salad dressing. It has, like, a million calories and, like, a ton of fat in it,” she said, horrified.
“Oh, I don’t really pay attention to that. I just eat what I want.” I shrugged a shoulder.
“You must workout constantly to stay so thin.”
She thinks I’m thin? Has she looked in the mirror?
“I don’t work out, actually—”
“Not unless you count moving chess pieces around a little board working out, huh Wills?” Jaden laughed.
I faked a smile and imagined stabbing him in the eye with my plastic fork. “Yup, that’s about as close as it gets.”
“Oh, you’re on the chess team?” the cheerleader asked.
“Mm-hmm.” I went back to twisting my fork in my salad.
“That’s cool,” she said before turning and talking to the girl sitting on the other side of her.
I flipped my fork into my plate and stood up. “I’m going to go say hi to Jenna and Tim,” I whispered close to Jaden’s ear, kissing his cheek and quickly stepping away before he could pull me in for another.
Dumping my tray, I tossed it on top of the bin and, wiping my sweaty hands up and down my thighs, walked toward the table where Jenna sat. I didn’t think Jaden could see Brody from where he was, but I couldn’t be sure. I’d know in about two minutes.
“Hey.” I sat in an empty seat next to Brody.
“Hey back to ya. Aren’t you living life on the wild side by sitting here?” Brody asked.
“A little. I don’t think he can see this part of the table from where he is. Or that he’s even paying attention.”
“Ah.” Brody nodded, looking down. He let his arm slip from where it rested on the table’s top. His hand brushed across my thigh before he propped it on his knee. My eyes darted to his; he was watching me through his lashes, a small grin touching his lips. He leaned back in his chair, stretching his legs out in front of him.
“So what’s happening on the other side of the world?” Jenna asked.
“Apparently, I eat too much dressing on my salad because, like, it has, like, a million calories and, like, fat.” I imitated her voice, bobbing my head back and forth. “And I should workout more because, according to Jaden, moving little chess pieces around a board is all I do… or something like that.” I rolled my eyes.
“Like, really?”
I laughed. “Like, yes. And, predictably, as soon as chess was mentioned, her eyes glazed over and she started talking to someone else.”
“That’s, like, too bad,” Tim said with a laugh.
“Like, I think I’ll, like, put that on a T-shirt. Wanna go to the mall?” I looked at Jenna.
“No. I’m done being your enabler. If you want any more of those crazy T-shirts, you’ll have to get them by yourself.” Jenna shook her head.
Brody chuckled, twirling a straw on the table.
“Eh, whatever. I’ll break you before the day is over. You’ll be begging to go to the mall with me. Begging.” I leaned back in my chair, pulled my knees up to my chest, and wrapped my arms around them.
“You’re delusional.” Jenna looked away.
“Okay. You’ll be home doing homework while I’m browsing the clearance racks.”
Jenna shrugged. “There can’t be too much new stuff. We were just there.”
“Eating a soft pretzel and drinking a slushie while I get a pedicure, soaking my feet in a lavender footbath—”
“You’re a bitch.”
“I know.” I laughed.
“But I can’t go to the mall tonight even if I wanted to,” Jenna said.
“Yeah.” I sighed, smacking my hand down on Brody’s straw when he spun it in front of him. “I can’t either. I have way too much calc. homework due tomorrow.” I popped Brody’s straw in my mouth and chewed on the tip, grinning at him. “But you have to admit, it’d make a great T-shirt.”
Oh. Holy. Hotness. Chewing on his straw is almost like touching his lips. His lips touched it and now mine… okay, I’m officially losing it.
“They wouldn’t get the joke,” Brody murmured with an amused smile.
“I know. That’s what makes it the perfect T-shirt.” I nudged his thigh with my foot and winked at him.
He laughed.
I love that sound.
I was lying across my bed, working on my calculus homework and grumbling at myself for waiting until the last minute to do it, when my phone chimed. I thought about ignoring it, but I was happy for the interruption. It felt like I’d been doing the same calculus homework for a week.
I grabbed the phone off the table next to my bed and smiled. My heart started doing all sorts of weird things and butterflies immediately started tickling the sides of my stomach and some other places that were… very new to the sensation.
Brody: Whatcha doing?
Me: Calc. You?
Brody: Same. Wanna talk?
Me: Sure.
My phone rang just a few seconds later. I jumped and almost dropped it. “Hello?”
“Hey,” Brody said, his voice sliding over me like velvet rope. It caressed me as it squeezed the air from my lungs.
“Hi.” I cringed when my voice came out all squeaky and breathy. “When you asked if I wanted to talk, I thought you meant texting.”
“Oh. Sorry, we can hang up and just text.”
“No! No, it just surprised me when the phone rang.” I giggled.
Jeez, I’m giggling like a little girl. I need to get a freakin’ grip.
“How much more calc. do you have to do?” Brody asked. I could hear papers rustling through the phone.
“I’m on the last three problems. You?”
“I have five left.”
We fell quiet. I could hear him breathing on the other end of the phone. Every so often, he’d adjust the phone or I’d hear papers rustling. I’d worked through the three problems I had left and picked up my things, throwing them in my bag. Rolling over on my back, I closed my eyes and listened to Brody breathe.
“Are you finished?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“What are you doing?”
I felt my cheeks heat, which was silly since he couldn’t see me. “I’m just lying here, waiting for you to finish.” I left out the part that I was enjoying listening to him breathe—that sounded a little like a freaky stalker.
“I’m finished,” he said. I could imagine him flipping his pencil into his book and flicking it close like he did at school.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” I asked him.
“What are you wearing?” he whispered.
“Um, what?”
He laughed loudly into the phone. “I’m kidding, Willow,” he said when his chuckles faded.
“Oh, you were kidding? I was totally gonna to tell you if you told me…” I let my words trail off.
I heard him inhale. “Oh. Okay.”
It was my turn to laugh. “Kidding.”
“Bummer. I was hoping you were going to start telling me about your Victoria’s Secret lingerie.”
“Well, I am wearing this little pink—”
“Um, I think we need to move on to safer, more friend appropriate topics.”
I laughed. “Okay, you pick the topic.”
“You want to see a movie?”
“I can’t.”
“Do you have a TV in your room with satellite?” Brody asked.
“Yes.”
“Good. Turn to channel 235.”
Turning on my television, I flipped to the channel Brody suggested. “Oh, I’ve wanted to see this movie.” I pulled the blankets back on my bed and slipped under them, bunching the pillows behind my back.
“Good, I haven’t seen it yet either. We can watch it together.”
“Are you in bed?” I asked.
“Yeah.” His voice came out huskier than normal.
“Me, too. Hey, pause the movie for a minute.” An idea sparked, and a tingle of excitement ran through me.
“Okay. Why?”
“We should pop some popcorn. Do you have any?”
“Yeah,” he answered. I heard his blankets rustling through the phone as he climbed out of bed, and I had to force myself to stop imagining what he might look like. I really did want to ask him what he was wearing.
Stop it! Jeez.
“I can hear yours popping through the phone,” Brody said with a chuckle when we were standing in our separate kitchens, each waiting for our popcorn. “What kind is it?”
“Extra butter.”
“Yeah, mine too. What’s the point of eating it if there isn’t butter dripping off it?”
“I know, right? It should be a law that all popcorn has to be buttered,” I said, smiling when I heard Brody’s soft chuckle.
Popcorn made, we chatted as we made our way to our bedrooms and got comfortable before restarting the movie.
“This is new. It’s kinda fun. Only, there’s one thing missing,” Brody murmured.
“It is fun. What’s missing?” I was disappointed he wasn’t having as good a time as I was.
“You. I wish you were here, not there.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t sure what to say. I was glad he couldn’t see me because I was grinning like a fool. “Look at that. That is so ridiculous. There’s no way that could happen.”
“That’s why they call it entertainment, Willow. Movies defy the rules of everyday life.”
“Still, that’s just cheesy,” I said, tossing a piece of popcorn in my mouth.
“It’s a movie about zombie aliens. I think we passed cheesy a long time ago. Oh, look at her. Now we’re getting somewhere.”
“You’re such a perv.”
“What? I’m a guy and she’s hot. If she’s going to walk around naked, I’m gonna look and appreciate the fine job God did assembling her.”
“Ugh. Whatever.” I rolled my eyes.
“Stop rolling your eyes.”
“I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did. I heard it in your voice,” he said with a laugh.
“Oh! What do we have here? My, my, my, I do believe we have the male species joining the bimbo in the shower. Mmm, he’s nice to look at. Great butt.” I sighed.
“Now who’s the perv?”
“Me. I never said I wasn’t.”
Brody laughed. “Good to know.” He cleared his throat, and his voice was a little huskier than normal when he said, “Love scene.”
For some reason, our easy teasing ended and we floundered for something to say. The television played a very hot love scene—how it got only an R-rating was a miracle. I watched it on my television, hearing the moans and sighs from Brody’s television echoing through the phone. Awkward.
I could hear every breath Brody took. I could tell when his breathing sped up. I heard the small groan he made and the rustle of blankets and I wondered what was making him uncomfortable, t
he love scene or watching it with me on the other end of the phone. I tried to keep my breathing steady, but it was hard listening to the changes in Brody’s and thinking of his reaction. I was glad we weren’t watching the movie in the same room because I would have embarrassed myself by throwing myself at him. Yeah.
“You want to know a secret?” I whispered.
I should stop talking now. Shut up! Shut up!
He sighed. “About you? Always.”
“I really do want to know what you’re wearing.” I bit my lip, waiting for him to say something. The sounds of the love scene still filtered through the phone.
“Mm. You’re making it very difficult for me to keep things G-rated between us,” he murmured.
“I know. I feel the same.”
“Fight scene. Ooh, did you see that arm fly across the screen?” Brody asked a little too loudly.
“Yeah. Gross.”
Finally. That love scene was killing me. I never thought I’d be so happy to see arms and legs blown off.
“Willow? Willow?” I heard Brody call softly. “Wake up, beautiful. The movie is over.”
“Oh. I fell asleep. Crap, did I snore?”
Oh, how embarrassing. If I snored, I won’t be able to face him in the morning.
“No,” Brody murmured, “you didn’t snore. You sighed a few times. It was cute.”
“Okay. Good.”
“You did talk a little though.”
Oh, no.
“What’d I say?” I squeezed my eyes shut and cringed.
“Oh, just that you thought I was incredibly intelligent, handsome, and irresistibly sexy.”
My mouth dropped open. I tried to tell from his voice if he was kidding or not, but without seeing him, it was impossible to tell, and, the truth was, I did think all those things.
“I did not,” I said.
“Okay, if you say so.” He tried to hide it, but I could hear the smile in his voice, and I let out the breath I was holding.
“I need to go. It’s late.”
“Yeah. Goodnight, Willow.”
“’Night. Thanks for the movie.”
Wait, did he call me beautiful?
Thursday morning. I was so tired and was bitchin’ at myself for staying up so late. And then I remembered what I was doing and smiled. Movie night with Brody. I got goose bumps just remembering it.
Unspeakable (Freedom Series Book 1) Page 11
