“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.” He listened to her deep breaths. “What? You think because you don’t have any illegitimate children floating around, you’re not? You still stick your dick in whoever you want and you don’t give a damn about how much you hurt the people around you. You’re selfish, you know that? As long as Cillian is doing okay then it’s fuck everyone else and throw them under the goddamn bus to save yourself. Sometimes I truly wonder why I love you at all.”
He could feel his blood pressure rising and through the scarlet haze that filled his brain, he still had enough strength to reach out and grab her by the throat.
“That’s not fuckin’ true and you know it! All I have ever cared about is you and the kids. Yes, it is mostly fuck everyone else but I never put myself first in anything, Sela. If I did, I would have come after you before now and I wouldn’t want to see that look of betrayal embedded in your eyes. I have…never done anything to intentionally hurt you and even when I did, don’t you understand it killed a part of me?”
She climbed onto his lap and held him as he began to cry in gut-wrenching sobs. “I’m so sorry I’m a fuck up. I’m sorry I could never be the man you wanted me to be. I’m sorry I can’t be more like your father. I’m sorry I’m always letting you down. And lastly, I’m sorry because when we finally get the chance to make a life together, it might be still cut prematurely. All because I’m a fucking asshole who can’t stay out of trouble.”
He rubbed his tears out with the palms of his hands. “Babe, I’m not good for anyone. I’m a piece of shit who deserves to drown in my own fucking misery and there is nothing I can do to change that course. Why’re you with me at all when I constantly cause you pain and have your emotions all over the place?”
“Because I love you.” Gisela touched his face softly. “God knows if I could change the way I feel, I would but it turned out what we shared wasn’t puppy love. You’re the real deal and I will always love you unconditionally.”
“Why?”
“You know why, Cillian. Every awful, heartbreaking moment in my life has been experienced with you. Even when I came back from Belfast, I tried to date and had sex with a few other guys but they weren’t you, and it was never enough. There is no room in my heart for another man because you’ve taken it. Completely…a total eclipse of my heart—cheesy but true.”
He grabbed her face and devoured her mouth until he was as close as possible to her. They were all primal urges, lips, tongues and teeth. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer before he ripped her expensive lace thong and hoisted her until she sat on his cock.
Cillian marveled at the way her olive skin showed early signs of heat and embarrassment as she rode him yet allowed him to control his thrusts into her depths as her kegel muscles worked their powerful way down the length of his shaft and creamed him deliciously with the juices from her tight, sweet pussy.
He didn’t even bother to remove himself as he threw her down on the bed and stayed planted inside her. “This body…this pussy…you…it all belongs to me, and that’s what makes me different from my father. I’m in love with you and would do anything to see you happy. I want you to smile and to be proud of me for once and if that means taking on every MC around here then I would.”
“I know you would,” she murmured as her hands caressed his back and his shoulder blades. “That’s what makes you so fucking dangerous.”
Cillian kissed her again and enjoyed the way her soft, silky legs caressed his waist and her soft feet rubbed against his thighs. He held onto her waist and dove in and out of her with short, aching spasms against his dick.
Although there was far too much clothing between the two of them, he’d eventually worked up the nerve to remove her negligee. They were pressed against one another, nude as the day they were born, and he loved to feel her soft breasts against his hard chest, her nipples hard and expressing all the emotions she wouldn’t dare vocalize.
He was close, too close to coming inside her, and that was dangerous because it wasn’t what he wanted, not yet.
Cillian pulled out of her and spread her legs with his hands as his body worked down her own. He kissed and caressed her nipples before he slipped one into his mouth and suckled gently. She panted out loud before he switched breasts and paid equal attention to the other nipple.
She tasted like heaven and smelled like vanilla, lilies and amber. Her body was warm and inviting but what awaited for him between her legs could not accurately be described. Her body was truly a wonderland of beauty and awe; at that moment, he would give anything to taste all of her.
Gisela’s sex was soaked with her own feminine juices and his pre-cum but he lapped at her like a greedy kid at a buffet. As he tongued just the tip of inside her, she mewled like a cat. Her body tensed as he slid his tongue further up until he reached her clit and began to stroke it gently before his mouth went in for the kill. Her nub was so hard, he easily wrapped his hungry lips around it and tugged gently as she moaned out loud.
It was a guttural sound, completely unladylike, and a fucking turn on as he heard her soft voice in the throes of passion. They were one now, moving together as he worshipped her body like she was Aphrodite herself.
Cillian loved and despised how this wisp of a woman could reduce him to mush. She could make him forget the hard-ass he was and how so totally dependent on her he was to maintain his own happiness. Without her, the world was black and white, an ugly color of reality, violence and mayhem.
She made him forget the kind of life he truly led and when she came against his face, her hips bucking involuntarily until she was sated and there was nothing left, he felt complete and at utter peace.
Her nails, short and manicured, grabbed him by his shoulders with a strength he didn’t think she possessed, and pulled him to her until they were again face to face.
He kissed her gorgeous lips, her mouth tasted like toothpaste, wine and sex. He knew she could taste herself on his tongue and he forced his way deeper inside of her mouth the way his hands clasped her ass and buried his cock inside that slick warmth of her pussy.
Her body was on fire, wet from perspiration and the feeling of being inside her was heady, intoxicating and definitely carried its own hazardous warning. He loved her, more than any woman in the world, and to be reunited with her again, to claim her as his, held its own unique magic.
Cillian lost all self-control; all he could think about was his cock buried inside her as he drove her to higher, deeper heights and she wrapped her arms around his neck, ready and waiting for him to make her his again.
The sex drove him mad but he loved her still, after all this time and soon, the frenzy gave way to a calmer pace where he made love to her and she responded whole heartedly, her own lips sought out his neck and she kissed him gently and licked the side of his neck before her mouth surrounded his Adam’s apple and suckled gently.
She’d always known what a turn on that was for him and that’s all it took for them to be pushed over the edge.
His body was completely at her mercy and she squeezed her kegel muscles, over and over again, she milked an orgasm so intense from his body, he thought he would never recover.
Cillian stayed inside her until he went soft and pulled out. It didn’t matter his cum between her legs made them both sticky; their body heat made it feel decadent and perverse.
He grabbed her hair before he stroked her face gently. “I can’t fuckin’ see past you, baby. I don’t know…half the time, I don’t give a fuck what I’m doin’ but if I know you’re here and you’re in my corner then I do. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in prison away from you. I love you so much, sometimes it’s hard to breathe, and I know I need you more than you need me but please don’t leave me. I’m beggin’ you, babe.”
Her raw pussy rubbed against his stomach as she caressed his hair and soothed him like a child. “I won’t but there are a couple of demands from me that are non-negotiable if you
don’t want that to happen.”
“What are they? Name them. You know I would do anything for you, baby.”
Gisela kissed his mouth, her own lingering too long. “First, you have to explain what’s on the line to Dizzy. Let him know that if you are caught doing anything illegal, you go to prison, it’s a simple as that. If it happens then I don’t know if I will be able to save you in time. The White Knights can’t be trusted and they would soon as kill you as make a deal with you.”
“Okay.” He kissed her forehead as his fingers caressed her chin. “What’s the second thing?”
“You cheat on me again and I will cut your dick off myself.”
Cillian opened and closed his mouth before Gisela slid a small hand against his lips. “I don’t want the dirty details. I don’t want her name, her stats, anything like that because that makes her human and the way I’m feeling right now, I could cut a bitch for putting her hands all over you, pawing you…”
“I know.”
“Well then if you know,” she began in a cold voice as her hand went to his chin and made her face him, “then don’t fucking do it to me again. You say you’re nothing like your father—well then prove it to me. Pretend I’m enough for you until it’s true and I truly am. You got that?”
He swallowed loudly. “Yes, I do.”
“Good. I’m not Brianna, and I wouldn’t dare tarnish your name or make you feel like less than a man by sleeping with anyone else. I’m not asking you to make some kind of hardship, Cillian. I just don’t want you fucking around on me. It’s a matter of health and safety. We’re bare-backing and if a child happens, then that would be great but I will raise this baby alone rather than put up with you sneaking your way around.”
He muzzled her neck as she stroked his silky brown hair. “I know you would and that’s why I won’t put our relationship to the test ever again with another woman. Regardless who she is, you understand?”
“Yes, I do.” Gisela paused while her amber eyes never left his own. “That was deep but I expect you to keep your promises. And now that we have gotten that out of the way, why don’t you get up and get us a towel so we can clean ourselves up. Make that two. I feel a wet spot under my ass and I’ll change the sheets tomorrow.”
Cillian laughed out loud as he sat up and then stood from the bed. “My God. What the hell am I going to do with you, woman?”
Gisela smiled back but there was a hint of menace in it as well. “I guess you’ll have to put up with me if you intend to keep me.”
He didn’t answer at first but rather strolled to the linen and towel closet. He wet a hand towel and rinsed the sticky residue of sex off both of them before he laid down a thick towel folded in half. They’d fucked in the middle of the bed and all she had to do was move over to her side but when he moved over to spoon her, it was his ass that ended up on the towel.
Cillian pulled her hair out of her face and kissed the edge of hairline tenderly. “Yes, I think I’ll actually do that. I don’t plan to let you get away this time.”
“Do what?”
“Keep you. You’re mine, you’ve always been mine and you always will be regardless what happens between us. If you think I will let you go a second time, you have another think comin’, woman.”
He devoured her mouth with fervor and passion before they settled in one another’s arms and fell asleep.
Chapter Twelve
Gisela
I woke before Cillian, got out of bed and took a long hot shower before I washed my hair and put the damp remnants in a chignon. I dressed in an elegant brick red pants suit with a black blouse underneath and a paired my look with killer designer four-inch heels. I’d already applied my makeup, woken up the kids and had begun to pack my work case as Cillian woke up.
“Sela?”
“Yes?” I turned toward him briefly before I looked into the mirror and applied a layer of nude lipstick.
“Last night…we had to pick up a delivery from the WKs. Jake, their VP, was there and Dizzy insisted I go since I’m VP of LS. I know I shouldn’t have gone and it was fuckin’ stupid but the only piece of advice my dad dished out was ‘Don’t get caught.’ Fucked up, isn’t it?”
“No, not fucked up. It’s your Club and your dad is gonna ask you to do favors. Yeah, he’s spent some time in jail but not the kind of time we’re lookin’ at, and to him, everyone receives a few TKOs now and then. He’s just tryin’ to toughen you up and I appreciate what he’s trying to do but what he doesn’t realize is he’s doing your case more harm than good.”
“Why don’t you tell him that then because I sure as hell can’t. I mean…me Da frightens me a little and I know I sound like a chicken shit bastard but it’s hard for me to tell him ‘no’ about anything. You understand what I’m sayin’? I always feel like I’m gonna let ‘em down.”
I looked at the man I loved and he resembled a lost boy though he was all male below the belt. My gaze softened before I crawled toward him on the bed and kissed his lips. “I will and I won’t give away a clue about last night’s meeting. That’ll be between you and me, all right?” My right hand grazed through his silky locks. “Go back to sleep. You’ll need your rest when your Pops gives you an earful tonight.”
He smiled at me before he laid back down and turned over.
I got off the bed, walked out and closed the bedroom door behind me. Not only did I have to get the kids to school but it looked like I had an impromptu meeting with Dizzy Cox at the Clubhouse.
If anything pissed me off enough to go postal, it was waiting to see anyone.
One would think Desmond Cox was the President of the United States by how much security the compound had. That was not to mention all the men on guard, their guns not too far away they couldn’t reach them in time.
I sat at the bar and tried not to touch anything because I didn’t want to get my pants suit dirty. Edward “Kink” Gillespie sat beside me and chain smoked Camel after Camel as I waited for what seemed like an eternity.
“Does he understand I have to get to work?” I wondered under my breath to no one in particular.
“Dizzy doesn’t care.” Kink blew smoke rings. “You work for us, right? Just add the time to his bill. I would assume you coming down here has something to do with someone’s case so it’s an expense. Smart lady like you oughta know that.”
I gazed over at Kink and realized though his blue eyes looked bloodshot, he actually seemed sober. I smiled, “Thanks but Dizzy scrutinizes every bill and, technically, although this does have to do with a case, I can’t charge him billable hours for it.”
“Really? Why not?”
“It’s complicated.” I stood and began to pace nervously as Sean opened the double doors to the chapel and indicated I would be now allowed inside.
I walked directly towards the open doors before they were shut behind me.
“Ms. Jackson, please take a seat. You know Sean and Brendan.” It was statement, not a question.
I smiled tightly as I nodded their way before I took my seat. “Thank you for seeing me on such short notice.”
“No problem at all.” He lit a Cuban cigar and blew the stream of smoke towards the ceiling. “What can I help you with, darlin’? Is Cillian giving you issues?”
I shook my head. “No. This meeting isn’t personal in nature at all but perhaps you do or don’t want your business associates to hear?”
“What are youse talkin’ about? If I can’t tell Sean or Brendan then it will be the end of me. They are more than my business associates. They are me friends and colleagues. Whatever you have to say to me, they are privy to. I’m sure you can understand that?”
“Okay.” I straightened my posture and looked at all the three men at the table before I turned my full attention towards Dizzy. “Cillian can’t be put into any kind of danger what so ever. That means no more runs, no more scores to settle, not being at a meeting because he is VP—nada. His case is already not looking that great and although I am confident th
e Feds won’t get him on murder, they can always come back with another charge if they so desire. Double jeopardy only applies that a defendant can’t be charged with the same crime in the same murder—not that he can’t be charged again for said murder.”
“What does that mean exactly? You get him off on Murder One and those Fed bastards can come back and charge him with Manslaughter?” Sean inquired as he dragged from a Lucky Strike.
“Well, yes. It is at their discretion. Most of the time they won’t bother but the Feds have this hard-on to put gangs out of commission and any gang member that comes up on charges, well, they’re putting them through the ringer and trying to find every loophole possible. We know once Cillian is put in the system, there’s a chance he might not make it out alive due to…um, other mitigating factors.”
“But we’re a motorcycle club, not a gang—”
“Dizzy, semantics aside, the Federal government considers any motorcycle club with nefarious activity records and ties to other organized criminal organizations a gang. It is simple as that. The Lucifer’s Saints are not a family club and the Feds aren’t stupid. No MC in Northern Nevada is considered anything other than a gang, the same way my father is considered a gangster. I’m just stating the facts.” I laced my hands together at the table while my heart thundered in my chest.
I wondered what would happen now.
“What are…my boy’s chances?”
My eyes met Dizzy’s crystal blue irises and he looked so much like an older version of Cillian, it was eerie. “Sixty-forty…I have paralegals and help at the law firm but I want to raise enough reasonable doubt that he doesn’t get off on a technicality. If that happens then they’ll most definitely try his case again under another criminal statute.”
Dizzy’s face took on an ashen quality as he stubbed out his cigar and stood to his feet.
“Desmond?”
He barely looked at me before he collapsed to the floor.
A Ride or Die Kind of Love Page 33
